title: The tale of the tail
author: zan189
summary: Ginny is tailed by Draco. Why? She saved his life (and virginity). Now that Voldemort's gone, they're back at Hogwarts. Will Ginny lose her patience (and maybe her virginity)? Will Draco survive her tantrums? Humour and lots of fluff (maybe). HBP spoilers.
disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, I merely play with it.
ooOoo
1. Prologue
It was a bright summer day when I entered Diagon Alley for the first time in a year. I had to get all my stuff for Hogwarts ready. Seriously, you would think that the book lists get any shorter as you enter N.E.W.T. classes? Nada. I mean, come on, I dropped like half my subjects, why would I need three books on Advanced Potion Making anyway?
Snape, the old bat, had totally gotten his arse kicked by Harry for killing Dumbledore, and then Harry kicked Voldemort's ugly, dried-up butt, too. Turns out the last Horcrux (apart from that disgusting snake, Nagini) was the Sorting Hat. Then they re-opened Hogwarts, and after another year of re-building and re-instating the whole nine yards we are all going back. I'll be in my sixth year, at the age of 18. I can do magic whenever, wherever and to whomever I like. Speaking of which… I'm going to hex Zacharias Smith if he keeps asking me about Harry's, Ron's and Hermione's quest to find and destroy all the Horcruxes.
Mission accomplished. Smith covered in bogeys.
OK, so Harry broke off with me by the end of my fifth year. Not like I've totally been in love with him ever since I first laid eyes on him. But it was for some stupid, noble reason, at least. That makes me feel a lot better, thank you very much. We had only hooked up couple of weeks before, too, and everything was so perfect, so wonderful, so… he is the true love of my life, I know it! But guess what? Now he's gay.
Seriously!
Voldemort hit some curse at him before Harry could hex him into oblivion, and for some reason that turned my Harry into a man's man. He is still in love with me, but sexually? No attraction. We've tried, too. If only Ron hadn't opened the attic door just then… we were in for some serious trouble, but since Harry couldn't 'penetrate' me anyway, they didn't kill him. They, of course, are my dad and my brothers. Even Percy. Yeah, he's back. He finally came crawling back into mum's arms, and he even survived the last battle.
This is the state my family's in:
Mum and Dad – alive, breathing, dad's short of one leg, the right one as that
Bill – married to Phlegm. Need I say more?
Charley – alive, breathing, half side burnt by ranting dragon (did not happen in last battle)
Percy – hooked up with some ministry slut, dyes hair brown (thinks is more fashionable)
Fred and George – alive, breathing. George still in hospital, got hit by very strong curse and couldn't move for about eight months, but will survive with no permanent damage done. Has to re-learn everything from walking, talking, pooping… Fred hit by curse in his you-know-where so he won't be able to 'reproduce'. Doesn't matter anyway, turns out he's gay. Now guess just who he's fallen for? Yep… my former boyfriend and one-true-love, Harry J. Potterhead. I can tell Harry gives it a thought. Hinted something about Fred just looking so much like me, and having my fiery temper and sense of humour. Will keep an eye on them.
Ron – snogging Hermione all the time! Wand hand crippled, practices with left hand now. Hermione unharmed, but lost unborn child (Ron's that is) by Death Eater's curse.
Me – living mummy (due to loss of one-true-love, furthermore to be known as Heavy Poofhead). I was cruciated for about ten minutes, and went whacko like Neville's parents. Not quite like them, maybe. Or maybe yes. You judge.
Am in 'psychological guidance programme' of St. Mungo's. That's the reason, too, I'm writing a 'my thoughts and feelings' diary. Supposed to help me keep my balance; which is quite hard considering the fact that I'm tailed by some weirdo who thinks he owes his life to me. Kept visiting me in hospital every bloody day of every bloody week of my bloody stay there. Would have cast bad-bogey-hex if they'd given me my wand.
Back to Diagon Alley: I spotted many former classmates and people from grades under mine, and the year above me that hadn't graduated, yet, when they closed Hogwarts after Dumbledore's death. First, they thought they could keep it open, but over the summer there were too many attacks on people (including most of the teachers), and too many were killed. Professors Sprout, Flitwick, Vector, Slughorn, Hooch and Firenze were killed. Professors Binns, McGonagall and Hagrid still there. Professor Trelawney passed away from alcohol poisoning last month.
After Hogwarts was in ruins, Peeves moved in with Fred and George, now haunting their joke shop in Diagon Alley. Petition by former students to get him back. Filch caretaker, but only half his usual caretaking self with Mrs. Norris gone amiss.
Where was I? Yes, this happens a lot to me, lately. I drift off.
So after I had finished my shopping, I went to have a butterbeer, and was soon joined by my shadow. My tail. The annoyance in person. He keeps ogling me with his grey eyes as if there was no tomorrow. He seems lost like a fallen leaf drifting in the autumn wind. Is that my problem? No. I hate him.
Are you serious? You want to know what happened?
Boring story, take my word on it. Honestly!
Now, don't give me the puppy-dog-eyes. They've never worked on me; I've got six older brothers… oh well, if you must know:
This is the story of how my life turned into living hell.
ooOoo
tbc (?)
A/N: Like it so far? Shall I continue? Tell me in a review, I'm addicted to them.