Dedicated to Richiefic, who asked, "Would Duncan really have given up his
bacon?"
THE BACON STORY
Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod reached out and grabbedRichie's arm. "Don't tell Tessa..."
Richie looked at him with an expression on his face like Mac was saying something incomprehensible. "What? And risk my bacon? Yeah right, Mac."
"Shh, you don't know if she's listening..." Mac looked around the shop and said, "Come on, let's go!"
Duncan, looked all around, keys to the car in his hand...Richie, was watching his back. Hunched over, the two snuck out the door. They made a break for it once they hit open air. Running, quickly, starting the car and peeling out of the parking space, one could hear cheers, echoing backwards...Richie looked back and saw Tessa running to the door to find out where they were going...
Two hours later, the boys walked back into the shop. When they entered the store, Tessa was waiting for them.
"Where were you? She sniffed the air, seeming to smell evidence of what they had done. She identified a grease spot on Duncan's shirt and noticed jelly on Richie's sleeve.
"Um... gym?" Richie tried hopefully.
Tessa replied, "Right. Duncan, where were you two?"
"Market?" This time it was Duncan's hopeful voice that rang out.
"I want the truth, now!"
"It's uh... sample day."
"Yeah, sample day, see Tess?" Richie chimed in.
"Duncan, you're sleeping on the couch and Richie will be joining you."
"I'm not sleeping with Mac!" the boy protested in disgust.
"Fine, you get the floor. Or you could admit where you've been. And I know for certain it's not sample day. Yesterday was sample day."
"Um... out?"
"Hope the floor is comfortable, gentlemen. Good day."
Tessa pretended to turn around, pausing only when she heard, "Thanks a lot, Mac!"
"So, gentlemen, do you want to share where you've really been?"
Duncan looked over at Rickie, who got defensive... "It wasn't my idea! He made me! I didn't wanna, Tess, honest!"
"Richie! I thought we had a pact!" Duncan's indignant voice rang out.
"No deal! I'm not sleeping on the floor! We went to breakfast, the man goes crazy without his bacon, I'm telling you..."
Tessa just looked on in amusement. She had wondered how long Duncan would last without his bacon.
"His eyes, jeeze, he looked like he was gonna kill his own pig and eat it raw! All these primordial urges were just waiting to get out... He was scary, I wasn't about to say no!"
She shook her head and said, "Richie..." Richie kept on talking. "Richie!" Richie didn't stop. "RICHIE!!! It's okay, I don't blame you."
"You don't?" he asked mid-ramble. "Good," Richie nodded happily, glad he wasn't being blamed.
She turned to her lover, "No. Mac, on the other hand, he I blame." She continued, "You're 400 years old! You should have more self control than that!" Then she laid the command down again. "You are still sleeping on the couch."
Duncan's eyes grew wide and he started protesting. "Hey, that is na fair. I can eat what I want." His Scottish accent started creeping into his voice.
"Well, it wasn't ALL Mac's fault..." Richie started quietly.
"No, Richie. Don't say anything. I know exactly whose idea this was. You're not to blame." Tessa sighed, she was just teasing, but Richie didn't know that. It slightly frustrated her that his mood would change quickly without warning, but she hoped eventually Richie would improve once he learned she and Duncan would not throw him away like most people did with the boy.
"But he asked me what I wanted and I said bacon... Then he said we could go out and get some at the store..."
"I'm not really mad at Duncan. I'm just giving him a hard time because he knows better."
"And I said I wanted waffles too..." Richie continued until what Tessa said connected. "...Oh.... never mind then," he blushed lightly
"Don't make excuses, Richie. It was my idea--don't try to take the blame." Mac was getting worried at how Richie was trying defend him, even though he did nothing wrong.
"But it was kinda my idea, too..." Richie insisted, all his street instincts telling him sharing the blame kept away any full punishment.
Tessa spoke up. "If you really don't mind not keeping kosher, we can bring back the bacon." All she wanted to have done was make Richie comfortable in his new home, but if he didn't want to keep kosher it would make things a bit easier for her. His sneaking out with Mac proved that he really didn't mind eating ham and other non-kosher food.
"Really?" he asked hopefully.
"Richie, I'm not going to blame you for this. Duncan's not really in trouble. He won't be sleeping on the couch. And yes, we can have bacon again."
"Does that mean we can have ham for dinner?"
"Well, I'd have to go to the store, but I bet Duncan would be willing to go for us..."
Tessa got a twinkle in her eye as she turned to Duncan.
Duncan groaned. He HATED grocery shopping.
