The Three Little Pigs
(Modernized version)
This is a modernized version of the well-known tale 'The Three Little Pigs'. It incorporates sarcasm, irony as well as a certain degree of cynicism to make a somewhat humorous piece.
Once upon a point in time, as a result of a horrific scientific experiment gone awry, four snout nosed members of an animal family lived together in a poverty stricken part of the society. Some undeterminable amount of time later, the leader of the group indicated to the followers that the economy was falling into depression, thus it was necessary for them to take a long service leave, in order to recover their previous level of assets.
'My children,' the leader said, 'you are using up too many of our assets. It is high time for you to start to give back what you have taken.'
The assiduous followers organized their belongings and initiated a plan for the building of a place of residence. Due to the dysfunctional nature of their relationship, it was necessary thing to take leave of each other's company and seek their own kismet.
One of the snout nosed members of the faction encountered a section of land that it felt was to its satisfaction. Due to the strikes of workers at both the brick and wood mills, the unfortunate creature was obligated to use any necessary means to replicate his original place of residence. The ill-fated mortal implemented the building of its residence, using a insubstantial substance of yellow colour.
During the building of this abode, the local villain while eavesdropping on many a conversation, came upon the knowledge that a tasty morsel could be within his grasp. A most unfortunate incident happened as a result of this lethal knowledge. The insidious perpetrator used the excess amount of wind in his system to lead to the fact; the domicile of the pig felt the forces of nature upon it. The stress level on the surface was too great and it succumbed to the airstream, declining to the surface below the nasty piece of work's feet.
The wretched inhabitant of the residence was forced to flee while the inflamed perpetrator followed in hot pursuit. After taking flight for numerous numbers of days, the victim of a house attack came upon a sibling borne of the same brood.
'Protect me from the sinister creature that contributed to the destruction of my dwelling,' the quivering creature begged while grasping onto the entrance for support.
The sibling of the victim relented after much consideration on his behalf. The trembling prey settled into the new abode, but before long, the inflamed bully realised the extent of his victim's trickery. The tormenter, after ascertaining the address of the new residence, came up to the door and threatened the two siblings with the certainty of immediate demise.
The second residence was also a rather flimsy one, due to the lack of expertise of the builder. The tyrant wolf surveyed the situation with amusement and with only minimum force managed to ascertain the result he hoped for. The two terrified siblings clung to each other with only one hope in their minds, the nerdy third sibling. They scampered away in a random direction for another indeterminable amount of time. This time the infuriated villain followed in pursuit of the tasty morsel promised to him.
The nerdy third sibling had always been a victim of his brothers' relentless mockery and always on the receiving end of verbal repartee, due to the fact his IQ when tested had fallen off the end of the scale. The other two siblings felt a sense of inadequacy when in his company almost to the extent of both of them developing the syndrome ADD. When the two afore mentioned came rushing to his door as if escaping from a murder scene, the intellectual third party inquired to their reason of visit.
The victimised flung themselves at their brother's doorstep pleading to be allowed to enter the life-saving residence. The intelligent brother felt that something was urgent in their actions so he opened the door and allowed entrance.
The before mentioned villain came again rushing in search of his meal to satisfy his ever hungry stomach. Trying the tried and true method of propelling the house down using a deep breath, he found it inadequate. Since the individualistic wolf was an adventurous creature, he decided it necessary to try other means of attaining his prey. The third residence had a curious structure at the top of it, from which billows of grey stuff was flying out. It was there the wolf decided after much contemplation, that he would be able to penetrate the impenetrable fortress. Using his pectoral muscles, the wolf managed to make it to the top of the residence. Looking down, he experienced a sudden sense of the height of the building. Feeling his knees weaken under the constant strain, the wolf succumbed to the forces of gravity ending up in a hot liquid substance, which was placed there by the intelligent owner of the residence, under the opening. Feeling as if the fires of hell were penetrating his skin, the wolf jumped out of the cauldron, while shouting obscenities at the pigs, indicated that he would seek legal advice. Running out of the door, the wolf hopped down the steep hill, feeling as if knives were penetrating his feet.
The pigs received a notice of eviction from the council a few days later, telling them that the wolf had indeed sought legal action and would be seeing them in court.
'Ah,' sighed the third when he read this piece of news, 'This is what comes from living in the modern ages.'
A/N: Well did you like it?