I do not own Naruto.
If I did, I would not be broke.
Beta: PyrothTenka, AlmostElectric and occasionally the guys from the ACC. Special thanks to skyisthelimit!
"Hokage-sama!" a chunin yelled, barging into the large private study full of scrolls scattered everywhere.
A brush ceased its movement, a few drops of ink fell onto the parchment.
"What is it? Don't tell me this is about Naruto again."
"Yes it is! He and his friend are defacing the Hokage Monument!"
"Again?"
"With paint, this time," the chunin pointed out.
The Hokage sighed, putting down the brush and closing the lid of the ink bottle. There would be no seal-making today, that was for sure.
Putting on a white coat decorated with a red flame trim, the Kage left after the chunin.
Two figures were swinging in front of the Hokage Mountain: the only thing stopping them from falling to certain death were a pair of simple ropes secured around their waists.
The stone faces of the previous village leaders were covered in graffiti and unsavory words.
"Hey, watch out with that paint! You're splashing it everywhere!" one of the two suspended kids yelled as a few yellow blots landed on his jacket.
"It's your fault for coming too close!" Naruto argued, dabbing paint on the Nidaime's nose.
"You're the one that came too close! Now my shirt is ruined!"
Naruto swung towards his pranking accomplice and grabbed his collar before the rope's momentum took him away.
"Not my fault that you wore your good clothes when you knew we were going to be working with paint!"
"I was careful!" the other boy argued, pushing Naruto away. "I wouldn't have stained my clothes if it weren't for you!"
"Oh, quit it! It's not like you don't have others," the blond vandal murmured as he put on the final touches to a giant tear on the Shodai's cheek.
"But this is my favourite one!"
"Your favourite?" he asked, incredulous. "Why the heck did you let your favourite shirt near paint?!"
"I DIDN'T! YOU DID, IDIOT!" his friend yelled in anger.
"COME TO SAY THAT TO MY FACE, I DARE YA!" Naruto replied, shaking his fist as he swung toward the other boy once again.
"OH, I'M COMING ALRIGHT!" the paint-stained boy declared as he followed Naruto in his dangle.
Ignoring the small crowd of onlookers watching them from below, the two pranksters lunged for each other, one hand gripping their respective rope.
Now, still being students at the Academy, their taijutsu was sloppy at best under normal conditions—at least for shinobi standards—and being unable to use one hand was a big hindrance on top of that.
Though the two kids compensated it with a good dose of enthusiasm, recklessness and all-around stupidity.
They began throwing punches, kicks, and insults, bouncing all over the monument, unaware of having lost the paint cans at the start of the fight.
Finally, the inevitable—besides a tragic fall and an unexpected death—happened.
One boy swung forward, fists outstretched, only to find his rope caught on the other boy's leg.
"Crap." both of them said, before being trapped in a tangle of ropes and bouncing against the hard rock of the monument.
"This is the stupidest thing you've ever done," his friend said sullenly.
"Oh, shut up you—"
"NARUTO UZUMAKI! SASUKE UCHIHA! YOU BRATS REALLY DID IT THIS TIME!" a very familiar voice said, booming from the top of the Hokage Tower.
"Oh, crap," both friends said, eyes wide, as they turned towards the robed figure.
"It's Sasuke's fault!" Naruto yelled, pointing towards his best friend. "I tried to stop him!"
"Wh-What?! This was your idea, dobe!"
"Dobe? I'm not the one who got paint all over himself."
"That was your fault! I'm telling my mom about this!" Sasuke growled.
"Get a new one!" Naruto rebutted.
"This is my favorite!"
Far below the bickering kids, the Hokage of the Leaf had had enough with the racket they were causing and with a simple gesture of two fingers, caught the attention of the few shinobi on the scene.
"Whoever brings them to me will not receive crappy missions for a month!" the village leader declared, pointing towards the trapped brats. The order, though spoken at normal volume, was perfectly understood by aforementioned brats dangling hundreds of feet over the heads of the now grinning shinobi.
"Oh, great," Sasuke hissed. A few chunin were already running at high speed along the surface of the mountain.
"Let's get out of here!" Naruto said, struggling against the ropes.
"Then let me go!"
"Let you go? You let me go!"
"Naruto, they're coming," Sasuke said, glancing below. "Do you want to get caught?"
"Of course not… Hey! I've an idea," Naruto said, his face brightening. "Cut your rope!"
"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" the Uchiha yelled right in the blond's ears, almost making him deaf.
"Trust me on this!" he grinned, as he started to move to make the ropes swing. "Just wait for the right moment!"
