I own nothing of Major Crimes. I am grateful to be able to tell my stories through these amazing characters. Special thanks to my beta, Amie, who gives my words direction.
Warning: This is somewhat of an AU story. Subject matter deals with the diagnosis of a terminal illness of a main character. This love story is of hope and humor with only a sprinkling of tears. I drew inspiration from a saying on someone's profile picture. I can't remember who, so I can't give them proper credit. My true inspiration came from a main character in my real life. T, this is for you.
Tapestry
FOUR YEARS EARLIER:
Andy stared at his computer screen, chin resting in his hand. Yesterday life felt normal. Yesterday, before he got home and checked their voice mail.
The female voice said she'd set up a consultation for tomorrow at 10 a.m. A consultation appointment with the doctor usually isn't for good news, he speculated. He listened to it twice to see if he could detect a hint of emotion in the nurse's voice. Andy glanced at the clock. He never should have let Sharon go to the doctor alone, but in her typical fashion, she waved her hand and said it was just a formality. She would be back in an hour.
That was three hours ago.
He scanned the murder room. Everyone was going about their daily routine, oblivious to the turmoil churning inside the very core of his being.
He checked the incoming text on his phone; "Went home. Needed to breathe. Will be in soon. I love you."
He stared at her words, unable to move.
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The conversation with her doctor replayed in Sharon's head as she left his office. The fresh air steadied her spirit and strengthened her resolve.
The doctor said there were treatment options. They would buy time. Without them, she had maybe…Sharon shook her head and stopped him there. She would not live her life within the confines of someone else's timetable. She told him she would take her options into consideration.
When Sharon arrived home, she took off her shoes and put on her favorite sweater. She sat on the sofa, hugging a pillow tightly to her chest .She looked around their home. For the past three years, it was the home she made with Andy.
She would allow herself one hour. She would be angry. She would be sad. She would scream and cry. She would mourn the grandchildren she would never hold and the weddings where she would never dance. Then, at the end of her hour, she would go on.
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Andy stood up from his desk the second he saw her enter the murder room. The reddened eyes and the sad smile told him all he needed to know. He choked back his tears. Not here, he thought, not now. He stifled a sob.
She went to him, encircling her arms around his neck. They held each other close and the tears fell without shame. The others shuffled awkwardly, trying not to intrude on such a private moment. In all the years Sharon and Andy were a couple, they had not once demonstrated that fact at work in such an outward fashion. They broke apart briefly as they sought solace in her office.
After Sharon and Andy talked, she decided the squad deserved an explanation. He asked them to assemble in the conference room while she collected her thoughts. She stood at the window looking at the bustling city below. As the sun warmed her face through the window pane, she closed her eyes, "only what I need in this moment, this is all I ask." She smoothed her hair and skirt and went to face those she had come to love as her own.
"I think of you as family, and with that, I feel you should know what just happened in the murder room between Andy and me. I was at the doctor's office this morning." She paused, taking a long breath. "I didn't get good news. However, this I want you to know, whatever happens, in the end, the very end, it will be okay. I will be okay. Today I feel good. Today I am blessed, and I won't focus any further into the future than that." She studied their faces, the stunned looks, the misty eyes, the avoidance altogether. "I ask that this stay between us. We need to talk to our families when the time is right."
As the team filed out, there were hugs and suppressed tears, while all of the appropriate words hung in the air. "I'm sorry." "Is there anything I can do?" Though sincere, the words felt as helpless as those who spoke them.
Lt Provenza sat alone at the table, staring at his hands. He arose slowly and took his captain's hand. Pulling her to him, he held her and then also looked to Andy, his best friend, and held an outstretched arm to him. The three of them hugged each other tightly, and wept. Sharon drew back and wiped her eyes.
"Enough of this," she said, "I believe we still have a murder to solve."
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Those who knew Sharon best noticed a change. There was something lighter, almost carefree about her. She was shameless in her dark humor. She often went out in the field. She would say it was pointless to put perfectly good lives in jeopardy. "Bring it on," she would say with a sly grin. Once when she had to reprimand a new detective she said, "honestly, if you don't straighten up, you'll be the death me." Then she paused a moment and smiled, "oh, wait….nevermind." At first her comments were met with stunned silence or nervous laughter, but soon her infectious humor put her division at ease.
