Muirden took a deep breath as he walked through the gates of Camelot, unnoticed. He sighed happily as he walked towards the inn to book a room. Today's plan was going to go without a hitch, he was sure.
On the other side of Camelot things were not going so smoothly. Arthur awoke from a fitful sleep, the memories of the previous day washing over him.
A pageboy had come to collect Merlin from his duties in Arthur's chambers. Arthur could still feel Merlin's lips on his own, even as his manservant opened the door to see who was knocking. He had smiled at Arthur and said that Gaius needed him. It was an utter lie, Arthur knew him enough to see that, how pale and strained Merlin looked as he left the room.
Merlin's best interests in mind, he followed the servant silently down the hall. Merlin never was good at sensing people following him, and Arthur had practice walking quietly in the woods. When Merlin went into Uther's chambers, however, Arthur was perplexed.
It was silent. Arthur put his ear to the door and still he heard nothing. That was weird. After a few minutes, curiosity got the better of the prince and he opened the door.
At the sight he immediately wished he hadn't. Merlin, his Merlin, was on his knees, sucking the king's royal prick. Uther's back was to the door, and his son, but Merlin saw him. Blue eyes went wide and he made a noise in the back of his throat, looking like he wanted to be anywhere at that moment but right where he was.
"Haven't I told you not to make any noise, boy?" Uther demanded as Arthur closed the door on the scene. His vision clouded with rage. He had stormed off and, when Merlin tried to return to his room to attend to him, he hurled insults and kept the door locked.
Arthur groaned. He was not looking forward to today. he got up and stretched, dressing himself and washing his face. He supposed he'd have to go to the kitchens himself to get his breakfast, since Merlin obviously wouldn't be bringing it to him.
He went to his door and opened it, feeling a heavy weight on it from the outside. As it opened, Merlin almost tumbled into him, but he hit the floor instead, catching himself on his arms.
The manservant looked wretched. His hair and clothes were rumpled as though he had slept in them-which he probably had-and his eyes were red rimmed as though he had been crying all night. He probably had been.
Merlin shot to his feet. "Arthur…" He tried to begin, but Arthur was already walking past him into the corridor.
Without looking behind him, Arthur said "You can go work for Gaius today, I have no need of your assistance."
Merlin swallowed and nodded, though he knew the prince could not see him.
As he walked to the physician's chambers, Merlin all but walked into Guinevere. He looked up and apologized, meaning to continue walking, but Gwen grabbed his arms and stopped him.
"Merlin, you look awful! What's happened?" She asked in a low voice, careful of castle busibodies.
"Arthur found out about Uther." Merlin all but whispered. Gwen gasped, she was the only one in all of Camelot who knew of the way their king used him.
"Surely not Agravaine as well?" She asked, taking his hand in hers and holding it soothingly. Arthur's uncle had taken a liking to having things that were unwilling, and every time he visited he wanted a little more of Merlin. Since Uther had gotten sick and Agravaine had moved in rather permanently to advise the young prince Merlin's life had become increasingly difficult.
"No, thank the Gods. If he had I'm sure one of us would be dead. Although I can't say I'd mourn Agravaine." Merlin muttered. Gwen shushed him, looking around hastily.
"You can't say such things. It's treason. At least in the open like this. Come to my house when you've finished work for the day, we'll devise a plan to get you back into Arthur's graces." She said with a slight smile.
Merlin sighed in relief and nodded. It was good to have an ally in this, he didn't know what he'd do without Gwen. They agreed on a time to meet later and went their separate ways.
Gwen saw Arthur walking a little ahead of her as she went to Morgana's chambers and she hurried to catch up with him, so that they could walk together for a ways.
"You're looking upset today, sire." She commented when she caught up.
"You always know how to flatter royalty, Guinevere." Arthur said, his sarcasm halfhearted.
"What's got you so down? Is it because Merlin's sick?" She asked, trying to find a way to try to melt Arthur's heart towards her fellow servant.
"Merlin's sick?" He asked, confused.
"Yeah, he can barely eat. He's been throwing up his meals for the past week and a half, to my estimate." She would know, they often took their meals together.
"I didn't know." Was all he replied.
Gwen wasn't really sure if trying to make Arthur sympathize for Merlin in his ill state had helped, but she didn't really have time to find out, she had to bring a dress to Lady Morgana's chambers. She bid Arthur a farewell and he continued to walk the halls in silence.
Merlin had been sick for a week and a half? That's about the first time Arthur kissed him. Was Merlin really sick, or was he disgusted? And disgusted with who? Himself? Rightfully so, in Arthur's opinion. or maybe with one of the Pendragon men? Arthur now had more questions than he had even the night before. He sighed in defeat, sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. He needed answers.
It was late afternoon when Merlin arrived in the lower town of Camelot. He was delivering medicines to some ill citizens for Gaius. The inn is one of his last stops, a man there ventured to Camelot to get a cure for his wife's illness.
Merlin was hurried to get back. He wanted to get to Gwen's house so they could make a plan before it was too late at night, so he could keep his vigil at Arthur's door. He didn't notice the mark of the Old Religion that immobilized him when he touched it, but he did notice the blow to the head that made the world go dark.
Muirden smuggled his captive out of Camelot rolled in a carpet. All had gone according to plan.
It was late at night when Arthur stormed into the physician's chambers, looking for answers. The only one there, though, was Gaius.
"Where's Merlin?" The prince demanded.
"I haven't seen him since the morning, sire. He was out delivering medicine to the lower towns, but he should have been back by now. Maybe he is with Guinevere." Gaius said in a tone that told Arthur he was both annoyed and worried.
Arthur was about to leave, either to go to Gwen's or to go to his own room he wasn't sure, but Gaius stopped him.
"I don't know what is going on between you and Merlin," The old physician said in a tone that reminded Arthur of when he was being advised against doing something stupid as a child, "But perhaps you should sleep before you decide what to say to him. Forgive me sire, but you have your father's temper, and I know that you do not wish to act rashly."
"What state was Merlin in when you saw him last?" Arthur asked after a moment of contemplating Gaius's words.
