Not A Typical Blond
By: Ex2 aka Jay
It's kind of ironic. I'm the senshi of love yet I've never truly experienced the feeling yet. Boys come and go. They're all stupid and primitive. The only person I've ever really wanted could never feel the same way. Since I was a child, everything I've ever wanted has been out of my reach. Allen. To be normal. My parents to love me. That little blue doll. And now... the only person I think I might be able to grow to love. It's kind of depressing. Scratch that. It's mega depressing.
Who'da thought? Me, the typical blond, is a fucking dyke. I may act like a twit but I'm not. I just wish I was. I envy people who are truly naive like Usagi. You know what they say - Ignorance is bliss. She has a good heart though. Can I say the same for myself? I'm so selfish. All I want to be is happy. Why can't I be? Heh, God hates me. Well I can't blame him. I'm diseased. Strange...disgusting and sick. Makoto please forgive me.
I really do want to tell her. I just can't. What's holding me back? Everything. Our friendship. Her opinion of me means so much to my little fragile mind. Actually admitting what I am out loud. Actually voicing my affections for the first time is a horrifying thought. I'm a coward. I'll admit it. I know Mako deserves to know but that doesn't mean I will tell her. Like I said, I'm a bad person and God hates me.
I know it'll come as a shock, but yes, I have contimplated suicide. And today I came to a decision. I don't want to live any more. It's not worth it. I feel so old. So tired and empty. What's the point of living? I'm sure the senshi can hold up their own without me. It pains me to think that Mako will be saddened by my death, but it pains me even more to think about how she might not even care if I died.
I don't have many friends due to my job as a senshi. Just joking. I don't have any friends period. I'm just a sad, little, lonely person. Who'd want to be friends with this mess of a human? Oh well. I don't want to be friends with any of the assholes in this world anyway. Can't stand them. Ironic that my destiny is to save them. I can see myself as a cold hearted killer. I'd never take another human's life but I can still see myself as a murderer. Sometimes I do want to kill them all. Just to make them leave me alone. To get out of my face. Stupid, ignorant, annoying people. Leave. Me. Alone. Yup. I'm a schizo. I want to be neglected yet I want people to care about me. I just want peace. But I don't have it. So I want to spread malice. No... I'm just lost in a world of confusion. I want to ask for help but I know it won't come. Help me?
What brought me to come to this point in life? Well last night while walking home after defeating a quite powerful youma, I came across this suitcase behind a dumpster. It was slightly opened but enough to see there was a lot of cash in there. I opened it the rest of the way to find thousands of dollars. The item that really caught my eye was this dangerously beautiful piece of art. My salvation. It was a small handgun, fully loaded. I grabbed the weapon and slipped it into the waistband of my jeans. Then I closed the suitcase and dropped it off at the nearest orphanage.
The gun, which I named heaven, is currently in a loose hold in my right hand. I sit here apon my bed in an empty house, I feel cold. My parents don't care about me. They are successful and extremely intelligent to the point where they are quite cocky and disappointed in anything less than perfection. Why don't they love me? Oh right, I'm just a broken piece of trash. Not worth their time. I'm sad to say that it still hurts to think about them. To think about how the reject me and treat me as if I'm worthless. I wish I could restart my life. Make it wonderful. Change myself. But that's impossible so I'll go for the next best option - death.
I lift the handgun to my right temple as tears track down my face in a path of pain. I want to see her one last time before I die so I look at my bedside table. There sits a framed picture of Mako and I smiling and hugging. She's so beautiful... "Goodbye Mom and Dad. Goodbye Mako. And fuck you world..." escapes my lips in a pathetic whimper. I close my eyes and quickly squeeze the trigger. The last thing I hear is someone crying and gunfire.
THE END...
A/N : Dunno why I wrote this. Should I continue? Leave as a crappy one-shot? Meh w/e... sorry for wasting space and time.
By: Ex2 aka Jay
It's kind of ironic. I'm the senshi of love yet I've never truly experienced the feeling yet. Boys come and go. They're all stupid and primitive. The only person I've ever really wanted could never feel the same way. Since I was a child, everything I've ever wanted has been out of my reach. Allen. To be normal. My parents to love me. That little blue doll. And now... the only person I think I might be able to grow to love. It's kind of depressing. Scratch that. It's mega depressing.
Who'da thought? Me, the typical blond, is a fucking dyke. I may act like a twit but I'm not. I just wish I was. I envy people who are truly naive like Usagi. You know what they say - Ignorance is bliss. She has a good heart though. Can I say the same for myself? I'm so selfish. All I want to be is happy. Why can't I be? Heh, God hates me. Well I can't blame him. I'm diseased. Strange...disgusting and sick. Makoto please forgive me.
I really do want to tell her. I just can't. What's holding me back? Everything. Our friendship. Her opinion of me means so much to my little fragile mind. Actually admitting what I am out loud. Actually voicing my affections for the first time is a horrifying thought. I'm a coward. I'll admit it. I know Mako deserves to know but that doesn't mean I will tell her. Like I said, I'm a bad person and God hates me.
I know it'll come as a shock, but yes, I have contimplated suicide. And today I came to a decision. I don't want to live any more. It's not worth it. I feel so old. So tired and empty. What's the point of living? I'm sure the senshi can hold up their own without me. It pains me to think that Mako will be saddened by my death, but it pains me even more to think about how she might not even care if I died.
I don't have many friends due to my job as a senshi. Just joking. I don't have any friends period. I'm just a sad, little, lonely person. Who'd want to be friends with this mess of a human? Oh well. I don't want to be friends with any of the assholes in this world anyway. Can't stand them. Ironic that my destiny is to save them. I can see myself as a cold hearted killer. I'd never take another human's life but I can still see myself as a murderer. Sometimes I do want to kill them all. Just to make them leave me alone. To get out of my face. Stupid, ignorant, annoying people. Leave. Me. Alone. Yup. I'm a schizo. I want to be neglected yet I want people to care about me. I just want peace. But I don't have it. So I want to spread malice. No... I'm just lost in a world of confusion. I want to ask for help but I know it won't come. Help me?
What brought me to come to this point in life? Well last night while walking home after defeating a quite powerful youma, I came across this suitcase behind a dumpster. It was slightly opened but enough to see there was a lot of cash in there. I opened it the rest of the way to find thousands of dollars. The item that really caught my eye was this dangerously beautiful piece of art. My salvation. It was a small handgun, fully loaded. I grabbed the weapon and slipped it into the waistband of my jeans. Then I closed the suitcase and dropped it off at the nearest orphanage.
The gun, which I named heaven, is currently in a loose hold in my right hand. I sit here apon my bed in an empty house, I feel cold. My parents don't care about me. They are successful and extremely intelligent to the point where they are quite cocky and disappointed in anything less than perfection. Why don't they love me? Oh right, I'm just a broken piece of trash. Not worth their time. I'm sad to say that it still hurts to think about them. To think about how the reject me and treat me as if I'm worthless. I wish I could restart my life. Make it wonderful. Change myself. But that's impossible so I'll go for the next best option - death.
I lift the handgun to my right temple as tears track down my face in a path of pain. I want to see her one last time before I die so I look at my bedside table. There sits a framed picture of Mako and I smiling and hugging. She's so beautiful... "Goodbye Mom and Dad. Goodbye Mako. And fuck you world..." escapes my lips in a pathetic whimper. I close my eyes and quickly squeeze the trigger. The last thing I hear is someone crying and gunfire.
THE END...
A/N : Dunno why I wrote this. Should I continue? Leave as a crappy one-shot? Meh w/e... sorry for wasting space and time.