So smart it's dumb

by Curiously suicidal

This is from the John Marsden Tomorrow series only it's not following the gang but another girl who doesn't recieve the freedom and luck they recieve.

I love my country.

Is that a stupid thing to say? Can it simply be assumed that in order to live some where by choice you have to enjoy living here. I guess not but I feel stupid saying it none the less. I think Australian's say that sort of thing often now days though, but in the past tense. I mean since the war every one has had to face the fact that while we used to have it so good now we don't have the freedom we did. But I am not here to bag on our new roomies, there are plenty of other people around to do that. I'm going to tell me my war story. I did not fight. I never blew anything up and I didn't get shot at or shoot at anyone. Still I like to think this counts as war story.

Lets start before the war, since this story is all about me I can think of where to start.

I have always been three things, all of them have to do with my family. I have always been spoilt, it comes from having a father who designs weapons worth millions. I have always been ignored, also due to my fathers work, no one has time for a kid when they could be blowing things up. The last and possibly most important part to this story and me as a person is that I have always been way too smart for my own good. I think I got it from my dad, when I was really little, right after my mum died he took me to work with him. It lasted until I was six and I started to understand the concepts behind the weapons.

You may think I'm just being an arrogant snob but I am a smart kid, ask anyone. My father never knew what to do with me because of it. He sent me to an expensive private school and I made explosives in science. Not a lot of it but enough that my father had to pay to redo one wall of the science room. So then he sent me to a public school, thinking I'd get along better there but when I turned up in freshly pressed clothes and an expensive laptop some one mistook me for a teacher. I will admit, I took the idea from some movie with that titanic boy in it but it was still fun.

So after that my father felt he had no choice and he signed me up for home schooling, which of course I blitzed without a problem. I finished my VCE early because I simply did all the work at once, which satisfied my father, so he gave me free reign to do as I wished, as long as we were fairly close together. We didn't spend time together but he was a paranoid guy and some times he was convinced people were out to get him and a way to do that was by taking me, if only he knew it would soon be the other way.

So the day they took us my father needed to go into work to check on some new chemical weapons the company was developing before him and I flew up to Queensland to visit a friend of his. It left him in a rush as he always worried about missing flights, even if he left two hours earlier than necessary just to be on the safe side, though on that day he was right to worry though not for the reason you'd think.

We got to the factory with four hours before we needed to check in for our flight and right away nothing was going right. It was going to take longer than he planned and he must have been doing something very dangerous because he instructed the driver to take me to the nearest town, a small one, that was having a show sort of thing. It was a farming town and it was having a celebration that I heard all the local towns had on that day. What a day to invade, perfect timing.

So right from the get go something was wrong here. I could feel in and, like I said, I'm too smart for my own good so I set about trying to figure it out. I was being so dumb that you probably don't believe I'm a genius anymore but there's not much I can do about that. I was in the toilets when they finally took it. I could hear them outside and it really clicked for me all of a sudden, I mean I knew that the little carnival thing was being taken by force but I didn't know the extent of the invasion yet of course.

Anyway I didn't know what to do so I slid into a cubicle with an out of order sign on the front. I shoved the toilet seat down and crouched on top of it, listening intently as my mind ran over so many possibilities. If I could get out of the show ground I could hot wire a car easily enough and get out of here. They wouldn't have people in the car park surely, what would be the point. But not every one would turn up to the show so maybe they had people marching the streets now. I was getting so caught up in my calculations, as I always do, that the rest of the world faded away, I didn't even notice the shots.

I was still thinking of the likely hood of them watching the car park when the door to my stall was kicked open. I looked up hesitantly, about to say something dumb about a girl getting a little privacy in the can but there was a gun pointed at me so I thought better of it. I was led out to the rest of the people and shoved roughly into the group. Most people were crowded around in groups and it was fairly easy to pick out friends and family. I stood alone and from what I could see I was the only one. I wondered about my father and our driver, whether they were at this moment on their way here to pick me up. I smiled at how angry my father would be and the lecture I would probably receive when I returned home.

