God. There's nothing that excites me more than diving headfirst into an early staged archive! Let's me get established nice and early, move in my furniture, meet the neighbors, etc. Anyway, a few things for the average reader to be aware of before thy ventures further. I love Space Dandy, in all its quirky spontaneous wit, however when I write I need minimal amounts of actual, momentous conflict to be the cornerstones of any Fanfction I produce. This being the case, while I will try my best to keep the characters in, well, character, and I will not completely shy away from comical banters and perverted jokes, please expect continuancy and an actual plot line. So if random super nova exterminations are what you're looking for, turn back now.
Now, let's get down to business, baby.
Chapter 1: Raging Bonesarian
"Shoot it you idiot!" A stylish young man with perfect hair yells over the roar of an enraged alien. The grey sandy floor of the unexplored planet ignites in green brilliance as a beam of energy meets its target.
The blast seems to do nothing more but aggravate the assailant further. The eight foot tall monster roars and swings its sharpened tail around its head violently, it's eyes locked on the shooter. Bones of past meals cover its muscular mass and long spines jut out of the creatures back and mouth.
"Run Meow!" A robotic toned voice shouts amidst the chaos.
"Aw shit!" The cat like Betelgeusian groans in fear, sprinting in the opposite direction of the oncoming monster.
"Dandy! What do we do?" The familiar voice of QT rings across the scream of their feline friend.
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!" The man stammers, running a hand through perfectly combed hair in frustration.
"I told you a Bonesarian was out of our league!" The robot retorts angrily.
"Nothing is out of my league QT! Sure this may be a little difficult, but there's nothing I can't handle." Dandy defensively replies with a cocky grin. The ground shakes and the sound of panic grows louder, Meow leading the livid creature straight toward his companions.
"Do something!" The Betelgeusian demands hysterically.
"Don't lead it toward us!" QT pleads, speeding across dessert like sands, out of harm's way.
"Go get the ship!" Dandy shouts to the fleeing robot.
Meow falls to the sandy ground, a look of horror on his face, the monstrosity already upon him. "Now now, good Bonesarian, good Bonesa-" The alien slams an armored fist into the ground, narrowly missing Meow's head. "A little help!" A rock ricochets off the skull like mask of the creature, grasping its attention.
"That's right baby, come to Dandy!" The young man shouts arrogantly, lobbing a continuous volley of rocks.
The alien's growl booms across the sands, red saliva visible against the black sky as it hurls toward Dandy, falling against the sand and igniting its resting place in instantaneous volatile flame. Another pebble slams into the monster's mask seconds before a ray of violet crashes into the being, casting the surroundings in bright light.
The world goes silent as the smoke clears. The Bonesarian lies motionless against the ground, the bone that protects its chest charred and smoking. "What did you do?" Meow asks in curiosity, slowly raising himself from the ground.
"I don't think that was me, cat." He replies, scanning the skies.
The sound of running engines tears through the sky in quick pursuit of the sleek black plated space craft that rips through the atmosphere at blistering speeds. It slows itself, levitating above the two curious onlookers, and begins to descend.
"You think they have something to do with that blast?" Meow asks with a risen eyebrow, the large barrel of a cannon retracting into the ship's hull.
"What gave it away?" Dandy replies with a disappointed expression on his face.
The craft appears slightly larger than the Aloha Oe, with three wings instead of two, and a more cruel, abrasive looking design. It lands quietly, and as its engines die, the entrance ramp slowly lowering itself to the planet's surface.
A black hooded figure swiftly strolls down the ramp, a mechanical mask resembling an air respirator hiding any facial identification. A long, curved sheath hangs from the figures left hip, and shining crimson eyes add the only color to the otherwise solid black exterior of the stranger.
"You can go now. We will be bringing in the Bonesarian." An arguably male voice states in monotone, sounding almost mechanic through the mask.
"Wait. What do you mean, we can go?" Meow questions the man with caution. "We appreciate the help and all, but if you're looking to take the alien we worked our asses off to catch you can go."
"Kitty's right buddy. This is our alien. Our woolongs. Sorry to disappoint, but find your own." Dandy backs with a shrug before speaking into the communication device on his wrist. "QT, we have the Bonesarian under control, are you almost here? A couple of weirdos showed up and I think it'd be best if we got out of here as soon as possible."
