The Final Flight of the Nebuchadnezzar
DISLCAIMER: I Don't own anything Matrix related. The original concept of the Matrix, and all characters featured in this story, belong to the Wachowski Brothers. (Who are geniuses by the way.)
This story takes place at the same time as the first matrix, in a parallel universe or something. I'm no good at summaries. Anyways who cares, on with the story!
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(Begin the story in the room outside where the oracle apparently lives.)
NEO: "What's going on?" (Looks at Spoon Boy) "Why am I here?"
SPOON BOY: "Don't try to understand the script, that's impossible. Instead, only try to realise the simple truth"
NEO: "What truth?"
SPOON BOY: "There is no script."
NEO: "Eh?"
(Morpheus enters)
MORPHEUS: "Come on Neo, time to be going"
NEO: "But I haven't seen the oracle yet!"
MORPHEUS: "There is no oracle, I made that up to get you to come here"
NEO: "Wha?"
MORPHEUS: "Just come with me Neo."
NEO: "Okay"
(Morpheus and Neo leave. As they prepare to go back to the Nebuchadnezzar, Agent Smith randomly appears.)
SMITH: "Mr. Anderson. Surprised to see me?"
MORPHEUS: "I'm Morpheus"
SMITH: "Oh, sorry" (turns to Neo) "Mr. Anderson, sur-
NEO: "Yes, I'm very surprised, what do you want?"
SMITH: "I'm here to talk to you about purpose and exiled programs"
NEO: "Eh?"
SMITH: "Just shut up and listen" (walks towards Morpheus and Neo very slowly.)
SMITH: "I'm here because I have to tell you that you are here because of a purpose"
NEO: "That's confusing, and what purpose is that?"
SMITH: "Read the script"
NEO: "There is no script, apparently"
SMITH: "There isn't, you mean I don't have to ramble on and confuse you? Oh, in that case I'll just kill you!"
(Smith draws magnum)
NEO & MORPHEUS: "Oh shit"
(Smith fires at them both. Morpheus returns fire with an Uzi, but Smith dodges every bullet and just laughs. Morpheus dives behind a door and hides. Neo runs up and starts a punch-up with Smith)
NEO: "I'm gonna kick your Agent ass"
SMITH: (Sarcastically) "Of course you are"
(Neo punches Smith in the face. Smith punches Neo in the stomach. Neo falls over, and Smith boots him across the floor. Neo collides with the wall, gets up and charges towards Smith. Neo throws three punches but Smith evades two and counters the third by twisting Neo over and onto the floor. Smith prepares to bring his foot down heavily on Neo, but Neo slides out of the way)
SMITH: "Hurry up and let me kill you, I have other people to kill, and I need to pick up that pizza I ordered earlier."
(Neo twirls his feet in the air for a bit and gets up. Smith kicks Neo, but Neo blocks it. Neo jumps up in the air and fly-kicks Smith in the chest. Smith goes flying backwards into the wall.)
SMITH: "If I had emotions and feelings, that hurt and I'm pissed off"
NEO: (mocking) "Ooh, I'm so afraid"
(Smith snarls and charges at Neo, meanwhile Morpheus is sneaking up behind Smith. Smith spins round and starts shooting Morpheus. Morpheus tries to dodge the bullets, but gets shot three times in the chest. Morpheus drops to the floor, protesting about the fact he can't bore anyone to death with his speeches anymore.)
MORPHEUS: "Well I'm being written out of the script"
SMITH: "What script? Fool, there is no script!"
MORPHEUS: "Oh shut up, your not helping!"
SMITH: "You don't need a script to figure out I'm a bad guy and therefore don't need to help you. God your such a jackass, how the hell did you get the job as captain?"
MORPHEUS: "Everyone else was drooling over Niobe"
SMITH: "You humans make me sick, anyway hurry up and die, your boring me"
(Morpheus whines a bit, then keels over and dies)
NEO: "You bastard Smith, I'm gonna kill you"
SMITH: "Muhahahahahah! That's my insane laugh!"
NEO: "I Don't care I'm still gonna kill you!"
SMITH: "Awww, no one appreciates poor Agent Smith"
(Neo punches at Smith, but Smith blocks. Smith trips Neo, and shoots him in the chest.)
NEO: "Ow, bitch"
SMITH: "Haha, loser"
NEO: "I can't die, I can't be written out of the script! I'm the star! I'm so dam good!"
SMITH: "THERE IS NO SCRIPT!!"
