A/N: Scarlet and Dreamer, the creators of Two Crazies and a Pen welcome you to our collaboration for Naruto. Be prepared for some wackiness in Rescue Me!
In the Village of Konoha, there was trouble brewing. Two new ninjas had arrived in the Village, wielding unspeakable powers of doom and destruction. They held the lives of all of Konoha in their hands and they were stranger than anyone that Konoha had ever encountered.
Their names were Scarlet and Dreamer. Their purpose in Konoha was unknown and their mission, never mentioned. But the part that troubled the villagers of Konoha the most was their special powers. The power of the Author…
Naruto and Kakashi were talking about Tsunade's newest headaches: the new ninjas. They had heard plenty about them, but they had yet to see them.
"I don't even think they're real!" Naruto exclaimed, crossing his arms. "If they were as bad as the others claim they are, we'd have seen them by now, but we haven't! So, they can't be real!"
"Oh, then you can explain why Neji is dancing," Kakashi said, not looking up from his newest Icha Icha book.
"Ha! Neji dancing? That won't happen in a million years!" Naruto sighed and looked at his sensei. "Kakashi-sensei, I think you need to get your eye checked."
"Or perhaps you really are too stupid to look behind you," Kakashi shot back.
Naruto growled. "I am not stupid! A little slow, maybe, but not stupid!"
"Then turn your little slow ass around already."
With a frustrated sigh, Naruto glanced over his shoulder. To his surprise, he saw the one thing he never expected to see in his lifetime. Neji Hyuuga was dancing around like a crazy fool…or a chicken with its head cut off. Naruto couldn't decide between the two. He just stared at the Hyuuga, dumbfounded and speechless and frozen in place.
"Neji! Why the hell are you dancing?" Naruto demanded once he was able to recover.
Neji's jaw tightened in anger, but he continued to dance. "Do you think I want to dance? I have no control over this! These foolish movements are involuntary, I can assure you, Naruto!"
Naruto's mouth twitched and then he burst out laughing. "This is great! Neji's doing interpretive dances…the only problem is, I don't have a camera! Kakashi-sensei, do you have a camera?"
"If he pulls out a camera, I'm going to kill you both when I break free of this Jutsu!" Neji growled, his lavender eyes glowing in his fury.
"When did they get a-hold of you?" Kakashi asked, still not looking up.
"While I was off training by myself! I was completely caught off guard! I didn't even know what hit me until it was too late!" Neji shouted in his anger. "What I can't understand is how they got me…I had the Byakugan activated and everything! I should have been able to see them!"
"You couldn't see us because we weren't there," a new voice stated boldly.
The three turned to see two female ninja standing where no one had been before. The shorter of them was just taller than Neji, with crimson eyes and long purple hair. She wore a white shirt with huge sleeves, knee-length orchid pants, black sandals, and her Leaf headband tied around her right arm, where she also wore a black glove over her hand.
The tallest one had long black and white hair tied in a thick braid that was draped over her should and pale lavender eyes. She wore a black linen tube top under a mesh shirt, a short jacket with no sleeves, black form fitting pants, and black sandals. Her Leaf headband was tied around her left arm.
In both females hands were a notebook and a pencil. Writing was scrawled on the shorter one's notebook and from where he stood, Naruto could make out Neji's name.
"You were the ones who made Neji start dancing?" Naruto asked with a smile on his face.
"Yes," the taller ninja said with a small smile. "I am Scarlet and my companion is Dreamer. We have the kekkei genkai of the Author, but as you can probably tell from our appearance, we are not related in any way."
"Well, you two are geniuses!" Naruto declared, giving them two thumbs up. "Anyone who can make Neji embarrass himself is a genius in my books!"
Dreamer smiled and her cheeks took a light tint of pink to them. "Thank you for that. We could do worse if we wanted to. In fact, Scarlet's been wanting to get back at her fellow Branch members for quite some time now. We could torture Neji all day."
Neji gasped. "You're a Branch member?"
Scarlet smirked. "I was a Branch member. Left the house while the getting was good because our family couldn't accept a girl that can control their fate yet didn't use her powers to help them. Damn gene mutations to hell…Well, at least this one makes life interesting. And I really don't care that much that they disowned me…It's just the way they did it that got to me. Throwing me out in the streets…How rude!"
"Revenge coming right up, Scar!" Dreamer exclaimed and held her notebook at the ready.
"NO!" Neji exclaimed.
Neji's dance speed increased before he dropped down into a splits move, causing Kakashi and Naruto to grimace. He remained in that position for a full thirty seconds before standing up. His expression was that of an angry person, but his stance had changed. He looked directly at Naruto before opening his mouth.
"Could you pwetty-pwease braid my hair, Naruto-sama?" he asked with the voice of a six-year-old girl.
Naruto guffawed and fell to the ground, rolling with laughter. "That is priceless!"
Scarlet smiled at Naruto's reaction. "Yes, it is, but I'm frankly growing bored. Torturing Neji isn't as fun as I thought it would be." Her eyes lit up. "Maybe I can make him a little puppet for awhile."
