A/N: Hello, everyone. Long time no see? Heh...so, I began listening to some more of Imogen Heap's songs...I mean, I've heard her songs, except that was when she was in the band Frou Frou, so I finally decided to listen to other songs sung just by her. Then I instantly fell in love with this song—it's so strong, compelling...something I can definitely apply myself to. I hope you all feel the same! The song is called Wait It Out (by Imogen Heap, of course). It motivated me enough to write this!
Yes, this is a Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood songfic, my very first, and I'm glad I got this done. Please enjoy!
WARNING: There may be spoilers for those who aren't updated on the manga or anime. In fact, the setting is actually based on the manga because I don't think the anime is caught up on it yet. But I never explicitly say when it is, only in the author's comment at the end, so beware!
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist or the Brotherhood version. They belong to Hiromu Arakawa. If I did own them, I wouldn't be writing about them!
Wait It Out
A FMA: Brotherhood Songfic
He was crying.
Of course, if it wasn't for the kitchen light which slipped through the door crack, shedding light on the side of the body facing her—his right side—she never would have noticed the silent, lone tear slide down his cheek.
Winry stepped forward, causing the wooden porch beneath her feet to creak slightly. It was a small sound, sure, but it was enough to catch the boy's attention. His head immediately swiveled around with eyes wide, caught off guard. Their eyes locked for a minute—sympathizing blue orbs clashing with surprised, almost sheepish, golden ones. But the latter soon retreated, their owner swallowing thickly and tugging at his blond ponytail nervously. A moment of awkward silence passed with no further movement from either of them, until the boy glanced back. "Winry, I—"
"Shhh." Came her sole reply as she gracefully took a few steps forward before sitting down beside him on the porch stairs. She set the cup of tea intended for him on the ground below; it could be drunk afterwards. "You don't have to explain, Ed."
Where do we go from here? How do we carry on? I can't get beyond the questions...
The teenage boy said nothing. Choosing to remain by his side anyway, Winry looked up at the night sky. The stars glittered from above, seemingly teasing her and her place on earth yet also coaxing her to join them in their nightly play. Winry smiled. "It's a beautiful night, ne?"
Ed still didn't say anything. So she continued. "I wonder what Al is up to right now...I know I saw him not too long ago, but I can't help but worry over the both of you sometimes." She gave a small laugh.
"I'm sorry."
Clambering for the scraps, in the shatter of us collapsed...
...It cuts me with every could have been...
"Huh?" She faced Ed with confusion swimming in her eyes. Feeling guilty for indirectly forcing an apology out of him and possibly for making him feel worse—she was just trying to fill the gap!—she quickly reassured him, "Oh, well, you know me! Even if you were to simply go and pick up bread from the store, I'd freak out! I guess it's a 'me' thing. Or all girls...you know how we can be so emotional and worry-warts, right? And Al was fine last I saw him so I bet—"
"No. I mean...you're always worrying over us, and..." he trailed off and buried his face in his hands. Winry cocked her head to the side. Was he going to finish that? "And...?" she pressed.
He muttered something, but it was too low for her to hear at first. Leaning closer, she gently asked for him to repeat his statement.
"I keep failing you."
Pain on pain on play, repeating, with the backup makeshift life in waiting...
She blinked, lost. He couldn't possibly mean that, could he? In what way was he failing her? All she wanted was for the two brothers to stay safe as well as to not get into too much trouble and from what she had witnessed, they were still alive and well to this day. Sure, they were probably in several dangerous and risky situations, more than she liked, but they always came through, at least. Winry opened her mouth to correct him, but was cut off before she even had a chance to utter a single word.
"No, I know what you're going to say. And yeah, me and Al are fine. But we shouldn't be. We should have died."
She was aghast. "What are you saying? Are you crazy?! You wanted to die?"
Everybody says time heals everything...
Ed shook his head. "No, it's not that I wanted to die, but we still should have...all we seem to do is cause more problems...more lives lost..."
Her breath hitched. "Ed...did someone die recently? Anyone I know?"
"No...not 'recently'...but people before. Nina, Alexander, Shou Tucker..." She nodded at each name, remembering the brief story behind each from what little he and Al had informed her.
"...Maes Hughes."
But what of the wretched hollow, the endless in between?
Winry stiffened. Right...how could she forget, even for a split second?
Are we just going to wait it out?
He appeared to have realized what he had just said though, along with the stab of pain he must have caused her, for he instantly settled frantic eyes upon her. "Er, I didn't mean to...I mean, I'm—"
"No, it's okay. I'm just...nostalgic?" She put on a smile to convince him.
There's nothing to see here now, turning the sign around; we're closed to the earth till further notice...
The boy nodded hesitantly. He leaned back on his forearms and continued when she made a gesture for him to do so. "It's just that...everyone we involve get hurt somehow, in some way..."