NEO: "I'm buggered then"
SMITH: "Yes, yes you are. Isn't it great when the author prefers evil characters?"
(Smith shoots Neo repeatedly in the chest until he dies)
SMITH: "Right, that's my gratuitous violence done for today, now off to eat"
Meanwhile, on board the Nebuchadnezzar, the remaining crew are being miserable about the death of Neo and Morpheus.
TRINITY: "I'm so sad Neo and Morpheus are dead"
TANK: "Yeah, that sucks. What shall we do now?"
TRINITY: "Dunno, how about a game of Twister?"
TANK: "Ok, Switch, Apoc, Cypher, Mouse, Dozer, get in here. Were going to play twister!"
(The others come running in and play twister for a while, until the sensors start bleeping and tell the crew sentinels are coming.)
TRINITY: "Dam, I was winning, oh well, charge the guns"
TANK: "Ok"
DOZER: "I'll drive" (Dozer smiles gormlessly and runs to the front of the ship)
SWITCH: "My role in this story is far to small."
APOC: "As is mine"
DOZER: "Holy shit, it looks like were up against 100 sentinels"
TRINITY: "Crap, everyone get to the guns"
(The crew scatter like fish being chased by a shark, and man the guns)
APOC: "Die you sentinel scum!"
(The crew starts blasting away at the sentinels, and wastes plenty of them. However the sentinels get through the constant barrage of gunfire and start to burn through the hull)
MOUSE: "Incoming!"
SWITCH: "God dammit. Our chances of surviving this are slim. All we need now is for someone to turn out to be a traitor."
CYPHER: "Okay"
(Cypher picks up electromagnetic pulse gun and shoots Switch in the chest. Switch falls over and dies)
APOC: "You traitor!"
CYPHER: "That's me" (Smiles gormlessly, drools a little)
APOC: "I'm gonna kill you"
CYPHER: "No your not, you're a pointless character with a small role"
APOC: (cries)
(Cypher shoots Apoc in the face and he goes flying into the side of the ship and gets impaled on a large pole, and dies.)
MOUSE: "HELP! Cypher is killing everyone!"
TRINITY: "Be quiet Mouse, Dozer and I are having a Muffin eating contest, and I'm winning!"
DOZER: "Do you have an obsession with winning, Trinity?"
TRINITY: "Don't distract me, I have to win!"
(Meanwhile, Cypher shoots Mouse, and he goes flying into Trinity)
TRINITY: "That's it Cypher, I'm gonna kill you for ruining my chance of winning that contest.
(Trinity throws a muffin at Cypher and it lodges itself in his mouth. Cypher chokes on the muffin and dies.)
MOUSE: "Hey, I'm still alive. Praise Mouse!"
(Just then a sentinel burns through the side of the Nebuchadnezzar and lasers MOUSE through the chest,)
MOUSE: "I spoke to soon"
(Mouse falls over slowly and gets cut in half by the laser, and dies.)
TANK: "Noooo! Dam you sentinels!"
(Tank grabs the EMP gun from Cypher's body and takes on a sentinel. The sentinel lasers at him, but he bends over backwards and evades the shot. He responds by blasting the sentinel to bits with his EMP.
TANK: "Take that you metal monster thing from that place!"
(A second sentinel comes bursting through the hull, and slices off Tank's arm)
TANK: "Ow! You bastard!"
(Tank runes up to the sentinel and smacks it with his severed Arm. The sentinel in return melts of his other arm.
TANK: "Oh dam. Now I'm without an Army!"
(Tank chuckles at his own poor attempt at a pun. However, yet another sentinel has entered the interior of the Nebuchadnezzar. This one comes up and blasts him in the side, where he falls to the ground.)
TANK: "Well I'm buggered"
(The sentinel continues to laser Tank until his remains are unrecognisable, and then turns of Dozer).
DOZER: "Aaargh sentinels" (looks quickly to Trinity) "do something!"
TRINITY "Only if you admit defeat in the muffin eating contest!"
DOZER: "Never!"
TRINITY: "Suit yourself" (runs over to the EMP gun and shoots a sentinel)
DOZER: "Not bad"
(Another sentinel bursts through the hull and lasers DOZER in the throat)
DOZER: "looks like I'm being written out of the script also"
TRINITY "THERE IS NO SCRIPT!"
DOZER: "Whatever"
(Dozer slumps to the floor and dies. He coughs up some muffins, so Trinity declares herself the winner of the muffin-eating contest. Trinity shoots the sentinel that killed Dozer and runs to the cockpit of the Nebuchadnezzar. She then activates the EMP and disables all but 3 of the sentinels)
TRINITY: "I'm the star of this story, and that means I win!"
