Lost
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"She is not worth your pain."
A mere whisper in your ear, but as you turn, you see her walk away. And you do nothing to stop her.
"What makes her so special?"
In stumped silence, you watch her, looking at her as if she were crazy. For a moment you imagine a flash of hurt flitter through the depths of her chocolate orbs, but you shake that thought away. There is no way she'd feel anything but hate towards you.
"Please, talk to me."
You lash out on her, taking out your anger on her. Caging her between your arms, you stare at her, wondering why she can so easily extract emotions from behind the wall you'd put up so many years ago. Letting your arms drop to your sides, you pleadingly ask her to go.
"Why do you do this to yourself?"
Even though you cannot see anything beside the blur, you recognize her voice. And you feel ashamed, for showing weakness. You pour the burning liquor down your throat and start coughing heavily. The bottle is wrenched away from your hands, but you couldn't care less. The pain has been numbed for the moment. You are surprised to notice that when you cannot feel her presence anymore, your heart aches.
"I'm sorry."
Her eyes are misty as she stares at you, a tear trickling down the apple of her cheeks. You feel a sudden urge to wipe it away, but instead you fist your hand, trying to keep your face blank as you turn around, your robes billowing gracefully behind you as you stalk out of the room.
"I won't bother you anymore."
You don't like the sound of those words, but instead of voicing your thoughts, you watch her walk away, her shoulders slumped. The back of your eyelids are burning and you dip your head, trying to swallow the lump that has formed in your throat. You convince yourself that it is for the best, and that she deserves better. Not that she liked you in the first place.
"What are you doing here?"
Two months had passed since you had last seen her, and every day had been harder than the other, and by now you were tired of the hollow ache in your chest and the loneliness that crept upon you at night. She looked heavenly, and you did the first thing that came to mind. You kissed her.
"We've been going out for almost a year and..."
Before she gets the chance to finish what she was about to say, you grab her by the shoulders and hug her tightly, her face pressed against your chest. You feel your heart constrict as you think of all the times that you have stopped her from talking of the only thing that keeps you from giving yourself to her completely.
"I love you."
Instead of answering, you pretend as if you hadn't heard her, stirring the clear potion in the cauldron, ever so often adding another ingredient. You glance at her from the corner of your eye, and you wish that you could remove the crestfallen look on her face. But you know that it would be cruel to grow seeds of hope, so you keep quiet.
"Have I done something wrong?"
She looked so worried and near to tears, yet you didn't confess that she was not at fault. You only glared at her coldly until she quietly left the room, and when the door lock clicked shut, you finally let yourself slump down in the chair, tears dripping down on the parchment in his hands. Halloween was always the worst.
"I wish you would open up to me."
You slowly turned around and watched her with your black eyes, wishing that you could trade her for the green-eyed beauty that had held your heart for so long. But the thought of never seeing her frizzy hair and sparkling eyes caused your throat to go dry. You knew that you couldn't live without her. But at the same time you wished she was someone else.
"Could I borrow this from you?"
Without looking up, from the essays you are grading you nod. Your hooked nose is almost touching the yellowed parchment as you scribble away furiously. You hear her tinkling laugh and you look up to see her watching you fondly. But when she catches your eye, she turns away, a heavy blush covering her cheeks. Even though the two of you had been dating for over three years, she was still as innocent as when you'd shared your first kiss. You found yourself hoping that she would never lose that pureness.
"How dare you?"
Poking a finger at your chest, you watch as she is breathing heavily. In her hands she is holding a leather-bound book, which she throws down on your desk. You catch a glimpse of your own initials at the bottom of the cover. Fury floods through your body and you watch as she trembles, before she is squaring her shoulders, glaring heatedly at you. Insults are spewing out of her mouth before she abruptly turns, leaving you in stunned silence. Every time the lion inside of her shows it claws, you are equally surprised as the first time they ever had a row. And they'd had a lot of them.
"Do you love me?"
Tears are freely flowing down her face, and you wish that you could answer that question. But you hadn't yet figured it out yourself. After she'd left, you fall down on your knees, sobbing loudly. You know that this is the last time she'd ever come for you.
"I'm so tired."
Yet again, you are standing outside her door, like so many times before, apologizing. She lets you inside, but you can see that it is not like every other time. She has a determined glint in her eyes, and fear sparks inside of you, knowing what she is about to say.
"It's been almost thirty years since you lost her Severus."
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you cover her hand with your own, warmth seeping through your body as you entwine your fingers. But as she withdraws from your touch, a chill runs down your spine, and it feels as if someone has punched you, and you struggle to breathe.
"I can't compete against a dead woman. But you will always be dear to me, and I promise to never forget you."
She stands up, tears glittering in her eyes as she turns her back to you. You slowly stand up too, reaching out to offer her comfort, but she side-steps, wrapping her arms around herself. It tears at your heart, to see her in such pain, and you wish that you could go back in time and undo all of your past doings, and tell her just how much you love her.
But now it is too late.
"Hermione."