A/N: So I'm trying something a little different here. This'll be a multi-chapter fic, set after Eclipse but disregarding Breaking Dawn, set in Jacob's POV. Length is as of now not determined. I'm trying a little angsty humor, but I'm not really sure how good I am at that. Give me some feedback, please?
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Here's the thing: when you're sixteen, you don't really expect to have too many responsibilities.
It's stupid, but most teenage boys do feel kind of invincible. I mean, what is there to worry about? School gets annoying and parents can be tough, acne sucks and hormones are a pain in the ass, but other than that…well, it's pretty fucking great.
That is, for normal teenage boys.
The thing is, I'm not exactly average – to say the least.
For one thing, there's my family. My sisters have been out of the house for a while, so it's pretty much been me and my dad, since my mom died when I was young. I'm not trying to be sappy or anything, 'cause I know plenty of kids who never see one or both of their parents, and to be honest I think that sucks more than knowing she's dead. At least it's over and done with, you know? I'm not a big fan of loose ends, if you catch my drift.
But anyhow, on top of being a sort-of-almost-only-child, my dad's paralyzed from the waist down. Now, technology's pretty good these days so there's a lot of stuff that he can do that he wouldn't have been able to years ago, and we have a lot of friends that help out and everything, but still. It's mostly me, all the time…being there. Which – and this is gonna make me sound like a total jerk, but whatever – can get kind of old.
And, you know…there is the whole thing where I turn into a giant wolf and fight of blood-sucking creatures of the night.
Yeah…I guess the right word for me would be freak.
In any case, it's pretty difficult to balance all of this crap and, at the same time, deal with girls.
Which I happen to do a lot of, nowadays.
See – I'm in love with Bella Swan. Normally, this wouldn't really be a problem. 'Cause even though I'm two years her junior, I'm also her best friend. And, well…I'm insanely good-looking. I'm not trying to be cocky or anything, because, believe me, I went through my awkward phase (thank god that's over) – it's just a fact. Bella's even told me herself, albeit in fewer words.
The problem is that she's kind of in love with my mortal enemy. "In love," surprisingly, being the operative words here, rather than "mortal enemy." 'Cause when I say in love, what I really mean is scarily obsessed. The thing about vampires – and werewolves, actually, but that's a whole different story – is that once their in love, their set. Done. Finito. And despite being completely human genetics-wise, Bella's sort of the same way. It doesn't really matter to her that I can give her this whole life that the bloodsucker can't, because, in the end – it's always him. Always.
Which is why I'm on my way to tell her that I'm leaving.
'Cause, frankly – this whole love bullshit is beginning to get on my nerves.
It's bad enough when the girl you've got the hots for doesn't like you back. I mean, in eighth grade Quil fell for this blond freshman, hard, and when he finally got up enough courage to ask her out, she totally spat in his face. Up until Claire, he was still getting over that.
But with Bella, not only do I have to accept that she'll never be with me, I also have to get my heart broken like every fucking day – and that might sound girly, but the thing is, that's actually what it feels like. Literal rips and gashes in my literal heart – that weird-looking organ in my chest. I mean, at this point, I'm not even sure it's there anymore.
It's just too much.
And I know running away seems like a cheap way to go, but what else am I supposed to do? The pack doesn't need me right now, not ever since we got rid of that red-headed vamp, and Bella's perfectly happy living out her fairytale wedding, teenage funeral fantasy without me. I'd probably just mess it up anyway.
Being me…kinda blows.
Majorly.
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TBC