I was shoved roughly from behind as a man started talking and the soldiers thought I wasn't listening, which I wasn't. I heard only enough to know that they were invading the whole country and that if we wanted to stop anyone being hurt we should just cooperate. They went on about that for a while but I sneakily put my head phones in and listened to my iPod. I wasn't about to listen to some dick head thinking he could take over my country. The moment they stopped paying attention I would use my mobile and check the news. One advantage to my father being a genius was that he seemed to have an in with any technological companies and as such I got all the latest gear.

Sure enough eventually we were all told to lounge about and get comfortable because it would be a while before anything would happen. By this point I had checked and sure enough we were being invaded. I was in a kind of shock but I snapped out of it when I realized that meant they'd have my father as well. I know I tooted my own horn about being smart but my father had access to the most sophisticated weapons, biological and otherwise, in the world. If they had him they had those weapons. I knew he would never just turn over everything to them but if he thought they had me he might just do anything.

My mind was racing as once again I began calculating the risks. My father was smart, he'd demand to see me before he did anything and he'd probably order them to give me to him so he could be sure I'd be safe. He was an Aussie so maybe even then he would put the country before me. I hoped anyway. Either way I didn't figure I'd be around here long if they figured out who I was, so I kept my head down, gave a stupid false name and acted like a lost little girl, all the while taking in everything around me.

In the first week I was taken from the group three times. The first time was to get my name and address. I had a lot of fun there, see I do a great American accent, a real southerner hillbilly one, so since I couldn't tell then the truth I figured I would tell them I was an American and that I was backpacking around Australia. They told me that if I did as I was told and didn't try anything stupid they could probably get me back to my own country within a couple of weeks. The only thing was that meant I was going to need to produce an American passport. They believed me when I said I hadn't brought it with me to the fair grounds but they wanted to know where it was so they could make arrangements with the Americans. After a couple hours of very careful lying I was out of there with the promise of freedom. They would send me back even though I had lost my passport. Apparently my accent was very convincing.

The second time worried me because I thought maybe my accent had slipped and some soldier had heard me but it was actually to make sure I was okay, they didn't want to give the Americans any reason to attack. They hadn't organized anything for me yet but they would contact the Americans once things were a little more settled. I didn't know what would happen when the American's said I didn't exist to them but I figured I'd face that problem when it came.

The third time I was so confidant it was nearly my downfall. They asked me all sorts of questions about my home town and my family, it seemed more like a friendly chat than anything else. I found out then they knew I wasn't American, some one in the show ground had ratted on me for special treatment. They were suddenly very eager to get to know who I really was and what reason I had to lie. When I refused to co-operate they got aggressive. One guard pushed me down over the table so that my face was pressed into the grainy wood. He lent close to me and whispered the horrible things he would do if I didn't co-operate. How they would find my family and hurt them, how he would hurt and humiliate me until I had no will of my own.

He was a professional soldier, there weren't too many around but he was. The other standing at the door wasn't, he was too young, but he was sure enjoying the view of me being forced over the table. I got very acquainted with that professional soldier and although I refused to tell them anything, mostly because I didn't know what to tell them, he did not live through his threats, thought the younger one did. I was tied up and left in a small room. The room next to mine was full of men who had fought against the soldiers but I was the only girl so I was on my own. One night, it would have been maybe thirteen days after the capture of our country, the younger soldier came in with another of the same age. I say young but they were older than I, nineteen at least, still, they looked young and innocent, so out of place in the harsh military uniform, gun on my shoulder.

They spoke in whispers to each other as they approached me and I backed away. I was not going to scream, I didn't want to give them the satisfaction, but inside I was terrified. I could feel myself shaking the closer they got and it only made them grin. I wanted so badly to scream, to beg for mercy but I could make myself do it. One of them handed his rifle to the other and for a moment I thought he was just going to leave them on the ground near the door but he handed them to some one outside and shut the door. I heard the lock click into place and felt the dread envelope me.

