I DO NOT OWN 1000 WAYS TO DIE
Just when you think there's nothing else to show, we come at you with more, there's the German killed by his own hoe, the meanie who shouldn't have touched the closet, the maid who was all washed up, the fitness freak who should have just taken the bus and the bitch that should have listened to CDs.
Death is everywhere, most of us try to avoid it, others just can't seem to get out of it's way, everyday we fight a new war against germs, toxins, ijury, illness and catastrophe, because every day we live, we face...1000 WAYS TO DIE
Location: Berlin, Germany
Date: Febuary 28th 2000
Meet Augustus, he is a soccer player who just recently had cheated death when he avoided being hit by a truck, now death wants payback, Sven is Augustus' housemate, today they were cleaning the cellar, when fate played a deadly trick when a bowling ball hit Augustus in the face and knocked him out. "Augustus, Wo sind Sie?" asked Sven. Sven thought Augustus had left before finishing helping so Sven left and locked the cellar, just as Augustus had woken up, Augustus noticed Sven had left and went to open the cellar door before realising it was locked, Augustus grabbed a hoe from a box to help open the door when fate made it's final move.
Augustus steps on a mouse and slips.
Augustus had fallen in just a way that when he landed, he landed on the hoe and it imapled him.
WAY TO DIE #782
HOE-DEAD
Location: Phillidelphia, PA
Date: January 5 2010
2 teenagers are walking in the woods.
These two are Hunter and Jennifer, 2 young lovebirds who have been together for years, today was the 1 year anniversary of when they first met and Hunter wanted to make it special by planning a romantic camping trip.
Hunter and Jennifer were sleeping in eachothers arms when the sound of a twig snapping wakes them up and they see a shadow outside the tent. They grow concerned and an ugly man sticks his head in the tent and screams at them to go away and scares them off.
This man is Bobby, a mean old man who just wants solitude, so he moved into a cabin in the woods when he was old enough to live on his own, but he still got too many unwanted visitors, Hunter and Jennifer were the last straw, he had decided to install booby traps. But Bobby wasn't very briht and installed the traps inside. When he was eating breakfast the following day, a canoe fell on his table, when he was watching TV, he fell in a trap door, he decided to put the traps away, after packing up all the stuff he used, he went to open the closet...
Bobby opens the closet door and there is a gun.
...but forgot about his last trap.
The gun fires.
Hector Randell (Gun Enthusiest): "The speed of a bullet depends upon several factors, gravity, rifle shape and size, air velocity and distance, the distance between this man and the gun, was close enough to make him bleed out and die within hours"
Hunter returned to the woods to apologize to Bobby and noticed the door was wide open, giving him the shock of his life when he saw Bobby's corpse.
WAY TO DIE #300
BOBBY TRAP
Location: Raleigh, NC
Date: December 17, 2005
The woman you see before you is Tori, she works as a maid in a hotel in Raleigh, but she doesn't like her job, she was going to recieve her last paycheck and quit at the end of the month.
Tori picks up her mop and starts moping
Tori was starting to feel a little thirsty so she decided to get a drink
Tori gets a cup of water from a cart and takes a drink
A few minutes after that drink, Tori wasn't feeling too good.
Tori coughs in her hand is blood
"Oh my god"
Tori runs to the bathroom but drops dead just shy of the door
What happened to Tori? Let's find out.
Back when Tori picked up her mop.
It appears that when Tori picked up her mop, she knocked over an open box of disinfectant which poured into her cup of water.
Dr Gerard Hellingway Phd (Doctor): Some ingredients in disinfectant are highly toxic, when this woman drank them it basically lead to internal bleeding.
Tori hated her job, at least she doesn't have to work anymore.
WAY TO DIE #512
WASHED UP
Coming up, the fitness freak that should have seen all the signs and the biggest bitch in the world.
Location: Albany,NY
Date: August 19 2004
Markus is obsessed with his body did steroids kill him? No, he loved his body enough that he would never let drugs enter him, everyday he would leave his house at 7:00AM and jog to the local smoothie store, but his normal route is blocked by traffic so he takes an alternate route, near where some people are fixing the roof of a resteraunt, from the side the resteraunt sign looks like a 'T'.
Timing was not on Markus' side when a worker accidently knocked a hammer off the roof which hit the sign causing it tip over like an axe.
Markus is running just as the sign tips over, when it tips all the way over, the top of the sign slams into Markus' stomach and slices him in half.
Johnathan Grew (Scientist): A bisection injury is where the body is sliced in haf either horizontaly or diagonally, the upper body is seperated from the lower body causing instant death, the sign tipping over was basically like a sword.
WAY TO DIE #217
SIGNING OFF
Location: Orangeburg, SC
Date: Sep 15 2001
Mary is a popular girl who loves throwing parties, she's beautiful and smart, but there is one problem with her...
Mary is talking to a fellow student
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!"
...she's a bitch.
While setting up for a new party, Mary has problems with her stereo system so she decides to use a record player instead. If only she used a different one.
During the party, the record player starts to get jammed.
Mary notices her friend Phoebe talking to Jack, a guy Mary likes.
"Phoebe"
Mary walks up to Phoebe and Jack leaves.
Phoebe should have really come to Mary and here's why...
"I can't believe you, you know I like Jack you are just a miserable, self-centred..."
The record flys out of the record player and sliced Mary's head off.
Hey Mary, head's up...or in your case...head's off.
WAY TO DIE #118
FOR THE RECORD
Location: Hoboken, NJ
Date: November 6 2002
Katie was in a recent car accident giving her a broken leg, right now she was in hospital with a thermometer in her mouth.
Katie drops the thermometer and it cracks
Scratch that
Katie picks up the thermometer and puts it back in her mouth
Katie started to feel a wierd feeling in her mouth, when she took the thermometer out she noticed that it cracked and was leaking mercury
Katie gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom to clean her mouth after she read that Mercury is poisonous.
When Katie cleaned her mouth she started feeling wierd.
Katie falls down and lands on a medical display skeleton and the ribcage impales her stomach
Dr Ric Mivane (Doctor): Alot of people believe that if something that impales them misses their heart then they're safe but this is untrue, no matter what happens, you're basically screwed, it causes you to bleed out, when this girl was impaled in the stomach it pierced her small intestines. This killed her nearly instantly.
WAY TO DIE #360
RIB-TICKLING
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Date: October 16th 2005
This factory worker is Nate, he is a nice guy but there is one guy that he really hates...John. John had recently sent Nate an offensive message, knowing that he can't be fired since he's union rep. Nate decided to take charge.
"John to factory floor"
"Uh oh, that's the boss, John, you in trouble"
John moves towards Nate.
While the two were arguing, Nate notices a lifting hook starting to spark and malfunction, and it was right above them
Nate tried to get them both away but John thought that Nate was just trying to start a fight.
The hook falls, causing the section of walkway that John was on to break and John to fall.
John landed on the floor but he was fine.
The hook falls and crushes John's chest.
But not for long.
WAY TO DIE #180
HOOK, LINE AND KILLER
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