The Song "One more night" That is used in this piece of fiction is from Maroon 5 and I have no rights what so ever. The same goes for The Losers, sadly enough.
It was addictive and certainly not what he had wanted in his life. At least that was what he was trying to tell himself, but a part of him wanted this. Wanted this badly. He wanted it so badly that it was slowly driving him insane. Yet, he knew that the whole thing would stop soon. It was inevitable. Their schedules were hardly matching as it was and joining black ops was not going to give him much free time after all. Jensen closed his eyes and wished that things could be different.
The whole ordeal had started as a prank of sorts. He had been at a bar with some of the other new recruits, when that hot looking Spanish guy walked over to them. He did not even want to know what kind of face he might have made when said guy had started hitting on him, but he was sure he must have turned beet red. His companions had thought it was hilarious though, of course. They had not been the ones who were being hit on after all. He himself had been flattered, more than a little turned on and utterly, utterly mortified. Still, no matter how much the whole situation confused him, he had actually contemplated to return the advances - consequences be damned - when a voice from another table brought him back to reality rather harshly.
"Ok, Cougar, you win. Now give the man some space to breath."
Jensen looked over to the table the voice had come from and nearly choked at the smirks that were thrown towards his table. The guy - Cougar, Jensen reminded himself - muttered something in Spanish and Jensen was almost convinced that he threw an irritated look at the other table, before he mustered Jensen slowly and throughout. Jensen himself knew he was staring, but no one could really blame him. The guy was still hot, damn it, even if it might have been a joke. The long hair and the cowboy hat only served to make him even more interesting paired with his looks and with the clothes he had chosen he looked as if he had stepped out of someone's wet dream. Pants as tight as that should need a license. All in all Cougar certainly was someone Jake wouldn't mind spending time with. Then again there was the whole DADT thing and the other would most likely not be interested anyway. He had to remind himself that this had just been a prank after all.
He would not see him again after that. At least that was what he had thought. So really, no one could blame him for being utterly floored when he found himself cornered in the same bar, by the same guy just a few days later. Looking like a deer caught in headlight in front of anyone was a bad thing. Looking like a deer caught in headlights in front of Cougar might as well have been his downfall. And damn, it should be illegal to look so damn sexy while smirking. Jake had known then and there that he was lost; irrevocably lost. And it was most likely a bad thing. He knew nothing about that guy after all, other that he had flirted with him because his buddies had told him to. The fact that he was nearly in the exact same position with him again, without anyone around, boggled his brains. So it came to no real surprise to him that he let himself be guided to a dark corner, where they took their seats. Not much was said, but the way the other had pressed against him, had shown him that he might be more interested than Jensen would ever have thought possible.
He was a geek who talked too much. Hot guys did not want to bed him, period.
But that one had wanted and damn, had he been persistent to show him. Needless to say, that Jensen didn't wind up in his own bed that night and if he was honest with himself it was probably the best thing that could have happened to him. His mind was still reeling the next day when he was on his way back to the barracks, a stupid grin on his face. He still knew hardly anything about the guy - aside from that strange nickname - and he was not even sure he would see him again. That thought dampened his mood a little, but he decided to just enjoy what had happened and not dwell on it too much. It wasn't as if they were in any kind of commitment really.
Jensen wasn't sure what to think when they ran into each other time and time again. Well, he really wouldn't complain. Being in Cougar's focus was one of the most exciting things that had ever happened to him, still it was kind of creepy. He still knew next to nothing about the other. The other was in the military too, but Jensen would be damned before he tried to find out what division he might be in. No one needed to know they knew each other after all. And if he was honest, he could hardly trust himself to keep his hands off of him when they were in public as it was. How much worse could it possibly get when he could actually see him whenever he wanted to? It would be a downright disaster. On top of that there had never been any indication that Cougar might want that. Their meetings were quick, dirty and over far too soon for his liking. Yet the other had been very persistent in his need to get back to wherever it was that he was staying. It left Jensen aching, but he was wise enough to keep his mouth shut about it. This was only a game after all.
You and I go hard at each other
Like we're going to war
You and I go rough
We keep throwing things and slamming the doors
You and I get so damn dysfunctional
We start keeping score
You and I get sick
And I know that we can't do this no more
It had been after the second time they had seen each other in company that Jensen knew something was going on that neither of them was willing to address. When he had seen Cougar with his team, he had made sure to stay as far away from them as possible. That the table was attracting women like flies was not improving his mood at all. So Jensen turned away, in hope that when he didn't see him, he would not have to think about it and really he had no right to get jealous, right? They were not exclusive. Hell, he didn't even know what it was that was between them. The only thing was that the other made his blood run hot in a way he had never experienced before. It was like constant fever when he was near and Jake felt like he was slowly losing his mind. But if insanity was pleasure, he would gladly drown in it. Especially when it came with such a sweet sin, like Cougar. Cougar was addictive to him and that was scaring him more than anything else. Falling in love with him would be wrong on so many levels that he did not even want to think about it. They were in the army, they were both men and being totally dependent on the other, because he felt like he could not even think straight, would only get him killed.
There was one thing Jensen knew for sure, he needed to get over this and fast. So when one of his companions smiled at him in a way that was more than friendly, he slowly - almost shyly - returned the smile. And if later on, with every touch the other placed on his body, he thought of Cougar, no one had to know.
