Author's Note: Before reading forward, please note that there are spoilers for the original game of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core, and Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. This mainly includes character death.

Now that we've gotten past the big important words.. yes, I will continue to write Killing Loneliness. No worries. No, this particular story will not continue. Please note that this mostly Tseng/Aeris and Zack/Aeris on the side. If you don't like the pairings and/or het pairings in general, please remove yourself from this story immediately. I will not tolerate flames; only constructive criticism.

Hope you enjoy! :D

I remember the first time I saw him; I couldn't have been any older than 11, and he was probably around 16. I don't know- I never asked him how old he was.

I remember standing partially behind Mom as they spoke 'grown-up talk'. I didn't understand much, until they started talking about me. "Aeris is an Ancient. The last of her kind." and "We want you to return Aeris to us. We've been searching for her for a long time." It was then that I understood- this guy was from Shinra, and he was here to take me back to where my mother and I had escaped from. I started to panic.

"He's wrong!" I remember shouting, "I'm not!"

"But Aeris, surely you hear voices when you're all alone?" His words shocked me. I fled.

But he wouldn't go away.

At first, his frequent appearances frightened me, but he never tried to take me back to Shinra. He was simply there. I began talking to him like the silly child I was. About the 7th time he showed up, I had forgotten his name from before, and asked again. The firm line of his lips cracked into a small smile as he introduced himself once more.

"I'm Tseng."

I struggled to pronounce it. It took me 15 tries to say it correctly. I was horribly embarrassed by the 10th time, but I was laughing at myself, and he was obviously amused. "What a strange name." I remember telling him. He only smiled.

As years went by and I got older, he became my best friend- without the 'telling the best friend everything about everything' stuff, though. I knew better; I knew there were certain things I couldn't tell him- like my mother's voice in the church. I wanted him to forget why he had been sent to get me.

But, all the same- years rolled by, and he never forced me to go anywhere. It was always, "Whatever you wish, Aeris." Our friendship was simple. I liked it.

At around 16 years old, a female friend of mine from school started to ask if I had noticed certain looks from our guy friends. I told her 'no', because I thought they always looked like that. She had to explain to me what that look meant. I mulled over the information and laughed, telling her that she was silly.

But I thought about it. That very same day, when I went to the church at the same time I always did, Tseng showed up.

It was normal for us. The usual conversations; "How are you?" "Your mother?" "The flowers?" And I'm not sure what led to it, but I looked back at him from my place by the flowers as he sat in the old and broken pews and I saw that look.

I wasn't sure whether to be happy or horrified. I was confused for a little while, but then I started to really look at him. A little glance over my shoulder was enough.

I remember that, for awhile, I stopped seeing him as "just Tseng, the best friend who is supposed to kidnap me but isn't", and started seeing him as "Tseng, the really good-looking Wutaian guy that I've known for the most of my life and my god, how did I not see that before?"

I felt myself give him the look.

I felt so stupid.

I was eventually able to merge the two images into "Tseng, my really good-looking best friend and would-be kidnapper." I began to feel even happier around him. My heart would be close to bursting when he smiled. I felt like I was fluttering- like a butterfly. It took me only a few moments to liken Tseng to a crow- dark and sharp, but beautiful in his own right.

And then the sky, fell right on top of me. A hyperactive young thing had fallen from the upper plate. He reminded me of a puppy, and the pup introduced himself as Zack.

I remember comparing and contrasting the young dog and crow. Zack talked- a lot. Enough to challenge my talkativeness. Tseng was quiet- almost shy. Zack trusted me with information about himself. Tseng, again, was quiet. He only ever revealed his nationality and that he worked for Shinra, even during the Wutai War. (which I've always found odd.) No. There was nothing. It was always, "What about you, Aeris?"

As Zack and I grew closer and even into a romantic relationship, Tseng visited less and less. It was only when I heard a similar story about Modeoheim from both of them that I realized that they knew each other and worked together.

That was scary, I suppose. I'm not sure why I feared Zack and Tseng knowing each other; I just did.

2 years passed. Zack and I were closer than ever. Tseng was distant, only occasionally appearing to "check in on me," he said. It was only years later that I discovered that, even while Zack was there with me, Tseng had been watching over me, keeping a sharp, bird's eye on my safety.

And then, my puppy disappeared. My only physical reminders of him were his flower wagons and the pink ribbon he bought for me. I began writing letters when it had been 3 weeks since I had heard from him.

Tseng had begun to visit more often. I asked him to deliver them for me. I realize now that I shouldn't have done that. 88 letters I asked him to deliver, even when he was still giving me that look.

Four years after Zack disappeared, Tseng visited me. His entrance into the church was no different. The only difference was that I knew he brought bad news about Zack.

"No more letters," I told him, "he doesn't answer."