"Trust him, he says," Sasuke muttered as he reached for one of his kunai. "Alright, here we go…"
As they reached the height of their swing, the rope was cut in a single strike and the two friends briefly soared in the air, right in front of the Sandaime's rocky face.
Then gravity happened.
They fell, letting out girly screams of sheer terror before landing straight on the closest chunin's chest. The poor man almost lost his concentration, and nearly fell from the sudden impact.
Before he could even try to catch the brats, Naruto and Sasuke had jumped further down, using another shinobi as a landing platform and ignoring the angry shouts from their various would-be captors.
Much to the onlookers' dismay, the two continued down the mountain in a similar manner; crashing feet first into poor chap after poor chap before jumping off and onto the next one after a considerable distance of free falling.
They were almost at the level of the tallest houses now, and judging by the knucklehead's choice in chunin to land on, this was going to be a rooftop chase.
In fact, Sasuke would have dared say their prospects were looking quite good until they were right above their landing spot. It quickly became clear that they had miscalculated though.
They had jumped from way too high. The pair of friends screamed again.
The roof didn't hold.
Sasuke found himself—with as much dignity as he could possibly muster—landing on someone's dinner table and snapping it straight in half.
A family of five just looked at him with a various mix of shocked expressions.
Naruto had apparently landed on his feet instead, being more used to such absurd situations than any person should be.
"RUN FOR IT!" the young troublemaker yelled to his friend, dashing towards the open window, passing right between the still confused household's couple.
As Sasuke got up and threw himself out of the window, the eldest man in the room looked towards the big hole in the ceiling before muttering to his son and daughter-in-law something that suspiciously sounded like "youngsters".
The pair landed in the street, right in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the mid day market place and immediately darted away, zigzagging between the crowd, using it to hide their presence.
"Was that landing part of your plan, too?" the Uchiha asked in an annoyed tone.
"Always criticizing my plans, aren't you Sasuke?" Naruto replied calling back, running without looking in front of him and yet still managing to not collide with anyone.
"I can't heal as fast as you can!" Sasuke rebutted, feeling sore for the crash with the wooden rooftop. "Try to remember that next time!"
He had just finished speaking when a shinobi landed right in front of them, startling the civilians with his sudden apparition.
"There will be no next time, brats!" the chunin—a newly appointed one, it seemed—boasted as he tried to block their path.
"Sasuke!" Naruto signaled, dropping low to skid to a halt just before the chunin in a slight kneeling position.
Sasuke grunted something that vaguely sounded affirmative as he used Naruto's back as a springboard to propel himself towards the flat-footed chunin, landing a kick on his face.
The pair was already running away before the newbie chunin hit the ground, wailing in pain as some of the civilians smirked at the familiar sight. Some money may have changed hands as a result of some bet.
"I almost feel sorry for him," Naruto said without looking back.
"Serves him right," Sasuke snorted. "Not being able to catch two academy students—"
"There you are!" a new voice shouted from their right. The two partners in crime turned their gaze to see a four-man team of chunin rapidly approaching from another street. And these didn't look like newbies.
"You jinxed us!" Naruto yelled as he ran as if his life was on the line. "YOU JINXED US YOU—!"
"Shut up and RUN!"
The two delinquents ducked down a side street in an attempt to lose their pursuers. Seeing a shadow on the ground the two immediately went into a slide, skidding beneath the shinobi's legs. Naruto snatched something from his pocket and threw it up at the man's face. There was a burst of red powder and the chunin started to scream almost immediately.
Once past, they jumped back to their feet and continue running, leaving the poor ninja to yell in pain something about his eyes.
"Aw, man, that was my last spice bomb!" Naruto complained, but his wailing was short-lived: they could hear the angry shouts of the pursuing shinobi getting closer once again.
"They're still on us. How can they be so stubborn?!" Naruto asked. It's not like they had a reason to be angry at them, besides the prank. And the one the last week. And the one of two days earlier. And—alright, so they had a reason to be angry but this was a little too much!
"Well, what's your plan now?" Sasuke said, shooting a glare in Naruto's direction.
"Not being caught of course!" Naruto replied, rolling his eyes. "But they're faster than us, there's no way we can outrun them!"
"I only have to outrun you!" Sasuke declared as he attempted to get ahead of Naruto, wishing he knew how to infuse chakra into his legs already.
"Bastard, don't you dare!" Naruto hissed. "Let's use the escape plan C instead!"
"We already used it the other day!" Sasuke snapped, almost tripping over a sleeping cat.
"Dammit. Let's use the other one then!"
"Left or right?"
Naruto quickly scanned in front of them for a possible escape route, recalling what he remembered of Konoha's streets.
Finally, he spied a particular side alley that was their best bet to get the chuunin off their tails.
"Left...NOW!"