She furrowed her brow. "Well, what do you expect? What you two are up to is dangerous, right? I don't mean to sound cruel here or anything, but I'm kinda not surprised that some people are getting hurt...in fact, I'm surprised you two are even alive right now, from what I've heard about your journey."
A sigh escaped the fallen boy's lips. "But we should be able to prevent these things. But we don't. And so they get hurt, and it's all my fault...!"
Stumbling cliché case, crumpled and puffy-faced, dead in the stare of a thousand miles...
Winry stared in surprise, noticing how he shifted the subject from "we", him and Al, to "I". So that was really how he felt all this time..? "Ed—"
"No, you don't understand. If I hadn't involved them, they NEVER would have gotten hurt. Ran fan wouldn't have had to cut off her arm, Lin wouldn't be part homunculus now, Dr. Marcoh wouldn't have to be on the run, the Colonel—well, he can go screw himself for all I care—"
"Ed..."
"—Maes Hughes wouldn't have been killed, you never would have been held hostage at Briggs, heck, maybe Al would have gotten his body back by now—"
All I want only one street level miracle...
She slapped him, hard. Bringing her trembling hand back at her side, she waited for him to hold her gaze. "Ed, will you let me speak for one minute?"
He grunted at her exasperated tone, a pink tinge tainting his cheeks. Apparently he hadn't meant to start on a rant.
"You're not some god, Ed."
Ed gaped. "I never said I was!"
"Will you let me finish?!" Impatience danced in her eyes.
Another grunt. Okay, she had his attention. "As I was saying...you can't protect everyone you love all the time. You're not an almighty god who can be by everyone's side each second of each day. You're just a human; a young, small—hey, don't argue with me now, you have to admit it some time."
"I'm taller than you now!"
Winry rolled her eyes. "Barely. You're still short compared to most guys."
"How does me being short have to do with anything?!"
"Well if you hadn't interrupted me, I would have gotten to that point, now wouldn't I?! So shut up!!!"
"Okay, fine! Sheesh! You don't have to be such a—"
"HUSH!!"
The blond boy threw his arms in the air in defeat and sat back expectantly, arms crossed, looking for all the world as if he was the very definition of defiance.
Winry gave her temples a quick circular rub and continued. "Now, listen. Didn't all those people you mentioned know the risks of getting involved?"
He looked down stubbornly. "I guess..."
"Good. So you can't blame yourself for not being able to defend them all the time. Each of them aided you for a specific reason and knew what might be in store for them. Ran fan entered the picture to guard Lin, right? And Lin was searching for immortality...and when Greed became a part of him...didn't you say that he accepted him in?" He nodded slowly. "That was his decision then, not yours. Dr. Marcoh...well, he chose to fill you in on the information he knew. Plus, last I talked to him, he admitted that he was happy he could help in some way. Before, he was cooped up at a village, feeling like a coward. But just recently, he helped fight off a homunculus! Impressive, right?" Her heart lifted at the small smile tugging at the corner of Ed's lips.
I'll be an out and out born again from none more cynical...
She, however, winced once she realized the next person she would have to address: Maes Hughes, always a touchy subject for all of them. "Mr. Hughes..." she took into account his flinch. "He wanted to help you. He cared so much for this country; I'm sure that he felt as if he could do something to guide us. And so he did...at the cost of his life, yes, but he knew the matter was hazardous. And like Mrs. Hughes said, he did help out, am I right?" A soft nod answered her. "Then all you can do is make sure his death wasn't in vain. And I know you haven't failed so far."
Everybody says that time heals everything all in the end...
"As for me...I'm not held captive at Briggs anymore. Together, we escaped and we're safe. So I'm no longer in your way..."
His head whipped around. "Winry, you know it's not that you're a bother or anything!"
"I know, I know. I'm still useful—I'm your mechanic after all, huh?"
"Winry!" he grabbed her hands and held them in his, trying to stop her from dig herself into a deeper hole. She wasn't getting it...
What of the wretched hollow, the endless in between? Are we just going to wait it out?
She blushed. What else could she do? It wasn't every day that he acted so out-of-character...so strange...so...intimate. Should she say something? Did he even mean to do it?
"Winry, you're not a pest. And yeah, you're my automail mechanic, but you're more than that too." This time their cheeks both turned redder as Ed noticed how awkward that must have sounded. "I mean, you're a great friend!"
And sit here cold, we'll be long gone by then and lackluster...
The blonde girl deflated. She was reading too much into things again..."What I mean to say is that...you're very important to me. You're always there for me, you care about me so much that you constantly worry over me, and even though I swear that you'll get a hernia one day what with your inconsistent mood swings—" he could feel the heat radiating from her glower, but held his ground and continued, "—you matter a lot to me...so...thanks. Really."