"He looked ill. Last night he refused dinner, and when I offered him breakfast this morning he looked sick at the mention, but he would not take any medicine. Sire, I have not seen him like this since his aunt died a month after he first came to Camelot. He was in a right state."
Something in Gaius's eyes told Arthur that the man knew something that he didn't, but he accepted the physician's advice.
Arthur lay in bed that night staring at the ceiling. How strange that Gaius would equate Merlin's state to grief.
"Emrys… wake up Emrys… WAKE UP!"
Morgana awoke, bolting straight up in bed, sweat dripping down her back. She threw on a dressing gown and all but ran to the physician's chambers.
"Gaius! Gaius, I had a vision." She said, waking the man from where he had fallen asleep in a chair by the fire.
"Morgana? What is it, child?" Gaius asked urgently.
"Merlin. He's in danger. Where is he?" She asked, looking towards his door.
Morgana's powers had been noticed by Gaius long ago, but it was Merlin who convinced Gaius to try to help her channel them, and Merlin who convinced her not to run with her so-called sister Morgause. She was learning rapidly, and having someone to practice with greatly helped Merlin as well.
"He is missing, my lady." Gaius said gravely. "I sent him out earlier yesterday morning and he has still not returned."
"We must find him, Gaius." Morgana said, looking as though she meant to go searching at this hour in her dressing gown.
"I agree, but you need your rest. Maybe you'll have a vision to help us trace him." Gaius said, and she nodded, leaving to her chambers.
Arthur awoke late in the morning, wondering why Merlin hadn't woken him sooner, before he remembered once more what had transpired. His anger had diminished while he spent most of the night awake, reasoning his way through what had happened. He had one very urgent question for Merlin in the front of his mind, with many others trailing behind.
Did Merlin want what Uther was doing to him?
But Arthur had to get ready and train with the knights. He got out of bed and dressed himself, and opened the door, fully expecting to see Merlin leaning against it as he had been the day before, but his manservant was nowhere to be seen.
Arthur thought it strange. Merlin was usually stubborn about things like that. But he couldn't dwell on the matter. He had to go train.
Merlin came slowly to consciousness. He was aware first of the dim torchlight. Then the stone beneath his body. Then the binding on his hands. And finally, of the collar on his neck.
He sat up with some difficulty and looked around. He didn't recognize this place at all. His last memories were of going to run errands for Gaius and then being frozen still, but nothing after that.
Unsure of his captors, Merlin debated on whether to use magic or not while he brought his bound hands up to touch the collar on his neck. His blood ran cold when he felt symbols he did not know by touch on the collar. It was a magic restraint.
Experimentally, Merlin tried to rid himself of the binding on his hands. It was just rope, simple enough. But his magic would not obey. He felt it, just beneath his skin. And when he stopped trying the gentle magic did not dissipate as it usually did, but it stayed there, a slight buzz in the back of his mind.
A man entered the room, wearing a Druid's cloak. 'No,' Merlin thought, 'Druids are peaceful, and they would never kidnap someone.'
"Emrys, how good it is to meet you at last." The man said, dipping into a mock bow.
"Funny how you know my name, but I don't know yours. Hardly polite, is it?"
The man grinned, "Muirden."
"Bless you." Merlin said cheekily. Muirden's face darkened.
"There is no time for idle chatter. Emrys, I have some questions."
"And I suppose you couldn't have asked me in Camelot? Or talked to me before restraining me?" Merlin retorted.
"You serve under a family that has done nothing but harm our kind, I am just taking precautions." Muirden said loftily.
"It is good that you chose a chain so strong, or you would not have lasted this long." Merlin said darkly.
"See, that is what I'm talking about! No respect for your kind, you would kill me so soon?"
"You restrained me in this godforsaken collar. I would think that you would be against this."
"Well, your enemies often have valuable lessons. A bit of advice my Queen told me." The man said, before he dragged a chair over that Merlin had not noticed before and sat down.
"Your queen? Do you speak of Morgause?" Merlin asked, knowing of Cendred and Morgause's threat in the east. Muirden shook his head.
"Nimueh. Before you murdered her." He spoke bitterly.
"She is the reason our people are persecuted." Merlin shot back.
"Enough! No more chatter. I have questions." Muirden stared deep into Merlin's eyes, and Merlin was sure that he'd know if he lied to any of these questions the man so desperately wanted answered.
"Go on, what do you want to know?" Merlin asked, trying to sound bored, as though he was stripped of his power and restrained every day.
"I plan to lead a force on Camelot. What is the best route?" The man asked, before telling Merlin exactly where they were in the woods west of Camelot.
"What do you plan to do?" Merlin asked, rather than answer.
Muirden sighed and debated telling Merlin. The sorcerer was restrained, and there was no way for him to escape, so Muirden saw no harm. And, if Emrys knew his plans he would surely help his kind.
"We will kill every Pendragon and those in their will spare the Lady Morgana, her sister has told of her magic. She will rule for us, magic to rule magic." the man explained.
"No." Merlin said simply.
"Why would you refuse to let one of your own rule us? You could take her as your bride and rule alongside her, you are powerful enough." The man said. Merlin felt revolted at the thought of forcing his friend to marry him.
"Arthur is the once and future king, and he is the only man I wish to see on the throne." Merlin said coldly. Muiden looked furious for a moment, but quickly hid the expression.
"No matter," He said abruptly, surprising Merlin. "Camelot is weak without you and Uther is getting more ill by the day. Arthur and Agravaine's leaderships will be divided. We will win." the man left, disorienting Merlin.
'That's probably what he wants, to disorient me.' Merlin thought, as he reflected on Lord Agravaine.
The lord was Arthur's uncle, his only living tie to his dead mother, which was the only reason Merlin had ever let him live. A month or so after Merlin first came to Camelot, Agravaine had visited and he caught wind of what Uther had been doing to Merlin. The vile man decided to take what Merlin was already giving to the king and more.
Later, when Uther got sick and Agravaine came to stay, he only allowed what was happening to him continue because Agravaine foolishly left his plans on his desk after he would leave Merlin in his chambers, assuming Merlin couldn't read them. Merlin knew all his plans to kill Arthur for Cendred and Morgause, and he had systematically thwarted them one by one.