He was more silent than usual. With small gestures, he directed me to a rotted pew, crouching before me as I sat. He didn't look at me. I didn't push him into saying anything. I felt him hold both my hands with his, an extreme gesture on his part. Tseng started to speak, his accented voice quieter than normal.

"I don't want to know the details," I could feel myself breaking, "Don't tell me."

It was only then that he looked me in the eye. The last time he did that was before Zack had appeared. And, his eyes were so…sad.

I'm sure he was glad that I didn't ask him. I didn't cry. I wanted to, but I didn't. And that was the first time he held me.

It was a tight embrace, and I was thankful for it.

I remember; he rubbed my back and stroked my hair. I have yet to understand why someone I was supposed to fear was, in reality, so kind and calming. Those few moments gave me the stability I needed after having the rug pulled out from under my feet.

But I didn't cry.

It was a half a year after that instance when everything fell apart.

It was pouring down rain on hour after Tseng had arrived. He walked me home (more like sprinted!) after putting his jacket over my head. Despite that, I was soaked through to the bone, as well as him. And I was stupid enough to stop him from leaving. Because as soon as I did, and as soon as he look back at me, I lost control of myself. I kissed him. And damn him for kissing back.

I don't know why I did it. Maybe that girlish crush suddenly hit me again. Maybe I suddenly thought that the rain looked really good on him. Maybe I needed it. But… it was wonderful.

Until he pulled away.

Tseng looked… the only word I can use to describe it is 'wounded', and I couldn't figure out why. I remember how warm his hand was as it held my own. I was shocked at myself. I had been tracing a pattern- looking for Zack's scar. Tseng knew exactly what I had been doing, too.

I don't remember many of the words exchanged. I do remember, however, his parting words:

"Zack is dead," he told me, "And you won't find him anywhere or in anyone else."

The last thing I remember was watching him leave, one sad look over his shoulder.

I didn't see him for awhile. That red-headed Turk, Reno, came instead. He was…awful. I guess I had just gotten used to Tseng's kindness toward me. Reno tried taking me back to Shinra time and time again.

I met Cloud, then, and I escaped what would've been a guaranteed return to Shinra. I met Tifa soon after. During the incident with the Sector 7 plate, upon her request, I went to help the little girl, Marlene, in the bar. We made it back to my house, but we had an unexpected guest.

Mom was arguing with him when we arrived, telling him to get out and leave us alone. He was blocking the entryway into the house, so I couldn't safely get into the house without him noticing, especially with that ridiculous squeaky door of ours. We immediately attracted attention.

Tseng's eyes were cold and intense. To me, he looked exactly how he did when I first met him when I was a child. It was the first time in years that he had frightened me. And I was petrified. "Aeris." His voice was cold, too. Icy. I felt Marlene clinging to my dress.

He scared me, but I was determined. "Tseng."

I saw him glance at Marlene. "I was asked to put her somewhere safe," I told him, "please move."

He shook his head. "I can't do that." I saw the wheels turning in his head, his eyes going distant as always as he thought. "If you want her to stay safe, you'll come with me."

I nodded. Everything I remember blurs together, now. I remember Marlene running to Mom, and Mom shouting at Tseng, crying and pleading with him. I remember telling Mom I loved her and that I would be okay. I remember Tseng grabbing my arm. I remember having bruises later from his hand.

"Tseng," I remember asking him, "what happened to you?"

He didn't answer me, but I saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes.

For awhile, my butterfly wings were snapped shut by this crow, my freedom stolen.

I remember Reno falling to the floor of the helicopter, bleeding and curling into a ball on the floor. I remember praying to ease his pain. Even now, I can't stand seeing a fellow human being in pain. And suddenly, I was jerked out to the attachment on the helicopter to be shown off.

I told Tifa that Marlene was okay, and then there was stinging pain in my left cheek. I remember meeting Tseng's cold, brown eyes. And I knew- the period of time where we were on good terms, friends, was truly over. It crumbled like the pillar and the Sector 7 slums.

"He hit you?" I remember Reno asking from the floor. He looked so shocked. I told him yes, holding my cheek. "Wow," he said, "I never thought he'd have the heart."

"Why?"

Reno looked shocked again, as well as confused. "Don't you know?" I shook my head. "He's in love with you."

Ridiculous, I thought. Just an infatuation. Nothing more. A crow can't fall in love with a butterfly. Birds and bugs don't mix. A creature so dark and mysterious could never mix with something among the flowers, right?

The last time I saw him was in the Temple of Ancients. What I saw shook me to the core and shattered one of my beliefs.

To me, Tseng was invincible. Indestructible. The blood I saw staining his dress shirt and dripping through his fingers proved me wrong. It reminded me that everyone is human- even this crow. His eyes caught mine, sad, pleading, and apologetic. And again, I was cruel.

"And I won't help." I told him.

