HH: Earning Their Stripes
By VStarTraveler
Summary: It's a well-established fact that there wasn't a single one in all of Europe. At least there weren't any until London ordered the Heroes to help some very special Americans make their contribution to the war effort on D-Day... Parody/Humor
This story was written for Forum XIIIc's D-Day Commemoration Challenge. It includes some real, historical facts, but, as a hopefully humorous parody in the Hogan's Heroes vein, it is NOT a serious, somber, reflective story. It is being released in three chapters on June 6 (the 75th anniversary of D-Day), June 7, and June 8. All historical and story-related notes will be included at the end of Chapter 3.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction, written entirely for fun and not for profit. This interpretation of Hogan's Heroes is entirely my own, and Hogan's Heroes and all of its various components remain the property of their respective owners.
Chapter 1
"Hi, honey. How was your day?" asked Janie Carter.
Andrew closed the door, took her in his arms, and kissed her hello.
"Mm-mmm. It was a Saturday and I was covered up at work filling orders instead of being here with you, so you can imagine. But, mmm, the day seems to be getting better now. Everything go okay dropping the kids off with your parents for the week?"
"Yeah. School's out, they get to enjoy their time with their grandparents, and we get a week of peace! Oh, and I got wine, too." She grinned as she showed him the bottle that she pulled out of an ice bucket.
"Better and better!" Another kiss followed, but he became silent as they separated.
"Okay, what is it?" she asked.
"Earlier today, it was, well...strange. I received two phone calls from old friends—"
"Someone—he didn't say who he was—called asking for you but I told them you were at work."
"Yeah, he called me there and told me that I should watch a show on TV tonight. Wow. Look at the time. It's about to come on right now." With a questioning look on his face, Andrew wandered off to the family room without another word.
Being quite used to Andrew's occasional moods, Janie sighed as she put the unopened wine bottle back on ice. Moments later, she found him standing in front of the couch holding up the Spaceless Demand remote control. With a series of metallic clicks on the device, he flipped channels on the family's new color Apex TV until he located the local ZBS station just as the screen faded from the color network graphic into a new show. The show's theme music sounded, followed by the announcer's voice.
"Good evening, America. This is June 6, 1964, the twentieth anniversary of the D-Day invasion of the beaches of Normandy, France. I'm your host, Walther Benbrite, and welcome to this special edition of 'You Were There: Behind the Scenes on D-Day.' There were over 10,000 Allied casualties that day including over 4,400 confirmed dead, but it was actually expected to be much worse in those critical, initial hours as American, British, and Canadian troops stormed the beaches and fought their way forward in their drive to retake Europe from Hitler and his Third Reich.
"Tonight, we'll be examining several things that Allied commanders did to confuse the Germans and make the invasion the success that it was with the least loss of life possible for our fighters. After the war, the Allies agreed to conceal many of the more sensitive points, some for many years, so some of what we'll be reporting tonight is recently declassified information. Some items will be corroborated by those who were actually there. Then there are some things that are still considered to be so secret that they're only spoken of in whispered snippets; on those points, we'll have to leave it to you to decide."
The scene cut to a map of southern England and northern France. Little lines appeared on the screen, showing the main routes that over 6,900 vessels used to go from their starting points in England, across the English Channel, and ultimately to the five beaches involved in the invasion.
"First, we will look at the way the Allies confused enemy reconnaissance by placing a massive army near where the Germans believed the invasion would occur in an effort to cause Adolph Hitler to mass his men and munitions at the appropriate opposing points. However, the 'massive army' witnessed by German fliers was well to the east of the actual jump-off locations for the Normandy invasion, and was, in truth, a complete sham—"
Janie shook her head as she said, "I take it from your look that isn't what you were expecting?"
"No," Andrew replied. "In fact, I'm not exactly sure what's coming, but I was assured by the second caller that I'd know it when I saw it."
~HH~
Luftstalag XIII,
Germany
Late May, 1944
"I decoded it twice, Colonel, and then checked it a third time for good measure," said Kinch. "There's no mistake on our end. It's what they transmitted."