Merlin began to panic as he thought of Arthur alone with Agravaine. Who would stop his plots without Merlin around?
The sorcerer sighed to himself, leaning his head against the wall. He'd have to think of an escape route. The most powerful sorcerer of all time, the last Dragonlord and he was stuck in cave because of a two bit magician.
Merlin sat up straight at that thought. He was the Dragonlord, Kilagarah should answer his call, even if his magic is restrained.
"Come, Great Dragon." Merlin spoke in the words of the Old Religion, but sure enough, he felt his magic surge and swell beneath his skin, and no dragon came. The magic he felt buzzed just beneath the surface of his skin, sending a shiver down his spine. Maybe he should hold off trying to use magic at all, if it was going to make him feel twitchy like this.
Muirden came back some time later with a whip.
"I hope you're comfortable." The man said amiably, and Merlin looked him in the eyes, keeping his gaze from the whip in his hand.
"Why Muirden, I didn't know you were into that." He taunted, hoping the man would falter.
"I'm into so much more, believe me." Muirden hissed, and Merlin bit back a shiver.
"I thought you didn't need my help." Merlin said
"Yes, but if I take the course I plan or go on without inside information I will lose more men than I wish to. And we don't want to take any unnecessary lives, do we?" Muirden asked condescendingly.
"I will tell you nothing." Merlin said.
"Have it your way." Muirden said with a shrug, and he forced Merlin to his feet, dragging him to a hook on the wall, where he secured Merlin's bound hands above his head. Once Merlin was positioned with his back to Muirden, he raised the whip.
"Tell me a secure route to Camelot." The man said, raising his whip.
"No."
Crack.
Merlin's magic surged up, instinctively trying to protect him, but it was caught by his collar and buzzed under his skin uncomfortably. His back was on fire, but he would not make a sound.
"Tell me of the knights' weaknesses."
"They have none." Merlin said through gritted teeth.
Crack.
More magic surged. More fiery pain.
Things continued in much the same way. After four more lashes Merlin began to cry out, until twenty-seven lashes had passed and Merlin fell into blissful, painless darkness.
Arthur went to visit Gaius when he finished training in the morning. The man was talking in low tones to Morgana. They had grown close after Morgana's headaches got bad a few years back and Morgana was often with Merlin and Gaius nowadays.
"Gaius, has Merlin come back?" He asked, and the two whispering figures finally looked at him.
"No. I was actually going to ask you if you'd seen him, sire. Gwen said he never came to her house last night and it isn't like him to miss out on plans." The physician said, sounding concerned.
Now Arthur was worried. Where could Merlin have gone? Surely he hadn't left Camelot, not without talking to anyone. Although Arthur could understand his need for secrecy, he didn't think Merlin would just up and leave like that.
"Do you have any idea where he might be?" Arthur asked, trying to keep the concern from his voice.
"I fear he may have collapsed in the lower towns while distributing medicine for me." Gaius confided, "Gwen checked his route for me before she had to go to awaken Lady Morgana this morning. It is all I can do to keep the Lady from searching herself." The old man glanced at Morgana and she nodded.
"I've been a nuisance, but Gaius won't let me go without company from a knight. And Gaius must stay in the castle, should anything happen with Uther's condition." The woman said, looking imploringly at Arthur, "Will you look for me?"
"Morgana, why can't you get another knight to accompany you? I'm sure Gwaine would be more than happy to assist in your search." Arthur said, trying to sound annoyed. He had duties to attend to, after all, and he was sure his father was fine if he felt that he could exert himself the way he had been with Merlin.
"Please Arthur? It would do you good to get out of the castle." Morgana pressed.
Arthur groaned. "Fine. What was his route?"
Arthur arrived at what was supposed to be Merlin's final stop, the Inn. Gaius had informed him that Gwen hadn't been here and Arthur was almost sure that he'd find Merlin inside, drunk in a stupor.
He was mildly surprised that there was no sign of his manservant, so he went to see the innkeeper. The man informed him that he saw Merlin go up to a room and not come back down, but it had been fairly busy and he might just not have noticed the boy leave.
Arthur thanked him and went to check said room, which was vacant. He noticed a smashed vial of medicine on the floor. now what could that mean?
Arthur was on his way to see Gaius and he was passing Morgana in one of the halls when she suddenly listed forward, about to fall. He ran out and caught her, making sure she didn't hit the hard stone floors. Arthur looked at her face, she was unconscious.
"Gods, you're heavier than I thought." He said, lifting her in his arms and carrying her to Gaius's chambers.
"Merlin, no." She whispered in her sleep. Arthur frowned as she wriggled a little in his arms.
"I'm worried too, Morgana." He said quietly. She seemed to calm down after that and he carried her the rest of the way in silence.
After he got to Gaius's chambers, set Morgana down, and explained the situation that he found her in, Arthur sat in a chair and sighed.
"What's wrong, sire? Morgana will be fine, she is prone to these spells." Gaius said comfortingly.
"It's not that, it's just… I went to the inn to see if Merlin was there and I only found a smashed vial of medicine. I fear he has been taken or hurt." Arthur said, looking at the floor rather than Gaius.
"Then we must find him." Gaius said urgently.
"I know, but Gaius, who could have taken him? Where will I look? I would scour the entire kingdom, but I need a place to start." Arthur said. He may be mad at Merlin as his lover, but the man was his best friend and he would not allow him to be kidnapped.
Morgana stirred, her eyes fluttering open. She looked deathly pale and was soon violently ill into a bucket next to the cot she was in.
"I'll be back later. I should see how father is." Arthur said, not wanting to be in the way as Gaius tended to Morgana. Besides, he never had a stomach for seeing other people being sick.
Merlin was violently awakened by cold water being poured onto him. He cried out in surprise and in pain as the clean water stung his cuts.
"You fell asleep during my questions, so I had to think of a new way to keep you awake." Muiden said, showing off a whip that was different from the previous one. This one had chunks of sharp stones tied to it. Merlin swallowed roughly.
"I've got easier questions this time, so maybe I'll get some answers." The man said, smirking as Merlin shivered.