Before that night I was a virgin and they took that from me. I screamed when the first one took me and the men in the next room would have heard everything. It was humiliating just as the professional soldier had promised me it would be. They took turns violating me for over an hour but I stopped screaming after the first half hour. I was bruised and bloody and sobbing when they left. I curled up in the corner of the room, unable to stop the pitiful sounds escaping my mouth. The ropes around my feet had been cut off during their visit but so had my bra. There was blood on my pants and on the ground so I crawled to the other side of the room from the blood on the floor, unable to look at it without sobbing more.

The next day when I was presented to the professional soldier once more he was unsurprised at the condition I was in. I began to wonder if he had ordered it or at least agreed to it. However, when he thought I wasn't looking he shot a furious look at the young soldier who had been smirking at me. He didn't stand in on my interrogation again though it could have been because I was so afraid of him. I couldn't even speak while he was looking at me. I simply whimpered and grabbed my knees to my chest as if it would save me. That night I once more sat terrified in my room, waiting in fear of a return visit. While I didn't see the one who had been at my interrogations the other, his friend, came and visited me that night again, though it was not like the night before. He walked into my room and simply hit me, slapping me about then pulling me back to my feet just to hit me back down again. I kept from screaming this time though not by much, I was crying and, after a brutal kick to the ribs, wheezing instead.

After that I told everything. I only spoke to the professional soldier, even though the young one had been replaced by another who looked like a real soldier I couldn't look at him. I was in a sorry state but once they knew who I was they released me back into the show ground with the rest of the people. It had been nearly three weeks and most of those men who had fought the guards had been realized before me. I had never seen any of them but they had seen me marched in front of the door every day so even without the pair of black eyes and the cuts all over me they knew I was the one in the next room. I had avoided everyone once I was out of that room and just found another corner to curl up.

That afternoon half a dozen guys approached me, all fairly young only a little older than the two soldiers who had…well I don't want to say the word so just those two soldiers. They walked up and the first thing I noticed about them was that all of them were strong. None of them were at all wiry or thin, they were farmers sons for sure, used to hard labor. They were threatening even without the constant fear I had acquired in that room. I began shaking the closer they got and all I could think of was that night. My breathing was quickening and my eyes were glued to the group of them. Then were nearly arms length away when I whimpered and pulled my knees to my chest, hugging my legs and tucking my head down so I didn't have to look at them. I don't know what I expected but when no pain came I let my head up, it was getting dark, hours had passed and I had been too scared to notice.

They tried to approach me again the next morning but I was too terrified again. They tried less people and added a few woman but whenever anyone came toward me it was all I could do not to scream. I had always been a very sheltered girl in the way of human contact. I'd never been hit in my life, the closest I'd come to a fight was fencing lessons. The night with the two young soldiers was my first real intimacy with anyone, I'd never had a boy friend, I'd kissed a few boys but that was it. Now whenever I saw men it was fear that consumed me.

At night it was the worst, I couldn't sleep so I would just watched the soldiers patrolling the area we were kept in. One night a couple of the people who'd been trying to approach me sat a few feet away and I could hear them talking.

"Poor thing, she's got no one here to help here and those bastard did that to her." It was a male voice that I thought I had heard in the room next door to the one I had been kept in and it was kind.

"War is a horrible place Mark, I mean bad things happen to people,. You remember Alley was raped by that guy at schoolies, she didn't go all catatonic though." Another voice, this one feminine and sharp. I shuddered, there was so much hostility in this voice.

"Careen you can't be serious. Alley wasn't raped, she was pissed off her face and high as a kite, I was there remember, she was moaning yes the whole time, besides that is nothing like this. You didn't hear her screams. She wasn't just raped, she was tortured. She's only young and those two boys, they were our age I reckon and they just used her and left her there sobbing. I saw her walk past the next day and she was limping, she had that massive cut over her eye but the look in her eyes, she was terrified by everything and she still is. Then, one of them came back the next night. He beat the crap out of her for no reason and now look at her. She should be in a hospital, not sitting in the cold on her own." The boy was getting angry but the girl just laughed it off.

