Chapter One: Caught in a Landslide, No escape from Reality

Summary: Issei finds the Reality Stone. The world is turned on its ass.

Issei knows he probably shouldn't touch the glowing red rock but does so anyway.

Can you blame him, though? I mean he's a teenager who's obsessed with breasts of all things for Christ's sake! Since when has he ever listened to common sense?

So yes. You can be damn-well sure he's going to touch the mysterious glowing red rock that just so happened to be in his backyard. Consequences be damned.

Picking it up, Issei notices that besides its jagged, metallic surface and its hellish red glow, it looks completely harmless. It's as light as a feather, smooth to the touch and is no bigger than any common rock that one would find on the side of the road. Though despite its innocent appearance Issei could faintly sense some kind of unknown energy pulsing within its tiny core.

[Be wary, boy.] A deep and baritone voice warned from the deepest recesses of his mind. [That stone holds a kind of power that far outclasses my own. Though why it is in your backyard of all places is a mystery that I'm not sure I want to solve.]

Oh, yeah. He also has a giant fucking dragon in his head. Apparently God that it'd be funny to stick the creature from the Shrek movies into an unborn infant's body. Good thing He was already dead or Issei would've had a few choice words with Him about the finer arts of creating a good punchline from a really bad pun. 'Cause he didn't find that shit funny at all.

Eh, whatever. Moral of the story is that he's got a dragon in his head along with something called a 'Sacred Gear' that gives him power boosts like free samples at a Cosco. Yeah, it makes about as much sense as a vegan working at McDonalds but he'll take what he can get.

Back to the glowing rock.

Issei flicked the small rock into the air before stuffing it into his pocket. Ddraig – that's the dragon's name, by the way – made a noise of indignation but he ignored it in favor of heading up to his room. Locking the door behind him, Issei walked over to his bedside nightstand, opened the drawer and tossed the red stone inside without a care in the world.

[Boy! Did you not hear what I just-]

The dragon immediately ceased his rant when Issei replaced the stone with a sport's sock and very large bottle of Vaseline.

[Oh, no. No no no no no, please no-]

Throwing himself on his bed, Issei pulled out his laptop and clicked on one of his many favorite links.

Despite being in his mind, the sound of Issei's belt buckle coming undone nearly deafened the dragon.

[ISSEI-]

He cut off the link and began pouring a monumental amount of lotion into the sock just as a video clip of two topless women making out and rubbing their large bare breasts together came onto the screen.

Though that wouldn't be the only thing coming onto the screen.

Issei, frankly, couldn't give two shits and a popsicle what the glowing rock was. Tonight was Lesbian MILF Monday and he would be damned if some weird looking pebble interrupted his precious alone time.

Issei lazily twirled the glowing stone between his fingers as he entered the school grounds.

It wasn't even eight in the morning and Ddraig still had yet to stop crying.

[Why?!] The lizard moaned as his sobs got louder. [Out of the billions of humans on this Gods forsaken planet, WHY did I have to get stuck inside such a deplorable and perverted whelp like you?!]

"Because God has a shitty sense of humor?" Issei questioned nonchalantly as he walked down the hallway. He pointedly ignored how all of the female students gave him a wide berth and shot him looks of absolute disgust and loathing. "Or maybe it's because the universe just loves screwing with you. Anyway can you please stop crying? It's starting to give me a headache."

Some of the students looked at him as if he was insane; which might've not been too far from the point. He was technically talking to himself, after all.

[I'll stop crying as soon as YOU stop mindlessly pleasuring yourself to cheap pornography!] The dragon yelled with disgust. Seriously, how has this kid not run dry yet?! Better question is, how was his laptop still even functioning with the ridiculous amount of semen that he's drowned it in?!

"Then I guess I'll just have to get used to you crying because that will never happen." Issei said as he sauntered into the classroom.

Just as he expected, pretty much every student either glared at him or stood as far away from him as they possibly could. And like always he simply shrugged them off. Walking towards his desk – which luckily for him was at the very back of the class and closest to the window – he dropped his schoolbag on the ground and planted himself in his seat. He continued to twirl the stone between his fingers even as the teacher entered the room and began taking roll call.

Drowning the man out, Issei caught the stone in his palm and took a closer look at it. Despite that Ddraig may have thought, he hadn't completely ignored the dragon's warning. Thanks to the heightened senses he received from Ddraig, he was also able to detect the energy that was held within the stone. Just barely though. Ddraig once told him that if you couldn't sense someone's power level, they were either dead or simply too powerful to sense. The fact that Ddraig said that the stone's power surpassed his own was definitely a cause for concern.

He was so engrossed with staring at the small rock that he didn't notice the teacher called out his name.

"Hyoudou!"

"Here, Sensei!" Issei called out with a hand instantly raised into the air. This earned him a mocking laugh from everyone in the room.

"Pay attention next time, Hyoudou!" The teacher snapped before moving onto the next name.

Issei discretely flipped him the bird. 'Jackass,' he thought to himself.

As the teacher continued with roll call, Issei took the time to look around and survey the students; more notably the female ones. He had to admit that he was really lucky to be able to attend such a fine institution with such fine females. Since the school population had a 3:1 female-to-male ratio, pretty much everywhere he looked was filled with girls who either had large, gravity-defying breasts, thick thighs, or wide protruding buttocks.

Simply put: it was a hot-blooded male's paradise. It was just a damn shame they were always clothed.

'What I wouldn't do to get a peek at some skin right now.' Issei thought as he rested his head against his fist with a pout. 'If only there was a way for their clothes to disappear into thin air.'

He never noticed the bright red flash that emanated from the inside of his closed hand

FWOOSH!

The room suddenly fell silent.

Issei blinked.

Every male student in the classroom started leaking blood from their noses.

The teacher's eyes widened to comical proportions before fainting on the spot.

As for the female students?

Each and every one of them sat frozen at their desks, stark naked as the day they were born with looks of indescribable horror on their faces. Large, luscious cheeks were pressed against chairs, connected to thick pale thighs. As for the breasts? Breasts of all sizes were left to jiggle free from the tight confines of their bras. Nipples of various shades were also seen hardening from the cool breeze of the air-conditioned room.

Nobody moved. Nobody breathed.

He didn't know just what the hell happened but Issei couldn't find it in himself to care in the slightest. He could now proudly state that this was the best school day of his entire life.

The following collective scream was loud enough to break glass.