Getting no response from the bound man, he sighed and began his interrogation.
"What exactly is the extent of Lady Morgana's magic?" He asked.
"Better than yours." Merlin returned, earning him a lash. He cried out as the jagged rocks ripped at his flesh.
"Did you put up any wards to keep sorcerers away?" The man asked.
"I put up so much protection, you and an army could not get through." Merlin lied, bracing himself as another lash hit him.
His magic kept coming to his aid, though he tried to stop it, and it was building up in his skull, filling his head with white noise as the questions and punishment kept coming. It was not long before he was unconscious again.
Morgana sat up slowly in her cot, trying to keep herself from becoming sick again. Gaius offered her water and she drank it, slowly and gratefully.
"What did you see, child?" He asked when she handed him back his cup.
"I saw Merlin being tortured in a small, dark room. I saw Camelot burning and Arthur and Uther dying. A strange man told me that I was the rightful heir and he sat me on the throne. He put Uther's crown on my head and there was still blood on it, and Gods Gaius it was awful." Morgana gasped out, fighting back tears. "Is that going to happen?"
"Not if we can stop it. I know that I'd normally recommend bed rest right now, but do you think you could meditate on Merlin's location in your room tonight? I fear it will bring you nightmares, but we must find him." Gaius said, patting her hand.
"Of course, Gaius. I shall find him if it is the last thing I do." She vowed, before slowly getting up and carefully walking to the door. She didn't mind the nightmares if it got Merlin back.
Merlin woke up to the buzz of magic in his skull and the sweet relief of someone putting some sort of salve on his wounds.
'Gaius must be changing my bandage.' he thought, ready to drift off to sleep before his memory returned and his eyes snapped open.
"Good to see you're awake." Muirden said, sounding amused.
"Why are you doing this?" Merlin asked, gesturing to the bandages.
"I can't have you getting infected. When you finally remember what side of this fight you're supposed to be on, we'll need you ready for battle." The man said as he finished tying the last bandage. He unhooked Merlin from where he had been positioned at the wall to be whipped and let him sit on the floor once more, though his hands were bound behind him this time.
Merlin watched warily as Muirden sat across from him, grinning as though he knew some great secret.
They sat in silence for a while. Merlin could barely concentrate, the unused magic buzzing beneath his skin made him itchy, like his very blood irritated him. Merlin felt it above all else, even the pain of his back. He shivered with the force of it, though Muirden surely thought it was the cold.
"Why are you smiling? I have yet to give in." Merlin asked, trying to distract himself from his tingling skin.
"I've been scrying all day to see if the great Emrys had a weakness, but I guess I overestimated your power in the court of Camelot." Muirden said, "It turns out that you're nothing but the court whore."
"I-what?" Merlin asked, taken aback.
"Or maybe this is your way of climbing into power? Sucking the king's prick. Or did you just like it? Maybe you have a taste for the Pendragon men." Muirden teased.
Merlin's face flushed with shame. He offered no response.
"Maybe that's the only way to get you to talk, huh? I'll give you something and you give me the information I need?" The sorcerer mused, getting up to his knees and pushing Merlin down until the captive was on his back, hissing in pain.
"Don't." Merlin said, eyes wide. He couldn't reason or talk or even call his magic. It was just like those first times with Uther and Agravaine, he felt so trapped and powerless. His breathing picked up, and as Muirden reached to stroke his face, he struggle to get his arms loose from underneath his own body, serving only to tear at the wounds beneath his bandages.
Muirden's hand traveled from Merlin's face to his pants, which were remarkably intact. He was unlacing the front and Merlin began to hyperventilate, struggling harder. His magic crashed up against the barrier created by the wretched collar and Merlin almost sobbed as the buzzing in his skull almost doubled.
Muirden maneuvered both of their trousers off and began to stroke himself, whispering a spell as he went. Merlin felt a tiny rush of relief when he recognized the spell for its lubrication properties, but that was overwhelmed by the dread of what was about to happen.
"No, no, don't do it Muirden." Merlin gasped out as the man parted his thighs.
"Then tell me what I want to know." Muirden said, lining himself up to penetrate the shaking, unwilling man.
Merlin was silent. He had taken worse than this for the sake of the kingdom before. He closed his eyes and focused on the irritating buzz of magic in his head, trying to take himself away from here.
Muirden thrust in all at once. Merlin whimpered. The magic swelled behind his eyes. Muirden readjusted his grip on Merlin so that his fingers were digging into the cuts under the bandages for leverage.
Every thrust was agony. Merlin felt like he was being ripped apart. The hands on his back tore into him as tears escaped his closed eyes. His torn back was pushed into the rough stone floor over and over. Merlin whimpered in pain, but remained silent. He could do this. He could take this.
He thought, very briefly, about imagining Arthur there, but quickly shoved the thought from his mind. Arthur would never do that, he would never take after his father like that.
Muirden's thrusts were becoming more sporadic, and he hit a bundle of nerves in Merlin that sent a shock through his body. More tears streamed down Merlin's face.
Soon, the man came, deep inside Merlin. When the man pulled out Merlin could still feel it, sticky and wrong. His stomach roiled. Merlin saw the blood on the man's now limp cock.
"Oh, it looks like you're not spent yet." Muirden said, looking at Merlin's half hard member. He reached to touch it, but Merlin curled his legs up, trying to hide himself.
"No," He whispered.
"Nonsense, I insist." The man said, laying his heavy hand on it.
"I-I'll tell you a route. Just let go of me." Merlin said desperately.
"I'll let go after you've told me." Muirden said, moving his hand roughly, to jerk Merlin off.
"No please, stop. I- The safest route is from the west side of the Valley of the Fallen Kings. There are too many scouts to the east." Merlin said, and he described a path that the sorcerer army could take without much notice.
"Very good, Merlin." Muirden said, still moving his hand.
"Now can you stop?" Merlin asked, arching into the touch against his will.
"I'll stop when you're done, Merlin. You don't look very done to me." The man said with a laugh. Another tear escaped Merlin's eyes.