The pair suddenly turned in the alley and immediately ducked behind a bin of which Naruto already knew the location of, pressing themselves into the shadows and hoping that their pursuers would thunder past.
It stunk, but the two troublemakers' faces sported a smug smirk and a foxy grin as the chunin passed by, not seeing them.
They waited one more minute before leaving the security of their hiding place, looking in the direction the shinobi had raced to.
"Suckers," Naruto snickered, offering an fist-bump to Sasuke, who reluctantly accepted it.
"Hello, boys," a voice said just behind them. A cold, angry voice. They hadn't even realized that someone had sneaked up on them, but they knew that voice very well.
Both turned slowly, probably hoping to delay the inevitable. Maybe they were wrong and it was someone else—
Big badass red hat, symbol of her office. White coat decorated by red flames, the arms crossed. A very unamused expression, framed by her long red hair.
Yup, the Godaime Hokage was there.
"Hey, mom…" Naruto said weakly, knowing well that and running wouldn't help at all.
Kushina Uzumaki knew where he lived, after all.
"YOU IDIOTS! JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!" Kushina yelled from behind her desk. After a simple shunshin, she had taken the boys in her office, dismissed the ANBU guarding it, sealed the room—to be sure that the kids would not try to escape like the last time, not because she needed privacy—and had immediately started the much needed scolding.
"Yes, uh," Naruto said, laughing nervously as he scratched his head, apparently unable to find the right words. "You see, we were, uh..."
"You were what?" she prodded, looking unamused by Naruto's hesitation.
"We were decorating the monument," the blond blurted out, shrinking a little under his mother's severe gaze.
"I can see that," Kushina deadpanned, glancing towards the window. "A good job, too. Nobody noticed you brats until you were almost finished. Care to tell me why you did it?"
"It seemed so boring, I thought—I mean, we thought that it would've looked cooler with some color on it!" Naruto tried to reason unconvincingly.
Sasuke, who had remained silent so far, rolled his eyes at the pathetic excuse. Not that he was any less guilty: he was an accomplice after all.
"That's not a good reason to deface it again, Naruto."
"Aww come on, Mom!" Naruto protested, waving his arms erratically. "We even waited for the weekend, so we could do it without being forced to skip class!"
Sasuke actually groaned at hearing that, while Kushina was appalled at how skilfully her son was digging his own grave deeper.
"Oh, I got it now!" the oblivious blond brightened up, as if he had realized something "You're upset because we painted your face too! Right?"
"Naruto, shut up!" Sasuke hissed, unable to remain silent anymore.
"What? I bet that's why she's so pissed!" Naruto argued, pointing towards his mother. "That and because we were caught!"
"No, Naruto. I'm pissed because you jumped from the top of a fu—" Kushina bit her tongue, catching herself in time before saying the "f-word" in front of her son. "You jumped from a freaking mountain! Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?!"
"It was the fastest way down?" Naruto asked uncertainly.
Kushina felt her left eye twitch.
"Idiot," Sasuke simply stated, not looking at his friend.
"Oh, shut up," Naruto said, as he kept scrubbing the paint. The two ten-year old hooligans were once again idly swinging in front of the Hokage Monument. This time though they were cleaning it, slowly removing the paint from its rocky surface.
Obviously under surveillance, just in case they thought to try to skip out on the punishment. Off to the side, nonchalantly reading a book while standing perfectly horizontal against the stone, was Itachi, their designated chaperone.
The teen was not even looking at them, but Naruto knew that he was monitoring their every move. Trying to escape would not work. He knew that thanks to previous experience.
Besides that, Mom would've been really mad if he didn't finish his punishment.
"This is the last time you involve me in one of your 'brilliant plans'," Sasuke mumbled.
Naruto snorted, knowing better.
"We also ruined nii-san's day off!" Sasuke pouted.
"Hey that's not my fault!" Naruto protested. "I didn't order him to do it. Why did my mom have to send you, Itachi?"
"It was either me, or Mitarashi-san," Itachi commented from behind his book as he turned a page over.
Both boys shuddered at the thought and focused even more on their task. Naruto thought that Anko was actually fun to have around, in small doses. When she was forced to watch over them, though, she became bored easily. And a bored Anko was scary.
Having Itachi around when they were punished for a prank was way better, Naruto decided. He never seemed to be bored.
"Hey Itachi, does Father kn—"
"He's well aware, Sasuke," the stoic teen stated, not averting his eyes from the pages of his book. "He is not pleased."
The younger Uchiha groaned lightly, barely refraining from slamming his head against the rock. "I knew he would be," he grumbled.
"Also," Itachi said, closing his book. "Mother isn't happy that you wore one of your best shirts to do this... business."