(The remaining sentinels come bursting into the Nebuchadnezzar, waving around their unnecessarily large amount of pokey things.)
TRINITY: "Oh Bugger"
(Trinity uses the EMP gun on one, and disables it. The second lasers at her, but she dives backwards and avoids it. She does a cool looking cartwheel and EMP's it. The second sentinel goes flying backwards and smashes into the third one, destroying them both)
TRINITY: "I kicked some major ass!" (Slumps to the ground exhausted)
(From nowhere, a few more sentinels come round the corner. They fuse together to make a bomb sentinel and come hurtling towards the Nebuchadnezzar.)
TRINITY: "Oh shit. Well it doesn't matter. I can't die. I'm the last one alive, so if the script writers kill me the story will end."
(Trinity pauses for a moment, remembers something crucial)
TRINITY "Oh no, did I leave the TV on again!? My TV bill will be huge"
(Trinity pauses for a moment, remembers something slightly more crucial)
TRINITY: "Oh wait, there is no script. Shit!"
(Trinity runs to the controls and tries to start the Nebuchadnezzar.)
TRINITY: "Come on, start. Why wont you start. Stupid ship, I told Morpheus he should have done an MOT on this thing!""
(Trinity continues to try and start the Nebuchadnezzar, but she doesn't even know how. The sentinel bomb comes smashing into the side of the Nebuchadnezzar. A gigantic fireball comes racing towards Trinity.
TRINITY: "Oh bugger!!!"
(The fireball engulfs Trinity and the Nebuchadnezzar, which then proceeds to explode in a blaze of fire and metal. Everyone is now dead by the way)
(LATER THAT DAY)
SMITH: "Wow, we won. That's not usually how these things end now is it?"
JONES: "Nope, its not."
SMITH: "I mean, they should but generally they don't"
JONES: "Yeah, well what should we do now, I'm really confused."
BROWN: "Oh well, lets celebrate, anyone fancy a pint. I'm paying."
THE END.
Well that was that. I know the characters are out of character, because this thing is completely random and rather pointless. Hope you enjoyed it, and hope it put a smile on your face. Please review.
DISLCAIMER: I Don't own anything Matrix related. The original concept of the Matrix, and all characters featured in this story, belong to the Wachowski Brothers. (Who are geniuses by the way.)
This story takes place at the same time as the first matrix, in a parallel universe or something. I'm no good at summaries. Anyways who cares, on with the story!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------
(Begin the story in the room outside where the oracle apparently lives.)
NEO: "What's going on?" (Looks at Spoon Boy) "Why am I here?"
SPOON BOY: "Don't try to understand the script, that's impossible. Instead, only try to realise the simple truth"
NEO: "What truth?"
SPOON BOY: "There is no script."
NEO: "Eh?"
(Morpheus enters)
MORPHEUS: "Come on Neo, time to be going"
NEO: "But I haven't seen the oracle yet!"
MORPHEUS: "There is no oracle, I made that up to get you to come here"
NEO: "Wha?"
MORPHEUS: "Just come with me Neo."
NEO: "Okay"
(Morpheus and Neo leave. As they prepare to go back to the Nebuchadnezzar, Agent Smith randomly appears.)
SMITH: "Mr. Anderson. Surprised to see me?"
MORPHEUS: "I'm Morpheus"
SMITH: "Oh, sorry" (turns to Neo) "Mr. Anderson, sur-
NEO: "Yes, I'm very surprised, what do you want?"
SMITH: "I'm here to talk to you about purpose and exiled programs"
NEO: "Eh?"
SMITH: "Just shut up and listen" (walks towards Morpheus and Neo very slowly.)
SMITH: "I'm here because I have to tell you that you are here because of a purpose"
NEO: "That's confusing, and what purpose is that?"
SMITH: "Read the script"
NEO: "There is no script, apparently"
SMITH: "There isn't, you mean I don't have to ramble on and confuse you? Oh, in that case I'll just kill you!"