One day Andy came home to find her sitting on the floor. There were scrapbooks and tubs of pictures strewn around her. "I'm looking through Ricky and Em's scrapbooks." She explained, " I'm finishing Rusty's now." It was one of those things she was always going to do when she found the time. The irony was not lost between them as Andy sat beside her and silently helped with the finishing touches. As he looked at the most recent pictures, he realized in the time they had been together, there were few pictures of them to show for it. "I want you to make an album for me" She looked up at his misting eyes. "I want to have something to…" He swallowed hard. "I want the first one you make me to be of our wedding."
She stood up, her heart fluttered at the thought. "Why now?" He stood and took her hands in his, "before, I was afraid I would scare you off."
"And now?" she questioned. "Now, I realize you are fearless." He kissed her gently on the forehead.
Sharon put her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. In the sanctuary of his heartbeat, she found her fearlessness.
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The wedding was intended to be a small affair with family and close friends, but Gavin wouldn't hear of such for his best friend. By the time he was done, most of the LAPD and nearly everybody who was anybody in LA was witness to Sharon in a form-fitting, cream colored, floor-length dress with a scooped neckline and three quarter sleeves, hair up and holding a bouquet of orchids and forget-me-nots while she walked toward her husband-to-be. When Andy laid eyes on her, she took his breath away. Provenza was his best man and Andy's son, Steven, as well as Rusty, stood up with him also. Ricky walked Sharon down the aisle and gave her to a man whom he knew would always be by her side. Gavin, her best friend, was mister of honor. Emily was maid of honor, and Nicole was a bridesmaid. The girls wore purple evening dresses while Gavin wore a black tux with a matching purple tie.
The photographer was instructed to take enough pictures to last a life time. While the professional portraits were breathtaking, the candid photographs were a timeless masterpiece. Andy marveled at the joy that shone in Sharon's face. After a dance with Gavin, Sharon sat with Andy, breathless and tired. He was overly concerned. She laughed it off. "You dance with Gavin then tell me you aren't tired." She shot him a sideways glance. "In fact, I believe he is going to ask you to dance now." Andy saw Gavin motioning him toward the dance floor. He gave Sharon a pleading look and rolled his eyes.
Gavin indeed did request the presence of Lt Flynn on the dance floor and Andy reluctantly accepted. Sharon was going to love putting the photo evidence in their wedding book. She cut in on Andy and Gavin as the song she had requested began to play. "Somewhere My Love," Lara's theme from Doctor Zhivago, was one of her favorites. It was especially bittersweet now. She melted into Andy's arms as they danced.
Sharon didn't look down at her feet, but she was fairly certain she was dancing on air.
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After their honeymoon in Hawaii, they would tell their children. She didn't want a dark cloud hanging over their special day by breaking the news to them sooner. It so happened that Ricky and his girlfriend, Natalie, had some news of their own. In December, they would be giving Sharon and Andy a grandson.
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MEANWHILE:
Ricky and Natalie moved to LA after the birth of Richard James now a little dynamo known as RJ. Shortly after he was born, Sharon and Andy retired from the LAPD. Sharon wanted the freedom to hold her grandchild whenever possible. They started a security consulting business at her urging. Andy suspected it was mostly to keep him busy. He reminded her often they were equal partners and she was no longer "The Captain." She was still working on that. Provenza is working for them due to some prodding on Sharon's part. She suspected deep down he didn't need convincing, but in true Provenza fashion he gave her a hard time just the same. He drinks coffee, does crossword puzzles and complains about working for "that woman" again. In all the frustration, Andy is glad some things never change.
Nicole and Dean had a baby girl six months ago. Baby Claire is the image of her mother. Their boys have traded in the ballet slippers for baseball cleats. Andy and Sharon never miss a little league game. She is their biggest fan. Andy is sure someday their names will be on the Dodgers' roster. They are holding out hope that Claire will continue the family tradition of dancing in The Nutcracker.
Sharon kept her promise of making Andy a photo album for every year of their marriage. Tomorrow she will present him with the fourth one.
