This fic is loosely based on the Savage Garden song, "I don't know you anymore" from their CD Affirmation. All the characters belong, as always, to the great J.K. Rowling.
Depending on the response I get, there may be a sequel.
I don't know you anymore
The gentle spring breeze blew softly against his neck and the late afternoon sun shone brightly as he walked slowly down the cobbled pathway. It was so much more peaceful here than the city. The city was continually bustling with noise, people and traffic, here is was calm, almost as if everyone and everything had just been given the order to relax.
He came to a gentle stop when he reached number 31 and looked down at the worn piece of parchment in his hands before looking back up at the small cottage in front of him.
He took a deep breath, stuffing the parchment back into the folds of the faded robes he was wearing. He slowly pushed open the gate and made his way towards the front door.
Once there, he could do nothing but stare. As if by simply staring at the door, he could will it to turn back time, erase past mistakes. Slowly, and with a sigh, he lifted his hand to the polished wood and rapped quickly.
It seemed almost an age before the door opened, and he thought he might go crazy with impatience.
She opened the door smiling, a bright, welcoming smile that he remembered so well. A smile that lit up a room and melted a thousand hearts.
She looked the same as he'd imagined, only more beautiful. Hair pulled back messily into a bun, some of the auburn strands escaping and gently framing her face. Pale, creamy skin and big amber eyes framed by dark lashes. She wore a simple summer dress, thick straps and a billowing skirt that flowed over her slim hips and ended just above her knees.
Their eyes locked, and she froze, her eyes widening in shock. The cup in her hands slipped and went crashing to the ground, the lukewarm liquid splashing over his shoes.
"Draco?"
She stared at him for what seemed like eternity, before finally managing to shake herself out of her stupor.
"Draco" she whispered again, her voice shaky. Glancing down, she saw the remains of her cup and quickly bent to pick up the pieces.
"Oh, I'm…I'm so sorry…" she murmured, seeing the spilt tea on his shoes.
"No need." He told her gently, stooping down and placing his hand over hers.
She flinched slightly, staring blandly at him as he quickly removed it. He took out his wand and performed a quick cleaning spell, then a mending charm. The cup instantly repaired itself and he picked it up. It had daisies on it, he noted. He remembered that daisies were some of her favourite flowers. She'd always said that a man could give her a hundred red roses, yet she'd be more impressed with the man who gave her one, beautiful daisy.
He stood, and she followed suit, taking the proffered cup from him.
"Thankyou." She murmured, looking down at her feet and shuffling nervously.
Suddenly, Draco felt uncomfortable. Had it been a mistake to come?
They stood on the front porch, neither knowing what to say. Finally, Ginny lifted her eyes, and he saw the tears threatening to spill over.
"Why now? Why have you come back after all this time?"
He shrugged, uncomfortable. Suddenly, all the reasons he'd had in the city – that sudden urge he'd felt to come see her, make sure she was happy – it now seemed petty and insignificant. Why had he come?
"I…I…" Finally, he whispered, "I don't know."
"You don't know?" She asked incredulously, staring up at him. "After three years, you decide to just show up on my doorstep and when I ask you why you say you don't know?"
He could hear the anger and pain laced through her voice and it hurt him. He met her burning gaze and their eyes held for a few moments
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She seemed taken aback, a Malfoy apologising was a rare event; Draco Malfoy apologising was almost unheard of.
"You're – what?"
"I'm sorry," he repeated louder. "I'm sorry."
Suddenly, she seemed to take pity on him. She stepped aside gently and motioned towards the door.
"Would you like to come in?"
He nodded, and stepped neatly inside, following her down the hallway into the brightly lit kitchen.
He noticed her look around nervously before surreptitiously placing one of the silver framed photos at the end of the kitchen bench down so that the photo was no longer visible.
He looked quizzically at her, but she just smiled tightly.
"Tea?" she asked.
He nodded, not because he was actually thirsty, but because he could think of nothing better to do. He sat down in one of the tall, straight-backed chairs and gently tapped his fingers against the glass tabletop as she busied herself making the tea.
"You remembered." He said suddenly, watching as she careful measured exactly 1¾ spoonfuls of sugar.
Her hands stilled, and she bit her lip before shrugging. "Old habits die hard," she answered tightly.
He nodded, and she placed a steaming cup in front of him.
She sat and placed her hands in her lap, looking incredibly uncomfortable. He watched as her eyes flitted nervously around the room.
"How did you know where I lived?" She asked finally
"Blaise," he said simply.
Ginny raised her eyebrow slightly.
Draco gave a small smile. "We've reached a – well, I suppose you could call it a truce."
"Did he tell you to come see me?"
Draco shook his head. "I contacted him. He didn't seem to think it would be a good idea, but I insisted."
Ginny nodded slowly. "Blaise is a good friend. He's been good to me since – well, since you – "
"Left." Draco finished, watching her closely.
Ginny closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes. Since you left."
Silence descended once more, but this time it was he who broke it.
"You look good. The years have treated you kindly."
She looked up, surprised, and flushed slightly.
"Thank you. You look well too."
He shook his head and placed down his cup.