He had never suffered this indignity at another's hand. Once in a great while he would do this to himself late at night, to thoughts of his golden prince, but never like this. This was never taken from him. His magic was welling against his will, and he didn't have the strength to try to tame it. He barely heard anything Muirden was trying to say over the buzzing roar in his ears.
"Please." He whispered. He was so close to the edge, he didn't know if he was begging for it to stop or to get it over with.
"Please?" Muirden taunted, moving his hand faster. Merlin was going to say something more, what he was not sure, but it got cut off with a choked noise as he came, thick white ropes falling to his own exposed stomach.
Muirden licked what was on his hands off, before putting his own trousers on. He repositioned Merlin so that he was sitting up once more, with his hands (which had fallen asleep and felt like tiny knives were stabbing into them after so long underneath him) in front of him once more.
"Thank you for the information, Emrys. You've been most helpful. I'll be back with food and to redress your wounds." Muirden said, turning on his heel and leaving.
Merlin looked around the room, feeling extremely exposed. He saw his pants, and he crawled to them, ignoring the pain everywhere and the buzz in his skull. He could just reach the pants, his collar was choking him as he stretched out his bound arms, but he reached them. Victorious, he struggled to put them back on and curled up on himself.
Merlin shook all over. The buzzing in his skull from his trapped magic was all-consuming. He shuddered and tried to keep it under control, but he was trembling so hard he was afraid he'd shake himself into dust.
He heard a noise and his frayed nerves sent out another swell of magic, which seemed to throw everything over the edge. The buzzing intensified a hundredfold and his eyes rolled back in his head. Merlin fell onto his back from the sitting position and spasmed, like the magic was trying to leave any way possible.
After several long, agonizing moments of terrifying jolts and white noise, Merlin came back to himself. He scrambled into a sitting position, relieved as he felt that the magic had somewhat receded after the episode.
There had been a poor young child in Ealdor that used to spasm the same way Merlin just had. The poor soul had shook the life right out of herself and died at a young age. The thought terrified Merlin. If he didn't get the collar off, would he meet the same fate?
The thought of his home made Merlin sob. What would his mother, what would Will think of him now? His mother risked so much for him and Will gave his life… and now what had Merlin become?
Morgana threw up twice in her chamberpot. She did not dare to close her eyes, or she'd see what fate was befalling her dear friend. She could guess, from the sound, but she did not want her fears confirmed.
She heard Merlin give the route and almost cheered. His description was so desperate and detailed that anyone who knew the forest could find the cave Merlin was in. She wrote down the instructions as she tried to distance herself from scene that was happening.
It was almost noon of the second day after his disappearance and she was glad to know he was alive.
She knew Arthur was worried sick, but he could not even go search for their friend. Uther had suddenly taken a turn for the worse, as Gaius had warned he might, and that man always had the worst timing.
Morgana summoned Gwen to her chamber-who begged to know if she had any news of Merlin-before setting out to find Lancelot.
Lancelot was the only noble in Camelot who knew about Merlin and Morgana's magic, aside from Morgana herself of course. She found him wandering the halls, looking slightly worried like he sometimes did. But when he saw Morgana he just smiled.
"My Lady." He said with a bow.
"Sir Lancelot, I need to ask a favor of you." She said, holding out the paper that she had transcribed Merlin's route onto.
"Anything." He said, taking the paper.
"You know Merlin is missing? Of course you do, Gwen would have mentioned. I know where he is. Just ask Arthur to get some air, go on patrol. Go your own way and follow these directions to commit it to memory. Turn around when you see the cave and come straight back here. Tell Arthur it's an army of Druids." She said as Lancelot looked at the paper.
"Of course, my Lady. I'll go see Arthur right now." He said, bowing slightly and moving to leave.
"And one more thing, Lancelot." Morgana said, catching his arm.
"Yes?"
"Be careful. Gwen will have my head if you should get yourself hurt."
"Of course, Lady Morgana." He said, sounding slightly amused, before rushing off to find Arthur.
Merlin's treatment got worse over the next three days. He was fed once a day and given water every time Muirden came in so that he would not pass out from dehydration, but every time the vile man came in he would have his way with Merlin over and over until Merlin let go of some piece of information or another.
His spasms got worse and more frequent. Muirden called them seizures, since he would seize up and shake. Or maybe it was the duid name for it. Either way Merlin hated them. He trembled all the time now, no matter what was happening. He couldn't sleep, they were so bad.
Lancelot was back in Camelot after only two days with news about a Druid army. Arthur was actually slightly relieved, when he rode out with his closest knights the day after Lancelot returned to scout some more.
As they rode Arthur lost himself in thought. Lancelot was leading, after all. He did not need to pay much attention.
Within the span of a week Arthur had been on an emotional roller coaster. His best friend and lover had betrayed him, and before Arthur would accept his explanation, he was gone. His father, who had led Merlin to his betrayal, was dying, and to make everything worse Druids were attacking his kingdom.
Merlin felt like he was dying. Every breath wracked shudders through his body. His head was split in half, he was sure. He didn't dare move, lest he seize up again.
Muirden hadn't taken pity on him. When he came in, Merlin was ready to give up information just to make him leave. He told the man trivial things about the knights' training. The man was not satisfied and had his way with Merlin anyways.
Merlin had seized three times before Muirden left him.
Uther was right, magic must be evil if it felt like this.
Earlier, he thought he heard Morgana's voice. He and Gaius had been trying to teach her how to send her voice to her friends across long distances. Maybe Gaius had urged her to master it in Merlin's absence, or maybe it was just a hallucination. Either way, it spoke to him.
"Merlin, do not lose hope. Arthur is coming. Hang on for Arthur, Merlin."She said. Her voice sounded so desperate and beautiful, like the sirens that lure men to their death at sea, Merlin wanted to believe it was real. Oh, he wanted to.
But he couldn't. He couldn't let himself believe a fairy tale like that. Arthur hated him now anyways, and rightfully so. He had given away precious information and doomed them all. If Muirden's scheme didn't work, then Cendred would take out their weakened army. It was hopeless.
Now he just waited to die, like the child in his village had. Just shake and shake and shake… until he stopped moving any more.