"How did you manage that?" QT exclaims through the device, obviously impressed.
"I told you it wasn't out of my league." Dandy smirks, disregarding the acceptance of any aid.
"A Betelgeusian an outdated bot and the under qualified nobody. I've heard about you and your crew around the Alien Registration Center. How in the world did you bring in the Deathgarian?" The man mocks in disbelief.
Another mysterious figure makes its way down the craft ramp, speaking in what could only be a woman's voice. "Are they really trying to take credit for this? It would have killed them if we hadn't brought it down." A large rifle hangs across her back, and her hands rest on the handle of her sidearm.
"Under qualified?" Dandy repeats in offense.
"What's wrong with being a Betelgeusian?" Meow asks angrily, the weapon from earlier still tight in his grasp.
"What's wrong with it?" The man snaps, agitated. "You and every other species absorb resources the human race could use in its quest for expansion. You pollute the Universe with your animistic, savage culture and imperfections. That's what's wrong with it you filthy animal, you take up space." The man retorts viciously.
"I truly wish our naive thoughts of being alone in the Universe all those years ago had been true, Rederin." The woman comments, expressionless behind her mask.
"I'm guessing you're both from Earth then?" Dandy questions them, uninterested.
"The one and only," The woman responds.
"And I'm guessing your hunters." He questions again.
"You guessed right again, Dandy. Maybe you're not as dumb as I thought." The man replies this time, a sneer audible in his tone.
"Well listen up you two." Dandy states, pointing his finger at the opposing hunters with prosecution. "This Bonesarian is ours. We found him, the reward is ours. We didn't ask for your help, so scat. Now if you'll excuse us." Dandy finishes, turning his attention away from the others, eyes focused on the approaching shape of the Aloha Oe in the distance.
"Yea, screw off!" Meow adds with a rude gesture.
"Can I kill the cat?" The woman asks the man nonchalantly.
"I don't see why not, Dexa." He replies with equal uncaring.
"What?" Meow says slowly, eyeing the suspicious characters, slightly fearful. "Dandy let's get out of here, there's something off about these two."
"Dandy there's another ship right next to you and Meow." QT's voice blares across the communication band.
"We know that, QT, now hurry up and land so we can bring in the Bonesarian cash in the bounty and go to boob-"A round of violet flashes by Dandy's face, inches from his head.
Dexa stares through her scope shamelessly, preparing for another shot; Rederin remains motionless watching the scene unfold without a word.
"This chick's crazy!" Dandy shouts in a high pitched voice, a second beam flying in between his legs. "QT hurry!" Dandy squeals, jumping behind the landing Aloha Oe as bursts of gun fire continue to bombard the position.
A bright flash of green darts toward the sniper, striking her in the arm and causing her to drop her weapon. "Oh crap, I actually hit her!" Meow shouts, holding Dandy's gun from earlier tightly in his grasp.
"Get in here, Meow!" Dandy orders, boarding his ship in a frantic paced scuffle. The Betelgeusian darts toward the escape, a fleeting glance at the opposing vessel offering a disheartening observation, Rederin was gone, and the body of the sniper lies limp against the ramp. The air in front of Meow begins to shift and distort, the man's cloaking device turning off in stages. The robed assailant drives his fist into the feline's abdomen, sending him to the air. He draws the previously hidden blade from its sheath, its black metallic shine and keen edge sending a shiver down Meow's spine.
"Disgusting alien." He insults through the mechanized mask. Meow notices the Aloha Oe carefully picking up the unmoving Bonesarian and placing it in the containment cell, seemingly oblivious to his predicament.
"What about me!" He screams at the ship.
"Here kitty." The hooded man whispers quietly, thrusting the elongated sword toward the cowering cat's chest. Rederin's mass spirals into a blur as it skids across the ground feet away, the foot of the Hawaii Yankee retracting after its power kick.
"He almost killed me!" Meow shouts up to the pilot of the mecha.
"Don't worry I had it all under control." Dandy promises from the cockpit, transforming back into the Little Aloha and opening the entrance, allowing Meow to shakily climb aboard. Dandy hastily reattaches the classic car look alike to the rest of the ship, and transmits a quick order to QT. "Get us out of here, bot."
