Disclaimer: This story is based on characters created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warnings: A little friendly and not so friendly Ron, Hermione etc. bashing and so on.

The Day When Ron Did What Ron Does Best

Ronald Bilius Weasley was tall, thin and lanky boy, with countless freckles, flaming red hair, big hands and feet, and a long nose.

And blue eyes.

Summer sky blue ones, pig, expressive, puppy dog eyes, sapphire like windows to his soul, endless wells of wisdom that- well you get the picture, Ron really, really liked his eyes.

His beautiful, soulful eyes.

So here Ron was, dragging his enormous feet up the steep stairs leading to the sixth year's boys' dorms to get Hermione her book back that he'd borrowed.

"-is our King" was being performed by tree enthusiastic Gryff's with variable decrees of talent and a strong thrive to 'sing' louder than the other two.

'Ahh, fans.' It was times like these Ron loved the most, being appreciated for his own accomplishments.

The King certainly was an appropriate title to a wizard of his calibre. And it definitely won degrading nicknames such as Ronniekins, Wheezy, Ralph, Rupert or Roonil Wazlib.

Thought 'Won-Won' was his favourite the way Lavender use to say it, willingly and a minute later, breathlessly. Hermione, on the other hand, was neither willing nor breathless, unless it was about Spew.

Seamus, Dean and what had to be Colin Creevey were standing in front of a closed door leading to the sixth year's boys' dorms, singing with their voices cracking. They were definitely going to be promoted in Ron's list of subordina- friends.

"Harry is our King,
He always gets the Basilisk in,
Harry is our King."

Now, most of the time Ron might be thick as a quaffle and have an emotional intelligence equivalent to that of a troll, but even to him there was definitely something fishy going on.

"Harry has a kitty to thrill,
He can ram every single slit,
That's why we boys all sing:
Harry is our King."

"Put it in Harry." a demanding girlish voice filtered through the closed door.

"Are you sure? It's going to hurt, you know." That one was, no doubt, the Harry Potter, Ron's rarely used brains supplied.

"What's going on in here?" Ron bellowed over the noise with all the authority and righteous anger given to any decent Prefect worth their badge. Really, the Prefect badge had an inbuilt Sonoros charm, so it wasn't just for the looks.

"Yes, I know. I'm a big girl, Harry." the girlish voice whined.

"It's going to bleed-"

"Yes, I know Harry. But only for the first time. Just put it in already." the girl said impatiently.

"But this is your firs time Ginny. There is no going back after this."

Ron's sky blue, soulful eyes opened wide, his ears reddening rapidly.

"POTTER, what do you think you are doing to my little sister?" Ron roared in blind rage as soon as the underachieving greyish mass between his, now dark red, ears provided him with an appropriate verbal assault, while his lanky body jumped towards the door with surprising speed and exceptional agility, only to have a well-timed Petrificus Totalus stop both his roaring and forward movement.

"Now, now Ron, there is no need to rush in, ruining Ginny's special night, now is there?" Seamus drawled knowingly, wiggling his eyebrows a mere inch from Ron's face, which was now mimicking an overly-ripe tomato to an impressively detailed degree.

"Yes, I know Harry! Just do it or I'm going do it for you!"

"Are you sure you want me to do this? I mean, I haven't done this before." Harry trembling voice reasoned.

"You'll do just fine! But first, you have to push it through." Ginny's irritated declaration received an off tuned catcall from a very drunk Irish and a strong stench of burning hair, courtesy of the resident male Weasley, whose flaming red hair was now starting to gain a more literal meaning.

"But, what if I do it wrong?"

"Look Harry, just put it my-"

"Harry was born with a shaft,
He always gets the Basilisk in," Dean and Collin hollered even louder, drowning Ginny's whining for a short, but blissful moment.

"- keep it still and push in tenderly. It's not that hard."

"Easy for you do say, all you have to do is lie there." Harry mumbled.

"Do you want me do get in another position?" Ginny demanded.

For a while Dean thought he had actually heard Ginny crossing her pale, freckled arms over her flat and equally pale, freckled chest.

"No, it's just... You know, I'm nervous. What if I'm bad at this? What if I do something wrong?"

"Potter will make sure she'll win,
Harry is our King."

"Look Harry, I know you haven't done this before, neither have I. So if you are bad at this I can't tell because I don't know the difference." Ginny reasoned "Now, stop whining, be a good boyfriend and stick it in."

"Ok, ok! Are absolutely sure about this?"

"For Merlin's sake, Harry! Just pu- Argh! Morgan's hairy tits Harry, you could have warned me!"

"I didn't want you getting nervous… you know, I thought, maybe it hurts less like this."

"Harry is our King,
Harry is our King,
He always gets the Basilisk in,
Harry is our King."

"…You should do this to Hermione too. She would like this. She is always going on and on how she wants to get it over and done with, without her mother finding out of course." Ginny said breathlessly.

Do to his red headedness and hot temper, Ron managed to broke the Petrificus Totalus purely by accident, only to be stopped by Seamus's manly hug, whose half empty bottle of rum almost fell during the episode.

"Do you need a hand Seamus?"

"No thank you Collin, I'm already seeing someone." Seamus answered while wrestling with Ron.

"You- you think she would let me? Wouldn't she want Ron to be the one?" Harry asked sounding pleased and not just a small amount surprised.

"Can you imagine Ronniekins doing this? Ron can barely blink while eating so can you think him making-"

"For goodness' sake Ron, what is taking so long? All you needed to do, was to get one lousy little book!" a bossy voice bellowed over the enthusiastic singing trio, sending their hair blowing back with the sonic blast of doom. And as if the mere volume of her holler wasn't enough, it echoed up and down the many levels of the staircases, cracking a window and waking up a Slytherin firstie in the dungeons.

"-better than you? With little more practise you'll be great… Is it in yet?" Ginny asked puzzled.

"Yes"

"All the way?"

An angry Hermione was a dangerous Hermione, every Gryffindor and Draco Malfoy knew this vital speck of information, as.

"You- You can't feel it?" Harry asked perplexed.

"Barely"

"Dean, Colin, stop this ruckus right this instant! Seamus, are you drunk!? And for goodness sake, let go of Rom. Now! You are all behaving like children-!"

As soon as Ron regained his ability to move, he tore the door open, colliding roughly with Collin and Dean, and opened his big, fat mouth.

Sufficient to say, Ron being a hot tempered redhead with less than adequate amount of brain cells residing in his substantially thick skull, the vocal tirade was as impressive and as dynamic as Voldemort singing Christmas carols.

"Potter! You- you- you- idiot! What did you do to my sister, you- you- you idiot!"

Ron screamed, his fists flying madly, trying to escape a drunken giggling Seamus, a fanatic Collin and nice, but always so boring Dean.

"You made my sister into a scarlet woman, that's what you did! Are you happy now! Huh! Are you happy?"

"Oh, hey Ron, why didn't you knock?" Harry asked surprised from his position, crouching over Ginny's red and puffy ear and a clutch in his hand which Harry was just about to set on Ginny's brand new earing.

Thank you. Was it any good?