"I told you!" Sasuke argued, indicating Naruto. "It's his fault!"
"Hey! I didn't tell you to wear that stupid shirt, now did I, Sasuke?!" Naruto said, giving his partner in crime the finger. "You dobe!"
"What was—!"
"Less talking, more cleaning," Itachi deadpanned, opening his book again. "Bickering won't wash that graffiti off."
Naruto grimaced at his tone. "How do you live with that guy?!" his face wrinkled heavily as he pulled a face. "It's so troublesome."
Sasuke's eyes flared, "Don't talk about my brother like that!"
"Look," Itachi said, probably hoping to defuse another fight. "If you finish this soon, I may have enough time to practice shuriken with you."
"For real?!" Sasuke asked, snapping his head towards his brother's direction, a happy grin on his face.
"For real," the teen confirmed before resuming his reading as Sasuke started to scrub with even more energy.
Just as planned, Naruto thought as he started to brush off the eyelashes he had painted on his father's face.
"Hey, Naruto. Don't you always say that your father was very cool?" Sasuke asked, noticing this.
"Duh, of course he was!" Naruto said, as he was stating a fact. "He was the freaking Yondaime! He saved the village ten years ago, everyone knows that!"
"Then why did you paint eyelashes on his eyes?"
"Mom says that he was a sissy," Naruto replied with a shrug.
"Oh," Sasuke said, not really sure how to reply to that. As he glanced briefly towards the Godaime's face, another question came up in his mind. "Why did you paint all those hearts between him and your mother's face, then?"
Naruto stopped scrubbing and for a second a sad expression was visible on his face. In the blink of an eye it was gone though, and he was looking at his friend with his usual grin.
"Because Mom still loves him a lot!"
"Stupid brats," Kushina pouted as she sulked at her desk. "They could've asked me to come along, once or twice."
She lazily moved her fingers along the edge of her large hat that was now resting on a small pile of documents. Kushina knew that it was mostly its fault, or to be more accurate, it was her title's fault.
Being in charge of the village and raising her son on her own had really stretched her free time thin.
Her eyes darted across her desk and met a pair of blue ones. Sadly, it was only the picture she kept in her office. Unlike in the official photos, where he had always portrayed as a serious and stoic leader, in this one Minato was being his usual self and had kept sending her that simple and yet warm smile of his for all these years.
She picked it up from the frame and studied her deceased husband's face for a few moments, before straightening up against her chair.
"I wonder what you would've said to him, you know? To Sasuke too, of course," she quickly added with a smirk. "I wonder if our Naruto is being a bad influence?"
Knowing Minato he would've said something about how the little Uzumaki was her mother's son, pranks, cheeky grin and Uchiha friend included. He would've even added an anecdote or two about her own childhood.
Probably that time she had managed to prank all the Sannin in a single day.
Then they would've watched together from the window as the two rascals were forced to undo the damage, a nostalgic look on her man's face, before—
Kushina forced herself to squash the small fantasy before it could hurt too much, but she still felt a small tear falling on her cheek. She narrowed her eyes as she dried it. Tormenting herself about how things could've been was neither productive nor something that Minato would've wanted her to do.
She should instead focus on—
"Hokage-sama?" a voice called from behind the closed door. As it opened, a chunin peeked her head inside Kushina's office. "Forgive me Hokage-sama, but the Yondaime Kazekage and his entourage have been sighted by our patrols. They will arrive at the village gates in four hours."
"Right on schedule. Very well then," Kushina said, rising from her chair. "Spread the word. I want to make a good impression on our allies. I'll join you soon."
As the chunin disappeared with a quick bow before closing the door, she turned towards the window, checking the progress on the monument. The redhaired woman really hoped that those two would be able to finish before the arrival of the Suna shinobi and more importantly, that Itachi managed to keep the kids busy during the whole diplomatic meeting.
Konoha really didn't need a repeat of what had happened that last time, when Iwa had sent an ambassador. Even if it had been funny.
Kushina picked up her hat with her free hand, studying the kanji emblazoned on it for a few long seconds before positioning it on the top of her long red mane.
"Watch over me, Minato," she said as she placed the picture back in its place. "I will protect our village. I will protect your dreams. I will protect our son. And while I'm doing all that, I will also find the man responsible for your death and I'll make him pay, dattebane!"
In a secluded place somewhere in the Elemental Nations, the man that had claimed the name of Madara as his own felt a cold chill down his spine.
Not for the first time in the last ten years, he asked himself if he needed to recruit more missing-nin for his organization.
A\N: This one-shot has been pestering me since this early summer, when my friend evakname sent me a picture of her Kushina cosplay with Minato's cloak.
Let me know what you think!
;)