In dust we lay around old magazines, fluorescent lighting sets the scene...
Her breath hitched; touched couldn't even begin to explain how she felt at that moment. "And I know I've said this already, but I really am sorry. I always leave, making you wonder when I'll be back or if I will be back, I never tell you enough about what goes on, I make you stay up late just to get my arm or leg fixed when I damage it while fighting, I couldn't avenge your parents by taking down Scar, I made you travel with him, and just...for everything. I'm sorry."
Her heart reached out to him, but what could she do? She didn't want to do anything too rash and make it seem as if she was taking advantage of his vulnerable condition...
For all we could and should be being in the one life that we've got, in the one life that we've got...
"I know what you said earlier is true, too. I can't force people to not get involved when they're determined to, and I can't be their bodyguards in each critical situation. I guess I'm just frustrated that they do get hurt at times, and next time...if they can't endure it...I can't bring them back. Not even with alchemy..."
Everybody says that time heals everything...
The girl knew who he was thinking about right now. His mother. The one person whom he had tried to resurrect through alchemy, yet had failed. There was more to his statement though—he knew that he wasn't allowed to revive people with alchemy, that it would cause too many problems like last time, so he would be helpless if anyone else died...but also, he was afraid he'd break the taboo once more.
What of the wretched hollow, the endless in between?
She banished all hesitant thoughts from her mind and reached out. Her arms wrapped around his troubled frame, tenderly pushing his head to her shoulder and holding him there tightly. He tensed at first but gradually slumped against her, letting his arms circle around her waist and hold her in return. Tears stung at the back of her eyes, but she refused to let them drop. She refused to break her promise.
Ed, although, probably felt too overwhelmed, for Winry could feel a couple of tears connect with her bare shoulder. The chilly night air carried the stray tears to her shirt where they effectively created a tiny, wet spot. She squeezed him closer to her body.
Are we just going to wait it out?
This position...it felt so familiar. Glimpsing at the twinkling sky, she concentrated on that thought...pondering...wondering...remembering...
And then it hit her.
* * *
"Shut UP, Winry." The words echoed in her head, resulting in stubborn tears escaping her pouting eyes. She was only trying to help...did he have to be so cruel? Didn't all friends comfort each other in their time of need? She had only strode up to him during lunch, when he was in a secluded corner, waiting for Al to return from the bathroom. Then she had quietly asked if he was alright, if he needed anything, if he wanted to talk about it, and yet he had rudely snapped at her and ignored her for the rest of the day.
At first she was frightened by his abrupt behavior, before feeling sad and guilty, and finally, angry. How dare he just shrug her off and not talk to her for so long? What had she done wrong?
She certainly wasn't going to let him bring her own mood down though! His mother had died recently, and she had sympathized—she was willing to listen to his emotions!—but nooo, he threw her attempts back at her face. Well, he wasn't the only one suffering from the loss of a parent!
So she ignored him right back. And she felt (partially) accomplished. She was determined to not talk to him for however long it took until he caved.
It was working well, actually, until Granny Pinako told her to go fetch Ed for dinner while she woke up Al from his nap. She tried protesting—why couldn't Al get him when he got up?—but a stony, threatening look was all it took for her short legs to zoom out the front door.
Five or so minutes of wandering around outside had her grumbling when she still couldn't find him. Suddenly, a sniffle reached her ears, and she whirled around to search for the source. "Ed?"
A lone figure was situated in the graveyard, facing the grave of Trisha Elric. Winry tiptoed over to the boy there, previous resentment for him forgotten, and sat beside him. He glanced up at her in surprise and embarrassment, but he wasn't able to wipe away the one tear on his cheek fast enough. "What are you doing here?" he mumbled out once he had broken eye contact and chosen to drop his chin into his crossed arms resting atop his upright knees.
"Dinner time." Was all she said.
"I'm not hungry."
She rolled her eyes. "You're always hungry."
"Well, I'm not in the mood then."
"Stop being such a grown-up."
He glared at her. "You mean 'stop being such a baby', don't you?"
Winry glared right back. "No. Babies at least cry out and try to let you know what's wrong. You're trying to hold it in. Stupid."
Ed bristled and turned his body towards hers. "I'm not stupid, stupid! What do you want me to do?! Whine about all my troubles like some big ole wimp?!"
Her teeth clenched in fury. "Yes!"
"What?!"
"So you don't have to whine to everyone, but you can at least whine to me, you big jerk! How can I be a friend when you won't let me?!"
He was speechless, taken aback, before muttering, "I didn't want to complain about my mom being dead when both of yours have been."
The statement caused unwanted emotions to sweep through her, but she patted them back down. But still...how could she even think that he had no right to complain because her own parents were gone? Was she really that heartless? Tears tumbled out and spilled onto the ground.
