I do not own any of these characters. All rights go to the owner and creators of The Ouran High School Host Club.

Choosing and Loosing

I swallowed my pride as Shima told me the news of Tamaki over the phone. How could he be so stupid? After so many years of friendship, how could Tamaki not know I wasn't serious when I called him capricious? Maybe I had taken things too far this time. I hated myself for truly living up to the Shadow King nickname. I had always thought it was just a product of my aloof and sometimes callous facade. In fact, I embraced it.

Tamaki knew better, though. Even when I didn't know we were friends, he knew I wasn't as heartless as I pretended to be.

I looked out of the grandeur window that viewed the elaborate Ouran driveway. I knew in that instant what I had to do. I knew what the only thing was that could overpower my love for Haruhi. Tamaki.

First and foremost, I knew that Haruhi would be miserable if I allowed Tamaki to leave for France. But when you got right down to the true reason I was willing to sacrifice the only person I will ever love, it was for the person who taught me what it is to even have feelings.

Shima was right. If Tamaki left in this way he would regret it. If I let him leave Ouran Academy like this, I would regret it.

After a year of wrestling with my feelings for Haruhi, I knew in an instant what I had to do.

I turned around to face the rest of the Host Club. I avoided Haruhi's gaze as I said, "My family's car is in the parking lot!"

And with that one sentence, I knew I had unequivocally decided. I chose Tamaki.

xxx

I knew my feelings for Haruhi were real the day the Host Club spent at Okinawa. I had been fighting them up until that point. She was so interesting. Everything that she did was so perplexing to me. From not caring about her looks, to being so fiercely independent. I was fascinated with her. That fascination grew into respect. Respect that she basically raised herself, that she was so strong and her own person. Slowly, I realized that respect had morphed into attraction and lust.

Rage filled me when I saw Haruhi be thrown into the water. I wanted nothing more than to jump in after her. Tamaki beat me over the cliff. They emerged and he was holding her in everyway I wish I could have. As jealousy wrenched my gut, I knew that my feelings were real. I just didn't realize how real.

Later that night, in an effort to teach Haruhi a lesson, I tackled her to my bed. My shirtless torso loomed over her. Our hands so close to being held together. I could feel her sweet breath on my face. She was so beautiful with nothing but the light of the moon illuminating her perfect skin through the window.

I longed for this interaction to be sincere. My deepest desire was for this to be gentle instead of threatening. I wanted to teach her a lesson about her vulnerability but more so I longed for her realize my feelings for her. I wanted her to want this as much as I did. As I looked into Haruhi's deep chocolate brown eyes, I knew what I held for her was love. Maybe the love I knew was behind my eyes gave me away. My intentions were clearer than glass to her.

"Kyoya-senpai, you won't do it."

She was the only one who ever saw completely through me.

"I guess I never realized what a nice guy, senpai."

For the first time, I was shocked. Someone saw past the smoke the Shadow King used in effort to hide. With her words, she gently blew the smoke away and I was left naked as my unadulterated self in front of her.

"You're just posing as the bad guy."

But she was wrong about one thing that day. I did have something to gain. I just didn't realize that I was craving to gain was her respect.

For months after I tried to fight my feelings. I didn't want to burden Haruhi with my father's wrath. I knew she would never be accepted by my father because our marriage would have nothing to gain for the Ootori name. Her happiness was the only thing that held me back from pursuing her. No matter how much I wanted her. I knew that I would not be able to go against my father's wishes for long. I had spent my whole life pleasing him. It was an established pattern I was unable to break. So I built barriers between us to protect me from my feelings.

I didn't get any alone time with her again until Karuizawa.

I cherish our day at the mall. I allowed myself to give into my grumpy, sleep deprived whims. I let go of all my usual charisma. I stopped caring because there was no point to keeping up the facade with no one around to see. I had nothing to benefit from being charming.

Without my wallet, I was lived the day as a commoner with Haruhi. I was free of my polite facade and could be uninhibited. I was also testing Haruhi by being callous to her. I wanted to see if she could handle the true Shadow King.

Handle me at my worst.

Again though, she saw through my cruelty. She knew I was relieved to be free of the pressures of high-class etiquette if only for a day. She even called me out when I selflessly helped that old lady purchasing fake pottery. There was nothing to gain when I jumped in initially. It was only halfway through our interaction that I realized her position and how I could use it to my advantage.

Haruhi figured out that I being kind just to be kind. She was so observative it was easy for her to figure out my true intentions. For a person whose reputation is to never be surprised, Haruhi awed me more with each day.

Haruhi was everything I saw in my future wife. Beautiful, yes. But more so smart. Astonishingly bright and quzical. Loyal, kind, logical. She could see past the shadows I cast and straight to the true me. She was everything except from a wealthy family.

When she stood up to my father, fearless and unwavering, I melted. I watched her from behind my glasses as she spoke to my father as an equal.

"I think Kyoya-senpai is outstanding."

Those words broke through me. Haruhi was the only one who could break through my shell this way. So many times I wish I had stood up to my father in this way but was unable to. Haruhi did it without a second thought.