The Aloha Oe ignites its engines with a roar, and lifts into the sky, gaining distance from the sporadic war zone. From the window, Meow glares down at the still black specs, and sighs in relief to find the black ship not in pursuit.
"What happened? Why did they shoot at us?" QT asks curiously.
"I'm not to sure QT, but they were trying to take credit for the Bonesarian." Dandy replies with a dirty look to the now distant surface.
"Then they shot at us." Meow adds with a shrug, updating the just past events to his profile page.
"We don't have to worry about it anymore, though." Dandy states with a grin, "The Bonesarian is ours, and so is the five hundred thousand Woolong bounty money!" He finishes with a chuckle. "Warp us to the ARC, QT!"
XxX
"What a second darling what do you mean the reward is only two hundred and fifty thousand Woolongs?! Not trying to sound greedy but what happened to the other half!" Dandy argues with the familiar face behind the desk.
Scarlet sighs heavily, fixing her glasses, and points to the caged alien. "The Bonesarian you brought in is dead, you fool. So you get half the bounty, our guidelines are plastered against every wall in the ARC, are you blind or simply illiterate?"
"I... Well I don't usually kill the alien's I'm trying to resister so... QT! Why didn't you tell me about that?" Dandy accuses, slightly embarrassed.
"None of our previous captures have ever ended in fatalities... It's never really been a topic of discussion." The bot explains slowly.
"Yea I feel kind of bad..." Meow adds, guilt in his eyes as he stares down the deceased alien.
"I have to admit, I would never have expected your crew to bring in a dead submission. Are you trying to take after Grim?" Scarlet asks, pushing a button on her desk and sending the corpse through the transportation pipes.
"What's a Grim?" Dandy asks, eyes fixated on the freshly printed Woolongs that seem to stream endlessly from a small cashier on the woman's desk.
"Grim is currently the most well known alien hunting crew out there." QT interjects. "They've brought in all forms of extremely rare and often dangerous unregistered aliens."
"However, none of the accepted specimens have ever survived the capture." Scarlet says, counting the stack of money in front of her. "Brutal but efficient."
"Don't they lose out on half the reward money?" Meow asks.
"They make up for the vitality penalty with quantity." She answers with a shrug. "Two hundred and fifty thousand Woolongs. Now get out of here, there's a line." Scarlet orders sharply, handing the anxious human the neatly layered sum of cash.
The infinite of space slowly crawls past the Aloha Oe as it drifts through open void. "We are going to Boobies baby! And we never have to leave!" Dandy giddily proclaims with a dance of excitement.
"The money won't last forever, Dandy." QT informs him, discontented with the human's lack of ambition.
"Oh you're right QT, the Woolongs will eventually run dry, but the ever burning determination to never release our hold on the firm, supple grasp of Boobies will ensure future success. There will always be another payout, another alien. Because Boobies are worth fighting for." Dandy rambles in self justification and idiocy.
"Right." QT replies, turning its attention away from the ranting man and noticing Meow, staring out the window deep in thought, a rather unusual find. "What's wrong, Meow? Don't you want to celebrate as well?"
"Yea I do and all it's just that... I've been thinking about what Scarlet said... About Grim and all... You don't think that, the crazy people with encountered back on the Bonesarian's planet could have been them, do you?" He questions the robot with a twitch of his tail.
"I don't know... I would hope not, considering you shot one of them." Dandy interjects with a giggle, throwing Woolongs into the air.
"Highly unlikely, Meow." QT answers with an upbeat tone, "From what I've learned, Grim has five crew mates, and we only saw two back there."
"What if they stayed in the ship? What if we stole a bounty from them?"
"We didn't steal anything from them. We caught the thing fair and square." Dandy interrupts again. "And besides, even if it was them back there, do you really think they would track us down simply because we refused to give them our alien and then defended ourselves when they attacked us? Sure they might be a little upset that they were beat by the best, but they'll get over it. There's no need to keep a grudge over something so small... Right?"
A/N: Putting a somewhat serious toned element into this Fanfiction was way harder than I thought, but I hope you all enjoyed. Let me know what you thought!
~B