"Give it up Mark, you just think she's hot. She'll be fine, she probably just doesn't want to talk to anyone about it, that's why she won't talk to you guys, she doesn't looks bad now, she's sleeping better than some people." The girl said it with an air of self importance, as if I owed her something because she thought I was asleep.

I didn't hear them talk any more after that but their conversation had filled me with guilt and fear. These people who didn't even know me were worried about me and I was being ridicules and childish. That morning I got up early, before most people were up and I made my way toward the guards. I wanted to volunteer to help cook some meals, not only would it make me feel a little less selfish but it might take my mind off my fear for a moment. I could only mumbled my request to help cook but it seemed like it was enough because he led me away to the kitchen.

I spent the morning cooking and only once did I lose focus, when I cut my hand on a knife and dripped blood onto my pants. I burnt some toast and nearly started a fire but one of the other ladies noticed and calmly fixed it up, giving me a warm smile and patting me on the back, though I flinched when she moved to touch me, I don't think she noticed. After the cooking was done I was told I didn't have to help do the washing up so I went back to my corner and sat down. After a while I felt the sleep that had been evading me for days start to sneak up on me. I thought I had been too afraid to sleep but in the warm air of the late morning I felt much better and fell asleep quickly.

I woke a couple hours later in a cold sweet and breathing heavily. Some one had thrown a blanket over me and there was a pillow beside me. I had not seen a lot of either of these things so I was surprised but when I looked around I saw the same group of guys watching me from the other side of the room. When they realized I was looking back all but one of them turned away, the other one smiled softly and nodded his head to me. I smiled slightly back and simply repositioned myself with the pillow and went back to sleep. I know I had night terrors because every time I woke up petrified but with no reason for it. I woke up just as darkness fell and screamed loudly, A lot of people were looking at me and I only curled up tighter, promising myself I wouldn't fall asleep again until most people were off having breakfast.

I sat there staring out into the dark room. It meant I saw the two boys enter and was immediately filled with fear. They were average height, both fairly lanky though one a little less so than the other. They were the same two, I knew it the instance I saw them. They glanced about the room quickly and their eyes landed on me. I pushed myself against the wall as my breath quickened . They began toward me and they moved so smoothly I thought they mustn't have any bones. The closer they got to me the wider their eyes and mouths seemed to get until they were ghastly things with huge black gaping holes for eyes and mouths grinning wide full of sharp pointy teeth. The grabbed my arms and shook me, laughing all the while and they tried to pull my body apart.

I woke as a hand was clasped over my mouth. I had screamed, I knew it but some one had cut it off so quickly. I was pulled to my feet and as my eyes adjusted to the light I was confronted by my nightmare. It was indeed the two boys and them were marching me toward the bathroom, whispering to each other and chuckling. I struggled as quietly as I could, pulling away form them but trying desperately not to wake anyone else. They were stronger the me and seemed not to even notice my struggles. When I simply bent my legs so I dropped to the ground they picked me up. I knew I was small, I hadn't eaten since their first visit and now I was feeling weaker than ever. Once inside the men's toilets they didn't even both to lock the door, they simply threw me down to the floor and discussed which of them would get to go first this time. I was sobbing, my hand over my mouth to try and shush myself when the bathroom door flung open, banging the wall loudly. The group of half a dozen guys stood there, all of them, looking aggressive. The one at the front pushed through the two soldiers who were now holding their rifles and walked to me.. Every one of the Australian's were bigger and stronger than the soldiers and they knew it.

The guy offered me a hand up and I took it thankfully. He moved to brush the dirt off my clothes and I flinched, not ready for that much contact yet. He let me go and walked to stand behind the soldiers, aggression seeming to pour from his every pore. The soldiers left, sulking out of the bathrooms and leaving quickly. When I slinked back through the bathroom door I saw that there were quite a few men, all older than those who had rescued me, sitting up around the room watching me and the boys come out of the bathroom. I felt their eyes on me as I walked slowly back toward the corner I'd been sleeping in. Instead one of the boys led me to where they had been spread out and handed me another blanket and pillow.