"Okay." Dreamer ripped out the piece of paper she'd been writing on and it burnt up in her hands. "It's your turn to have fun with him."
Neji had a moment of reprieve from his torture. His eyes narrowed and a vein throbbed on his forehead. "You will not do anything else to me or I'll tell Lady Tsunade on you!"
"Ooh, what a tattle tale," Dreamer commented with a frown.
"I think I'll start with that first," Scarlet said, scribbling something down. "Neji suddenly stops speaking because his lips become zipped up..."
Neji's eyes widened as his lips suddenly closed together and didn't open again. Muted sounds came from his throat, but the sounds were trapped there. His eyes narrowed and his hands prepared to form a silent Jutsu. Then his hands separated and twisted in the sleeves of his shirt. Glowing chakra threads were connected to different parts of his body and they were coming from the right hand of Scarlet.
"Oh did we forget to mention that? Yeah, she has that Puppet Master Jutsu," Dreamer remarked casually. "We have many surprises about us that you will discover…in time."
"Why are you wearing a glove on your right hand?" Kakashi inquired suddenly.
Dreamer lifted said arm and looked at it as one might look at a bug. "This? Oh, it's nothing. Just a memento to the great musician Michael Jackson." Then her face took a dark tint to it as she turned her gaze to the others. "Or is it? Guess that's for me to know and you to find out."
"Boring!" Scarlet yawned and used her Puppet Master Jutsu on Neji to make him act like a duck followed by other funny scenarios. "Who cares about why she's wearing that glove? Let's do something fun already!"
Naruto pondered for a moment. "Well, there are other people who'd be fun to use your powers on. There's always Bushy Brows and Gai, and then there's that dumb Ino-pig. And of course Jiraiya is always fun to pull pranks on. Yup. In Konoha, the possibilities are endless."
"We know," Dreamer said, flexing her grip on her notebook. "We have already terrorized many of the villagers. In fact, someone should be running by in the next few seconds with a man sized cigarette chasing them." She giggled. "That should teach them to blow smoke in my face."
Seconds later, an old man came running by with a cigarette chasing him. Sparks flew in Neji's beautiful hair and muted screams came from his throat as the sparks caught flame.
"Things are about to get rather interesting," Scarlet said with a smirk as she made Neji stand on the very tip of his toes.
Sakura was leaning against the railing of her balcony, looking glum as usual ever since she discovered that Naruto failed to bring Sasuke back. Tsunade had granted her a break from medical training for today since she was busy hunting down those two new troublemakers to order them to undo their 'remodeling' of her. Sakura didn't mind so long as those girls stayed away from her and her friends and didn't threaten the village. They had enough problems as it was.
She sighed. If only she didn't have to be alone…
"Hey! Sakura!" Naruto called from the street below. "Look who we found!"
Sakura turned her emerald gaze down. Naruto was there with Kakashi, two unknown female figures, and a strange-acting Neji. As soon as she saw the notepads in the girls' arms, she knew who they were and why Neji was acting so strange. It was them…the ones with the power of the Author. They had finally made contact with people she knew.
"C'mon, Sakura! They're going to play around with the villagers for our entertainment!" Naruto shouted excitedly.
"Naruto, don't you know how dangerous those two are? You should get away from them while you still have the chance!" Sakura warned.
"Oh come now! We're not that bad," Dreamer claimed. "Only to those we don't like do we turn dangerous. And we like you! Or at least, I do. Scar here has a slightly different opinion." Dreamer quickly tore away the page that Scarlet had been scribbling on and turned it to ash. "No, Scar. No doing bad things to Naruto's friend. We discussed this already. Bad Scar. Bad."
Scarlet sighed and stuck her pencil behind her ear. "You're right. I can't hurt Sakura. She did heal my leg one time when I accidently broke it as I made my escape from a mob of angry villagers. Neji, you haven't done anything in awhile." She smiled. "Sakura, watch this."
Neji bent his knees and jumped onto the balcony. His hand waved, but his face was that of a frustrated person. Sakura knew that if he could find a way out of Scarlet's Jutsu, he would be exacting his revenge on the two girls.
Or he'd at least try, Sakura thought with a frown. Those two are powerful and fast…if he even made the slightest move to attack them, he'd be faced with the power of the Author just as fast as those two can scrawl down a few words. Look at Lady Tsunade; she was rendered powerless against them…what can a mere Genin do to stop these two if a Sanin doesn't stand a chance?
Neji blew his cheeks out and Sakura heard two hums come from his throat. If she understood him correctly, he was asking for her to help him. But she knew she couldn't.
Neji's eyes narrowed as he straightened, his light eyes burning into the very soul of Sakura. With a slight movement of the hand, the chakra threads pulled him into a back flip off the balcony. Sakura leaned forward and watched him fall to the ground head first. At the last second, Scarlet pulled him into a roll that saved him from a grisly end.
It's stunts like that that earned them the honor of being called dangerous, Sakura thought worriedly.
