I was going through my folders on the computer and found this one shot that I wrote shortly after the finale of season 3. Honestly... I kinda forgot about it and completely lost my muse but tonight I went over it again and decided to post it here. I want to thank Nathy3 for lending it a glance so so so so long ago :D. I haven't written in a while and I don't even remember the last time I posted anything so please be kind :).
This story is my version of maybe a beginning for season 4 or in between or something... honestly, I don't know where this story fits or if it fits at all but I wrote it so here it is.
Just a little FYI: In this story, Andy and Nick did go undercover together but for a different assignment.
Thoughts are in Italics
He's been here before
He's been here before. He's been in a hospital waiting room, full of police officers waiting to hear anything about their colleague, their friend and on some occasions, even family.
He's been here before. He's been in this very waiting room sitting with his partner, supporting her, waiting on any news on the condition of her, then, fiancée. The terror in her eyes, her fiddling around with that damn engagement ring cut him deep. He loved her before that, he loved her then and he loved her since, he was just too stupid to tell her.
He felt this before. He worried about her, desperately tried to prevent his heart from tearing apart because she's not next to him. He'll step on a mind field so that she won't have to; ready to protect her with everything he's got. 'You've got to let us fumble around' she told him and he tried, god knows he tried but whenever and wherever she's concerned, his primal instinct is to push her out of harm's way. She teased him about not being able to turn his TO mode off. But how can he? She means more to him than he thought anyone ever would. But this time… this time he didn't even have a choice in the matter. He wasn't there. And if he was honest with himself, it's his own fault.
He felt this before. This feeling when every bone in his body ached for her. He longed to see her mischievous smile, to look into her sparkling eyes, to feel her soft touch, to smell her sweet perfume, to hear her say his name, to kiss her and hold her so tight in his arms that the mighty forces of nature can't rip her away from him ever again. He wants to tear the doors apart, barge in to see her but he can't. 'Immediate family only' the sing says and he is helpless.
He's been there before. The realization that he might lose her and that... he loves her. It took him a long time to admit it to himself but she's the one and... his biggest mistake was that it took him even longer to admit it to her, and after a break up no less, with their hands on a grenade.
He did it before. He played it cool, asking her to The Penny so that they can talk but she never showed. How can he blame her? He's the one who walked out. Jerry's death did a number on him that even he didn't expect and it cost him... dearly. She felt betrayed. She asked him not to 'just walk out' and he promised that he wouldn't. But he did... HE DID.
He's been mad before. Hell… He should be mad now. Mad at her for putting herself in danger, again. Mad at Luke for not being there to protect her. But surprisingly, he's mad at himself more. He lost sight of what's important in life, in HIS life. It was her and them, together. He knows that in their line of work, tomorrow is not a guarantee. And if Jerry's death didn't prove it to him then her being behind those doors did.
"She's a fighter. Heart of a lion, right?" Oliver was the only one who was brave enough to approach his friend.
Sam raised his head just enough to look straight at a cup of coffee that Oliver extended to him. "If someone touched her, so help me god, Oliver. I'm turning in my badge!"
"We don't know anything yet so don't go making these statements. I don't want to be an accessory to, what seems to be, several premeditated murders."
Oliver was surprised that he actually got a little twitch of a smile as a reply. "Tommy will come out and we'll see where things stand. She'll be fine, Sammy. I'm sure of it." Oliver tried to reassure his friend as he sat down next to him. Both got comfortable in the waiting room chairs. Who knows how long it'll take for Tommy to come back out. Neither of them was going anywhere anyway.
The waiting room was quiet despite the fact that it was packed to 'standing room only' with people. It was unlike any other time when they were all in the same room, no one spoke. Frank and other officials were standing in the corner, Chris had his arm around Gail while Dov had his around Traci. To everyone, as excruciating as the waiting was, they would not be anywhere else. Andy has been there for each and everyone of them at a certain point in time and no one was about to go anywhere in the near future.
Suddenly, a mechanical noise was heard from the unit doors. After another second, the doors opened and Tommy came out. In a split second Tommy was surrounded by everyone, asking about any news on Andy. He waved everyone to settle down. "She's still out of it. The doc is checking her now but they tell me she's stable. He said he'd come out once he's done."
Sam tapped Tommy on the shoulder, he was exhausted and it showed. Tommy looked at everyone around him and in this terrible time, which he wished would never happen, everyone's presence gave him comfort.
"Here… have a seat." Oliver gestured to the seat next to Sam's. "You want some coffee?"