Sleeping with someone else had not helped at all. It left Jake's skin crawling in a very unpleasant way and he had spend quite a long time in the shower the next day. It was ridiculous. He should just have felt good. There was no need for this gnawing guilt that was eating at his gut. Still, no matter what he did the feeling would not leave him. It left him feeling sick and disgusted by himself.
He had not felt like going out after that at all, but in the end he had let himself be dragged out anyway. His mood had not improved then and he doubted it would be anytime soon. Still his friends had been persistent and so he was sitting alone at the far end of the bar, while they had gone god knew where trying to flirt their way into someone's pants. The blond hacker could not even be angry with them. He had anticipated that and this way he could at least get drunk in peace. Not that it was going to help any. It never did. It still felt like the best solution at the moment.
That was until he was grabbed from behind and not too gently removed from his chair. He made a sound of surprise and was about to voice his displeasure, when his lips were caught in a rough kiss at the same time that his back hit a wall. He got a whiff of the aftershave his attacker was wearing and could not help but relax and moan a little into the kiss. The smell was so unique and familiar that he had no doubt that it was Cougar. For a moment their kiss got more heated as their tongues battled for dominance, before Cougar stepped back slightly. He was breathing harshly and there was a fire in his eyes Jensen had never seen before. It burned itself right into his soul, possessed him in a way he had never thought possible and left him aching for the other's touch in a way he had almost forgotten.
Cougar didn't say anything, when he grabbed his hand and pulled him from the club. There was a determination in his step that left Jensen already breathless.
Their dynamics had changed after that. It confused Jensen even more now. In the beginning he had thought it might be a good thing, but they were still not talking to each other and there was no telling, what was going on at all. There was only one thing he knew. Cougar did not appreciate him going with anyone else. The reminder of that had been intense and left him breathless even thinking about. A hot shiver ran down his back and he had to bite his lip to keep the moan from escaping his throat at the mere thought. It was insane what Cougar could do to him. And it was by no means good. He really needed to end this. If only he knew how.
Try to tell you no
But my body keeps on telling you yes
Try to tell you stop
But your lipstick got me so out of breath
I'll be waking up in the morning
Probably hating myself
And I'll be waking up
Feeling satisfied but guilty as hell
The thought had manifested in his mind and he had been determined. Unfortunately his resolve had melted away like ice in summer the moment he had actually seen Cougar. A simple touch and he had thrown all doubts out of the window without a second thought. A small part of him whimpered at the thought that the other could not touch him all the time, while the rest of him was simply soaking up what he could get at the moment. He needed this, he wanted this and he would be damned if he didn't enjoy it.
So he melted into the touch and against Cougar, let the other throw him into the depth of passion. He let himself fall and didn't think.
It was the next morning though that he felt disgusted with himself. He had sworn himself it wouldn't happen again. And even though he felt incredibly satisfied, there was a strange feeling of guilt clawing at him too. This was not right and he needed to stop this for good. It would be the best for both of them.
It soon became apparent to him that it was simply impossible for him to say no to Cougar. It had probably a lot to do with the fact that a part - a very huge part - did not want to do that anyway. That part wanted more, closer, faster. That part wanted heat, love, bliss. And that part was very good at beating him into submission. He knew what it meant, but he really did not want to face it. Facing it would make it more real. Facing it would mean that he would have to acknowledge it and really, he had no poker face when it came to Cougar and he really did not want to face what might happen if he knew. That was just not going to happen. Unfortunately lying to himself was becoming harder and harder too and left him in a whirlwind of confusing feelings that he did not want to address. He was acting strange too. There had been several people who had asked him about it, which meant that Cougar knew too. Jensen could only hope that he could get through this without getting burned, but then again it was probably too late for that.
So I cross my heart and I hope to die
That I'll only stay with you one more night
Yes, I know I said it a million times
But I'll only stay with you one more night
Everything had become awkward and he had no idea how to fix it. He was the problem himself after all. Cougar was still not talking and neither was he, but slowly the situation was wearing him to the ground. He wanted to get away, but he wanted to stay. He needed space, yet he wanted to get even closer. But more than anything he wanted to know what exactly was going on between them and still he was unable to ask. There was always a chance that he would destroy their carefully kept balance and that was the worst and best possible scenario at the same time. He really could not decide which.
In all that confusion it had come as a blessing, when is superiors had told him that he would be send for a training course and join another team after that. One of the black ops teams. It was the perfect chance to get away. Everyone knew that black ops were hard to reach most of the time after all. The training would give him some much needed space too. It really was just the perfect opportunity. So without asking for further information, he had packed his bags and left. He just wanted to get away.
It had been almost two month later when he had been assigned to his new team. Two month in which he had not seen Cougar and he was confident he was over this little obsession of his. He still refused to call it what it really was. He also still refused to look too deeply into it. Jensen was almost sure he would not like what he was finding. So instead he just took the directions he was given. He was supposed to report to Colonel Clay and join this team of five. To say it was a surprise that the first thing he saw when he entered was Cougar would have been an understatement. He knew he was staring at the other and Cougar's dark eyes were burning their way right back into his soul. Jensen could feel his blood run hotter, as he tried desperately not to blush. This was his first day with his new team, damn it. He could not ruin it by showing his obvious interest in one of his teammates. Still, the way Cougar was mustering him was making his knees weak and he had to swallow harshly.
It came almost as a relieve when Clay had come towards him and given him a brief instruction of the team. That way he could focus on something else than Cougar for a while. So for once he actually listened to all the instructions he was given, glad to escape to his appointed room to get settled. This was promising to get interesting.