"So, do you want to come with us or not?" Dreamer asked.
"…I…I don't think…" Sakura stammered.
"Oh come on! Stop being a mope-y little baby and have some fun! Break some rules and have some laughs! Live a little! That's how we survive!" Scarlet shouted, making a jerking movement with her hand.
Sakura realized then that the girl had attached chakra threads to her. She was tugged from her place on the balcony and was heading straight for the ground. She screamed her head off and would have covered her face with her arms if she had control of her body. Scarlet made another movement with her hand, forcing Sakura into a flip that made her land on her feet just like she had done with Neji moments earlier. The pink-haired kunoichi let out a heavy sigh of relief as her heart continued to race in fear.
"You're such a wuss," Scarlet grumbled as she released the Genin from her chakra threads.
"Well, now that you're down here, it only makes sense that you come along with us. We've gotta get the rest of the gang, after all, before we can even think about causing havoc," Dreamer said casually. "We've gotta have someone there to cover for us or else do you know how much trouble we'd be in?"
"So much that you wouldn't be seeing the light of day for the next eighty years," Kakashi replied.
"Someone's been listening to Tsunade rant about us while she and Shizune were trying on kimonos in that shop," Scarlet remarked, causing the Jonin to become slightly flustered. "And don't think I don't know that you're blushing a beautiful shade of rouge under that mysterious mask of yours. You see, there's little we of the Author technique do not know."
"But enough about us, we've got to round up the final member of this little group," Dreamer commented, flipping through her notebook. "If memory serves me right, our next addition will still be at training ground fourteen, attempting to beat his all time record of eighteen hundred kicks by at least twelve. He should be up to seven hundred eighty-nine by now, so he probably won't mind if we interrupt him. What won't he do for a pretty face like Sakura's?"
Sakura blushed. "I..."
"Don't think we should use you to exploit Lee," Scarlet read off a piece of paper. "Yes, we know. But technically, it's not exploitation because Gai is going to order Lee to help us anyway. It appears that if we have Kakashi here, Gai is going to think that one of us is dating him – maybe even both of us – and that will strike up the rivalry in him. He'll want to prove that he's just as good as Kakashi and then he'll go out of his way to prove that he's better. And he'll do anything we ask him to do just to prove that he's better than his rival."
Dreamer pouted. "I don't think I like the idea of Gai looking at me that way."
"No one likes him looking at them that way…or at all," Scarlet remarked. "But it's the consequence we have to face in order to gather our last member."
"So what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Naruto exclaimed.
Eight hundred twelve…Eight hundred thirteen…Eight hundred fourteen…, Rock Lee counted as he proceeded to kick the crap out of a poor defenseless tree. The poor thing had taken so much of a beating that it wouldn't be too much longer before it fell down. Almost…halfway there.
"Keep up the good work, Lee!" Gai encouraged as he watched his favorite Genin hurt nature.
"Yes, sensei!" Rock Lee shouted in response and kicked the tree again…repeatedly.
"Don't you think this is a bit cruel, Gai-sensei? He already trains enough as it is. This is madness. Tell him to take a break before he hurts himself," Tenten said, concerned about her comrade and the tree he was attacking…well, more about her comrade. "He's still recovering from his surgery. He shouldn't be working this hard."
"I can't stop him from being who he is, Tenten. If he wants to let his youth shine, then who am I to spoil his dream?" Gai asked rhetorically in his usual creepy manner.
Neji came walking up and Gai took notice of him in passing.
"Ah, Neji, back for more training, I see," Gai commented. "Next to Lee, you are probably one of the most dedicated Genin in the whole Village."
Neji stared at him blankly, not moving a muscle. Gai waited a full minute before looking back at the boy.
"Come now Neji, don't you have something to say?" Gai asked. "You could at least get back to training."
Neji didn't move.
"Neji?" Tenten asked, pushing herself up from her spot on the ground. "Are you okay?"
Neji lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers. He started twirling in the air like a magical ballerina. Gai and Tenten stared at him in surprise. Lee stopped kicking the tree and watched his squad member do something he had never done before. The tree finally gave up and fell over, unnoticed by the people watching their friend do something out of the norm.
Naruto's laugh erupted out of nowhere and the boy fell out of a tree nearby. "He's dancing again! I love it!"
Scarlet appeared out of nowhere, her hands moving as she conducted Neji's dance with her chakra threads. Dreamer stood by her, notebook in hand, waiting for something to do. Kakashi stood a little behind them with Sakura, still reading his book.
"Hello Gai," Scarlet said, making Neji take a small bow at the end of his dance. "Lee, Pompom Head, hello to you too."
"Oh, great!" Tenten groaned. "It's those two."
"Who?" Rock Lee inquired, looking curiously at his teammate.
"The kunoichi with the power of the Author, Dreamer and Scarlet. They've been harassing the village ever since they showed up in Konoha," Tenten informed him.
"Harassing is such a strong word. We prefer the term 'making life difficult all the time,'" Dreamer put in.
"It is a pleasure to finally meet you and your companion," Gai stated, taking Dreamer's hand and, much to her dismay, kissing it.
