"You lied to me! You lied and I... I just... Dammit!" Kensi swore under her breath. She angrily wiped away the tear that had escaped her right eye and looked anywhere but his eyes.
"Kensi, tell me what's going on! You can trust me, please believe that. I only want you to be happy."
Kensi shook her head. No. She turned her head a little, only to peek at his face and the emotions that were sweeping over it. "I trusted you before. And what have you done? You left me! Left me all alone, without a reason! I tried so hard to make it better- to find you. But you weren't there. Not at your house or at work. You simply disappeared. Where have you been all these years?"
"Just... Overseas." He simply answered.
"Yes, of course. Now with the one word answers again. You're a jerk. Look, can you just let me be me? Do you know what I thought every day for the last couple of years? What have I done wrong that made him hate me enough to leave me? I can't understand you! You broke my heart!" Kensi, again, took a deep breath. She usually wasn't that emotional. She usually held everything inside herself and only one person had seen her cry before- ever.
"Please Kensi, let me explain! I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong. I can see that now. I made a huge mistake by going away from you. Can we just... Ya know, start over? I'd really like that..."
Kensi stared at him. He wanted to START OVER? What is WRONG with him?! She walked the few steps across her living room to him and glared angrily. "You want to start again?! You broke my heart. There's nothing that will change my decision. I'm so not taking you back. Have you ever thought that maybe I moved on?" She asked, mere centimeters away from him.
"So tell me. Have you moved on?" He asked.
Without hesitation Kensi answered: "Yes I have. And the guy's making me as happy as I'll ever be." Her eyes swept to the photo on the coffee table. He followed her irises with his own and whispered, "Guess I was wrong to think you'd wait for me..."
"Yeah, you were. Can you please go now? I need some time. Alone," she told him and walked to the door.
"No. I'm not going anywhere. You have to end your relationship! You're mine, Kensi. You need to understand it!" Her eyes widened as he stood before her and grabbed her forearms furiously.
"No. I'm not something you own! I have my own life now and I'm happy. Can't you just accept that? I thought you'd be happy for me but I was wrong- again. You abandoned me! I felt like shit after you left. If you would have come earlier than now, maybe we could have been what we used to be again."
"No. NO! Kensi, you don't understand this! It means so much to me! You mean so much to me! Everything. This guy," He turned around, grabbed the photo and pointed on it, "this guy does not make you happy! He's not worth it, don't you understand that?! I'm the only one you can be with!"
Kensi wiped away the tears that left her eyes again. "Why are you doing this to me? Look at me in that picture. I'm smiling. We both are. We ARE happy, you can't change that!" she yelled, frustrated.
He let go of the frame and it shattered apart on the floor. Kensi's eyes only showed one emotion. Hate. Pure hate for the man that once again broke her heart and brought trouble in her life. "I hate you! Get out of my house, NOW!" she yelled.
He lifted his right hand and it connected with her cheek. "That's all your fault, Kensi. I'll get back to you. And I'll break him, even if it costs me my life. But he's no good for you."
Kensi opened the door and shoved him outside. "If you come back I'll arrest you, Jack. Understood?" He only gave her a wicked side-grin and turned on his heels.
Kensi closed the door, leaned against it and cried. She sat down, bent her knees and laid her head on them. She carefully took the broken pieces of glass in her hand and the picture in the other. "I'm sorry..." She whispered to herself and wiped the tears away. With new spirit she stood up, took her car keys and phone and left her house. She practically ran to her car, slid in and started it.
"How can he even think such things?! He has no right to be like that to us! He... God, I hate him! How could I have loved this cold hearted man?!" she yelled at nobody but herself. She wanted to cry so badly, but she was Kick Ass Blye. "I'm not weak! At least wait till you're at his apartment." She told herself over and over again. She didn't even have to think about whether she should go to G or Sam, or even Nell. No, she directly drove to Deeks, to her partner. But even if she denied it every time, they were so much more than partners.
She arrived 8 minutes after the start at her house. She opened the car door, slid out and walked slowly down the small path. She knew he was home because the lights in the kitchen were on. She opened the door with the spare keys he gave her not long ago. He didn't even hear her, and she slowly took off her shoes. Suddenly the urge to cry was overwhelming and she just wanted Deeks. Kensi went into the kitchen and stood at the doorframe. She inhaled the smell of something he cooked. He hummed along a song that was playing in the radio and that made her even sadder. She silently asked herself what why she was this emotional. It wasn't even THAT time of the month, so it only could have been because of Jack. Deeks took something out of the oven and Kensi spotted Lasagna- her favorite.
Just at the moment she wanted to carefully say something he spotted her from his place near the oven. He still had his back to her and hadn't recognized her. "Who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?!" he asked. His mind worked on high alarm. Understandable- he's a cop with a stranger in his home. Well, as far as he knew she could be a stranger.
As he tried to work out a way to reach for a weapon weapon, her soft voice called out, "It's me..." She cringed at her own tone. So... sad and vulnerable.
"Maan, Kensi. Way to scare a guy!" He relaxed and got two plates, two coffee cups and knives and forks out of various cupboards. As he turned, he immediately rushed to her side after putting the plates and cups on the table. He took in her emotional state and the dried paths of tears that glistened on her cheeks.
