Good Man
"Hi Dad."
"How did you break your arm Ricky?"
"It was an accident."
"Your brother told us you were helping Parker Jackson get his son down from that big oak tree I've told you boys to stay out of. You could have gotten killed."
"I'm okay Dad. That tree should be one of the Seven Wonders of the World."
"It should. Now Parker wants to name his next son after you."
"I had to help them Dad."
"I know son. You're a natural leader, and you will always be the one who helps. You're a good man Rick. I'm proud of you.
"I'm not a good man Dad." Rick said sitting up in bed bathed in sweat. He wasn't that man anymore. He was a killer, a ruthless killer. He all but abandoned Lori when she needed him most, and his son doesn't know who he is. What would his father think of him now? Would he still be proud? He got out of bed and paced the floor. He let those thoughts rain down on him, and from his clouded mind and out through his eyes, Lori appeared before him, and behind her all the people who trusted him and thought he was a good man. They were all dead because he couldn't help them. He blinked his eyes and put his hand on top of the dresser for support.
"Lori?" He said out loud. Movement on the bed made him turn toward it.
"What are you doing here? I told you we'd patch you up and you were to leave."
"Rick." Michonne said sitting up.
"You don't belong here. Get out!"
She looked in his eyes and saw that he didn't recognize her. She got out of bed covering herself with the top sheet from the bed. She left him alone and ran to the downstairs bedroom where she kept her extra clothes and got dressed. She waited a few moments before going back upstairs. She didn't want the children to see him like this, and she needed to get them out of the house.
She could hear him pacing the floor and talking to himself. The closer she got to their room, she could hear he was talking to Lori. She went to Carl's room and woke him up.
"Get dressed." She said in a whisper. "I want you to take Judith to Father Gabriel right now."
"What's going on?" Carl said getting out of bed and looking for his pants.
"Your dad's having a bad morning and I need to talk to him."
"Okay." Carl said getting dressed.
"Carl!" Rick yelled from the other room.
Carl and Michonne froze in place. Carl looked at Michonne.
"Go to him." She whispered. "Whatever he says, don't argue with him."
Carl quickly slipped into his shoes and went to his father.
"Yeah Dad."
"Where's your sister?"
"She's still sleeping. I'm going to take her…"
"Bring her in here. You're not safe and your mother made me promise to keep you and your sister safe."
Remembering Michonne told him not to argue, he left his father and went to get Judith.
"Take her now." Michonne said to Carl. "Don't tell anyone about this and you go to school. He'll be okay."
Carl nodded and quickly left with Judith.
Michonne stayed in the hallway listening to Rick's one-sided conversation with Lori. How well she understood the temporary madness that would cause a person to hear things, even see things. She braced herself for a fight, waiting for him to leave the bedroom. She didn't know what to expect when he saw her still in the house.
"Okay Lori, okay. I'm doing the best I can, can't you see that? What more do you want from me?"
Michonne wiped at the tears she was crying for him. The hell he was going through weighed so heavy on him even she could feel it. They all lost the same people, but for Rick the loss was more devastating because some were lost to them because of decisions he had to make. No one blamed him, but the blame he put on himself was more than what the entire group could have ever placed on him.
"Carl!" He called out.
He stepped out into the hallway and their eyes met. Before she could speak he drew and leveled his revolver on her.
"I told you to leave." He snarled.
She was instantly reminded of how he drew his gun on her at Woodbury.
"Rick." She gave one last try to reach him before she left.
"You have nothing to say to me. I want you gone, now."
"I'm leaving." She said with a snarl she did not feel.
She walked down the stairs with him close behind her. He was still holding the gun on her when she picked up her katana, and she snagged the keys to the brownstone off the peg on the wall. He stood by the opened door as she went through it.
"If you come near my family again, I'll kill you."
She flinched from the coldness in his words. She nodded and walked through the door and across the porch and down the steps. She couldn't hold back the tears, but forced it because she had to talk to Carl. She knew Rick was hallucinating, but the words he spoke to her still hurt.
She went to the house where the children had school and asked to speak to Carl. She walked Carl a short distance from the opened garage door.
"How's Dad?"
"Not good. He had some kind of dream and he hasn't come out of it yet. He thinks things are like they were when I first met him. He kicked me out of the house."
Carl immediately turned to walk toward home.
"Carl."
"Michonne, I'm going home. I've seen him like this before remember?"
"Don't blame him for it."
"I don't, but he needs me there, and maybe I can help him through it."
She smiled at him sadly and nodded.
"I'll be at the brownstone."
Carl nodded. He walked back to where Michonne stood and hugged her.
"It'll be okay." He said.
She nodded again with tears in her eyes. She loved Carl so much and was very proud of him.
"I know." She said and kissed his cheek.
When she got to their brownstone apartment, she unlocked the door and dragged herself to the bed and fell across it and sobbed. She wondered what caused his breakdown. She knew that he didn't know what he was saying, but the pain from the past, that visited them from time to time, still hurt as if it just happened.
"Dad!" Carl said going into their home.
"I'm up here." Rick said.
Rick stood at the top of the stairs.
"Have you seen Michonne?"
Carl stopped and lowered his head.
"That depends."
"What?" Rick said walking down the stairs.
Thinking quickly Carl decided to hold off telling his father until he knew what state of mind he was in.
"She went on a short run this morning. You were still sleeping when she left."
"Who did she go with?"
"Ah, Sasha I think."
Rick nodded and went into the kitchen and sat down at the table.
"Were you here when I was…working through some things?"
"At the beginning. Michonne told me to leave and take Judith to Father Gabriel."
Carl went to the table and sat down with his father.
"I'm sorry Carl."
"Dad, we all went through the same things, but we had you to depend on to keep us safe, you didn't have anyone, but now you have Michonne."
"I kicked her out Carl."
"I know, she told me."
Rick looked up at Carl with tears in his eyes.
"Did she tell you I pointed my gun at her?"
Carl was speechless. He lowered his head, and when he looked up Rick saw a tear on his son's cheek. Carl hadn't cried in a long time.
"No she didn't. Carl was disappointed and could hardly believe what his father had done. "Michonne Dad?"
All Rick could do was nod.
"She said you acted like you did when you first met. Did you hold a gun on her then?"
"Yes, at Woodbury."
Rick wiped at the tears falling from his eyes.
"How do I make this right?" Rick said with an embarrassed smile.
"I don't know. I do think it's going to take a while. She loves you, but words hurt more when they come from someone you love. I know because I've hurt you in the same way."
"Where is she? She wouldn't go on a run and leave you and Judith alone with me when I'm like this."
"Not yet Dad, give it time."
"How could I make things worse?"
"By pushing her. She doesn't blame you Dad, but she'll blame you if you push it."
"How do you know all this?"
"I've been watching the two of you since we took her on that run to King County with us. When I fall in love, I want it to start like that." Carl said seriously.
"You saw that?"
"It was obvious Dad."
Rick thought back to that time, and the slow burn that was started when she handed him that bullet.
Michonne sat on the floor in a small space in the walk-in closet. She would have to get out soon and face this. She wondered what had caused Rick to crash, but she would not let him burn. Her love for him was strong, and she would always be there for him no matter what. She would not allow his words to hurt her for much longer. He's pointed a gun at her before, snarled at her before, and he's made her leave before, but she could not shake the chill on her skin she got when she woke up that morning and the first thing she saw was that his eyes held no love for her.