Resolution by WickedDiSaster
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to JK Rowling, Warner Bros, Bloomsbury Publishing, et cetera, this work of fiction is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work.
Beta Reader: The Great Lorcalon
Author's Notes: Read "Angst" first
Resolution by WickedDiSaster
"Hello, Sweetie," I say to the small bundle of joy that's left in my life. You probably don't know how much I miss him since I left this house, but I can't deny that you are a good father. Your love for him, at least, never wavered. That's the only thing that kept me with you for so long.
"Mummy!" Oh, there's nothing compared to having those little arms wrapped around my neck; my little boy. He looks so much like you, it hurts. "Mummy, when are you coming back? I don't want you gone anymore! Daddy says that you won't, but then who's going to make my meals? Grizzy just gives me what I want, Mum, and you've always said that's bad for my health…" Oh God, each visit is like a narrow knife cutting slowly into my heart.
"Daniel, don't bother your mother now. These are the only moments you've got to see her. I thought you wanted to show her the new dragon you've got, the green one, go get it! Go quick, quick boy!" I smile at your antics as you tickle him to hurry up and he tries to scurry his way out of your clutches.
"Thank you," I say, as Daniel disappears around the corner.
"It's ok, I understand," you say, as you sit back on the couch and pour me a glass of wine.
"I miss him so much."
"You didn't have to move away; it's not like we were much of a couple anyway."
"You don't really mean that."
"Whatever, Granger. Look, I'll be clear here: I don't want you back into my life, and you don't seem to want back in either. But all of this has taken a toll on Daniel, and it's obvious you've been suffering too. We're not children. We don't need to be miles apart to be cordial; we hardly ever saw each other anyway. You can have the east wing of the manor."
"You're inviting me back in?"
"Think about it. He needs you here. Even Daniel's tutor has noticed a slack on his chores."
You didn't need to tell me twice.
It's been six months since I moved back in. You were right; we hardly see each other and I can still dote on my son on a daily basis. Sometimes, when you go on your business trips, he falls asleep in my arms while I read him a bedtime story and I don't leave his bed until the next day. Being away from him made me cherish these moments even more and gave them a new meaning. I only do it while you are away, because I know that the first thing you do in the mornings is go to his room; it wouldn't do for you to find me there each day. We need to keep our distance, after all.
But today, you just had to return a day early. I don't know how long you stood in the doorway… how much time passed before I woke up to find you staring at us with an unreadable expression on your face. You were probably upset that I had robbed you of your morning ritual with your son.
"I'm sorry, I don't know how I fell asleep. I must have been tired. Ehm, I'll go back to my room now. He's all yours," I say in a quiet voice, so as not to wake up Daniel just yet.
Disentangling my arms carefully from my sleeping boy, I give him one last kiss before I leave.
"You don't have to go," you say, but I know I do.
"It's alright, I should have a shower anyhow," I say, as I brush past you on my way out. For a moment, I think that I can see that long-lost lust in your eyes, but I know that I'm imagining it, because the next second it's gone and there's not a trace of it.
A couple of weeks after that, as I left the library late at night, I heard glass breaking in the drawing room. I follow the sound and find you. It's been a while since I've seen you drunk; I wonder why you threw the glass against the wall as I Scourgify the floor and a painting you stained.
"What are you doing here, Granger?"
"Besides cleaning the mess you made?"
"I'm sure the elves would have done a better job."
Your sarcasm doesn't faze me. It never did. "I was on my way to my room when I heard the noise," I say, as I take the scotch from the table and put it back in the drawer.
"I don't remember asking you to do that…"
"You should go to bed, Draco, it's getting late."
"Guess who I ran into today?" You Accio another bottle from the drawer; whisky this time.
"I don't know, Draco, but I really think you should stop drinking now."
"Flint," you say.
"Draco, tell me you didn't do anything," I plead, turning towards you, already dreading your answer. You walk towards me with a refilled glass in your hands.
"You know me so well," you chuckle. I can smell the alcohol coming from your lips. "Don't you, Granger?" You lift a finger to my cheek and trace it to my chin to lift my face up.
"What did you do?" I ask slowly, already resigned to the bad news.
"Oh… he'll live, Granger, no need to look as if I'd murdered the git."
"What were you thinking? Do you have any idea of what he'll do now?"
"Move his influences against the company? Send one of his minions after me? Who cares what he does? I'm really regretting not killing him, after all. I might still be able to Crucio him," you say, with a maddening glint in your eyes.
"Draco, what are you talking about? Are you out of your mind?"
