Judgement
"Right, you all know why I have called you here."
"Abby, do we really have to do this," Tony said with a smile.
"Yes," she replied firmly.
"What exactly do you think you're gunna get us to say? Ziva's a mossad assassin and I am anything if not stubborn."
"Aren't you forgetting that I can kill you and leave no forensic evidence?" Abby said glaring at him.
"Talk, its just talk," he said nervously.
"Yeah? Are you willing to bet on that?"
"Um………," he said, unsure.
"Yeah, you're stubborn alright. Now as I was saying, this court has been convened to find out if Tony and Ziva are guilty of conspiring and almost succeeding," she said with a dramatic pause, "…..to kidnap Bert. She twirled and pointed her finger at the stuffed animal sitting on the desk beside her.
"The judge presiding is our most hourourable Judge McGee," she said giving a bow, to McGee who looked uncomfortable sitting on one of Abby's lab chairs with both Tony and Ziva staring at him.
"Um, do I really have to be here?"
"Yes!"
"I would have thought if you could choose anyone to be a judge it would be Gibbs."
"But he's busy upstairs talking to the director. So you're the only one left!"
"So I'm the last resort. Thanks."
"How is it that you're not accusing McGee of this as well as us?" Ziva asked.
"He was in MTAC at the time of the crime, I checked the logs. Anyway it was you, Tony I caught sneaking out the door with Bert behind you're back. Ziva was standing outside my lab waiting for so she is charged with being a conspirator," Abby finished.
"While I think it fully likely that Tony tried to steal Bert from you considering his immaturity," Ziva said, "Just because I, as his partner was sent by Gibbs to find him, doesn't mean I knew anything about his "plan" as such or agreed with it. I only saw him about 5 seconds before you did."
"Hmmmm," Abby said, "I guess that's alright then, I guess you're off the hook."
"Hey! I thought I was judge, don't I get a say in this?" asked McGee.
"No!" Abby said turning to him. While Abby's back was turned Tony glared at Ziva and she pulled a face and stuck her tongue out at him. He turned his head away and proceeded to ignore her,
"Why am I here then?" Tim asked.
"It makes it look more official.
"It's not official Abby! It's a made up trial in your lab."
"The trial might be made up, but the crime was very serious."
Abby turned back to Tony.
"You must now make the oath Tony. Swear by placing your hand on this CafPow," she said holding it out to him.
"You're not serious."
"I'm deadly serious."
Tony took the cold drink and swore the oath.
"Right, did you or did you not try to steal Bert from my lab?
"No."
"So why were you carrying him out of here behind your back."
"Um, I was going to uh……take him to the cleaners.
"Without my permission"
"It was……, going to be a surprised birthday present."
"My birthday's not for another 4 months!"
"Uh, it's good to be prepared?" He said sweating profusely.
"Tony, that's the lamest excuse I have ever heard. Admit it, you tried to steal Bert."
"Um."
"Admit it," she said stepping closer to him.
"I don't think…"
"Admit it," she said in a quiet dangerous voice.
"Fine, I tried to steal Bert, are you happy now!"
"You admit it! On behalf of the Abby court you are hereby fond guilty of kidnapping, the punishment for that shall be….."
"Hang on" McGee said, "Aren't I supposed to be the one saying that?"
"No! You can announce the punishment I decide on though."
Tony gulped.
Abby though about it for a minute.
She whispered for a while into McGee's, ear and he paled.
"She says there are three parts to the punishment."
1. You have to buy her all the CafPow's she wants for 3 months.
Ziva laughed, Tony groaned.
"How many of those things do you drink?! It will cost a fortune; I'm not on the same salary as Gibbs you know."
"Should have thought of that before you decided to commit kidnapping. Plus you took an oath on the CafPow and you lied," Abby said, and nodded at McGee to continue.
"2. You have to do grunt work for Abby at least two hours a week for a month."
"Aw, come on."
"Should have thought of that before…. "Abby began but McGee interrupted,
"…..you decided to commit kidnapping. Anyway, 3. You have to take Bert to the cleaners."
"Make sure they take good care of him. You shouldnt've lied to me Tony.
"But what about Ziva! She was in on it too," Tony protested indignantly.
Abby looked at Ziva.
"Trying to pin the blame on someone else is not very attractive Tony," Ziva said.
"What are you all doing here?" came a voice from the door.
McGee jumped and spun around on the chair, only to see Gibbs, standing at the entrance to Abby's lab. Abby jumped forward from where she was standing.
"We were just having a trial to find out whether Tony was guilty of stealing Bert, and he was!" Abby frowned at Tony, and then turned her back on him.
"McGee, David, DiNozzo, get back upstairs," Gibbs barked. "I'm gone for 15 minutes, and when I come back you're all gone. After I've talked to Abby I'll come upstairs and I'd better see a lot of work done." They began to walk away when Gibbs head slapped Tony. Tony turned
"What was tha…"
"Stealing Bert and wasting time."
Gibbs turned to Abby. "What go you got, Abbs"
--------------------
On the way up in the elevator Tony was still complaining.
"Ziva was in on it as well, you know Probie."
"Well Abby obviously did not think so," Ziva replied.
"I already know you were in on it, Ziva" McGee said. "I may be quiet but I'm not deaf. I heard you plotting in the bullpen, when Gibbs was gone."
"Then why didn't you say anything," Tony said aghast.
"I figured it was best to stay out of it."
"But you had valuable evidence!"
McGee shrugged.
"The was one thing I didn't get though," McGee asked.
"What?"
"What did you actually want Bert for?" he asked curiously.
Tony smiled at Ziva
"Ziva?" McGee asked.
She simply shook her head smirking.
"Tony?"
"Ah well, if you'd helped me out in there Probie I might have been able to tell you, but now I guess you'll just have to deal with not knowing." Tony replied smirking.
Oh well, McGee thought, guess its just one of those mysteries of life that you never know. Wait a minute, on second thoughts, maybe I don't want to know.
Finis