Disclaimer: Idon't own characters nor places.
Sam and Frodo POV (alternated)
change of narrator
I'm still French, so there are still mistakes in my stories. I should write in French, but English is a beautiful language for these sorts of fanfictions…
Thanks for your reviews and help…
Love is the purest of things…
He's lying there, next to me, and I just can't touch him. I'm too shy, and it would be so bold! He's my master after all, I'm wrong to look at him this way. I am so wrong…
I know that he loves me. I've known this for ages. But I never guessed he loved me that way. It's so strange. We are lads, both of us! I hope he thinks I'm asleep, I'm afraid to talk to him…
I must hide this, he doesn't have to know. That would be nothing but another burden. I'm such a fool, like my Gaffer used to say. Who am I to see him like this? I simply would like to… no! I can't. Don't do that Samwise Gamgee; you will wake him up…
I feel his hand above my face. What is he up to? He doesn't touch me, what will happen next?
I've known his true feelings for two days now. Yesterday morning, while I tried to sleep, I heard him curse to himself something like "Don't look at him that way, Samwise Gamgee!" I didn't understand. Who was he talking about? I thought that Emyn muil was turning him mad, but he said something more, still believing that I was sleeping: "He doesn't love me, that's hopeless. You med hobbit, in love with another lad." That was barely a whisper, but I heard it. What must I do now?
Even touching his cheek is wrong. Not while I feel that way. That wouldn't be proper.
I can't tell him, I would like to, but I can't. How would he react? He's nice, sweet and gentle… but that would turn him in such anger! Or perhaps he would be disgusted, or afraid…
I'm afraid. I have to tell him that I know, but I'm scared. Scared by his feelings, scared of talking to him. And what must I say? "Sam, my lad, I forgive you for that, but don't touch me, you filth." No, that's not what I want to say, not at all! Well, I must do it now, before my courage leaves me…
'Sam?' He says while awaking.
'What is it Mr Frodo?' I ask urgently.
'Sam, I… I know.'
'W-what?'
Oh, lord, what does he know? Please, not that, please!
'I know everything, Sam, I know that… that you… I know how you feel.
He seems so afraid, I see it in his hazel eyes, and I see his hands shaking. And now he has tears in his eyes, down his cheeks. It's so unfair, poor dear Sam…
'Don't cry, please, Sam. Why are you crying?'
'Because I'm wrong, I shouldn't be in love with you…'
I'm afraid to touch him, I don't know why. It's stupid, he's not going to hurt me, I am perhaps afraid of awaking a savage monster, hidden into him. A monster which would touch me in a bad way. But Sam would never do that, burning fire under his skin or no. So, I take him in my arms, and soothe him to wipe away his sorrow.
'Sam, my dear Sam. Don't cry. What's frightening you?' He asks gently.
'Are you… are you angry or disgusted?' I say, marvelling in the feeling of him.
'No Sam, I'm… disturbed. I don't know how to react.'
'How did you learn?'
He looks at me with a sweet smile. I can see it, even through the tears. He's not disgusted to touch me, and my skin is burning of a secret fire which just wants to warm his pale skin.
'You shouldn't be talking to yourself when you think I'm asleep. I'm never really asleep any more.'
'I'm so sorry, that's just another burden for you, isn't it?'
My hands are shaking, but they reach to his shoulders. The tip of my fingers burns in the will of touching his skin.
'Sam, it's not such a load you know…'
'You don't love me back, I'm a fool.'
'No, no, you are no fool! Love is probably the one thing you'll have left in the Dark Land. I'm quite honoured Sam.'
Honoured? He is honoured of my love for him? I can't believe that's true. And my skin is fiery now. What's happening to me?
'Mr Frodo, I shouldn't be there'
'What?'
Oh no Sam, you're not going to leave me alone. Now I see him so weak, I feel like I could do anything to keep him with me. Even… I'm not really sure.
'You shouldn't be holding me like this' he says, 'It's not really proper.'
'And what's proper, then? Here, in those nasty lands? I don't want you to feel guilty about your feelings, Sam. And I'm still holding you. Nothing bad could come from that hug, isn't it?
'Oh yes it could'
And I can't help myself but kissing him. Right at this moment. My whole body is a flame; I have to stop before his body become a poor burnt piece of wood.
'Sam' I say while breaking the kiss. 'What are you doing?'
'I'm sorry Mr Frodo' He says with a look of panic.
I forgive him of course, but there is no pardon to beg. That was better than expected, truly better. But I'm not sure, I should try again.
Now HE is kissing me! That's quite unexpected. I thought he didn't love me, I thought he would be angry against me. I'm just kissing back, drowning in this perfect moment. But I can't let him do that if he doesn't really want to.
'Mr Frodo, please, stop. You don't mean that, do you?'
He looks lost; he probably doesn't understand why I said that.
'Sam… I thought you wanted it…'
'I do. But what about you?'
I don't know what I must answer. My body wants to go on, but my heart doubts. If I do that, I'll be selfish, but it will be for him as well. I am confused. Finally, my body's will win and I find myself surrounded by him, his breath, the beat of his heart, and more than everything: the taste of his lips.
It's like in my better dreams. But it's so real. I can't help but hope that I'm not going to wake up, and see that it was just a wonderful dream…
But I'm not asleep; I stay there, in his arms, still kissing him. I don't want to stop him anymore. He's there for me, and that's all what I need.
I don't know what's happening to me, but my pale skin suddenly needs his sun-kissed one. Like the moon meets the sun, our skins are melting together. Perhaps it's the biggest mistake of my life, but for now, I don't care…
The sun is not raised yet, and I see him sleeping in my naked arms. I know that this is the end, I know that no love-story is about to begin. Soon there will be tears and apologies. Yes, he will apologize because he doesn't love me, because that was a mistake. In this very moment, I don't know if I regret, seeing him so peaceful in my dangerous arms. Dangerous. Because I'm not quite sure I'll have the strength to let him go. And I want to hold him again and again, so hard that I could hurt him.
But this time, I'll have to stop.
I'm not asleep, and I'm terrified. I'll have to break his heart. Does he know? I'm not angry with him, with his boldness. I'd like to be so much for him, and nothing as well. He's the most innocent person I know, even now, after this. Even if I took his innocence from him, I know that, with Sam Gamgee, love is the purest of things…
