Author's Note: A new comedy series of one-shots. Gabriel and the rest of the Trauma Team receive their own diagnoses. Gabe's not done yet. This series will be done in seven parts, one for each Trauma Team character, and then a summation.

~mf

Diagnosis: Gabriel Cunningham

"Oh come on, RONI, you can't do this to me!" pleaded Gabriel Cunningham as he was shoved bodily into the chair he usually reserved for his diagnosis patients.

"Doctor Cunningham, I have to authority to request backup if you do not wish to cooperate." Was it just him, or was RONI actually going to ignore him completely?

"RONI, I swear, I'll be on time for work every day from now on. Just…please, you can't!"

"Doctor Cunningham, Chief Patel's orders override yours."

"The- the Chief told you to do this?"

"Affirmative. She requested a thorough diagnosis of every doctor in the facility."

"Then I say, 'to hell with that!'" Thinking he had won the argument, the diagnostician faced his computer with a smug look.

"New symptoms observed: Aggression and Tobacco Addiction," noted the computer. "Shall we proceed with the diagnosis, doctor, or would you like me to prescribe tranquilizers for you before we begin?"

Seeing there was no hope, Gabriel Cunningham relented. "Oh, fine. Let's make it quick."

"Doctor, would you like for me to perform a psychological examination on you?"

"A- what? I'm telling you, RONI, there's nothing wrong with me. The Chief's just paranoid. You should diagnose her!"

"New symptom observed: Denial."

"Really! If she thinks it's because of all the stuff that happened with Joshua and Lisa…" Gabe had to trail off there.

"New symptom observed: Inability to maintain relationships."

"…or if it's because of that spat with that old geezer…"

"New symptom observed: Irascibility."

Gabriel, in the midst of his rant, finally noticed what the computer was doing. "You're recording what I'm saying?"

"Doctor Cunningham, I have recorded a spike in your pulse rate. Are you sure you do not require the tranquilizers?" the computer pleasantly asked.

"And you're monitoring my heart rate too?"

"Doctor, I am also monitoring your temperature, EKG readings, blood pressure, and 15 other factors that will help me complete the diagnosis."

"Good God…" Gabe had begun to collapse and now lay splayed and unmoving in his chair.

"Doctor, are you experiencing symptoms of vasovagal syncope?"

No response.

"Doctor, do you require medical assistance?"

Still no response.

"I am requesting medical attention. Please remain in your current posture and do not attempt to leave…" Even RONI's huge database did not tell the computer how to deal with, as Gabe put it, "getting on my nerves." RONI had assumed that Gabriel was referring to a condition of the nervous system, not sudden unconsciousness.

Maria, the fastest doctor in Resurgam First Care, was the first at the scene. "Gabe? Unconscious? You have got to be kidding me…"

End Note: This isn't the end of Gabe's story yet. *smirk*

~TwistedJabberjays