"You can sleep over here with us, we'll keep an eye out for those creeps. I'm Mark by the way." The one who had helped me up spoke softly as he showed me to a spot seemingly set out for me. The moment he spoke I recognized his voice as the one from the other night and I felt my tense body relax slightly. I sat down and pulled the blanket over me as he smiled down at me.

"Thank you." I whispered, the words quiet as they slipped from my lips. I was tired and hungry and hurting. The bruises on my arms and back were throbbing and my knees was hurting because I'd landed on it in the bathroom.

I thought it would take ages to get back to sleep considering what had woken me up last time but before I knew it I was waking up to the light of mid afternoon and Mark was still sitting beside me, a school book in his hands. He glanced down at me where I was curled up on the floor, lying down for what seemed like the first time since the invasion. I had slept sitting up against a wall the whole time, unable to put my self in such a compromising position.

"I saved you a sandwich form lunch, it's just cheese but I didn't know what you wanted." He held up a fresh looking sandwich on a clean white plate. I took it thankfully and wolfed it down, Mark chuckled but frowned as he looked up again. "A soldier was looking for you, not one of the ones form last night. He said you should go see him when you wake up. I frowned.

"A stocky guy, brown hair and a really clean uniform?" I asked, thinking of the professional soldier who had been almost nice with me. Mark nodded and I sighed, standing up. "Thanks for the sandwich and everything else. Thank the other guys too, you guys really saved my life." I half wanted to hug him but I was still sore and I didn't know if I could keep myself so composed. I was feeling really good and strong, almost like if I was confronted by those two boys again I could take them. Of course as soon as I turned around and saw a soldier behind me I felt my face crumple. I was still so afraid but I was getting better, slowly.

I walked toward the soldier and after a second of looking at me, bruised and sickly, he began talking into a walkie talkie in a language that was vaguely familiar. After a second I recognized it and found I could almost understand him. I was fluent in quite a few languages thanks to my fathers expectations of me one day being a great diplomat for the company. He traded with almost everyone and I was expected to do the same. He was saying something about me being ready for transport. I only really heard three words but the more he spoke the more I could decipher.

After a couple minutes the professional soldier returned and gave me a triumphant smile. He motioned for me to walk in front of him and I did, lowering my eyes as I moved. I barely lifted my feat but I was feeling a little better. For some reason I didn't fear this soldier. Despite the fact he had been the only one to threaten me he had never hit me, never hurt me and had been kind since I had been honest, still I didn't even know his name. It almost sounds like a psychological deal, like how kidnap victims can fall for their kidnappers. I can't remember what it's called at the moment but to be honest I'm a little tired. I'm always tired now days, it's tough being me.

Anyway so I followed him and he was leading me back to the interrogation room but he was being even nicer than usual. He held the door open for me and pulled out my chair, I was starting to get nervous when another man walked in. he was decorated like more of a hero and was a little rounder around the waist than any of the others I'd seen. This guy was important.

"Hello miss Bishop, how are you feeling?" He asked, sitting in a much more comfortable chair across from me, apparently unable to see the cuts and bruises on me. He had a slight accent that annoyed me slightly thought everything about him annoyed me.

"Good question that, I feel like daisies." I frowned at him, sarcasm thick in my voice. "I feel like I've had the shit beaten out of me by fucking bastards who are stealing my country. How are you feeling?" I was almost growling at him but it was brilliant because I wasn't feeling meek and timid, the anger was overtaking everything.

"We did not order any harm to come to you. Perhaps if you had co-operated this would not have happened." He replied, a vein in his temple throbbing with anger. I wasn't sure why he was so angry, I hadn't thought I'd been that rude, but it made me happy to see him angry.