"AAAAHHHH! MY HAND'S BEEN POISONED!" Dreamer screamed, holding her hand out like it had the plague. "I'M GOING TO GET SOME HORRIBLE DISEASE NOW THAT'LL KILL ME AND THEN I'LL DIE AND THEN I'LL BE DEAD! SOMEONE GET ME SOME HAND SANITIZER BEFORE I HAVE TO CUT IT OFF!"
"Calm down, Dreamer," Scarlet said as Kakashi kindly provided a bottle of hand sanitizer to the panicky girl.
Dreamer dropped her notepad and pencil and vigorously used the whole bottle of hand sanitizer on the hand that Gai had kissed, not even caring about how upset her comments had made Gai. Naruto picked up her discarded items. Then an idea hit him, and he wrote down something on the paper that he thought might happen. In anticipation, he glanced at all the females around only to be disappointed when he found they were still all clothed. He was then taken by surprise when Scarlet used her notepad to make his pants fall down and everyone started laughing at him. He turned red, dropped Dreamer's things, and quickly covered his bottom half up.
"Never, never touch our notepads," Scarlet ordered, scratching out the action that she had written. "They are sacred and only work for the ones blessed with the technique of the Author. You can't simply write something down on a notepad and expect for it to happen. You have to have the Author kekkei genkai and you would have known about it many years ago, had you the ability, but you don't. So don't touch our things."
"How dare you insult Gai like that Dreamer!" Lee exclaimed, jumping in to defend his sensei. "He does not have diseases that will kill you. He is the greatest, healthiest man on this planet. Do not forget it!"
"Okay, cool your britches down," Scarlet said, turning her lavender gaze on Lee. "We know that Gai doesn't really have diseases…Dreamer just has a strong dislike for all things Gai. I, on the other hand, rarely find anything disturbing about a person."
"Except for Ino's anorexia issue," Dreamer pointed out.
"Yes, that bugs me." Scarlet shuddered. "And that stupid long clump of hair she has jutting out of the front of her head…why the hell would someone wear their hair like that? Her stupid father does it too…Now that man freaks me out…"
"So what brings you to this place?" Tenten wanted to know.
"We want to enlist the help of Rock Lee for a special…uh…assignment that Dreamer and Scarlet have," Sakura replied as nonchalantly as she possibly could, though it was a half-truth.
Rock Lee's eyes brightened. "Really? Me?"
"What kind of 'special assignment'?" Tenten was not as clueless as she looked to be.
"The kind that's classified under None of Your Business," Scarlet stated bluntly.
"I'm not so sure…," Gai murmured.
As if on cue, Kakashi bent to retrieve Dreamer's still-discarded notepad and pencil and handed them to her. She smiled super-sweetly at him as she took those things.
"Thank you so very much, Kakashi-kun, for everything. You know, getting these back…and the hand sanitizer…and for what we did earlier today when we were alone," Dreamer purred, staring into his eye with her crimson ones like a lovesick girl.
"Uh…You're welcome," Kakashi said, glad his mask prevented the others from seeing the color his face had turned. "But I really don't know what you're talking about…We didn't do anything earlier today…"
"Oh, that's right. That was you and Scar when you disappeared into that closet," Dreamer muttered. "I guess I just imagined the thing between us." She sighed. "I'm sorry that…I'll never be as cool as Scar…I'm just a big failure that will never know what it means to be loved."
Kakashi awkwardly patted the drama-Dreamer on the back. "Don't say that. There are still plenty of other guys in the world. Surely this little failure doesn't mean it's the end of the world for you."
"But it is, Kakashi-kun!" Dreamer cried. "There's no other guy in this world that's as sexy and strong and skilled as you! If I can't have you or someone just like you, then I'd rather die a wrinkly old virgin hag like Tsunade!"
"Back off, girl!" Scarlet said, taking up the reigns. She hooked her arm with Kakashi. "He's mine because he's number one…and we've done things…that little children shouldn't be finding out about…Find someone else, Dreamer. Kakashi and I, we're in love."
"We are?" Kakashi asked, looking at her.
"We are."
Gai was getting more and more furious as he listened to this. He reached out and took hold on Dreamer's hand, looking down at her with a serious expression.
"Dear Dreamer, do not let them talk down to you this way. Do not let them treat you as if you do not matter," Gai said, speaking from the heart of his rivalry with Kakashi and part of his own heart. "You are a special girl, gifted by the gods with your wonderful powers of the Author. You are so full of youth that you hold more beauty than Scarlet." He glanced at Scarlet. "Not that she isn't a beautiful creature in her own rights, but you…you are something different. Something special. To be cherished. I know hundreds of men who would want to go on a single date with you and dream of countless more after the fact. Please, do not waste your youth crying for a man who could not love you, but come to me where your youth would flourish. Dreamer, come with me."