"No, I'm good." Tommy sighed as he came to sit on the other side of Sam, and as he did, silence descended on the room again. Everyone went back to their respective seats and corners as they waited for the doctor to come out.
No one actually noticed how much time had passed when Luke and Nick walked into the waiting room and immediately went to talk to Frank. The silence in the room was broken with Luke's voice. No one dared to move but they were all listening as Luke told Frank that they've arrested everyone involved and that Scozzoli is cooperating with the police after hearing that he almost killed a police officer. "We wouldn't have found them without Andy." Luke concluded. "How is she?"
"Now you care?" All eyes turned on Sam as his voice was heard from across the room.
"Sam, now is not the time!" Frank tried not to ignite the situation further.
"Oh no Frank, I think this is the perfect time." Sam got up from his seat and came closer to Luke. "Callaghan, you want to tell me why she was in that apartment? Alone? With no back up?"
"Swarek, the important thing is that we've got them. All of them!" Luke tried to remain calm.
"One of your officers is in critical condition and all you think about is your arrest?" Sam's voice rose with every word that came out of his mouth.
"She was following a hunch. She didn't call it in until she was about to go inside that apartment. And… it's a good thing she did because we wouldn't have found her otherwise."
"She shouldn't have been alone!" At this point Sam was yelling in Luke's face. Frank was doing his best to maintain a safe distance between the two while Dov, Chris, Oliver and Nick were at the ready just in case. Even Tommy got up from his chair, worried that Sam would do something that might cost him his career.
"You are out of line, Sam. That's enough!" Frank pushed against his shoulder to prevent him from coming any closer or push this issue any further. "We will discuss this later."
"No!" Sam pushed Frank's hand away. "I want to know now. What the hell happened? What was she doing in that apartment?"
"Actually… I want to know too." Tommy's voice was heard from behind Sam. Sam stepped aside so that Tommy could come through. "C'mon Luke, we are all here for her and we deserve to know. No one understands 'task force' regulations better than me but… you've got your guys in custody and…" he hesitates for a second and with a tear falling across his face and a choked up voice he adds "that's my little girl in there."
Even Frank couldn't argue with that and so he gave Luke an acknowledging nod to tell everyone what had occurred.
Luke began to tell everyone how Nick and Andy were in charge of surveilling Dino Scozzoli, who had his hand in a lot of things but sex trade was his specialty. Luke was interested in him mostly because Scozzoli was notorious for eliminating his competition and anyone who did not take his orders as law. According to Luke, Scozzoli had a few bodies under his belt and the ones Luke was most interested in were several girls who were working for him and disappeared. Suspicion was that they were murdered trying to escape the life inflicted on them.
Luke continued to tell everyone that while doing surveillance, Nick and Andy noticed that one of Scozzoli's veteran girls, Tina, was pregnant. Andy's impression was that Tina would not dream to leave because she was scared for her life but she was attending all of her prenatal care appointments which indicated she cared for the baby. Andy's idea was to bump into Tina and try to form a relationship with her in which she succeeded and has been working undercover to gain Tina's trust for the last 3 months. Eventually, today, Andy felt that it was safe to approach Tina and to get her to testify against Scozzoli in exchange for safety and protection for both her and the baby.
"I received a call from her this morning, telling me she's going to talk to Tina. I sent Collins to that apartment as her back up right away." Luke explained to everyone.
"I saw them loading someone into an SUV but the person didn't look like Andy." Nick took the lead from Luke. "They were long gone until I managed to get closer. I called Detective Callaghan and went up to check the apartment which is when…" He cleared his throat for a second. "… I found Andy." He was silent for another moment, trying to contain the memory. "I had to break the door in. The old oven in the kitchen was on and all the windows were closed. She was on the kitchen floor…" he hesitated for another second as he met Tommy's eyes. The pain reflected back at him was overwhelming. "… bleeding. I turned the oven off and opened the windows to let the air in. When I checked her pulse, she was alive and I called 911."
"At which point we got word?" Frank interfered.
"Yes." Nick continued to say that while trying to get Andy to regain consciousness, she did tell him that Scozzoli and his goons took Tina to Lambton Woods.
"We caught them en route." Luke turned to Tommy. "Thanks to Nick and Andy's good surveillance work, we knew exactly which cars to look for and which plates to run. We got them all!" He looked at Sam again as he finished the sentence. He wanted to emphasize the point that all the perpetrators were in custody and they will answer for what they did to Andy.
"I came to the hospital with Andy." Nick continued. "They gave her oxygen in the ambulance but she was still in and out of consciousness. After that… I know as much as you do."