Even with his back turned, I could feel the respect radiating off my father. No one had ever dreamt about standing up to him. And if Haruhi was able to stand up to him, so could I. Her defiance gave me the strength to go against my father's will. I spent my whole life chasing this man's approval. With one act, Haruhi was able to reverse everything. She was the one. The only one. My everything.

That was the moment I decided I would do anything to be her everything too.

I would stop fighting my feelings and fight everyone else for her.

I was willing to go against my father and potentially give up the Ootori name for her. I was ready to compete with the rest of the Host Club for her love. I thought I was willing to sacrifice my friendship with Tamaki.

But now I am ready to do the opposite. Even after I swore I would do anything for Haruhi. I had to accept that Haruhi's love was budding. Just not for me. For Tamaki. It was clear to everyone but the two of them. I had lost the battle before it had even begun. Haruhi loved Tamaki. And fighting for her would only hurt her.

So when it yanked my heart to watch Tamaki drive away, I knew what I had to do. Tamaki was the only person to call me "friend." He introduced me to my heart. A heart I didn't know I had until Tamaki's friendship freed it from the ice that had grown around it.

xxx

When my father first told me of the foreign, bastard heir to the Suoh fortune, I thought nothing of him. I knew that he would be an easy conquest to have under my belt as a pawn for the Ootori family. I followed my father's wishes and befriended him in the interest of the Ootori family.

It was easy. In less than a day I was his new best friend simply by being kind to him.

He was whimsical, odd, had no ambition to become the head of his family. Within days of his arrival at Ouran Academy, every boy in the school wanted to be him and every girl was in love with him. I hated everything about him.

Despite my loathing, I fulfilled his every whim no matter how furious his fickle tendencies made me. I knew that my father was testing me by seeing if I could put up with the obnoxiously happy-go-lucky Suoh heir. But you can't be in the brilliance of someone for long before they start to warm up on you.

When Tamaki asked me to be apart of this club he wanted to create, I saw it as a networking opportunity. A way to fine tune my accounting skills and impress my father. The outcome was much more than that.

Tamaki melded six different souls into one cohesive unit. Each one of us getting something different out of the same thing. We moved as a fine tuned machine and loved each other. We were each other's family.

The family dynamic was interrupted when Haruhi became apart of our family. We all loved her. Tamaki dealt with his love by trying to forge a slightly twisted daddy/daughter bond. He used it as a tool for denial. Haruhi broke through the wall the Hitachiin twins had successfully built to keep everyone else out. I could tell by the way Mori-senpai looked at her, he was willing to defy Honey-senpai in order to gain Haruhi's love. She even dissolved the Shadow King until there was no more shadows for me to hide in from her.

Each of us so completely willing to sacrifice. Yet Haruhi was so completely oblivious. More oblivious than Tamaki, even.

Haruhi was oblivious of her own feelings. I could see it in her eyes as the news of Tamaki's departure sunk it. She was crushed. Even if she didn't know exactly why she was crushed, I knew. She loved him. There was no denying it from where I stood.

I couldn't let Tamaki run away from her. Whether he knew it or not, I couldn't let him run from the woman that he loved. The woman we both loved. He was running from his family.

He had somehow convinced himself that he was a burden to us when it was the contrary. He was the glue that held us together. He was the only thing that brought us together. Without him, we would all lose apart of ourselves.

This family was the only thing that brought me happiness. The only moments when I could truly smile were here at this club he formed. I was light here. I excelled at my talents and made the most important connections I could have ever forged. Our connection to each other.

More than that, Tamaki was my very first friend. The only person the Shadow King was able to call his best friend. No matter how his idiotic his annoying dramatic moments drove me insane, he was the sunshine that melted my heart and opened me up to others.

So I had to do this for him.

xxx

I slammed my fist so hard into the family car that it left a dent. My hand was throbbing but I didn't care.

"Damn it!" I shouted at the onion squad.

How dare they prohibit me from making the hardest decision of my life? As if I wasn't struggling with it enough already. It took everything in me to dull the voices screaming in my head that Haruhi was the one. What was the saying? If you love something, let it go.

I had to let Haruhi go.

"I'm terribly sorry, but we cannot allow anyone to leave." the head of the onion squad apologized.

Mori-senpai came charging in on the French horse and carriage I had accused Tamaki of capriciously importing. Honey-senpai jumped to Mori-senpai's side and they both took stance against the large police force. The anger from Honey-senpai cut through the entire force. The onion squad jumped back in fear as they realized they would have to take on notorious Haninozuka and Morinozuka. They stood no chance against the fighting power of both the world-class fighting Nozukas.

Hikaru and Karou were already in the carriage. Hikaru's hand was extended to Haruhi ushering for her to board. I put both my hands on her shoulders and lowered my face behind her ear. My lips grazed against her skin and sent shivers down my spine. I smelled her warm scent and fought my worst instincts to kiss her gently and take her away.

Instead, I whispered into her ear, "Haruhi, go get that idiot."

And then I pushed the love of my life away so that she could save the love of her life.

I watched Hikaru drive the carriage away. Haruhi's extensions flew in the wind behind her. I half expected her to look back at me. But she never did. The horse and carriage whisked her away after the one person I was willing to sacrifice her love for.

"Tamaki, you idiot," I said out loud to myself, "you better come back."