Dreamer stared up at him and then looked down at her hand, clasped tightly in one his hands. She was kind of expecting him to start singing at any moment or even worse – ask her to marry him. Her eyes darted to Scarlet, making sure that the girl wasn't writing something that horrible on her notepad. If she had, Dreamer would make the point to kill her friend, but she hadn't, so Dreamer left her alone.
"Aw…isn't that sweet," Scarlet crooned with a smile as she leaned against Kakashi. "Young love…And I'm talking young. Dreamer is seventeen and Gai is twenty-six…nine years difference…we're talking illegal here…"
"And what about us?" Kakashi asked, gesturing at him and her.
"Well, I'm nineteen," Scarlet said with a smile. "So, illegal is not a concern anymore. Except with killing villagers…that's illegal…but love between us is not illegal, so we can do whatever we want." She smiled. "Why? Do you want to do something?"
Kakashi quickly shook his head. "No, no. That can wait until later when we don't have something important to do.
"Uh…Thanks for your kindness, Gai-kun," Dreamer said hesitantly. "I…I'll think about it. But for now, I have something very important to do with these guys, and…I can't do it without the assistance of Rock Lee. So…could we please borrow him for the day?"
"Of course you can, my precious Dreamer!" Gai exclaimed, still holding onto her hand. "Lee! Go with this girl and do whatever she bids! Make her happy in my stead, no matter what! Make me proud, kid!"
"Yes, Gai-sensei!" Rock Lee shouted in response, saluting his sensei before running over to Dreamer's side.
Tenten rolled her eyes. Those two…are such idiots to have fallen for such an act.
"We have to go now, Dreamer," Scarlet stated as she yanked on her chakra threads to make Neji do a beautiful leap in the air when she and the others began to walk away.
"Will I see you later?" Gai asked Dreamer.
"We'll see," was Dreamer's vague reply as she finally managed to get her hand back. "This is goodbye for now."
And she went on her way with the others while Gai watched her go with lust in his eyes. Tenten rolled her eyes again .I'd better follow them just to make sure they don't cause too much trouble.
"I feel so dirty now!" Dreamer whined as she used another whole thing of hand sanitizer to rid herself of Gai's touch. Unfortunately, it did nothing to get rid of the sick feeling she got from having him look at her. She shuddered in remembrance of it.
"But you did a good thing," Scarlet pointed out, gesturing at Lee. "You convinced Gai to let us borrow Lee for awhile and he was the final person we need to go through with our plan."
"Your plan?" Sakura was not sure she liked the sound of that.
"Yes, our plan," Dreamer said, throwing the empty bottle of hand sanitizer at Neji. "But we can't speak of that right now because we're being spied on by Pompom Head."
"Tenten…" Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Tenten, get the hell out of here before I throw your sorry ass back to Gai's training ground!"
No one moved.
Scarlet sighed and pulled her pencil out from behind her ear. "Fine…we'll do this the hard way Pompom Head." She scribbled something down on the paper and the scenery around them wavered and changed. "Right now, she's in the area we were, being chased by giant killer bees. They're talking to her too…that should teach her to never follow us again. But at least, we're a little closer to where we need to be."
"So what is this plan?" Rock Lee asked, though he was a little upset that Dreamer had pulled his sensei's strings for the sole purpose of getting the man to let his star pupil come with them.
Scarlet grinned evilly. "It'll be the biggest prank this village has ever seen! Paint everywhere, disfigurement to every fake person, animals taking revenge on those that eat them too frequently…The works!"
"Awesome! I love it!" Naruto exclaimed.
His comrades were not so enthusiastic.
"…Couldn't you do that on your own with your power of the Author?" Sakura pointed out.
"We could," Scarlet agreed. "But then who would we share our glory with?"
"You mean, who would you share your punishment with?" Rock Lee corrected.
Scarlet pointedly ignored him. "It'll be fun for all of us, I promise. And we need you and your skills for this. We need someone who's fast, someone who's smart, someone who's skilled, and someone who's stupid enough to get Tsunade's attention while we do our work. Do you know anyone who can fill those spots?"
"Gai-sensei is fast," Rock Lee muttered.
"Shikamaru is smart," Sakura grumbled.
"I'm skilled!" Naruto remarked.
"Jiraiya is stupid enough to get Tsunade's attention…what with his habit of peeping into the girls' bathhouses all the time," Kakashi put in.
Dreamer groaned. "You're all wrong! Rock Lee, you're the fastest person in all of Konoha that we can stand! Sakura, you're the smartest hands-down! Kakashi, you're the most skilled ninja that wouldn't mind hanging out with us troublemakers! And Naruto, you're stupid enough to get Tsunade on your tail while we put everything in place for our plan! Kami, do you all have rocks in your head or something?"
Sakura crossed her arms. "No, we don't. We just don't want to be a part of your scheme."
"Agreed," Rock Lee concurred.
"Well too bad," Scarlet stated as she scribbled something down on her notepad. "Rock Lee, Sakura, and Kakashi lose control of their bodies. The only people that can reverse it are their commanders, Scarlet and Dreamer…"
Before any of them could make a move, they found themselves unable to do anything. The only thing Rock Lee, Sakura, and Kakashi could move was their eyes, which were focused angrily on the woman that had rendered them immobile.