"What happened? Kensi, please talk to me! Can I get you something? A drink?" He gently grabbed her wrist and took her into the living room. He pushed her ever so lightly on to the couch and waited for an answer.
"I want coffee and a Twinkie..." she whispered, and he had to laugh.
"Nah, that's not happening here. I got Lasagna ready and would love for you to stay and eat some of it with me." She nodded and made herself comfortable on the couch. "Why don't you find something to watch while I get the food?" Again he received a nod and disappeared into the kitchen.
Kensi took a deep breath to calm herself. She took the remote for the TV and clicked through the channels. When she finally found something for them to watch she patiently waited for Deeks to return. As he did, she almost snatched the plate with the lasagna right out of his hand. "Delicious! Why did you make it? You didn't even know I was coming!" she asked after the first bite.
"I had a feeling. And even if you wouldn't have come I'd bring you something." He smiled at her, turned the volume of the TV up and they continued to eat in silence.
After the dinner they washed the dishes together. "So tell me. What happened?" Deeks finally asked.
"I've waited so long for you to ask that. I even made some lame excuse in my head so I don't have to tell you... But now it's all blank and I just want to get it over with. Can we go into the living room?" Deeks nodded and followed her.
They sat on the couch, Kensi with her knees under her body and Deeks slightly turned so he could see her. He noticed a not so small cut on her right hand. "What's that?"
She looked down at her hand and gently traced the cut with her index finger. "It's from glass. The frame on my coffee table. You know the one from Christmas?" she asked.
"Yeah. I know which one."
And oh, he definitely knew. How could he forget? Nell took it last year. The entire team had celebrated Christmas evening together in a bar, drinking some wine and stuff. Just when Deeks had said something funny Kensi laughed about. Nell had claimed after taking the photo that she just wanted to have something for her album and it was a good moment to make memories. On New Year's Eve she bought both Kensi and Deeks a copy of it. He saw it only one day after that on her coffee table, framed. Kensi caught him while he was using it as a bookmark and he even had a second copy in his wallet. Neither of them said anything about it, it just was what it was. And they didn't mind what Callen and Sam thought.
"It's broken. He dropped it and I couldn't catch it."
"Who, Kensi? Can you please explain from the beginning?"
She nodded after taking the photo out of her pocket, laid it down on the table in front of the couch and took one last breath. "Jack found me. He stopped by at sixteen hundred and wanted to talk. He said some things and once he had the photo in his hand he just... He doesn't like you. He asked me to take him back and start all over again."
Deeks scooped closer a little and asked, "Kensi, has he done something to you? Did you fight?"
"He slapped me, hard. But I told him to never come back again otherwise I'd be arresting him. He thinks we're...in a relationship. Deeks, I don't know what to do if he comes back. I should know what to do, I'm a federal agent!" Kensi desperately threw her hands in the air.
"Calm down. It's okay to be afraid of him, you know? If he's showing up some time soon, just call me, okay? I'll save you, my damsel in distress." He grinned and took her hand in his.
"If you say so, surfer boy. I trust you, you know that, right?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I do. I trust you too, with my life. So anything Jack-Jerk said is bull. He told you I wouldn't make you happy, right?" Kensi said nothing and he continued: "You know that's not right. I make you happy. I can see it in your eyes, when you smile. Even when you glare at me or punch me in the arm. And don't even try to deny it." She nodded and after a second's thought punched him in the arm.
"Ouch! What was that for? I'm really feeling the love here, Fern!"
"That was for trying to give me a pep talk. And for calling me Fern for the millionth time," she said, grinning. After a moment her smile disappeared and she whispered, "Thank you. You know... For all the stuff you're doing for me. I appreciate it, I really do. And I just... I guess you've grown on me. You're important, you know that right?"
He nodded. "I do. You can come over every time something bothers you. Don't be shy or close up yourself. Not that you do that often. Okay, maybe you do. But that's not… what I was trying to say. I was in fact saying that you can count on me. I love you, like... ya know, a partner. You're my partner who happens to be female. I mean you clearly are female, cause you got the..." He made meaningful gesture and looked anywhere but her eyes.
She held up her fist, ready to punch and said in a warning tone, "Deeeks! Can we just... For once cuddle now? I really need to feel the love you're claiming you have for me." His eyes widened.
"You want to... Okay. I'm not going to protest against the wish of a beautiful girl wanting to snuggle with me."
"Be careful. Just because I'm emotionally incapable of anything at the moment doesn't mean I can't hurt you."
He laid down on the couch and gently pulled Kensi into his arms. "That's not hurting, that's physical abuse, Fern!"
She laughed, buried her head in the crook of his neck and said, "I'm going to ignore that for once and just say that... I love you, too. Even if you're the most self-loving idiot I've ever met."
"You love me too? Like... Like a partner? Or like someone you'd have to..."
She lofted her head and locked her eyes with his. "I love you like I loved Jack. Probably even more. So if you could just shut up and hold me now, that would be great. The other things will come tomorrow." He nodded and happily closed his eyes.
Kensi smiled, proud of herself. She finally had admitted her feelings and it felt good. If felt almost as good as getting Twinkie's for breakfast. But only almost as good...