Lancelot seemed edgy as they camped at night. The next day they would be going into the cave, which was undoubtedly full of Druids, so Arthur supposed he couldn't blame him.
"Don't worry." Arthur said, clapping his friend on the shoulder as they sat up for watch that night, "You'll come home to Gwen."
"I'm not exactly worried for me, sire." Lancelot said, leaning back on his bedroll. And before Arthur could ask what he meant, the man seemed to fall asleep.
The next morning, they approached the cave entrance.
"Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, with me into the cave. Leon, Elyan, you stay out here. The area is probably filled with Druids." Arthur ordered. The knights nodded and followed his commands.
As Arthur led his knights through the cave they encountered two Druids, who they slayed quickly. There was a door, whose lock Gwaine picked easily. Arthur ordered Percival to stay in the hall to warn if anyone should try to follow, and they continued.
Through the door was a hall with many rooms, all with no doors. The rooms seemed empty, which confused Arthur, but one at the end had a door. On the door the word "Emrys" was carved, and the word seemed vaguely familiar to Arthur as Gwaine picked its lock.
Gwaine opened the door. Inside a man was rutting into another man, who seemed to be trying to lie as still as possible.
Arthur moved forward, trying to see who the men were. He snuck up behind the man on top, raising the hilt of his sword so he could knock the man out, rather than kill him. Just as he brought it down on the man's head, he saw the face of the man beneath him,
It was Merlin. He was bloody and beaten and his eyes looked dull and scared, but it was Merlin. Arthur broke into a grin, until the situation Merlin was in dawned on him.
Merlin looked downright terrified to see him. He was shaking so badly that Arthur was afraid he'd sink into the ground.
"Merlin?" Arthur asked. Lancelot was tying up the other man, but Gwaine was staring at his friend, trying to form some kind of reassurance but the words died on his lips.
Merlin backed up against the wall with more energy than Arthur thought he would have had, how hard he was trembling. Arthur followed him and reached out to touch his shoulder.
"P-p-p-please" Merlin stuttered through his shaking.
"Yes? What do you need?" Arthur asked, ghosting his fingers down to rest on his friend's shoulder. He couldn't tell if Merlin was flinching away from him or if his shudders suddenly became more violent.
"G-get it off-f of me." Merlin said desperately, looking up into Arthur's eyes for the first time.
"The ropes?" Arthur asked, taking his sword and slicing through them. Merlin shook his head.
"T-the c-c-c-collar." He said, touching it. Arthur squinted at it, then his eyes went wide. He hadn't noticed at first, but it was a magic restraint collar.
"Merlin…" He said. Another betrayal.
"P-please." Merlin begged.
Arthur looked back at his knights. They both seemed stunned still, like they were afraid to touch Merlin in his state. He looked back at his friend. Merlin looked like he was in so much pain.
"O-or let m-me die." Merlin whispered, so quiet that Arthur was sure the knights didn't hear.
"Let me take it off him, sire." Gwaine spoke. "It's Merlin."
Arthur nodded. Of course, it was Merlin. He couldn't leave his best friend like this, he could never put Merlin through this. His shaking was becoming worse, his eyes rolling back in his head ever so slightly.
"Do it." He ordered, taking a step back and letting Gwaine work.
Lancelot was the one to notice Merlin's eyes before the others. Gwaine was too caught up with taking the blasted collar off and Arthur was too busy being Arthur to notice his eyes turn from dull blue to glowing gold. Lancelot dove onto Gwaine, pulling him aside just in time before Merlin exploded into light and force.
They were all thrown back by the energy, but they looked up in awe at Merlin.
He was encased in a golden light. They watched as his wounds healed right before their eyes. He raised his arms and said words in a language they did not understand, and they felt a ripple of power rush past them.
The sound of thunder and lightning echoed around them, and a dragon's far off roar. And Merlin continued to scream and scream in that unknown language for all the injustices done to him,
Merlin slowly floated down, now dressed in clothes much like his normal servant attire except glowing as brightly as his gold eyes, and he approached the man that Arthur had knocked out.
With a flick of his wrist, the man was awake and on his knees in front of Merlin.
"Emrys-" The man gasped, but Merlin made a motion with his hand and no more noise came from his mouth.
"Muirden." Merlin spat, "You knew, when you captured me, that I am the greatest sorcerer who ever has and ever will walk this Earth, correct?"
The man nodded.
"You speak so highly of our kind, and yet you bound me and tried to take my dignity?" Merlin asked. His voice was so deadly calm that Arthur felt a shiver run down his spine. Merlin was terrifying.
The man shook his head and Merlin made a disapproving noise.
"Don't try to lie to me, I was there. And I refuse to be treated that way." Merlin said, before spouting out a thread of unintelligible words.
The man screamed and screamed with no voice, before falling to the ground, dead.
"Not anymore." Merlin said. He turned back to look at Arthur and his knights, who were still on the floor. His eyes blazed with golden fury, before they cooled to their usual blue.
Merlin fell to his knees.
Arthur rushed over, catching his friend before he had a chance to fall the rest of the way to the floor. Merlin looked as though he was fighting a losing battle with his own eyelids.
He frowned up at Arthur and touched the prince's face. It stung, there must have been a cut there from debris or a fight. Merlin's eyes flashed gold and the stinging was gone. Merlin smiled up at him sleepily.
"No, hang on Merlin! Don't go!" Arthur pleaded, sure his friend was going to die.
"I'm not going anywhere you big prat. I just… need to…. sleep." And with that, his eyes fluttered closed and he slept.
When they met Percival in the hall, the big man looked slightly afraid. Arthur promised to explain once they set up camp away from this godsforsaken cave. Percival offered to carry Merlin, but Arthur declined.
When they found Leon and Elyan outside the cave, they were surprised to see a lot of dead, soaking wet Druids. The very dry Leon and Elyan explained that there was an ambush, but a storm killed all the Druids that attacked, even lifting some of them in its wind and carrying them away.
Elyan told them how he saw the Great Dragon fly off to the east, towards Cendred's land.
As they set up camp for the night, Gwaine told them all about rescuing Merlin. The knights all seemed pretty impressed and terrified by Merlin's power.