"You don't have to try and flatter me. After three years, I've finally learnt what manual labor is like. I've finally learnt what it's like to live without servants at your beck and call."
Ginny smiled, though it was slightly strained.
"Where – where have you been for the last few years?"
"The city. I got a job at a muggle store, unloading stock."
"You? A muggle store?"
He smiled slightly and nodded.
"Yes, me, a Malfoy. But I had no other choice; I had nothing. I hated the city at first. The people were cold and distant. It was so different from anything I'd ever known. For the first time, I had no power over people; I had no control, no influence. Nobody knew me." Draco paused and looked over at Ginny who was watching him intently. "But then I realized that was a good thing. No one knew my father. No one knew my past. No one judged me. So I started from the bottom and worked my way up. I started unloading stock. I moved into a managerial position. Eventually, I worked my way up to Assistant Director of the whole company."
Ginny raised an eyebrow. "In three years?"
Draco smiled again, though this time; it was a fully-fledged, cocky, Malfoy smile. "What can I say? I'm the best."
Ginny snorted slightly and Draco was glad that they had moved from the nervous tension to this easy, familiar banter.
"No, really, I just worked my butt off for once. I did the jobs no one wanted, and I put in the extra hours. It felt good to be doing something for myself for once. I wasn't trying to please my father; I wasn't trying to win anyone's acceptance. I was just trying to do the best I could."
Ginny smiled at him. "Well, I'm glad for you. You've definitely changed."
Draco lifted his head slightly so that he was looking her straight in the eye. "Not everything about me has changed Ginny," he said softly, "I never once stopped thinking about you."
He saw her swallow nervously and tear her eyes away from his piercing gaze. She bit her lip and fiddled nervously with her hands in her lap.
Finally, she looked back at him and asked, "Did Blaise tell you why I moved?"
Draco shook his head slowly; a sinking feeling in his gut telling him that he wasn't going to like the answer. "No. Why did you move here?"
Ginny bit her lip. "I – we bought this house…after we got married."
He felt something in his heart clench and he had to fight hard to maintain his dignified composure.
"Oh. I see."
And looking around, he did see. He wondered why he hadn't picked up on it before. The kitchen was furnished sparsely, the walls painted in soft, pastel colours.
He knew she hated pastel.
They'd talked about it together. When they were in one of their playful, imaginative moods. Lying under the warm summer sun, hands entwined, they'd talked about how they'd decorate their little house in the suburbs.
'Blue.' She'd always said firmly. 'I'd paint my walls blue, a deep, sea-blue. Like the ocean. No pastels. I hate pastels. They're too bland and washed out, like they don't mean anything. I want a strong colour, one that stands out.'
'And clutter.' She'd added, bringing his hand to her mouth and gently kissing it. 'None of that sleek modern look. I want good, old-fashioned clutter. Big, chunky chairs, mess on the tables. Lots of colour and light. I couldn't live in one of those showcase type homes, you know, all sparse and metal, very classy and chic. That's just not me.'
Looking around, Draco found it hard to believe that the woman lying carefree in the grass four summers ago was the same woman who had decorated this kitchen, furnished with steel appliances and glass tabletops.
His gaze travelled over the steel bench top the silver photo frames scattered at one end.
Ginny standing alone, her hair blowing in the wind while she smiled and laughed. He remembered that photo. In fact, he'd taken that photo. Sitting under the sunshine as they both loved to do. He never knew she'd kept it.
There was a photo of Ginny with her brother and Granger on what he supposed was their wedding day. Smiling and laughing, he realised that it can't have been taken too long after he'd left.
Then Ginny and a baby wrapped in blankets and held firmly in her protective arms. Her baby?
Then the other photo, the one he'd noticed her place face down when they'd first entered. Before he realised what he was doing, he stood and made his way over there. He gently reached over and propped the frame so that it stood up once again.
Ginny, smiling happily with…Potter. Harry bloody Potter, his arms wrapped tightly around her as he stole kisses every now and then.
"Potter." He said, a statement more than a question.
She bit her lip again and nodded slowly, "Yes."
He closed his eyes tightly, trying to hide the pain. He pointed towards the picture of Ginny and the baby. "Yours?"
She glanced over and shook her head. "No, Hermione's."
Draco nodded, feeling slightly better.
"Didn't take you long though did it?" He said, his voice laced with a bitter edge.
Ginny narrowed her eyes suddenly as she stood up angrily. "You have no right to be upset."
He paused, taking a deep breath before closing his eyes briefly. "I know."
He ran a calloused hand through his hair and sighed.
"I didn't want to go," he said finally. "I thought it was for the best.
Ginny shut her eyes tightly to prevent the tears from falling. "Best for who?"
"For both of us, for everyone"
Ginny looked up, her eyes blazing in anger. "You thought it would just be the best idea to walk out on everything we had? To leave after I spent months trying to convince my family that we were in love? I defended you to my family! I told them you'd changed! I said that you would never do anything to hurt me!"
"I never meant to hurt you,"
Ginny sighed softly, the burning anger in her eyes replaced with a painful sadness "But you did," she said softly, looking up at him. "You did."
