Today, I am running away.
I've been thinking about it for a while but I've decided today is the day. I need to see the world- okay, that's not entirely true. I need to be away from my family would be more accurate. I need to get away from him.
They've been by my side for nine years and while I loved those years lately my mind has started asking questions. What is the rest of the world like? What are humans really like? What am I really like when I'm alone? I don't know who I am.
You're one of a kind, says Dad.
Two of a kind, corrects Mom.
You're perfect, adds Jacob.
But am I? What do normal people think of me? What would I say when confronted with normal people? I only get to talk with Charlie and Sue, they're family though. Are they really considered 'normal'?
I stopped aging two years ago and yet my family still keeps me locked up. The people of Forks wouldn't understand, they say. So why not go some where else? Because you're protecting me? What if I don't want to be protected? What if I want to find myself? What am I really like when I'm alone? I don't know who I am.
What do I like to do when I'm alone? I like reading, wait, do I? Or is it that Mom has been reading to me and forcing her thoughts on me since I met her? Do I like reading because it's expected or because I enjoy it? Some times I think it doesn't matter
So I've packed my bags. There's a lot of money hidden in the house. More then I'll ever need. Hell, I don't need any money really but I want to live like a human. With humans. I am half-human after all. Two bags, one for money and one for clothes.
"Ness," he says softly.
I turn and see my father smiling sadly. I'm leaving, Dad. Sorry.
"I know. I've known you were thinking about it for a while."
You promised to stay out of my head!
"I know. Sorry," he looks away sadly, "Can't I stop you?"
No. I've made up my mind. I'll be back though... maybe.
"Why won't you talk?"
Why bother? You're just going to read my thoughts before I say anything.
"I don't like intruding though. Please Nessie, let me hear your voice."
I sigh, he acts as if my voice is magical. They all do. I feel smothered by this level of devotion, like I'm a goddess that has to be perfect at all times.
"Ness, we don't expect that."
"Get out of my head!" I cover my face. "You don't understand! None of you do! Who am I? What am I?! "
"You're Renesmee," he says simply, as if I was an idiot for even asking the question. He chuckles, "You're not an idiot." Ugh, I hate this. His face grows dark, "Please, stay. What about Jacob?"
My heart twists, Jacob. My Jacob. But is he really mine? Do I really love him? What is love? I have nothing to compare it to. And the thought of Jacob, my adoring big brother Jacob, being my mate is... disturbing to say the least. I need to leave, to see if he really is the one. Find others, see if maybe someone out there is waiting for me. He or she could be waiting.
Dad's face scrunches up, "She?" Ah, yes. He was born over a hundred and ten years ago, he has different thoughts about how and who you should love. Would he hate me if I was a lesbian? His eyes open wide and he seems to mentally yell at himself for making that face, "Of course not. I love you no matter what."
I nod. Then I have to go.
He reaches out, "Wait." I take a step back, no I can't wait or I might get cold feet. "No, I'm not going to stop you." I pause and gasp lightly. "Here," he hands me a purse. It has a passport and other documents- things I'd need to travel abroad- and a credit card. "Much easier than a bag of money. Easier to carry too." Easier to track you mean. He shakes his head, "I won't bother you. I wish you'd say goodbye to your Mother though."
"She'll try to stop me. She never wanted to see the world Dad, she could spend all day attached to you." Almost subservant.
He flinches, "I love her and she loves me." What's the difference between love and servitude? Especally in my house where the woman caiter to their husbands every whim? Where they all practically live to answer their man's every desire. No, I don't want that. He gimices, "That's-"
I hold up a hand, "Sorry. I take it back. Thank you." I turn to run and his arms wrap around me. I leave my hands at my sides, refusing to hug him back.
"I love you Renesmee. Please come home."
Goodbye Dad. I pull free and begin running through the dense forest.
Today, I am running away... and I don't think I'll be back.