"See that's the funny thing, I could almost accept that answer except that I co-operated over a week ago but last night the same things had not very nearly occurred again. Explain that to me won't you? Now what the hell do you want with me, is it your turn to abuse and humiliate me? Go on, I can still walk fair well, you want to break one of my legs so I'm limping as well?" The more I spoke the angrier I got until I was nearly screaming at him. I knew they wanted something from me or he would not be trying so hard to stay calm. What they wanted was the real question.

"I'm going to ask you to calm down please, we aren't here to argue with you, you'll just have to believe me when I say that we did not mean for you to come to harm. Now we have made arrangements for you to be moved into town. We did some research on you and we may want you to help us with some problems we are having." He was calm now and with the alst words came an arrogance I thought I could exploit if need be.

"Why should I do anything for your lot?" I asked, anxious to hear what they were offering me to betray and destroy my country.

"Well we thought perhaps in order to save your father you might be willing to help us. We are not asking you to do anything that would hurt your people, we just thought that your talents could be put to better use." He was so smug that I laughed.

"You could have just asked nicely. So you're going to move me into a real comfy place right? No more of this ten billion people in a two by two room? Cause I really love my privacy." I grinned, playing it cool. I only wanted to get away and be alone, where I didn't have to worry about anyone sneaking up on me. It seemed like heaven and I felt my body relax at the thought. "Maybe with a pool."

"Well you wouldn't be alone, you would be accompanied by at least one guard at all times and he would of coarse live with you. We have organized you a nice house though, very big and I do believe it has a swimming pool yes." At his words I felt my hands begin to shake. What if one of them were picked because our ages were close. What if I had to be around one of them all day and night, unable to escape for even a moment.

"No. I will not be left to the mercy of one of your men. Can you not see what they have done to me already? Do you think I have done this to myself? I was rescued last night by half a dozen men and if I hadn't been I might have been killed. Your men are brutal and cruel, that you would even suggest it is beyond belief. I will not help you." I was filled once more with anger and I stood, unable to sit here any longer. "Take me back."

I was led back by the same officer who had led me there and he tried his hardest to hide a smirk but as we stood outside the area where we were all kept he stopped, suddenly serious.

"That man will not take no as an answer, whatever you fear your keeper would do to you when alone is nothing to what he may have them doing here. Remember only one will be with you if you do as he says and they will be under orders to keep you happy. I implore you, for your sake, remember that his numbers here are great, you cannot fight him forever." He seemed extremely sincere and as he said it I watched as a group of soldiers, coming from the same way I had, watched me intently before walking past.

"If I were given to one of the, unable to ever get away, to heal, I wouldn't last, I couldn't. The last couple of days have been filled with fear, I've barely moved, I hadn't slept until last night. I cannot live like that. There are two people in this whole world that I am not scared by right now, one of them I met last night and one of them has invaded my country." I didn't know if he knew I meant him. "I am petrified at every corner that they will appear and take me. I ache all over and other than the fear there is nothing inside of me. Even anger at him is better than that." He glanced about and grabbed me roughly by the shoulder, pulling me away from the other Soldiers.

"You will die here if he decides you have no more use. I cannot save you. Take which ever one of us you fear the least, make him let you choose but get out of here. You endanger those around you not only yourself." I remember thinking he was being ridicules. That was two days go. I haven't slept since. That night I was woken by a torch light in my face. I was ordered to stand and I was pushed against a wall and searched. They then took me out of the main room and cavity searched me roughly. I was shoved back in and left to find my way back to the group of guys I was sleeping with.

The next day I was treated to a shower because it was starting to get really cold. I could just see my breath as I as taken outside with the group of guys. We were hosed down and since I was yet to get new clothes I still didn't have a bra so it was basically a wet t-shirt contest. The guys took it well but I still wasn't dry come night. I'm sitting here now, wet and cold and I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't take it, I know it's only a matter of time before he sends the two boys back and I can't go through the again. The guys are still looking after me but I can't hide behind them forever I don't know how this is going to do, I mean I can tell you likelihoods and the way it's going I'm not likely to outlast the week. I guess I'll just have to see how it goes.