Colonel Robert Hogan wiped the towel across his face and then ran his hand over his jaw and around his neck to confirm there weren't any rough spots. If he was going to play a German officer that evening, he had to be sure to look the part. Satisfied, he looked back at Kinch. "If that's the case, there are basically three possibilities. One, someone in London changed the codes without telling us. Since there wasn't a problem with the first message—sent, what, just minutes earlier?—"
"Yeah, Colonel. Ten at most."
"Then that looks unlikely. Second, London thinks we've been compromised and is sending garbage to confuse the Jerries they think are receiving it. What could have changed in less than ten minutes?"
Kinch shook his head. "Nothing I know of. And they used the regular sign-off code when I sent the receipt signal, too, which sort of kills one and two."
"Hmm. Then that leaves us with the last possibility, which is actually a two-parter leading to the same net result. Either Crittendon escaped, made it back to London, and then convinced someone of this insanity—meaning it's real—or else someone in London—
"Or Washington," interjected Kinch.
"—has gone nuts and it's still real."
Standing in the door, Newkirk agreed. "Either way, Colonel, some'un higher up than the likes 'uv us has gone bloody bonkers and is pullin' out all 'uv the stops."
Hogan nodded. With his razor away, he sat down at his desk, lost in thought.
LeBeau, sitting on the bed, watched for a few seconds until he saw a slight upturn at the edge of Hogan's mouth. He asked, "So what do we do, Colonel? Get Carter?"
Hogan nodded again. "Yeah, get Carter."
~HH~
The last commercial following the third segment faded and Walther Benbrite's face once again filled the screen.
"Our final story of the evening is one that is so strange that we at ZBS News initially didn't believe it, but we kept getting those whispers of information about it that I mentioned earlier until we finally unearthed what appears to be one of the stranger stories of the war. Still, I will include our disclaimer that we had our news staff triple check what I'm about to convey to you to completely confirm its veracity, but we never could get anyone at the Pentagon to officially go on the record about it.
"In the days leading up to the American entry on the Allied side in the War, the United States started ramping up production of weapons of war and materiel that could be used to stop and ultimately defeat the Axis Powers. However, there was great concern by President Franklin D. Roosevelt and his senior staff that it might be too little, too late. Therefore, in late 1939, just weeks after Hitler's blitzkrieg rolled across Poland to bring an official start to the conflict, the order was given to see what other resources, even unconventional resources, could be brought to bear to assist the American effort and those of our allies. Some unknown staffer reportedly made a comment about a little know fact that ultimately led to the strange story you're about to hear."
Throughout Benbrite's monologue, a series of pictures and newsreel footage of the times helped set the scene. The picture then cut to a dark silhouette of a man with question marks that popped up on each side.
"An Allied asset in Germany, a person so crucial to the Allied effort that nearly twenty years after the war his identity is still top secret, was given the task of planting certain misinformation with the Germans. However, intelligence operatives will tell you that the secret to making such misinformation believable is to base it on a certain grain of truth. Therefore, we turn to Professor Douglas L. Weathers, Ph.D., a researcher long associated with the Department of Defense, and in the time leading up to the war, the War Department."
A surprised Janie looked around at her husband. "No way! Dougie Weathers? I haven't seen him in years!"
"Yep, caller number one. He was the one who called here, too."
The screen changed to a different scene where Benbrite stood with a man in perhaps his late forties or early fifties. The man was wearing a white lab coat with several pens in a plastic pocket protector in his breast pocket.
"Doctor Weathers, thank you for speaking with us this evening. Please tell us a little about yourself and how your program came about?"
"Mr. Benbrite, in the Fall of 1939, I was a junior research assistant working on my doctorate, but I had a rather unique qualification that put me front and center in the effort which I eventually came to head."
"What was that qualification, Professor Weathers?"
"Well, sir, they say that about 3% of Americans have trouble smelling things. I'm in that group but I'm also in a small subset of that group—"
"He always did talk like a professor, didn't he?" said Janie.
"Yep, always," agreed Andrew.
"—one of only a tiny handful of Americans that completely lack the olfactory nerves that allow most people to smell. In other words, I can't smell anything. Therefore, my supervisors assigned me to a brand-new research project..."
~HH~