I have been absolutely useless recently - but I've had writers block and just not been able to write :( and this is literally the first thing I've managed to write in weeks that I've not immediately ended up trashing. This was originally a one-shot (which was planned ages ago) but has kinda morphed in to something else - which is nearly completely written. I hope it's ok :)

This is set kinda between Mens Sana in Corpore Sano and Make or Break ( I think - it's around there anyway - definitely before the baby reveal on Darwin!)

"Ah come on Jac" The Scottish nurse steps through the doorway of her office, a quick cursory glance telling him that they are alone. He allows the door to close behind him, hoping that for a time at least it will deter anyone from disturbing them. He turns his attention back to the red headed consultant, watching as she settles herself in her desk chair. She fixes him with a stare, one which he is all too familiar with, but which no longer scares him as it does others.

"Just go away Jonny" her tone is bored, but he detects something beneath that; a weariness. She turns her attention away from him, instead looking towards her computer screen. She fixes her face to a picture of concentration but he is doubtful that she is even taking in what is in front of her eyes. Still he knows it is a valiant attempt, and it would fool many but not him, not now.

"We need to talk" he comes closer to her. He has spent much of the shift trying to engage her in conversation, following her around Darwin ward while she has tried so desperately to evade him. He doesn't like having to do this, indeed he worries that he could be causing her undue stress which is the last thing she needs. From his new vantage point, he can see just how drawn she is looking. She is always pale, but her pallor now is deathly. She heaves a sigh, and draws her eyes from the screen. She acts as though he is distracting her from something important, a raised eyebrow challenges him.

"No we don't" her voice is sharp, a dismissal of his presence but he stands firm. She twists her lips together, studying him. He can almost see the way her mind is working, trying to come up with a sarcastic comment.

"Well it's not like we're having a baby together or anything" he runs a hand through his hair and frowns. He had thought they were making progress, they were civil on the ward bordering on friendly at times and yet now she seems to have returned to the perma-frost.

"Just leave it" there's a warning note in her voice, and it heightens his concern for her. The little niggling worries that have been plaguing him spring to the forefront of his mind, as her words echo in his ears.

"Is something … wrong?" he speaks hesitantly. She processes the question, as if it's much more complicated than he'd intended it to be. Finally, and with a degree of uncertainty she shakes her head.

"No it's nothing like that" she speaks the confirmation; her words have a forced confidence that she does not feel.

"Then why won't you talk about it? Why won't you talk about the fact we are having a baby, and that in what 7 months we are going to be parents?" he speaks in a rush. All of those worries still dance in his mind, he's been dreading this. She has darted back and forth between what he thinks is acceptance before return to, what seems to him, to be a state of denial. Even though they are in the empty office, he sees the way her eyes dart around for anyone who could have overheard his words, the inane worry about people finding out about their child.

"Not now Jonny" but he cannot let this go now. He thinks of his own feelings, he's scared certainly; the idea that he'll be, at least, partly responsible for the care of a dependent being is quite an overwhelming concept and yet he is excited. He has always wanted a family, and he cannot quite wait for the moment when his baby is placed in to his arms; the moment when he will become a dad.

"We need to talk about this" he implores her, his hands rested on her desk. He remembers how once he had told Mo that Jac was the least maternal person he has ever known, and now this is coming back to haunt him. It scares him that even now she could take this away from him, and he would be powerless to stop her. There is a part of him that has been expecting this to happen, the time when her commitment to this, their child, falters and she realises what she would potentially be giving up. He has dreaded the moment when she chooses her career over a child.

"Not here, not now" it is a slight victory for him, she has at least not denied him this time but it feels hollow. There is a edge of defeat in her tone, and he knows that in reality she is doing it simply to placate him.

"My place then, tonight" he jumps quickly, making the offer. She blinks surprised, but she should have known. She twists her lips considering, trying to come up with an excuse for why she cannot come.

"I really don't think .." she falters, she hadn't quite thought it through and now she doesn't know what words should come next. He gives her a smile.

"I'll cook" there's something endearing about his face as he makes the offer, a charm that she loves and hates about him in equal measure. She frowns, "I bet you're not eating properly"

"What?" she sounds a little affronted at his accusation, like she cannot take care of herself and any softening she had felt towards his charm deserts her as her defences kick in. He smiles once more, and she wishes for a moment that she could wipe it from his face.

"I've seen you on the ward, Jac, you're eating donuts and biscuits like there's no tomorrow, but I bet you haven't had a decent meal in weeks" his answer is reasoned, "I know you, you'd tell me you're too busy to cook because of work, and because of the baby you're too tired when you get home anyway, so I'll cook you something tonight" he knows her all too well, and somehow his charm is once again working on her. She blames the shifting hormones that mean she cannot quite hold on to the annoyance she'd been feeling towards him. The baby already siding with its father, she presumes.

"There's not much point"

"Still suffering with sickness?" It surprises him a little, he'd become used to seeing her dash to the toilets that he noted when it had no longer been a regular occurrence. He had put the pallor of her skin down to her tiredness. She considers shaking her head and denying it, she's been trying not to let him in, knowing it'll only lead to him crowding her with his concern – but she feels backed in to a corner now. Slowly she nods her head.

"It's worse at night" the words are soft, as if she doesn't quite want him to hear them. The feelings of nausea still plague her during the day but for the most part she is able to control it, and she has somehow become more astute at hiding her escape to the ladies when she's unable to do so. Apparently, she now realises, she has been less clever with hiding the fact she has an insatiable craving for sweet things and carbs.

"Maybe if you ate something proper, it would help – and if not I'll be there to hold your hair"

"Fine"

"You mean you'll come?" There's barely concealed excitement in his tone, like a small child who has gotten his own way. Though, as she realises, he pretty much has.

"I said fine didn't I?"

"Do you want me to wait for you and drive?"

"I'll make my own way"

"Ok, around 8 at mine then?"

"around 8" she repeats his words, and he smiles. She shoos him with her hand, and knowing that he has already gotten far more than he could have hoped – and not wanting her to change her mind – he disappears back out on to the ward.

He is ready for her by 6 having pretty much raced home after his shift. He had been distracted for most of his remaining hours, having struggled to decide what he actually would cook for her before settling on a meal he remembered his auntie recommending his sister ate during pregnancy when she could stomach only a small number of foods. He knew there was no real need, but he found himself smarting himself up for her, ensuring that for once his hair was most definitely under control and that his clothes were most definitely not creased. In fact looking at himself in the mirror, he had declared himself to be most presentable before laughing and referring to himself as a twat.

He finds himself checking everything, somehow wanting things to be perfect. He paces, trying to burn off some of the nervous energy before she turns up. When his doorbell rings, his heart leaps in to his throat and he finds himself glancing at his watch. Surprised to see that it is only just gone 7. He hadn't expected her to be this early, but he silently commends himself for being prepared – though he knows that being ready two hours beforehand is bordering on excessively early.

He checks himself, and has a cursory glance around the room to ensure that nothing has dared spring from its rightful place. Satisfied, he allows himself a smile before making his way to the door. The bell rings again, and his heart rate increases. He reaches out and allows the door to open, stepping backwards slightly.

He looks up, and startles slightly to find his gaze meeting a pair of doe eyes and a face split wide with a smile. For a moment he takes in the figure laden down with bags before she launches herself at him, arms wrapped tightly around his body. Stiffly he hugs her back.