Hello everyone! This is NOT my first story, but, I made a new screen name for this story only... It's about feelings I have for a person, and how I've become kind of obsessed with him, and I don't want him to read this... I'm hoping writing this down will give me closure. I also want to point out, that I only know this person online, so, in future chaps, I may make the obsession a little bit more intense, where as in reality theres not a whole lot I can do online. Just hoping that by saying all this I will fell better and I can finally let these feelings go...

Disclamer: I don't own Digimon!

Koushiro Izumi. What a nice kid. No one ever thought bad of him. He was always nice, caring, and sweet. But he had a secret. One which tore apart his mind...

It all started 7 years ago when he went to summer camp. He didn't really want to go, He would have rather spent the summer on his computer, but his parent's thought their 11 year old son should get out of the house more. When he first got to camp, he did not talk much to other people, until his inferred internet connection was disrupted. Thats when he looked outside and saw the snow.

'SNOW?! In July?? What is going on?' he thought to himself, and went outside.

Thats when he noticed him. Taichi. He was a year older, soccer player, and there was just something about him he felt drawn too...

He didn't have much time to think about it, as soon, he transported to a strange land. All he knew was he had some weird creature following him. He went off to find the others, and was happy to see that he wasn't alone, Taichi was there too. Soon he found everyone else from camp was too.

They discovered slowly where they were and what was going on. As the adventures continued. Koushiro started to notice he really liked Taichi. It was a strange feeling he had never had before.

When they got back from the Digital World, the group hung out some, as did Taichi and Koushiro, and they had fun, playing games and such. Shortly after the return, Taichi asked out Sora. They went out for a while, but it didn't last long. While they were, however, Koushiro felt a strange feeling of jealousy. He couldn't figure out why, but he told himself it was because he was spending so much time with her, instead of him.

When they broke up he went back to spending more time together.

Three years passed, and Koushiro had finally figured it out. He was gay, and he loved Taichi. He knew though, after what happened with Sora, that Taichi was straight, and there was no hope. So he never said anything.

One night, he and Taichi were having a sleep over. They were talking and playing games. In the middle of it, Taichi looked at Koushiro.

"Hey um... I can talk to you about anything right?" Koushiro nodded, wondering what was on his mind.

"Of course you can, Taichi."

Taichi smiled. "Why must you be so formal? You can call me Tai you know."

Koushiro smiled back. "Okay, Tai. What do you want to talk about?"

"Well um... you won't judge me, right?"

"Of course not, Tai. Your my best friend."

Tai nodded. "Okay then. I don't think I like girls...."

Koushiro's eyes widened with hope as to what he might say.

"Oh?" He tried to sound calm, and yet, non judgmental.

"Yeah, and I have a crush on someone, and It's a close friend, and I don't know what to do..."

Koushiro was getting very hopeful by now, and he couldn't wait to hear him say that he loved him...

"Who is it Tai?"

"It's..... Yamato."

......

...........

Words could not describe how sad Koushiro was by this, but after a few seconds, he did his best to pull himself together and reply.

"Oh! Does he have any idea?"

Tai was a little surprised there was no judgment in his voice.

"I don't think so. I mean we make jokes every now and then, but for the most part, I really don't think he does."

Koushiro nodded, fighting back the tears he felt building.

He suddenly realized something though, he really wanted Tai to be happy. Even if it wasn't with him.

"Well maybe you can put feelers out? See if he's repulsed by the idea. Ask him what he thought of Brokeback Mountain!"

Tai rolled his eyes. "No way, I even hated that movie."

"Oh really?" Koushiro asked questioningly, He had never seen the movie before.

"Yeah, it was supposed to be about getting a positive message out there about gays, and someone needs to explain to me whats positive about two married men cheating on their wives! How is that possible."

Koushiro nodded in agreement. He was also a little surprised at how serious Tai was about this. An hour ago he had no idea Tai was gay, and now here he was talking about wanting to get a positive message out there. It was really bad what everyone thought about gays though. Koushiro knew someone who was outed and was instantly called Michael Jackson, a child molester, a rapist and many other horrible things, just because he liked the same sex. Did everyone think that way? Were all homosexuals crazy monsters? But Koushiro knew he wasn't, and he was pretty sure Taichi wasn't either.

"Are you going to tell him?"

Tai looked scared.

"I want to, but what should I say?" Now this was awkward.

"Just tell him what is in your heart. If it is meant to be, It will be."

Tai hugged him. "Thank you, for being such a good friend."

Though he didn't feel like one.

Another 2 years passed and Tai and Yamato's relationship came and went. Koushiro was kind of ticked about it actually. The way Yamato ended it made it seem like he never cared about Tai at all. Thought they were still friends. When it was over, It seemed as though Tai was still obsessed over him. He would still go to his concerts, and still hang out with him all the time.

One day Koushiro got up the nerve to have the big talk with him. They went to his house, where no one was home.

"Tai... why do you still follow Yamato around so much?"

"U-uh, because hes one of my best friends." He said it like he was trying to convince himself.

"Oh really?" Koushiro smiled. "When was the last time you came to a chess meet of mine?"

Tai got a weird look on his face.

"I don't know..."

"You still love him don't you?"

"Well... he was my first love, and It's hard to get over that."

"Yeah, I'm sure it is, but I doubt that being around him so much will help."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Koushiro thought maybe he should take his own advice. But then the idea left his head.

Taichi sighed.

"Honestly, It's like an obsession. It's like I can't stop thinking about him no matter what I do."

Koushiro decided now was the time to tell him how he felt.

"Tai... I need to tell you something."

"Sure, go on."

"Tai, I'm gay too."

Tai smiled. "I always kind of expected that."

Koushiro blinked. "Really? Why?"

Tai shrugged. "You never had a girlfriend, and you live on your computer. Just kind of makes sense."

"I see. Well, I have had a crush on someone for a long time, And I've never had the courage to tell them, until now. But I think I'm ready."

"Well who is it?" Tai asked really curious.

"It's... you."

Tai's face fell.

"Oh..."

Koushiro sank down to the floor.

"I knew you wouldn't like me like that."

"Kou... you're a great guy. I just don't think I'm ready to date anyone at all at the moment. It could be a long time before I think about dating anyone."

Koushiro smiled. He understood. Getting over Yamato probably would take some time. And the way he felt about Tai, he would wait forever...

oOoOoOo

Review please.