"…What…What did you do that for?" Naruto demanded, shocked.
"They were being disobedient, so I tamed them," Scarlet replied, making Neji start break-dancing just for the fun of it.
"But that's…That's just not right! If you don't free them right now, I'm not going to help you!" Naruto shouted.
"I could always do the same thing to you," Scarlet threatened. "So unless you want to end up like your friends, I suggest you keep your mouth shut."
Naruto hesitated and glanced over at his immobile comrades. It would be cowardly of him to think of himself and not them…
Scarlet suddenly found herself on the ground with her notepad and pulled right out of her grasp. Dreamer had scribbled something down on her own notepad that had affected her fellow Author wielder. Neji was freed from Scarlet's Puppet Master Jutsu for now, as the former Branch member was unable to move anything from her place on the ground. Her items flew into the arm of Dreamer, who took the pages that her companion had recently written on and burned them up in her hand. This freed the others from their immobility.
Scarlet's lavender eyes narrowed. "What have you done?"
Dreamer shrugged, keeping her cool. "I just wrote down something like I've been doing for years. This time, what I wrote just happened to say, 'Scarlet suddenly lost her balance and fell to the ground. She tried to get up only to find that she was unable to move. Her writing utensils landed in the arms of Dreamer to do with as she wished.' Sorry, Scarlet. It's nothing personal. You just broke the rules."
"And what rule have I broke?" Scarlet demanded.
"Have you really already forgotten?" Dreamer asked. She sighed. "We discussed this all before we came to Konoha. We established rules that we were never supposed to break, and one of those rules was to never use the powers of the Author to take control of anyone. You just broke that rule when you stopped these three from being able to control themselves. I had to intervene."
Scarlet groaned and would have slapped her forehead if she was able to move. "It must have slipped my mind…Oops…Hehe…My bad. I promise not to do it again. So can you please let me up now?"
"Yes." Dreamer ripped out her piece of paper and burnt it to ashes. "Just don't break another rule or I'll be forced to punish you again. And you know that I don't like doing that."
Scarlet flipped to her feet and collected her things from Dreamer's hands. She turned to see Neji activating his Byakugan, readying a Jutsu to unleash upon her. Scarlet smirked and knocked a blade of grass off her shoulder, lowering her gaze from him. Dreamer stepped back and motioned for the others – now completely free of Scarlet's control – to do the same. Neji vanished completely in a whirl of air.
"She's toast," Naruto claimed, putting his hands behind his neck. "No one can beat Destiny Boy when he's got that stupid eye thing going on."
"Have you so easily forgotten a crucial piece of info?" Dreamer asked, never taking her eyes off her friend who had grown unusually still.
"Hmm?"
"Never mind."
Neji appeared out of nowhere, ready to attack Scarlet with his Gentle Fist technique. She didn't move out of the way, made no attempt to defend herself, but there was no time to do either. Neji's hand came at her and barely touched her before she turned her head and smirked at him. He was confused when he landed on his back with a red mark on the side of his face. Scarlet's braid swung gently behind her back as she turned to face Neji.
"Did you honestly believe you could attack me, Neji-san?" Scarlet asked, playing with her braid.
"…What just happened?" Sakura wanted to know, just as confused as the others.
"She…must have hit him with something in her braid," Rock Lee concluded. "But in order to have done so, she would have done it faster than the eye could see. Is…Is that possible?"
Dreamer nodded. "We are elite ninja. Anything's possible. And you're right, Lee. Scar does have something in her braid. A metallic sphere-shaped something that can really hurt someone if she swings it the right way. Swinging it the wrong way can also make someone end up having their skull crushed with their brains oozing out all over the place. But it appears that Scar just decided to hurt Neji. Lucky him."
Neji was back on his feet in almost no time with that red mark on his face next to forgotten. Scarlet gave him an odd glance, surprised that he might be stupid enough to charge at her again after the result of his first attempt. The boy was not that stupid; he learned quickly from his failures. He gathered his chakra in preparation, and then he jerked his hand in Scarlet's direction. He had used the Air Palm, an attack that only those of the Hyuuga could use since it was related to the Gentle Fist Technique.
Scarlet vanished; dodging it a split second before Neji could administer the Air Palm. She appeared behind him, knocking him aside with a swing of her braid, spikes appearing out of the end of it which connected with his face, leaving bloody marks in their wake. Then she summoned chakra to one of her hands and used Air Palm on him, sending him careening into a tree with such force that it broke in half.
"Neji-san," Scarlet purred, turning to face him. "If you think you can attack me, you are wrong. I'm more advanced in my training than you are. I have the power of the Author and therefore, you can't touch me." She held up the end of her braid. "And you're lucky I removed the poison from the spikes before our little dispute or you would be dead by now. It's a shame, but I prefer knowing that I can harass you any time I want to."
Neji ground his teeth together and wiped away the blood that dribbled out of the corner of his mouth. "The Main Branch will be made aware of your crimes against me, a fellow Hyuuga."
