Angry. That was the clearest emotion Lapis has felt since she was released from that goddamned mirror, and the one that kept her going while she was keeping Jasper trapped at the bottom of the ocean. It seemed easy in the beginning. She revelled in having control over someone, especially over a gem as strong as Jasper. It felt good. It felt almost… liberating. Lapis was tired of being a prisoner.
But alas, anger, though a strong emotion, is fleeting, and it slowly started to fade away as weeks passed. Lapis's only fuel was disappearing and Jasper didn't seem to get tired of trying to break free.
Soon anger was replaced with other feelings. She was lonely. Cold. Wet. The ocean was dark and suffocating. It felt like being in the mirror all over again. The real weight of her decision to trap Malachite in the ocean was starting to dawn on her only after her anger has faded. By trapping Jasper, by trapping Malachite, she trapped herself as well.
She was the ocean's prisoner now. Even worse, she was her own prisoner. She wanted to scream.
Lapis really couldn't tell how long she was Malachite. Days and nights didn't exist at the bottom of the ocean, only everlasting darkness, disgusting wetness and the constant feeling of suffocating without drowning. As the time passed and her anger faded, she slowly started to become more aware of the other gem. Lapis was getting more and more tired of fighting her.
Sometimes she could even hear glimpses of Jasper's thoughts inside her head. It didn't even occur to her that maybe Jasper could hear her as well, so she was taken aback when she heard her voice after a few weeks.
Tired yet?
Lapis shuddered. Yes, she was tired. Tired and lonely. She felt the weight of crushing loneliness on her shoulders, loneliness that was creeping up on her for a few thousand years. She was desperate for company, tired of talking to herself, tired of holding Jasper down, thirsty for a conversation and for a simple hug. But she had to keep fighting, fighting for her only friend. For Steven. She would give anything to be able to talk to him now. He was so… bright. He could cheer her up in a second, and Lapis was so exhausted from being sad.
As weeks passed, Lapis grew desperate for company, and in her desperation it occurred to her that she wasn't really alone. She was now hyper-aware of Jasper's presence and tempting thoughts started to form. What if she let her guard down, just for a moment? What if she stopped fighting for just a moment? What if she actually… talked to Jasper?
"I can hear you, you know."
Lapis turned around. In the suffocating darkness Jasper looked like a heavenly sight before her eyes.
"And I can see you now. Maybe we are starting to get the hang of this fusion thing. Who knows, if you didn't hold us chained at the bottom of the ocean, we might actually be a good team, hm?"
Lapis wanted to tell her to go away, she really did, but words came out of her mouth against her will.
"Do you feel lonely as well?"
She immediately regretted saying anything. She must sound so desperate, so stupid, so…
"You are funny, Lapis Lazuli." Jasper chuckled hoarsely, "We are fused, which is about as close as two gems can be, and you feel lonely. You know, maybe you're right, brat, maybe you are a failure. Always trapped somewhere. Always lonely, even when you're fused with another gem."
Lapis just stared dumbly at Jasper. Stars, she was right. No. No, she was just trying to get to her, she should just ignore her.
"Shut up, Jasper. Remember who chained whom." Lapis spat angrily, "You won't get to me with your words, you still didn't manage to break me, and I'm still the one in charge here, in charge of this fusion! You're my prisoner, Jasper!"
Jasper stepped closer to Lapis.
"Maybe," she growled lowly, "I was just waiting for the right moment, brat. Maybe I wanted to wait until you drove yourself crazy with your constant self-pitying so I can beat you with one easy move."
Jasper was now practically all in Lapis's personal space and Lapis was now painfully aware of how big the other gem was. She could crush her with one hand if she wanted to, but instead of being afraid, Lapis felt excited. Up to this point their fight was mental, but now her head was more silent than it has been in weeks and she felt oddly at ease. She felt alive, more alive than ever in those long weeks of talking to herself and staring into nothingness, feeling dull, depressed and questioning all that was wrong with her.
Jasper laughed cruelly. She could sense what Lapis was thinking.
"Are you ready to fight, brat?"
Lapis looked right in Jasper's amber eyes.
"Give me your best." she smirked, that long forgotten anger slowly starting to bubble inside her again. She shivered when Jasper's mouth formed into a predatory grin.
Lapis didn't know how long they fought. Maybe for days, maybe even weeks, she didn't even care. In the beginning it felt good to pour all her anger into the fight. It felt so good to fight physically instead of mentally, it was much less draining. She got lost in the fight, firstly hyper aware of Jasper's violent touch and later becoming so used to it that she couldn't tell her own hits from Jasper's. Her anger disappeared and she slowly started to feel tired, and Jasper's every hit started feeling like a caress and every insult she spat in her face like a praise. She slowly lost awareness of herself, not knowing where she ended and where Jasper began. She didn't even notice when Malachite broke the chains holding her down. She only knew that at some point she felt Jasper's hands around her and her soft whispers in her ear.
We'll be unstoppable together, my sweet Lapis.
She vaguely remembered there was a reason she needed to keep fighting, but she couldn't remember anything anymore. Her mind was blurry and she was so, so tired. Finally, she let go, Jasper's hoarse whispers keeping her warm and her strong hands around her feeling like home. Lapis had lost, but for the first time in five thousand years, she felt she could finally rest for a single, peaceful moment.