"Am I? I've been known to do worse, sweetheart. How did you think I gathered all those secrets for your pitiful Order? Why wouldn't I take justice in my own hands again? It's only fair."
"Draco, you can't possibly think like that! Justice! Draco, have you lost your mind?"
"HE FUCKING RAPED YOU!" You smash your glass against the wall again and splash another painting.
"Draco, why do you care now? It's over. It's been over for years; just let it be. There's nothing you can do."
"How can you say that? Why didn't you do anything? Why didn't you tell me?"
Oh, those fateful questions…
"What does it matter now?" I say, taking a step back. I don't want to answer your questions, why do you have to bring it up again? But you won't take no for an answer, will you? You never have. You don't need to pull my hand to spin me around to face you, Draco. You already have my attention.
"Or was it a lie? Is that it?" You have me pinned against the back of the couch; as if I weren't deflated enough.
I take a deep breath and answer your question in a low voice. "He threatened me, Draco. He told me that he hadn't left any proof, and he didn't. He said that if I went to court, I wouldn't only lose - he would come after us. He knew where Daniel's nursery was, the name of his nanny… he even named his favourite toys. That's why I finally accepted your idea of tutoring him at home."
"Fuck, Hermione, how could you have let him get away with it? You were smarter than that! Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"
I can't stop the sob that escapes my lips; why, indeed? Why didn't I tell you? Why did I let him? How stupid of me…I should have known something was wrong. I should have left as soon as I felt dizzy, but he pretended that you'd called and asked me to wait; that you were on your way back. I can't tell you why; after all, it was my fault.
I can't tell you how terrified I was of it being true; that you had offered me to him. The next day, you looked at me as if I were nothing but filth. What the heck was I supposed to make of that? I already felt like dirt, but I always kept this small thread of hope that it wasn't true. And then, you slept with her and I just couldn't say anything, because it would have killed me for you to admit that you had agreed to it. God Draco, you all but proved it! I was not about to hear it from your lips. What would that have made of me? What if I still couldn't leave you, even after that? You don't know how long it took me to understand that it wasn't my fault. Why did you have to bring it up again? You didn't have his stench follow you for years. I could never remember what he did, but I relive it each night. I don't even know if these dreams are flashes of memory, or my own mind haunting me. Please God, let it be my own mind!
I feel nauseous again. I need a bath. I need to get away. You don't need to know any of this, Draco; you don't need to know how much they damaged your property, because what was I, if not another possession? I know now, Draco, that you never loved me; because you don't just stop loving someone when they hurt you. I know that because I never stopped loving you; not when I believed you'd sold me, not when you treated me like filth and not even when you slept with her!
All of that just made me realise how little I meant to you, and even then I couldn't stop.
It won't do you any good to know this. You've done enough damage today. If there's anyone that should take care of Flint, it's me.
I try to gain control over myself and fight my way out of your grip. You were never good at handling a crying mess, so I leave the library and head to my room as fast as I can.
I didn't sleep that night. How could I? Sleeping draughts will only get you so far and they no longer work on me. I follow you to work and make sure you enter one of your meetings with your colleagues before I Apparate away. I fought the same war as you, after all, and I know how to kill too.
I sneak into his house and wait for him; it takes just 15 minutes for him to leave his shower and find me in his room. I never let him utter a word; I just speak the curse that ends his life. I am on a mission once more, and I am not going to let him get his way again.
My work is clean. I Apparate right away, and by the time you arrive at home I'm playing with Daniel. I know you've heard about the accident by now. I stripped you of your fantasy of avenging yourself. I wasn't about to let you do something foolish; you are the saner of the two of us, and Daniel needs you.
You wait for us to finish playing, refusing to join the game when Daniel asks. You watch me tuck him into bed and tell him a story. Daniel is especially happy today, having the attention of both of his parents at the same time. He's noticed how we are never together anymore.
As I leave his room, you close the door behind us and follow me into my room.
Your silence is eerie.
"What do you want, Draco?"
"Why now?" is all you say as I prepare myself a Pepper- up potion; tonight promises to be another long night. I think the answer is obvious before I say it aloud.
"Because you wouldn't have done it right; you'd have Crucio'd him into madness and would probably have even gotten yourself captured before you finished him."
"Why-"
"What is it with you and your questions, Malfoy? I don't need them! I don't want them," I scream at you before you can continue your interrogation.
"You owe me answers."
Oh, do I? Is that what you think? I laugh. "Get out of my room!"
"It's still my house!"
"Then I'll leave," I say and stride towards the door
"Haven't you tried that already?"