That night, Arthur and Lancelot sat up as watch again, neither able to sleep.
"You knew, didn't you?" Arthur asked, remembering how Lancelot saved Gwaine.
"I knew. He let it slip the first time we met, and I could have thrown him to the wolves, but… It's Merlin. He has a way of wriggling into your heart." Lancelot confessed.
"Yeah." Arthur said, glancing at the still sleeping form of his friend. "He really does."
When they arrived in Camelot, Gaius and Morgana were waiting as though they expected Merlin to be there. Arthur saved that in his mind for later though, as he had to go see his father.
"I fear he will not recover, sire." Gaius said, though he was looking at Merlin. Arthur knew that Gaius was like a father to his servant, so he would not keep the man long.
"I'll go see him then." Arthur said, beginning to turn away. He stopped for a moment. "Oh, and Gaius?" He called back.
"Yes, sire?" The old man asked.
"Treat Merlin in my chambers."
"Yes, sire."
Arthur's father died three days later. They buried him two days after he died. Arthur shut himself in his room with Merlin, only allowing Gaius and Gwen to enter, and only to treat Merlin or bring food.
Merlin had yet to wake up.
Leon told the knights that he was grieving, and he supposed he must have been. Morgana had knocked on the door more than once, and he wanted to see her, but after his father confessed that they were siblings on his deathbed, Arthur didn't know what to think at all.
Gwen told him knew from Lancelot and the other knights. Reports of suspected sorcerers just up and vanishing flooded the kingdom, and word from the east said that a dragon had slain Cendred, but not his witch queen Morgause. Agravaine had gone missing, and no one was sure where he was.
The court was functioning alright, Gaius had told him as he heard from Morgana, and they had decided to hold off coronation for about a month, as was custom. They were not at war, so there was no real rush.
The day after Arthur's father was buried, Merlin woke up. Arthur was there, watching Merlin to be sure the man was still breathing, when his eyes fluttered open.
Merlin looked around, as though unsure of his surroundings. When his eyes landed on Arthur he smiled sleepily, and Arthur could not help but smile back.
But his smile fell as he watched the realization of what had happened dawn on Merlin's face. His eyes looked scared when he looked at Arthur. After a long silence, he spoke.
"What are you going to do to me?" Merlin asked quietly. His voice was determined though, something Arthur wasn't really expecting.
"If I were to put you to death, would you go?" Arthur asked, raising a brow.
"For being a sorcerer, no." Merlin said, looking down. "But for other crimes against the kingdom… death is less than I deserve."
"What other crimes?" Arthur asked, confused.
"I told Muirden information." Merlin confessed to the blankets, before looking Arthur in the eye, "I tried to hold out, but I guess I'm just weak."
"I thought you were the strongest sorcerer to ever walk this earth." Arthur said, recalling what Merlin had said in the cave.
"Yes, but without my magic I'm just a servant. Just a boy from Ealdor. Without it, I'm powerless." Merlin explained. "Ar-sire. If you were to send me to the stakes, I'd go. You're my king, you're my-" He stopped, curling his fist in the blanket.
"What am I?" Arthur prompted.
"You're my destiny. I'm yours to command, sire." Merlin said quietly.
"Well it's a good thing I'm not going to kill you then." Arthur said, causing Merlin to look up. "It's amazing that you've been such a worthless servant, when you could have used magic to help you this entire time." Arthur smiled, trying to joke.
"Sorry, sire." Merlin said quietly, his voice choked up like he'd cry.
"No, no. Merlin…" Arthur grabbed the sorcerer's hand, "You're fine. Best servant I've ever had. And since when do you call me sire?"
Merlin gripped Arthur's hand tighter, letting out a watery laugh as a tear streaked down his face. "Arthur... You don't hate me?"
"Of course not. I'll be right back, Merlin. I've just got to go get Gaius to check on you. And Morgana and the knights will murder me if I don't let them see you." Arthur said, removing his hand from Merlin's.
"Don't… don't let them see me. I only want Gaius. And you." Merlin said, twisting his hand into the blanket once more.
"Alright." Arthur said, "Whatever you need."
After that, Arthur knew for sure that Merlin had been on his side all along, with unwavering loyalty. The least he could do was keep him company.
Merlin slept a lot. Gaius was relieved, because after Merlin related his tales about his seizures in the cave the old man had thought they may be permanent. But it seemed that Merlin just needed to regain strength and energy. As long as he didn't put himself into another coma, Gaius was happy.
Gwen left food outside the the door now, as Merlin would not allow anyone but Arthur and Gaius in. It was only a two days since Merlin awoke, so no real problems arose, but Merlin would have to get over Gwen within the week, otherwise Gaius would be emptying their chamberpot.
When Arthur told him of the king's death, Merlin looked relieved for a second, before he apologized to Arthur for his loss.
Merlin had nightmares all the time. He didn't talk much at all, really only listened to Arthur talking about court things he heard from Gaius, but when he slept he spoke loud and clear.
Sometimes he was crying for his mother, or Gaius, or even the Great Dragon. But mostly, when he called out for help in his sleep, Merlin asked for Arthur. Gaius had told Arthur to try to let Merlin sleep through them, but the prince-king… whatever he was now, couldn't let his friend suffer in silence.
He would climb into the bed with Merlin and wrap his arms around the sorcerer. It seemed to help, Merlin usually quieted. And then Arthur would move away, back to his side of the bed or the chair, before Merlin awoke.
One night, though, when Arthur tried to move away Merlin awoke.
"Stay." Merlin said sleepily, catching Arthur's arm and pressing on it so that Arthur was lying inches away from Merlin, facing him.
"Merlin..." Arthur whispered, wanting to move, but Merlin was caressing his cheek and it was the first real contact that Merlin had initiated since they were in the cave and Merlin healed him.
"Arthur." Merlin breathed, moving closer to kiss him.
Arthur pulled away. "I can't." He said, sitting up.
Tears welled in Merlin's eyes and he nodded to the blankets. "Of course, I apologize." He swallowed hard, "I forgot myself for a moment, of course you wouldn't want tainted lips to touch yours."
