This is story where Kakashi is a possum, sometimes.
Disclaimer: this is a disclaimer look on it and all of its magnificence.
Kakashi disliked fighting.
Okay, that might be a little lie. He like fighting. He really liked fighting. It was the one part of his job that he really and truly enjoyed. It got out his aggression that regularly built up having to deal with life, Gai's stupid challenges, the past, Gai's stupid exercises, his genin team's attitude, Gai's stupid spandex, Genma's insinuations about his lack of a sex life, Gai's stupid speeches, the lonely life of a shinobi, Gai's stupid greenness, a Hokage that liked to drink more than give him missions, and ummm, Gai's stupid face.
What Kakashi did not like about fighting was when people attacked him when he was tired, exhausted, already injured, and on his way home.
He didn't have enough chakra or wherewithal to give even a good fight to a genin. However, when attacked by Akatsuki, he might as well just lay down on the grass and read his Icha Icha and wait for death. At least his last thoughts would be pure or mostly pure or pure enough for him.
As he dodged Kisame's first attack. He realized it was only a second too slow as he felt the razor-like sword rip a huge gash in his side. Gasping, he fell back against a tree and slowly slid down its length to the forest floor. Looking into the fish man's face as he steadily approached Kakashi's prone figure he tried to imagine how the guy got along growing up surely being a fish man was bad. But the name Kisame? Maybe he was approaching just to 'Kiss a me?' It was something that made his imminent death look less daunting.
He closed his eyes. The blood loss and pain making his head spin.
Why did he always think inane thoughts in desperate times? Why couldn't he think something deep and worthwhile?
Think. Think. Think.
I wonder if Sasuke would have been so vengeful if he had made him dress in a bunny suit for training? Bunnies weren't very vengeful, maybe they would have helped.
Kakashi could hear the slow intake of breath from the gills of the fish man as he raised his weapon one more time.
I doubt it, Kakashi concluded. It probably would have only increased the vengeful attitude. Okay, serious thinking over. That should compensate for all the asinine thoughts he had in his lifetime.
The waiting blow never came. Kakashi wondered what was taking the stupid fish man so long. Surely, he would revel in the fact that he could kill Konoha's top ninja, if Kakashi didn't say so himself.
He cracked open an eye to see three people standing between him and the Akatsuki. They weren't ninja by any means. Perhaps he should yell out that there was an S-class ninja in front of them. But his mouth wasn't working.
Maybe he had already died.
He was starting to lose the focus of his eyes. He couldn't even feel the pain anymore. He could barely even hear the conversation happening right above him. He slipped into a rather uneasy unconsciousness.
However, slightly later he was very impolitely nudged with a foot.
"Do you think its dead?"
"Nah, hes probably like faking dead, like one of those possum things."
"Possum things? Do you mean a possum? I dunno, he doesn't look like a possum."
A third voice chimed in. "Well, what should we do with him? Leave him here? And hes not a possum, it looks to me like hes from that ninja village, Konoha."
"Why isn't he a possum? He has gray hair, possums have gray hair."
"Look, hes obviously human you dimwit. Plus doesn't he look familiar? Like one of those weird psychos on those bingo books?" No, no he didn't look like anyone, Kakashi silently contradicted. He was in fact a possum, very much a possum. Tail and all.
"Oh man! I think hes that Copy Ninja guy! Look hes even got that left eye problem!" His left eye was his strength. Most definitely not his problem. Just who exactly were these people? He silently pleaded them to go back to the possum idea. 'Maybe if I think possum thoughts.'
"So do we take him with us?" As this proposition came up he was slowly fading back into unconsciousness thinking very very possum thoughts.
"Maybe, we'll have to stop that bleeding though..." And Kakashi fell back into his stupor.