"None of the Branches cares what she does anymore," Dreamer told him. "They disowned her, remember? She refused to use her powers to aid the Branch become the Main household and constantly harassed members of both Branches with her ability. They didn't like that, so they threw her out on the street. We were both disowned from our clans and together we search the world for a place to fit in. Even if that means leaving Konoha for good."
Scarlet jerked her hand back and Neji was pulled to his feet, chakra strands now connecting him to Scarlet's hand once more. Naruto looked upset.
"You can't leave! Konoha is your home! We are friends and friends don't let other friends leave their home because they care! I care! Everyone here cares about you!" Naruto declared. "Who cares if your clans disowned you? They couldn't have been great people if they disowned you in the first place. I don't have a clan, so we could form our own clan. A better one than any in Konoha! Better than the Uchiha and Hyuuga clans combined!"
At this, Dreamer smiled. "That's a nice preposition, Naruto. I think I'd like that…someday when our adventures reach an end. But there are still many places that we must visit before we can even think about settling down anywhere." She glanced out of the corner of her eye at Sakura, Rock Lee, and Kakashi. "So…will you help us out with our plan?"
"I will," Naruto stated immediately.
"And I guess someone has to watch you so you guys don't cause too much trouble," Kakashi murmured. "So that means I will…I suppose."
"I'm still not sure I want to participate in a prank on the village," Sakura said hesitantly.
"Me, neither," Rock Lee agreed.
"Then you suck and are just a bunch of losers we overestimated of having the balls to help us out," Scarlet growled.
"Scarlet!" Dreamer reprimanded, causing the older girl to look away. "Sakura. Rock Lee. I can see why you hesitate. My companion and I…we haven't been the best company since our arrival. But I promise you one thing. This 'prank' we're going to pull is not going to be a bad one that will make the villagers come after us. It will be something worth helping set up and worth seeing. And it will be for the best. You have my word."
"…And her word's worth a hundred times more than mine," Scarlet muttered with crossed arms.
Dreamer beamed. "So…what do you say?"
Sakura and Rock Lee exchanged glances.
"…All right. We're in," Sakura sighed finally.
Scarlet smirked. "Good. Now we can set things into motion."
The plan was decided with brilliancy that only this group could come up with. Dreamer had pulled out a map of Konoha and discussed strategy with Sakura and Kakashi, for there were several things that needed the best possible placement. Rock Lee watched silently, as he needed to know these places to put the things at. Scarlet personally instructed Naruto on how to go about getting Tsunade's undivided attention, even introducing him to insults the boy would have never thought of using against the old lady that was his Hokage. He just hoped that this so-called prank would be all that Dreamer promised. Otherwise, he was dead…or worse.
The things that needed proper placement were wooden crates sealed with paper seals. They weighed next to nothing, but clearly there was something in them. Dreamer and Scarlet refused to reveal just what, though, because they didn't want to ruin the surprise. This did nothing to quell the suspicions of their companions, but everyone was too curious to be too concerned about what might happen.
So there they were, standing on the roof of a building, waiting to put their plan into action.
"Tsunade is coming this way," Scarlet informed them as she handed a box to Rock Lee while making Neji tap-dance with her free hand. "Naruto, you'd better head down there now and prepare to do what I told you. Kakashi, you're fast like Lee. You can help him place these boxes where they need to go. Sakura, you help me and Dreamer hand these off to the runners. Once they're all in place, Dreamer and I can break the seals from here. We've got one shot at this; don't any of you screw this up."
Naruto crouched down, looking around for any sign of Tsunade's usual body guard. He saw none and smirked. This is going to be fun…
"All right, does everyone know what their role is?" Scarlet asked, looking around. Everyone nodded. "Good. Now…go!"
Kakashi and Lee darted away, carrying the boxes towards the designated destinations. Naruto leapt from one building to another until he was close enough for Tsunade to hear him, but far enough to avoid her attacks.
"Hey Virgin Hag!" Naruto called, waving. "How does it feel to be an eighty year old virgin?"
A nerve throbbed in Tsunade's forehead. "Are you talking to me, Naruto?"
"Do you see any other virgin hags, Oh Queen of Virgin Hags?" He laughed. "No one wants a hag like you…You're going to be lonely forever and have I mentioned how broke you are? You're lame when it comes to gambling. You'll make Konoha broke before you know it!"
Tsunade's eyes narrowed and she cracked her knuckles. "Naruto, that's enough!"
"Nope! I could keep this going for ages!" Naruto called back, putting his hands casually behind his neck. "You're fake in certain areas and everyone knows it! Everyone knows that everything about you is an illusion! You're really an old, saggy, dried up prune of a ninja! Talk about disgusting! That's you without your illusion!"
Tsunade's teeth ground together and charged at Naruto. "You are dead Uzamaki!"
Naruto smirked and vanished. "Virgin Hag! Virgin Hag! Hide your face with a bag before I gag!"