Ed jumped at the sudden downpour. "O-oi! Don't cry! I-I'm sorry—I didn't think you'd—I should have known—stop crying!"
Tiny arms surrounded his neck as she pounced at him, sobbing loudly. He sighed and hugged her back, permitting a few tears of his own to fall from his closed eyes. They stayed like that for a while, until Pinako called out for the both of them. Reluctantly, they let go and Winry whispered, "Don't be afraid to tell me about your troubles, even if you think it might hurt me. We're friends, okay?"
He "hmphed" at the thought of being "afraid" but smiled soon after. "Okay."
"Winry!! Ed!! Dinner!" Pinako's voice cried out again.
They both winced and started back. At one point, Ed grabbed Winry's arm and waited for her to look at him, curiosity in her gaze. "I'm sorry...about earlier...okay?" It took a moment for it to click, but once it did Winry nodded. Then, she stuck her tongue out at him, dashing away and shouting back, "Last one there is a rotten egg!"
Giggles filled the empty sky as the two youngsters sprinted home...
* * *
It was so long ago, but that period was so rare that it wasn't completely forgotten. These were the only times she probably even saw him cry, and her heart soared—he trusted her enough to witness them. "Thank you." She murmured.
Sit here, just going to wait it out...
He leaned back to peer into her face. "For what?"
"WINRY? ED?" traveled Pinako's voice.
The couple jumped apart, blushing profusely. Ed hastily began wiping his face when Pinako's footsteps grew louder, but it was no use—his cheeks and eyes were still obviously pink. The elder's feet stopped behind them. "What are you two doing out—"
As a last resort, Winry snatched the cup of now cold tea and dumped its contents over Ed's head. He stared at her, mouth open. "What the hell was that for?!"
"Serves you right, you jerk! How can you be so nonchalant about my feelings?!"
"What on earth are you talking about, woman?!"
"Oh, don't act like you don't know what I mean!"
Pinako backed out of the doorway. "Ahh, I'll leave you two alone for now." Slowly she retreated back into the house.
Ed stood up. "What the hell did I do?!"
Winry followed suit and stuck her tongue out at him. "I'm pretty good at acting, aren't I?"
A baffled look greeted her. She blinked owlishly. "I could at least get a 'thank you'. Granny Pinako didn't notice that you were crying, thanks to me!"
He clamped his mouth shut then uttered an, "Oh..."
The teenage girl rolled her eyes and headed to the front door. "Well, I'm guessing that you'll want to dry your clothes, huh? Come back to the kitchen though and I'll get you another cup of tea, since...yeah." She meaningfully sent a fleeting look at his appearance.
It was his turn to roll his eyes. "Whatever." She made to enter the house but stopped as he called out, "Winry?"
Said girl looked back. "Yes?"
"Thanks...for everything. Especially for listening."
Sit here cold, just going to sweat it out...
She beamed. "It's what friends do, right?" He beamed back and nodded. "So...what are you going to do now? Are you leaving again?"
His apologetic face confirmed her thoughts. "Yeah...I need to go meet up with Al again. Then we'll move on from there." An uncomfortable silence arose as both teenagers shifted in their places, not knowing what to say next.
Ed broke the silence. "And what about you? Going back to work in Rush Valley?"
Winry shrugged. "I supposed I should, though I think I might relax with Granny for a little while after the mess I've been through."
He winced. "Right...sorry about that."
"No need to be sorry! I'm glad I could see you again." The blushes came back at the statement, but Winry shook hers away to continue. "I won't stop worrying about you guys, and I can't predict the future, so stay safe, okay? Excluding checking your auto mail, there's not much I can do, besides..."
"Besides...?"
"Wait it out." A sad smile graced her lips.
Ed climbed up the porch stairs, about to pass her on his way into the house, but he unexpectedly halted, turning to peck her on the cheek and smirk. "I'll come back to you, I promise." With that said, he left her on the porch, stunned.
Her face flushed as she replayed the moment in her head. He had kissed her...sure, on the cheek, but still! For once, she would allow herself to fantasize. With a hand placed over her cheek—over the spot his firm lips had met her—she leaned back onto the wall behind her and trained her dreamy eyes upon the mischievous, starry sky, a goofy grin adorning her face.
At times like this, she remembered just why she loved that idiot.
Wait it out...
A/N: Finished! I hope you guys enjoyed this. Thanks for all your support and again, sorry about going AWOL on you guys! Yes, this setting takes place after Winry comes back home from traveling with Scar and his crew. (And she meets Ed there...you know, when he almost saw her take off her shirt? Haha, I loved that part!) Anyway, sorry if I had any wrong information; if I did, please let me know!
Till next time~
--Hatsuya