(Smith draws magnum)
NEO & MORPHEUS: "Oh shit"
(Smith fires at them both. Morpheus returns fire with an Uzi, but Smith dodges every bullet and just laughs. Morpheus dives behind a door and hides. Neo runs up and starts a punch-up with Smith)
NEO: "I'm gonna kick your Agent ass"
SMITH: (Sarcastically) "Of course you are"
(Neo punches Smith in the face. Smith punches Neo in the stomach. Neo falls over, and Smith boots him across the floor. Neo collides with the wall, gets up and charges towards Smith. Neo throws three punches but Smith evades two and counters the third by twisting Neo over and onto the floor. Smith prepares to bring his foot down heavily on Neo, but Neo slides out of the way)
SMITH: "Hurry up and let me kill you, I have other people to kill, and I need to pick up that pizza I ordered earlier."
(Neo twirls his feet in the air for a bit and gets up. Smith kicks Neo, but Neo blocks it. Neo jumps up in the air and fly-kicks Smith in the chest. Smith goes flying backwards into the wall.)
SMITH: "If I had emotions and feelings, that hurt and I'm pissed off"
NEO: (mocking) "Ooh, I'm so afraid"
(Smith snarls and charges at Neo, meanwhile Morpheus is sneaking up behind Smith. Smith spins round and starts shooting Morpheus. Morpheus tries to dodge the bullets, but gets shot three times in the chest. Morpheus drops to the floor, protesting about the fact he can't bore anyone to death with his speeches anymore.)
MORPHEUS: "Well I'm being written out of the script"
SMITH: "What script? Fool, there is no script!"
MORPHEUS: "Oh shut up, your not helping!"
SMITH: "You don't need a script to figure out I'm a bad guy and therefore don't need to help you. God your such a jackass, how the hell did you get the job as captain?"
MORPHEUS: "Everyone else was drooling over Niobe"
SMITH: "You humans make me sick, anyway hurry up and die, your boring me"
(Morpheus whines a bit, then keels over and dies)
NEO: "You bastard Smith, I'm gonna kill you"
SMITH: "Muhahahahahah! That's my insane laugh!"
NEO: "I Don't care I'm still gonna kill you!"
SMITH: "Awww, no one appreciates poor Agent Smith"
(Neo punches at Smith, but Smith blocks. Smith trips Neo, and shoots him in the chest.)
NEO: "Ow, bitch"
SMITH: "Haha, loser"
NEO: "I can't die, I can't be written out of the script! I'm the star! I'm so dam good!"
SMITH: "THERE IS NO SCRIPT!!"
NEO: "I'm buggered then"
SMITH: "Yes, yes you are. Isn't it great when the author prefers evil characters?"
(Smith shoots Neo repeatedly in the chest until he dies)
SMITH: "Right, that's my gratuitous violence done for today, now off to eat"
Meanwhile, on board the Nebuchadnezzar, the remaining crew are being miserable about the death of Neo and Morpheus.
TRINITY: "I'm so sad Neo and Morpheus are dead"
TANK: "Yeah, that sucks. What shall we do now?"
TRINITY: "Dunno, how about a game of Twister?"
TANK: "Ok, Switch, Apoc, Cypher, Mouse, Dozer, get in here. Were going to play twister!"
(The others come running in and play twister for a while, until the sensors start bleeping and tell the crew sentinels are coming.)
TRINITY: "Dam, I was winning, oh well, charge the guns"
TANK: "Ok"
DOZER: "I'll drive" (Dozer smiles gormlessly and runs to the front of the ship)
SWITCH: "My role in this story is far to small."
APOC: "As is mine"
DOZER: "Holy shit, it looks like were up against 100 sentinels"
TRINITY: "Crap, everyone get to the guns"
(The crew scatter like fish being chased by a shark, and man the guns)
APOC: "Die you sentinel scum!"
(The crew starts blasting away at the sentinels, and wastes plenty of them. However the sentinels get through the constant barrage of gunfire and start to burn through the hull)
MOUSE: "Incoming!"
SWITCH: "God dammit. Our chances of surviving this are slim. All we need now is for someone to turn out to be a traitor."
CYPHER: "Okay"
(Cypher picks up electromagnetic pulse gun and shoots Switch in the chest. Switch falls over and dies)
APOC: "You traitor!"
CYPHER: "That's me" (Smiles gormlessly, drools a little)
APOC: "I'm gonna kill you"
CYPHER: "No your not, you're a pointless character with a small role"
APOC: (cries)
(Cypher shoots Apoc in the face and he goes flying into the side of the ship and gets impaled on a large pole, and dies.)
MOUSE: "HELP! Cypher is killing everyone!"
TRINITY: "Be quiet Mouse, Dozer and I are having a Muffin eating contest, and I'm winning!"
DOZER: "Do you have an obsession with winning, Trinity?"