"Aye," Duncan started, his accent heightened, "I'll pick up a ham at the store."
"C'mon Mac, it won't be that bad..." Richie teased.
"Richie, have you ever gone shopping? The old ladies are ruthless!"
"Mac!" Tessa's shocked voice rang out just before she started laughing. "And if you don't... well there might be a nice comfy couch in your future... Just stay away from the ones with the big purses," Tessa advised.
"Oh, I do, but they come after me anyway! Sir, could you get this off the self, Sir, I can't reach that apple. Sir, my daughter is single!"
"Wear a ring," Richie suggested "And hunch over and act scary..."
"So you HAVE gone grocery shopping before!"
"Get that crazy 'I need bacon' look in your eye and they'll leave you alone. I just know what old ladies are scared of," Richie clarified.
"Ah. I see."
"They have NEVER asked me to help them cross the street." he said proudly.
Duncan knew that he wouldn't ever win. Not with both Tessa and Richie against him. He grabbed his keys and made his way to the door. "Are you sure you don't want to come with? You could help me avoid some of the old ladies!"
Maybe he could share the pain.
Richie gave him an 'I win' grin. "Not a chance in hell," he responded happily.
"Damn," Duncan muttered under his breath. "Fine," he said louder, "I'll go. But it won't be willingly."
"That's okay," Tessa said. "Richie can help me here."
Richie's grin vanished.
She added, "But the couch will still be waiting, Duncan! Come on Richie, I think the apartment could use a good dusting."
"On second thought..." Richie tried to follow Duncan but Tessa grabbed him by the elbow.
"Not so fast, tough guy."
"Aw, man! I can't send Mac out to face the old ladies alone!" he protested. "What if they gang up on him?"
"Nice try, but he's had 400 years to deal with things worse than old ladies. He'll be just fine. And even if he doesn't survive, he'll come back."
Richie shot Mac a 'help me out here!' look. Duncan smiled back. "Maybe you could vacuum while you're at it," he suggested with a glint of revenge in his eyes. "And clean up the kitchen, the bathrooms could use a good scrubbing..."
"Well, Mac, at least all I have to do is clean. You have to deal with vicious old ladies AND get to sleep on the couch tonight." With that, Richie ran into the apartment, making sure he got the last word.
Duncan stared at the running boy. He sighed. "Tessa, I'm going to the store now." She just laughed and pushed him out the door.
THE BACON STORY
Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod reached out and grabbedRichie's arm. "Don't tell Tessa..."
Richie looked at him with an expression on his face like Mac was saying something incomprehensible. "What? And risk my bacon? Yeah right, Mac."
"Shh, you don't know if she's listening..." Mac looked around the shop and said, "Come on, let's go!"
Duncan, looked all around, keys to the car in his hand...Richie, was watching his back. Hunched over, the two snuck out the door. They made a break for it once they hit open air. Running, quickly, starting the car and peeling out of the parking space, one could hear cheers, echoing backwards...Richie looked back and saw Tessa running to the door to find out where they were going...
Two hours later, the boys walked back into the shop. When they entered the store, Tessa was waiting for them.
"Where were you? She sniffed the air, seeming to smell evidence of what they had done. She identified a grease spot on Duncan's shirt and noticed jelly on Richie's sleeve.
"Um... gym?" Richie tried hopefully.
Tessa replied, "Right. Duncan, where were you two?"
"Market?" This time it was Duncan's hopeful voice that rang out.
"I want the truth, now!"
"It's uh... sample day."
"Yeah, sample day, see Tess?" Richie chimed in.
"Duncan, you're sleeping on the couch and Richie will be joining you."
"I'm not sleeping with Mac!" the boy protested in disgust.
"Fine, you get the floor. Or you could admit where you've been. And I know for certain it's not sample day. Yesterday was sample day."
"Um... out?"
"Hope the floor is comfortable, gentlemen. Good day."
Tessa pretended to turn around, pausing only when she heard, "Thanks a lot, Mac!"
"So, gentlemen, do you want to share where you've really been?"
Duncan looked over at Rickie, who got defensive... "It wasn't my idea! He made me! I didn't wanna, Tess, honest!"
"Richie! I thought we had a pact!" Duncan's indignant voice rang out.
"No deal! I'm not sleeping on the floor! We went to breakfast, the man goes crazy without his bacon, I'm telling you..."
Tessa just looked on in amusement. She had wondered how long Duncan would last without his bacon.
"His eyes, jeeze, he looked like he was gonna kill his own pig and eat it raw! All these primordial urges were just waiting to get out... He was scary, I wasn't about to say no!"