Scarlet smiled as she watched Naruto run away from Tsunade, leading her far away from areas where the group was working. He was doing very well in keeping Tsunade distracted with insults that she had taught him and that impressed her. For a ninja of his mentality, he was doing very well in keeping distance between him and the hag and keeping her engaged in attempting to kill him. It was very amusing to watch, but she had a job to do and she couldn't let Dreamer down.
"Next box," Dreamer said, breaking into Scarlet's train of thought. "Scar, next box!"
Scarlet jumped and passed the box along. "Sorry, Dreamer."
Dreamer gave her a look before passing the box off to Kakashi as he returned for it. Lee was seen approaching in a blur of green. Scarlet picked up another box and made sure the paper seal was secure before passing it off to the Genin.
"Two more boxes boys and then everything will be ready for the prank," Dreamer told the two runners. "We'll wait for you to come back before we release the seals with this box." She gestured at a black box with a strange looking seal on it. "And then the surprise will be unleashed upon the Village."
The runners nodded before taking off for the final time. Sakura glanced hesitantly from the black box to the other girls then towards Naruto. She couldn't exactly see him, but she could hear his insults and Tsunade's angry responses to them. This prank had better be quick, or else Naruto was definitely going to die. And it had better be a good kind of prank, too, or Naruto was still going to die.
"Don't worry, Sakura," Dreamer said, placing a gentle hand on the pink-haired kunoichi's shoulder and breaking her train of thought. "Everything is going to be all right."
Hearing Dreamer say it and not Scarlet reassured Sakura in a way she didn't understand. The purple-haired girl was the younger of the friends, and yet she was much more mature than her companion Scarlet. She seemed to be the adult of their company. And whereas Scarlet's entire life and techniques were practically common knowledge now, hardly anything was known about Dreamer's life and techniques besides the powers of the Author. Who was Dreamer? And why did she carry a calm air around her that infected those around her?
It didn't take long for Kakashi and Rock Lee to return with their speed. With their return, it was time to break the seals on the boxes.
Both Scarlet and Dreamer touched the black box and utilized their chakra networks. Their chakra made the obsidian box glow and the seal to sizzle. Their companions kept their distance in case the thing exploded. An unnecessary precaution, as it turned out. The seal broke and allowed the black cube to open, spewing out a bunch of little paper slips. This same thing happened to all of the other boxes that had been strategically placed for effectiveness.
Kakashi caught one of these slips and read what was written there. "Everything returned to the way it had been in Konoha before the meddling of Dreamer and Scarlet began."
"Do they all say this?" Sakura asked as she also read one of the strips.
Scarlet nodded as she made Neji stand on his head and used his folded legs as a seat.
"So…this was your plan all along? To irritate the villagers and then make everything better?" Rock Lee inquired with a raised bushy eyebrow.
Again, Scarlet nodded.
Sakura shook her head. "You two really are so very strange."
"We never said we weren't," Dreamer put in with a smile. "But you love us for it."
All around Konoha, the tortured were being freed from their suffering caused by those with the powers of the Author. Tenten was no longer forced to run from giant talking killer bees. Ino was no longer going around in the guise of a pig being chased by Choji. Shikamaru was freed from being a cloud. Hinata was not invisibly stalking Naruto any longer, and quickly ran off before the blonde boy could spot her. Kiba was not a dog and Akamaru was not a human. Shino was not a bug in danger of being some other insect's lunch or being squashed by some careless person. Asuma was no longer a cigarette being puffed by some moron who had found him on the ground. Kurenai was no longer stuck in a realm of just genjutsu where everything was just an illusion no matter how real it seemed. Jiraiya was no longer stuck inside the cover of the lamest book ever-Twilight-and was free to peep into the bathhouses as much as he wished.
And, more importantly, Tsunade was no longer deformed by the work of Scarlet.
The Hokage barely noticed the change to her physique, so caught up in her anger against Naruto that she couldn't have had her mind go anywhere else. The boy found that he had run into a dead end and gulped in fear as he turned to face the enraged woman. It was only when she went to punch him that the change became known to her. She looked at the smoothness of her skin, the firmness of her body, the youth of her as a whole that she had been unable to conjure thanks to those troublemakers with the Author powers. Seeing herself as she preferred to be made her glance up to see the flying pieces of paper with words scribbled on them. Her eyes looked at the other villagers that had been victimized only to find they had been healed just as she had. Perhaps those kids weren't as bad as she thought. Tsunade smiled.
"You were in league with them, weren't you?" she asked, glancing over at Naruto.
"…Y-Yes, Tsunade," Naruto stammered nervously.
Tsunade grinned warmly at him. "You're off the hook, kid. But if you ever insult me like that again, there will be some serious hell to pay. Understood?"
"Very much so," Naruto said before taking off. "Bye, Granny!"
Tsunade turned around again and was not surprised to find Dreamer and Scarlet standing there.
"…There's something I need to talk with you two about," Tsunade stated. "It involves a failed mission…and Sasuke Uchiha."
A/N: So, what did you think? Review us and we'll get working on the second and third chapters of this story. What do you say?