Draco watched as she put her head in her hands and he had a desperate longing to comfort her, to do something – anything.
But it was no longer his place. It was her husbands. Bloody Potter.
He'd known there would be a possibility that she was involved with someone else. How could she not? He hadn't expected her to waste her life pining away for him.
He felt the burning anger again and knew he had no right. Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair again.
"Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe this was a mistake."
Ginny made no movement and Draco took this as a signal to leave. Shaking his head, he stood, cursing himself for ever coming. He started down the hallway and stopped suddenly when he noticed a wedding picture hanging on the wall. How had he missed that?
He had a sudden urge to tear the picture off the wall and throw it somewhere, preferably over Potter's head. He watched with disgust as Potter smiled broadly and placed his arm around Ginny's shoulders, waving with the other. He watched as Ginny smiled happily at him, snuggling into his shoulder. But something was missing. Leaning in closely, Draco saw it. Her eyes. They were filled with a certain sadness, a certain emptiness. How had Potter never noticed?
Making up his mind in a split second, he turned and headed back towards the kitchen. Ginny looked up in surprise as he advanced upon her.
"You don't love him."
Ginny looked up at him, shocked at his sudden revelation. "W-what?"
"You don't love Potter."
He saw the fleeting look of surprise cross her face before it was replaced with a composed expression.
"Of course I do."
"No you don't." Draco moved closer to her and used one finger to gently lift her chin so she was looking straight into his piercing gaze.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you love him with all your heart and soul," he whispered softly, "Look me in the eyes and tell me you'd rather be with him than me."
Looking into her burning amber eyes, Draco knew she couldn't answer him. He was right, as she angrily tore herself away.
"I don't want to talk about this Draco. Just go back to the city."
Draco shook his head. "Why are you wasting your life in a loveless marriage Ginny?"
Ginny turned angrily on him, her eyes blazing.
"Who's to say I don't love Harry? He may not be the love of my life, but I do love him, to some extent. And he loves me."
"And that makes it all better? You're relationship is a sham!"
"How dare you! Would you rather I spend my life pining away for a broken relationship? At least I know Harry loves me! He loves me and he would do anything for me!"
"I love you. I would do anything for you."
Ginny sniffed as Draco slowly advanced upon her, pinning her against the wall so that she had to tilt her head to look him in the eye.
"I've always loved you Ginny. I've never stopped."
She closed her eyes briefly, and he gently lowered his head, his lips capturing hers in a soft, sweet kiss. Their mouths moved together in a familiar fashion, and it soon became more frenzied, more desperate as hands raked through hair and left goose bumps as they stroked bare flesh.
Suddenly, Draco felt his himself being pushed away and he took a step back as Ginny stood against the wall, her eyes tightly shut, shaking her head.
"I can't, I can't…" She muttered desperately, tears seeping through her tightly squeezed eyes.
"You can Ginny!" Draco said, lifting her chin up. "We can! We can be together again! I was stupid before, we can make it happen this time. You can come with me back to the city and – "
Ginny shook her head again as she placed one head gently against her flat abdomen. "No, I can't," she sobbed
Draco looked down and the meaning clicked instantly in his head.
"How long?" He whispered
"Almost four months."
"I could be the father, Ginny." He said earnestly, cupping her face in his hands. "I could make a home for you and the baby and we could be a family."
"We can't. I can't. It's not fair to Harry."
"Does he know?"
Ginny nodded miserably as the tears slipped slowly down her face.
"I told him this morning," she whispered softly, her voice barely audible.
Draco closed his eyes briefly. This morning. If only he'd come earlier. Hell, if only he'd never left.
A million thoughts ran through his mind before he opened his eyes again. Looking over at Ginny, he asked sadly, "You're not going to leave him are you?"
Slowly, she shook her head.
Draco choked back a sob. "And you're too honorable to go behind his back aren't you?"
Ginny let out a little cry as she nodded.
Draco nodded too. "I understand," he whispered softly, tears blurring his vision as he gently stepped forward to place a feather soft kiss on her forehead.
"I'll always be there for you if you need me. I'll always be there."
She nodded, her eyes closed as she sobbed silently against the wall of her pristine kitchen. Slowly, he stood and made his way down the hallway to the front door. He turned, to see her watching him from the end of the hall, her face tear-stained, one hand rested gently on her stomach.
He drank in the sight of her once more, moving his eyes over her slowly so as to remember every last little detail. Finally, his gaze met hers and cool gray meeting soft amber, both filled with an infinite sadness.
"I love you," he whispered softly, "I love you."
She nodded and mouthed the words back to him, as the tears began to fall again.
With a heavy heart, Draco walked out the front door and back down the cobbled path. He slowly pulled out his wand and thought of her one last time, before he disapparated back to the city.
I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but
Someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend
That you've forgiven me
Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again
Springtime in the city
Always such a relief from winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold if you know what I mean
Everyone's got an agenda
Don't stop keep that chin up you'll be alright
Can you believe what a year it's been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?
Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again
I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day
So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?
Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again
I see your face
I see your face
- "I don't know you anymore" by Savage Garden from the CD, 'Affirmation'