"I'll be back by morning," I sneer. I try to push my way through the door but damn it, you're too strong.
"What the fuck do you want?" I scream at you as you push me back inside.
"I want to know why you didn't tell me."
Is this just to keep some leverage? I stole your opportunity for revenge and now you want to get me back for it?
"Get the fuck out of my room!" I throw the closest thing I can find at you and it shatters against the wall behind your head.
You close the door as I look for something else to throw, and as I hurl it your way, you close the gap between us and trap me in your arms.
"You're going to tell me, even if I have to read it from your mind, Granger! So tell me: what's it going to be?"
"LET ME GO!" I shriek and you push me onto the bed and pull your wand out, pointing it at me.
"One last chance, Granger."
I reach for my wand, but as my hand finds it in my drawer, your curse hits me. I don't have enough control to push you out of my mind as you bring back my memories. My dreams, my regret, my screams, my nausea; how I blamed myself, the look on your face when I entered the manor, the many times I clawed at my skin after I went to St Mungo's, the words of the healer that mirrored Flint's, the dread I felt about telling you, the pictures you sent, my realisation of your feelings towards me and my inability to hate you for it!
As I finally push you out of my mind, you are panting at the edge of the bed and I'm in tears. I crawl out of the bed and run to the bathroom, closing the door behind me and throwing as many locking and silencing spells as I know at it before I let out the rattled scream I've been holding back for too long.
I don't know how much time has passed when I realise I'm crouched in the bathtub with the water running through my damp, ripped clothes.
I barely remember you entering the room and pulling open the shower curtains. Nor do I really remember how I found myself wrapped in a blanket, in a dry nightdress. You had me cradled in your arms and were stroking my arms soothingly, telling me to sleep.
Sleep. Draco, sleep doesn't help, I think as I lay still in your embrace, not daring to heed your pleas.
I watch the sun creep above the horizon through my window. I know that Daniel will wake up soon, so I slide out of your arms, out of bed and pour myself another Pepper-up potion before I apply another glamour that will hide my sombre features from my sweet boy.
When I turn towards you, I notice you staring at me and I realise you didn't sleep either. I move to the bed, apply the same glamour, and tell you it's time to start your daily routine.
Since you don't move, I decide to take the opportunity to dote on my son in the early morning and exit the room.
Daniel is happy to see you enter his room. He runs to you and I notice that you've had a shower. It's rare to see you with your hair wet at all.
"Daddy, you're late. Mummy came to wake me up first!" Daniel jests at you and you punish him with another tickling session.
I believe we might have started a new routine, I think as you take him into your arms and stare back at me.
It's two months after that when I find you again in the drawing room, another bottle of whisky in your hands
I come up to you and I wonder what it is that's got you all riled up this time. You pour me a glass with ice and I look at you, making it clear that I intend to stop your antics, before I take the bottle from your hands and put it away.
"You're an enigma, you know," you slur at me.
No, I don't think I'm an enigma, so I ignore you.
"You're strong," you say, "but you're fragile." You take a step closer as you continue, "You are whole but also in pieces."
I focus on taking the glass out of your hands now that you're standing so close, trying not to be fazed by your words.
"But then, only I can make you fragile and in pieces, so maybe you're just strong and whole; and maybe it's just me that broke you into pieces to begin with."
"So now what, you're blaming yourself?" I laugh. "Get a grip, Draco, we can't both do that," I say, not expecting your next move as you crush your lips to mine and push me against the wall.
When you pull away, you're panting and have both hands holding my head. You keep me pressed against your body as you say, "Get a grip? I don't think I will." You pull one of your hands through my hair and trace the other down my back.
I try to push you away but after a while I stop fighting; it's been so long since I've felt like this, since I've been able to lose my mind and let go.
You Apparate us into your chambers. I used to hate that you're the only one that can Apparate inside the manor, but I don't mind so much right now.
You don't break the kiss as you take my clothes off or as you push me onto the bed. You make love to me until I fall into dreamless sleep in your arms.
I wake to the sound of Daniel breaking into the room. "Daddy! Daddy! Mum isn't in her room, and you didn't come to wake me this morning! Dad-"
I open my eyes to find you looking at me; you never break your gaze as you answer.
"Hush, Daniel, Mum is sleeping. She had a bad dream last night, so she came to have a nap here."
"Did she, Daddy? Should we cuddle her until she falls asleep again?" says Daniel in a worried voice as he jumps up on the bed and wraps his little arms around my midriff.
"Yes, Daniel, I think we should," you say, as I close my eyes again.
I'd forgotten that peace like this existed.