She shook her head and said, "Richie..." Richie kept on talking. "Richie!" Richie didn't stop. "RICHIE!!! It's okay, I don't blame you."
"You don't?" he asked mid-ramble. "Good," Richie nodded happily, glad he wasn't being blamed.
She turned to her lover, "No. Mac, on the other hand, he I blame." She continued, "You're 400 years old! You should have more self control than that!" Then she laid the command down again. "You are still sleeping on the couch."
Duncan's eyes grew wide and he started protesting. "Hey, that is na fair. I can eat what I want." His Scottish accent started creeping into his voice.
"Well, it wasn't ALL Mac's fault..." Richie started quietly.
"No, Richie. Don't say anything. I know exactly whose idea this was. You're not to blame." Tessa sighed, she was just teasing, but Richie didn't know that. It slightly frustrated her that his mood would change quickly without warning, but she hoped eventually Richie would improve once he learned she and Duncan would not throw him away like most people did with the boy.
"But he asked me what I wanted and I said bacon... Then he said we could go out and get some at the store..."
"I'm not really mad at Duncan. I'm just giving him a hard time because he knows better."
"And I said I wanted waffles too..." Richie continued until what Tessa said connected. "...Oh.... never mind then," he blushed lightly
"Don't make excuses, Richie. It was my idea--don't try to take the blame." Mac was getting worried at how Richie was trying defend him, even though he did nothing wrong.
"But it was kinda my idea, too..." Richie insisted, all his street instincts telling him sharing the blame kept away any full punishment.
Tessa spoke up. "If you really don't mind not keeping kosher, we can bring back the bacon." All she wanted to have done was make Richie comfortable in his new home, but if he didn't want to keep kosher it would make things a bit easier for her. His sneaking out with Mac proved that he really didn't mind eating ham and other non-kosher food.
"Really?" he asked hopefully.
"Richie, I'm not going to blame you for this. Duncan's not really in trouble. He won't be sleeping on the couch. And yes, we can have bacon again."
"Does that mean we can have ham for dinner?"
"Well, I'd have to go to the store, but I bet Duncan would be willing to go for us..."
Tessa got a twinkle in her eye as she turned to Duncan.
Duncan groaned. He HATED grocery shopping.
"Aye," Duncan started, his accent heightened, "I'll pick up a ham at the store."
"C'mon Mac, it won't be that bad..." Richie teased.
"Richie, have you ever gone shopping? The old ladies are ruthless!"
"Mac!" Tessa's shocked voice rang out just before she started laughing. "And if you don't... well there might be a nice comfy couch in your future... Just stay away from the ones with the big purses," Tessa advised.
"Oh, I do, but they come after me anyway! Sir, could you get this off the self, Sir, I can't reach that apple. Sir, my daughter is single!"
"Wear a ring," Richie suggested "And hunch over and act scary..."
"So you HAVE gone grocery shopping before!"
"Get that crazy 'I need bacon' look in your eye and they'll leave you alone. I just know what old ladies are scared of," Richie clarified.
"Ah. I see."
"They have NEVER asked me to help them cross the street." he said proudly.
Duncan knew that he wouldn't ever win. Not with both Tessa and Richie against him. He grabbed his keys and made his way to the door. "Are you sure you don't want to come with? You could help me avoid some of the old ladies!"
Maybe he could share the pain.
Richie gave him an 'I win' grin. "Not a chance in hell," he responded happily.
"Damn," Duncan muttered under his breath. "Fine," he said louder, "I'll go. But it won't be willingly."
"That's okay," Tessa said. "Richie can help me here."
Richie's grin vanished.
She added, "But the couch will still be waiting, Duncan! Come on Richie, I think the apartment could use a good dusting."
"On second thought..." Richie tried to follow Duncan but Tessa grabbed him by the elbow.
"Not so fast, tough guy."
"Aw, man! I can't send Mac out to face the old ladies alone!" he protested. "What if they gang up on him?"
"Nice try, but he's had 400 years to deal with things worse than old ladies. He'll be just fine. And even if he doesn't survive, he'll come back."
Richie shot Mac a 'help me out here!' look. Duncan smiled back. "Maybe you could vacuum while you're at it," he suggested with a glint of revenge in his eyes. "And clean up the kitchen, the bathrooms could use a good scrubbing..."
"Well, Mac, at least all I have to do is clean. You have to deal with vicious old ladies AND get to sleep on the couch tonight." With that, Richie ran into the apartment, making sure he got the last word.
Duncan stared at the running boy. He sighed. "Tessa, I'm going to the store now." She just laughed and pushed him out the door.