"What? No, it's not that. Merlin, you're not tainted." Arthur assured him, taking his hand, "I just cannot kiss you when your heart doesn't belong to me."
"What are you talking about?" Merlin asked, bemused.
"My father. I know he's dead, but you must be mourning his loss." Arthur said, and Merlin's eyes went wide with understanding and fear.
Merlin felt as sick as he had weeks ago, when Arthur had found out about what Uther did to him. He stuttered over his words, half terrified that they'd bring the man back from the dead.
"I didn't- I- he was… Arthur, he was doing that from the day I came into your service." Merlin blurted out.
Now Arthur was confused. If Merlin had such a long relationship with Uther, why would he betray him for Arthur?
"I-I don't wish to speak ill of your father to you… especially… especially while you're in mourning." Merlin said, gesturing with his free hand to Arthur's dark clothing.
"What is it? I need to know, Merlin." Arthur said, gripping the sorcerer's hand tighter.
"I didn't want it." Merlin said fast and low, like a secret. "I fought him the first time, but… he's the king. He is entitled to whatever he desires."
Arthur's head was reeling. He had speculated…. but he never thought his father would actually force someone. Had this happened to Morgana's mother as well? He thought back to when he caught them. Merlin hadn't even been touching Uther, his hands were behind his back, like he was forbidden to.
Merlin panicked in the silence. "It.. It was only my mouth, sire. It wasn't that bad, I wasn't.. he only forced me those first few times. I couldn't have- If I'd used magic it would've been worse for everyone. It wasn't like it was anything worth defending anyways." Merlin spouted out.
"Was there anyone else? Anyone else who used you without your permission?" Athur asked, tightening his grip on Merlin's hand even further.
Merlin fell silent.
"Merlin, you have nothing and no one to fear."
"Agravaine." Merlin whispered, "That was my fault though. He… he saw me with Uther and he wanted… I could have fought back, could have used magic and no one would have known. But.. but he was all you had left of your mother and I couldn't take that from you. And later… when he came here to stay, he would leave correspondence on his desk. He thought I couldn't read." He swallowed hard.
"Merlin…"
"I mean, Uther was already… It wasn't like it was much new, was it? And I learned of all his attempted strikes on the throne and I stopped them." Merlin continued as though Arthur hadn't spoke. "He forced me every time, though. He said he liked it."
Arthur had gone very still. "Attempted strikes?" He asked, though that was not the only question on his mind.
"I tried to warn Uther. One day after… after he was done I told him about the papers I found on Agravaine's desk. He told me that speaking against Agravaine was an act of treason. He told me I'd be burned if I brought it up again, and if I were to tell you…" Merlin shuddered at the memory of the threats Uther had spouted at him.
"Merlin…" Arthur said, at a loss for how to comfort him.
"Taking care of it myself was the only way." Merlin said, staring at the blankets as though they held all the answers to life's questions.
Arthur's free hand found it's way to Merlin's chin, gently making him look up. Merlin saw a million questions in Arthur's eyes.
"Did you think I was going to become like my father?" Arthur asked, "After we kissed and you kept being sick... Is that what you thought?"
"Yes," Merlin admitted, "I was afraid you'd use me like that. Although I would have agreed to whatever you asked. I didn't want to know if you'd continue if I asked you to stop." He moved to free his face of Arthur's grip and Arthur let him go.
"I would have stopped. Did you want me to kiss you?" Arthur asked, fearing Merlin would say no.
"Yes." Merlin breathed, "I was afraid of what Uther would do if he found out... And I was afraid I'd become a regret for you, but... I wanted it. Wanted you."
"I must have made your destiny hard for you." Arthur commented, stroking Merlin's cheek again.
"Yeah." Merlin laughed, lifting Arthur's spirits, "When you weren't being an oblivious prat or getting into trouble, you were making me fall in love with you. What am I going to do with you?"
"I don't know." Arthur said happily, removing his hand from Merlin's grip so that he could hold the sorcerer in his arms.
After a long moment of contented silence, Merlin spoke.
"What is going to happen to the magic ban?"
"Depends. Where did you send all the sorcerers?" Arthur asked, having figured out that Merlin was the reason for their disappearance.
"To a Druid camp. I sent all the good ones I knew of, and some misguided ones as well. They need to learn. And they need to know there are others they can trust." Merlin said, "I also sent Agravaine to his grave, so he won't be coming to Camelot any more."
Arthur thought about that for a moment. "When you were in the collar, you looked like you were in pain."
"I was. Those are meant for weaker sorcerers. But my magic was too strong, it just built up until I would spasm and the pressure would give a little. But it got worse and worse every time. I was sure that the collar was how I was going to die. I could barely see straight when you came into the cave." Merlin explained after a brief silence.
"I'll lift the ban," Arthur said after a thoughtful silence, "But I need you to help me keep the sorcerers following the law. I don't know if brute force could keep them all in check." Merlin grinned.
"Of course. Does that mean I'll be a knight?"
"Yeah, I guess it would. Gods, I never thought I'd see the day where you'd be a knight. The world must have fallen into anarchy." Arthur teased.
"Oh shut up, you big prat." Merlin said trying to elbow the prince and only succeeding in getting himself twisted around in Arthur's arms, so their faces were barely an inch apart.
"Merlin." Arthur breathed, a ghost of a grin still on his face, "Can I kiss you?"
"Yes." Merlin whispered back, and he felt Arthur's warm lips press against his own. He put his hands on Arthur's shoulders, giving himself leverage as Arthur's lips moved against his in a slow, closed mouth kiss.
Arthur licked Merlin's lower lip, and the sorcerer pulled away. It was a little too much. He grinned at Arthur though, to show he was okay, before pressing another short, closed kiss to the prince's lips.
Merlin yawned. The conversation had been so draining, and his energy still hadn't recovered from letting all his magic go at once.
"Get some sleep." Arthur said, putting his hand on Merlin's head and guiding it to rest on his chest.
"Tomorrow can we see Gwaine? And Lancelot?" Merlin asked sleepily, "I've missed them. Gwen and Morgana as well."
"Yeah. Tomorrow we can see them all." Arthur promised.
And Merlin went to sleep.