"Well…" Frank tapped Nick on the shoulder. "There was nothing here for you to do and I wanted you to finish what you started so it's good I sent you to help Detective Callaghan with the arrests. It was good work."
After hearing what Luke and Nick had to say, Sam seemed a little less tense. At least now he knew what happened but it didn't change the fact that Andy was hurt and there was still no word on her condition.
After the heated conversation with Luke, Sam was looking at his watch a lot more frequently. If he could get that doctor to come out by pure will, those doors would swing open immediately. Time has never passed slower for him and just as he couldn't take in anymore, a man's voice was heard.
"Mr. McNally?"
"Yes." Tommy jumped out of his seat before knowing to which direction to turn. As he saw the doctor coming closer to him from a side door, he gestured everyone to come closer.
"I'm sorry, Mr. McNally but I need to speak to you privately." the doctor insisted.
"That's ok, they're all family! Brothers, sisters… etc…" he waved his arm around towards all the officers who surrounded him.
The doctor looked skeptically at Tommy.
"What!?" Tommy protested. "Can't you see the family resemblance?" he asked as he put his arm around Traci.
Realizing that he would never win this fight, the doctor gave them an update on Andy. "She has quite a bump on the head from the blow and she suffered a mild concussion. We've put some stitches in and we've got that under control. Put this all together with the carbon monoxide exposure, she's in the ICU for a short observation at this time. We just want to monitor her condition and alertness for the next couple of hours and after that we can transfer her to a regular unit. She's sleeping at this time; we've got her on some pain medications so that she'll be comfortable. If you want, you can go in and see her."
"Oh… thank God." Tommy was smiling and crying all at the same time. "Thank you, doctor!" Tommy shook his hand. "Actually…" Tommy paused for a minute. "Let him in." Tommy said to the doctor while pointing at Sam. "He's her partner."
Sam was so grateful and relieved that he didn't even have enough time to thank Tommy for his kindness since the doors beeped open so fast in front of him.
As Sam went into the ICU, Tommy turned to Traci. "Or at least he will be again if he plays his cards right!" Traci chuckled. "So, Officer Nash, how about you and I go pick up some things for Andy. She's going to want her things when she wakes up and I could really use the company." Traci smiled and they went out of the waiting room.
At the entrance to her room, he stopped. She was sleeping, a little beat up and worn out. She looked so helpless. He had never seen her like this before and it took his breath away. Grabbing a chair form the corner, he eventually sat next to her bed, reaching for her hand and lowering his head onto it. He was never a religious man, he wasn't about to pray but if anyone was listening, he wouldn't mind one bit, as long as it brings Andy back to him.
He didn't feel this before. He never had this clarity, this realization of what he should do, what he is going to do!
He didn't do this before. He never laid anything out in the open with anyone, not to mention with women and relationships. He's going to tell her everything. He is not letting her walk away now. He screwed up and as God as his witness, he is going to fix it. 'Who cares what she's got to say about it…'
When she wakes up, she feels someone is holding her hand. She doesn't even have to look, she knows it's him. Between the pain meds, all that happened undercover and between them, she's surprised at how happy she is that he is here, with her. But… she won't let on to it. She won't let him know she's happy just like she won't give him any indication that she's awake – she wants to enjoy this just a while longer. She actually enjoys the quiet, for a change.
She can feel how hard he is clenching her hand in his – it hurts a bit but she's not about to complain. She can feel his breath through their laced fingers and that's another thing she doesn't hate.
She's still pretty groggy – that's another reason why she's not saying anything… she needs a little more time to formulate a proper first sentence. She doesn't know what to actually say to him so she says nothing.
After a few minutes, she knows he will probably look at her soon and she won't let him beat her to the punch. "Please tell me you did not threaten to shoot the doctors and nurses if they won't let you in…"
He raises his head quickly to look at her as he realizes he heard her voice.
"Because… I don't need them traumatized because my crazy boyfriend threatened their lives." Her laugh is weak but it's there.
' Boyfriend…' . Music to his ears, that word. He loves it. He smiles with dimples on display. "Boyfriend?" he asks part for clarification, part for confirmation and to tease her, which is not less important than the other two reasons.
"Ex-boyfriend, whatever…" she dismisses lightly. "I'm on some heavy duty pain killers so I can't be held accountable for what I'm saying."
'She didn't lose a beat'. "Andy…" he starts but she cuts him off.
"Sam, please… I don't need a lecture right now." She was almost pleading him.
"I wasn't going to give you one."
"You weren't?" the look on her face was a mix of surprise, confusion and relief.