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THIS MORNING:
Andy stood in the kitchen of their still- quiet house. The sun was just beginning its ascent into the summer sky. He poured a cup of coffee and took out a leather bound book from his desk drawer. Quietly, he opened the balcony door and took a deep breath of morning air. As he sat at the patio table, he traced his finger over the book's cover. This Life was printed in gold on the cover. He happened to pick it up one day while at a gift shop. "This life," he thought, "is quite a life indeed." For the past year, Andy had kept a journal of his thoughts and their life events. Today his last entry in the nearly filled book would be a love letter to Sharon. He would give it to her tomorrow as an anniversary present. He took a sip of coffee and opened the book. He paused briefly, then began to write.
How can I express my love for you? In simple words written in poems and letters? I struggle knowing no words exist to tell you what only my soul can feel. My heart came to know you long ago in the midst of my many storms. Yet, in your hands it found a safe harbor.
As I walk through our home this morning, I am overwhelmed by the love I feel. Ten years ago I stopped imagining my family welcoming me back into their lives. Now, not only are we a family, but I have a new family that has welcomed me too. You, my love, are the common thread, sewing our lives together.
RJ and Claire's toys are scattered about the living room. They are a tangible reminder of the life and love we've built. I marvel at your joy in chasing a squealing youngster and the love in your eyes when you rock baby Claire.
I will always remember the day we walked to the park with our grandchildren. You and RJ pushed Claire in the stroller while I lagged behind with the older boys. We were engrossed in a baseball conversation when you randomly turned and blew me a kiss. I have never seen a more radiant smile than you had at that moment. I thought my heart would explode with love.
Andy placed the pen carefully between the pages and took a deep breath. As he leaned back in the chair, he looked at the gold band that had found a home on his ring finger and smiled. After another sip of coffee, he continued writing.
Our life has become an ever changing sea. In the turbulence of the storms or the calm lapping of the waves, I know we are being held by an anchor that will not fail.
Remember the day I told you I no longer wanted to go to mass? It slipped out actually. I think I was as surprised as you. I still see you standing there, your hands on your hips and your eyes squinted. "So, where exactly do you want to go, because we are going somewhere" was not the reaction I had expected. I'm grateful that we have found a place where we are both happy. I am so proud of your work in the children's ministry and I found a new fulfillment in working with the recovery program. Most importantly, I understand exactly what you meant by "in the end, I will be okay."
Today, there hangs a wedding dress in our bathroom. This evening I will be dancing with the mother of the bride at Emily and Daniel's wedding. I love that girl. She is her mother's daughter. I can't help but think back to our first dance at Nicole's wedding. I held you in my arms and fell hopelessly in love.
Tomorrow, on our fourth anniversary, I am stealing you away. We will dance barefoot on the beach as the waves play at our feet. The gentle breeze will caress your hair and the sun will kiss your beautiful face. Yet, in all the wonder of nature, I hold the most wondrous gift of all, the woman I was blessed to marry.
Andy
He finished the sentence on the last line of the last page of the book. He gathered his coffee cup and pen and crept into the house. There were muffled voices and laughter coming from their bedroom. As he peered through the crack in the doorway, he found Emily snuggled in bed with Sharon. He thought they were too lost in the secret land of mothers and daughters to notice him. He stood still for a moment watching a world fathers rarely entered. It took him by surprise when Sharon's eyes met his and she blew him a kiss. Andy gave her a wink and smiled. Soon, the house will be filled with friends and even more family including Rusty arriving from Europe shortly, much to the surprise of his mother. There will be laughter and stories, memories and magic. Andy opened the hall closet door and took a box off the top shelf. In it was the next book. His finger traced the title he had specially engraved on the cover, Evergreen. Sharon had quite a collection of Barbra Streisand music, but this song was her favorite. On the first page Andy had these words were inscribed.
Two lights that shine as one
Morning glory and midnight sun
Time we've learned to sail above
Time won't change the meaning of one love
Ageless and ever Evergreen.
One book had ended and a new one would begin.
They didn't focus on endings. It was at times the elephant in the room. It was the elephant Sharon decided to decorate with tapestries and ride through this circus called life.In days of blue skies or in days of gray, through good times and bad, she loved life and it loved her right back.
The End, but it's never really the end….