TRINITY: "Don't distract me, I have to win!"
(Meanwhile, Cypher shoots Mouse, and he goes flying into Trinity)
TRINITY: "That's it Cypher, I'm gonna kill you for ruining my chance of winning that contest.
(Trinity throws a muffin at Cypher and it lodges itself in his mouth. Cypher chokes on the muffin and dies.)
MOUSE: "Hey, I'm still alive. Praise Mouse!"
(Just then a sentinel burns through the side of the Nebuchadnezzar and lasers MOUSE through the chest,)
MOUSE: "I spoke to soon"
(Mouse falls over slowly and gets cut in half by the laser, and dies.)
TANK: "Noooo! Dam you sentinels!"
(Tank grabs the EMP gun from Cypher's body and takes on a sentinel. The sentinel lasers at him, but he bends over backwards and evades the shot. He responds by blasting the sentinel to bits with his EMP.
TANK: "Take that you metal monster thing from that place!"
(A second sentinel comes bursting through the hull, and slices off Tank's arm)
TANK: "Ow! You bastard!"
(Tank runes up to the sentinel and smacks it with his severed Arm. The sentinel in return melts of his other arm.
TANK: "Oh dam. Now I'm without an Army!"
(Tank chuckles at his own poor attempt at a pun. However, yet another sentinel has entered the interior of the Nebuchadnezzar. This one comes up and blasts him in the side, where he falls to the ground.)
TANK: "Well I'm buggered"
(The sentinel continues to laser Tank until his remains are unrecognisable, and then turns of Dozer).
DOZER: "Aaargh sentinels" (looks quickly to Trinity) "do something!"
TRINITY "Only if you admit defeat in the muffin eating contest!"
DOZER: "Never!"
TRINITY: "Suit yourself" (runs over to the EMP gun and shoots a sentinel)
DOZER: "Not bad"
(Another sentinel bursts through the hull and lasers DOZER in the throat)
DOZER: "looks like I'm being written out of the script also"
TRINITY "THERE IS NO SCRIPT!"
DOZER: "Whatever"
(Dozer slumps to the floor and dies. He coughs up some muffins, so Trinity declares herself the winner of the muffin-eating contest. Trinity shoots the sentinel that killed Dozer and runs to the cockpit of the Nebuchadnezzar. She then activates the EMP and disables all but 3 of the sentinels)
TRINITY: "I'm the star of this story, and that means I win!"
(The remaining sentinels come bursting into the Nebuchadnezzar, waving around their unnecessarily large amount of pokey things.)
TRINITY: "Oh Bugger"
(Trinity uses the EMP gun on one, and disables it. The second lasers at her, but she dives backwards and avoids it. She does a cool looking cartwheel and EMP's it. The second sentinel goes flying backwards and smashes into the third one, destroying them both)
TRINITY: "I kicked some major ass!" (Slumps to the ground exhausted)
(From nowhere, a few more sentinels come round the corner. They fuse together to make a bomb sentinel and come hurtling towards the Nebuchadnezzar.)
TRINITY: "Oh shit. Well it doesn't matter. I can't die. I'm the last one alive, so if the script writers kill me the story will end."
(Trinity pauses for a moment, remembers something crucial)
TRINITY "Oh no, did I leave the TV on again!? My TV bill will be huge"
(Trinity pauses for a moment, remembers something slightly more crucial)
TRINITY: "Oh wait, there is no script. Shit!"
(Trinity runs to the controls and tries to start the Nebuchadnezzar.)
TRINITY: "Come on, start. Why wont you start. Stupid ship, I told Morpheus he should have done an MOT on this thing!""
(Trinity continues to try and start the Nebuchadnezzar, but she doesn't even know how. The sentinel bomb comes smashing into the side of the Nebuchadnezzar. A gigantic fireball comes racing towards Trinity.
TRINITY: "Oh bugger!!!"
(The fireball engulfs Trinity and the Nebuchadnezzar, which then proceeds to explode in a blaze of fire and metal. Everyone is now dead by the way)
(LATER THAT DAY)
SMITH: "Wow, we won. That's not usually how these things end now is it?"
JONES: "Nope, its not."
SMITH: "I mean, they should but generally they don't"
JONES: "Yeah, well what should we do now, I'm really confused."
BROWN: "Oh well, lets celebrate, anyone fancy a pint. I'm paying."
THE END.
Well that was that. I know the characters are out of character, because this thing is completely random and rather pointless. Hope you enjoyed it, and hope it put a smile on your face. Please review.