"No." he said simply, not letting go of her hand.
"That's a first…" she chuckled quietly.
"Andy…"
She cut him off, again. "How did you get in here? This is ICU… 'family only'…"
"Your dad told them it was okay for me to be here. He made everyone out there your family so…" he smiled.
That statement alone confirmed what she already suspected; the entire 15 family was outside those doors. They were all there for her.
"Oh… okay." She took a deep breath.
"Andy…"
"How is he? Is he okay? My dad… maybe…"
"McNally, shut up!" he lost his patience with her. He's been trying to tell her some very important things here and, as always, she can't stop talking. 'Carbon monoxide poisoning and a concussion can't stop her from talking.'
He caught her off guard, she did not expect that.
Still holding her hand in his, he took a deep breath and in a calmer, steadier voice begat to talk. He had to take advantage of her being silent or shocked, or both. "Andy… please… just hear me out."
She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She had never seen him like this before, not even when Jerry died. She could usually read him pretty well but she had no idea what he was about to say. 'Where was he going with this?'
If anyone should apologize, it's her, for leaving, again. He wanted to talk, asked her to join him but she chose her job, again. But… he seems apologetic, he doesn't want her to say anything which is not unusual – she knows he likes silence but for him to want to talk… him actually saying… things – she wasn't really ready for that. She couldn't formulate one logical thought anyway so she might as well go along with it… let him say what he wants to.
"This is not me being your TO, this is… well… me." He cleared his throat. "Andy…, when I told you I loved you, I meant every word. It seems that our entire relationship is an obstacle course for me, and I am not good at it."
Andy was dumbfounded. She could almost swear that his eyes were getting a little glossy. 'No way is he crying. I'm still groggy… must be seeing things.'
He moved his chair even closer to her bed, wanting to make sure that she sees him, sees his eyes and how sincere he is. "We're a good team, on the job and off. You… you changed me and I don't want to go back to being who I was… who I was without you. Not seeing you – I don't want to do that ever again. I'm sorry I pushed you away, I was…"
"An idiot!" she had to put her two cents in.
"Yeah." He chuckles.
"And an ass!" she added. She was on a role.
"Watch it!" he smiled and they both laughed. "So here's what we are going to do." His voice was stern and determined.
She stopped laughing and gave him a look that could only be interpreted as 'oh really?'
"I'll be here for you, everyday. I don't care whether you want it or not. I don't need your answer today or this week but just so you know, I am your… boyfriend – I'm not leaving you much choice in the matter."
She had so much to say to him, give him a piece of her mind but she needed some time to process what he just said. Some time to figure out if she's ready to be with him again. "My… ummmm… throat is dry. Can you please get me some water?"
He sighed. Wasn't what he was hoping to hear but at least she didn't ask him to leave. "Sure. I'll be right back."
As he got up to leave the room, she was grateful for a few minutes alone, she needed to gain some perspective and clarity.
"Officer McNally, it's nice to see you awake. My name is Judy and I'm your nurse. How are you feeling?"
'There goes my time alone.' She sighed. "Good. Better, I guess…"
"Good, that's good. Let me just check you up quickly and you can get some rest." The nurse said as she checked Andy's IV. "Is there someone you'd like me to call?" the nurse asked after she had finished with her check up.
"No, thank you. I have everyone I need just behind those doors." Andy gratefully smiled.
"Okay then." And just as Judy was about to leave the room, Andy's voice stopped her.
"Why?" Being a cop, Andy realized there was something more behind the nurse's question.
"Well…" Judy turned to face Andy. "The paramedics who brought you in said that you kept asking for 'Sam'. You kept saying 'I need Sam.' So, I thought maybe you want me to call…" Judy stopped talking as she noticed Andy's eyes switch quickly towards the door. As she turned, she saw a man standing there. "I'm sorry but… since the unit is restricted to family only…"
"This is Sam." Andy cut the nurse off.
Judy turned back to Andy. "Okay then" she smiled as she fixed Andy's covers. "Use the call bell if you need anything and I'll pop in a little later to check up on you."
Just as Judy left the room, Sam's smile could not be contained.
"Do not. Say. A word!" she warned him but with that… she never saw him so happy and Sam Swarek never gets so obviously happy.
"I wasn't going to." He grinned wider, like that was even possible, as he came closer and handed her a glass of water. He sat down on the chair next to her bed and placed his hand over hers, just where it was before he left.
'And there's my perspective and clarity...'
Well... there it is.
Hope you liked it :D. In any case, reviews are greatly appreciated.