"...pretty harsh," I tried not to flinch. "Sounds like something... you'd say." I tried not to hear his voice waver. I tried, and failed. It was a little difficult to explain to Cloud and the others why I was crying for the man who kidnapped me. I don't think I could explain it, myself. "I am…still alive." His words were quiet.

But they were enough. I knew that, like him, even after a huge wound like this ending for our friendship, I would continue to live. Painfully, but we both would live.

They were the last words I heard him say while I lived.

There would be no normal return to the planet for me. No, of course not. I still had much to do. I still do, I suppose. Otherwise, I wouldn't be this conscious of myself, now would I? Maybe Zack, too. I was both elated and depressed to see him there in the Lifestream. Such a vibrant light should not have been put out so quickly.

Even if I was not able to return to the planet anytime soon, I wanted to see my loved ones. I went to see Mom first, told her I was okay, that I loved her, and to please not cry. Next was Marlene, then each individual of my family away from Mom. Cloud came last. And then there was Tseng. I waited for his fellow Turks to let him alone.

I think I startled him. Although I feel bad about it, it was one of the silliest things I've ever seen. I've never seen Tseng's face go beyond something relatively calm, but his eyes had gone wide and his mouth dropped open. I couldn't help but laugh and tease him about catching flies.

After the ridiculousness of that moment had worn off, I confessed to my own death. He was silent for a long time. He didn't look at me, either.

When I was younger, he had tripped over my flower basket rather ungracefully and un-Tseng-like. It was funny as hell, but I never understood what the word he hissed, "kuso", meant. I figured it was Wutainese, but I never thought about it again until I recalled several other instances that were painful or embarrassing to him that he grumbled the same word. I realized, in my visiting him, that he only slipped back into Wutainese when something was particularly upsetting. I couldn't understand his tiny sentence in words, but I could get the gist of the meaning.

"Gomen nasai, Aeris." His eyes were blank, and his voice shook terribly. "I'm so sorry."

It wasn't his fault, I told him. There was nothing to avoid it, I told him. I'm the one who's sorry, Tseng. No, that's ridiculous, he told me, I'm sorry, until we were a big apologetic mess. I was able to return that single embrace of his the better part of a year ago. We were silent for a long time. So silent, I was able to hear the tears fall.

"Hey, Tseng?"

"Hmm?"

I didn't have anything to be nervous about, I told myself. You're dead. What's there to be nervous about? "Reno told me something interesting on the helicopter."

There was a pause. "Oh?"

"…Is it true?"

"What?"

I remember taking a deep breath, even though I didn't need it. "Reno said that," I paused again, "…that you were in love with me."

Tseng completely and totally froze. The only phrase I could use to describe his expression is 'deer in the headlights'. I remember him looking all around the room, but not at me. "Tseng."

"Why would he-"

This was ridiculous. Tseng wasn't a very good liar with me. "Don't lie."

His quiet expression returned. He paused, again. "Yes. And I still am. No matter what."

"Even after my screw-up?"

Tseng smiled. "What screw-up?" He was quiet for a long while more. "It's odd. It was only when Zack arrived that it hit me."

"What did?"

"That I would never have you." He looked to the floor, still smiling. "Crows and butterflies… they don't mix, do they?"

I waited for him to be drifting off before I said goodbye. His eyes caught mine again. "At least your wings can still fly." I told him, and kissed him on the cheek. "I loved you, too."

I faded from his view, returning to the Lifestream, just as I saw tears well up again.

I kept an eye on everyone; silently guided them to Holy that I prayed for; made sure they were safe. I watched as they charged towards the Crater, towards Sephiroth. I prayed for them, too, and their victory. I watched Tseng escape the hospital countless times, fleeing to Sector 5 and ripping his stitches as he prayed, too; watched Reno and Elena go after him and cart him back to the hospital, only for him to do it again the next day.

I watched Cloud and the others defeat Sephiroth; watched as Holy failed; and watched as the planet took matters into its own hands and fought with the Lifestream. I watched everyone celebrate victory. I saw them smile. Zack pulled me into a ridiculous victory dance which included a lot of swinging me off of my feet.

I realized then, though, that the sleeping crow still didn't know of the victory.

I placed a single white lily into a jar for him and a note.

"We won."

That flower has yet to wither, even about 3 years later.

Shinra has turned itself around. The Remnants returned to the Lifestream and adopted me as their mother. Cloud got over his self-loathing. Vincent defeated his demons. Everyone is happy again.

And every now and then, I can see the crow smile as a butterfly flits overhead.

Author's Note: A bit angsty, I know. Sorry. Angst is one of the better things I write, but I was trying to give a sense of hope towards the end. -crosses fingers- I hope I succeeded.

Hope you enjoyed! :D Remember: Reviews are appreciated, but not required!

P.S. If anyone is wondering, the title is derived from Shinedown's "The Crow & The Butterfly".