A/N: This story is set when the triplets are eight years old. And there's a slight reference to the end of End of Time Part Two that's used for comedic effect.
Chapter One
"THEN THE DOG AND CAT WALKED ALONG THE PATH TO THE STORE."
Namid paused and thought for a moment before continuing. She was sitting at the computer in their house on New Gallifrey working on a story. The Doctor had turned on the option that allowed a computerized voice to speak the words back to her and the keyboard had Braille on the keys along with the usual letters and numbers. Thanks to her daily lessons in the TARDIS, she was able to read and write as well as her brother and sister and a year ago she decided to write a story for her mother and father for fun. They loved it so much that she kept on doing it and now it was a way for her to relax while at the same time make her parents happy.
She tapped her chin thoughtfully. She was writing a silly story about a dog and a cat that were going shopping but ended up having lots of adventures along the way. She had just started and was wondering what to do next when she felt someone come up behind her and bend over her. She heard someone using the keyboard and she listened as the computerized voice said.
"HELLO, NAMID, THIS IS ALAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Namid smiled and typed…
"I'M WRITING A STORY FOR MUMMY AND DADDY, UNCLE ALAN."
When she stopped typing, Alan took over.
"WHERE'S MY STORY? HOW COME I DON'T GET ONE?"
Namid giggled and typed…
"BECAUSE YOU ARE WEIRD."
She laughed when Alan tickled her armpits before typing again.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TOMORROW IS?"
Namid thought and then shrugged her shoulders. She heard Alan type again.
"TOMORROW IS VALENTINES DAY AND THAT MEANS IT'S YOUR MUM AND DAD'S BIRTHDAY AS WELL."
Namid's eyes widened. She hadn't realized it was that close to Valentine's day. Alan typed.
"DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER TO GET THEM A VALENTINES BIRTHDAY GIFT?"
Namid nodded enthusiastically.
"THEN GET YOUR BUM UP OFF THE CHAIR AND STOP WRITING SOME DAFT STORY ABOUT A DOG AND A CAT AND LET'S GO."
Namid giggled. She started to get up and paused when Alan began typing again.
"I AM DEAD SEXY," the computerized voice said to her as Namid giggled harder. "I AM GOD'S GIFT TO ALL. WORSHIP ME. WOW, THIS VOICE IS BRILLIANT. I'LL HAVE TO USE MY SCREWDRIVER AND FIX THE VOLUME SO EVERYONE WITHIN A FOUR MILE RADIUS CAN HEAR ME!"
"Quit that, Uncle Alan."
"DOMO ARIGATO, MISTER ROBOTO."
"Quit! I wanna go with you and get presents for Mummy and Daddy now," Namid said, sliding out of her chair.
"POOP, PEE, FART, BELCH," the computerized voice said as Alan gleefully typed.
"Uncle Alan, stop!" Namid said through her giggles.
"Oh, alright, if I must," Alan said, logging off as Namid grabbed her cane.
She started to walk off but Alan quickly picked her up and held her against him. She laid her head against his shoulder as he whistled cheerfully and walked into the living room with her where her brother and sister were waiting.
"Well, come on, you lot, times a wastin' and we need to go get prezzies for your mum and dad and my little Rosie Posie," he said as Chaska and Sokanon followed her.
Alan thought to his brother while he headed out the door. His brother was inside his TARDIS doing repairs while Rain was visiting her father as his house up the road. He told him that he was taking them to the park so he wouldn't suspect anything. After the Doctor acknowledged him and told him to have a good day, Alan held Namid close and skipped with Chaska and Sokanon as they headed back to his house. Once they reached it, they walked inside and Alan beckoned to Chris to follow him. Rose was off visiting Jackie and Alan volunteered to watch him while she was there and then went to get the other children when she left the house. They walked into the garage where Daisy was being kept and Alan did a little dance while he held Namid in his arms.
"Oh, we're gonna get prezzies, prezzies, prezzies. We're gonna get prezzies, prezzy proo," he said as the children giggled and the three on the ground danced with him.
Alan sat Namid down and opened Daisy's door.
"Enter my sanctuary," he said in a deep voice. "But mind your tootsies. No tracking mud in my ship or it shall be forty lashes with the cat o' nine tails."
He put his arm around Namid and walked with her as the other three scampered inside.
"Oh, we're gonna get prezzies, prezzies, prezzies. We're gonna get prezzies, prezzy proo," he sang as Christopher closed the door and walked with the others towards the console.
The children stood nearby while Alan dramatically started up his TARDIS.
"You know," he said, pausing at one point with wide eyes. "I could push the wrong button and make Daisy go ka-blammo! Could happen."
He finished powering up the TARDIS and bent down to the children.
"The sound of the universe," he said in a low voice as he pointed to the rotor. "Or the sound of asthma, take your pick."
He grinned when the children giggled at that and walked over to his monitor.
"Right! Where shall we goooooooooo?" he asked as the children gathered around him. "What's that you say? American Civil War, right smack dab in the middle of Gettysburg? Odd place to find prezzies but if you say so…"
"No!" the children yelled before giggling.
"No? I thought you wanted the Battle of Gettysburg. Oh well, ears must be going wonky. Perhaps we can land in the middle of a big, murky swamp with a sinister haunted house nearby."
"Okay," Chaska said.
The children giggled when Alan stared at him.
"And where exactly will you find presents for your mum and dad in the big, murky swamp?" he asked.
"Um…in the haunted house?" Chaska said, shrugging.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alan yelled as the children giggled. "Instead, we will go to a nice planet I know of that has nice Valentine's things because the people there are all for loving each other and Valentines Day is a big, damn deal."
The children laughed when his eyes bulged and he showed the same to Namid in her mind.
"Oops, said a sweary word. Your dad and mum gonna hang me by my toenails for that!" he said. "Unless you never tell them. You won't tell, will ya?"
"YES!" the children all screamed.
"Well, poopy on you, you traitors," Alan said while they giggled. "See if I get you lot a big fluffy bear that talks and says, "I love you." Nope, not gonna do it now since you're gonna inform on me."
"We won't tell," Sokanon said, tugging his right hand.
"Uh-huh, now you want a bear, right? If there were no bear at stake, you'd go running right to your daddy and telling him I said damn to you, right? Huh, huh, huh?" he said, poking her stomach with each huh he said.
"I love you," Sokanon said.
"Nah, you're just saying that so you can get a free bear outta me," Alan said, sniffing. "I know when I'm being lied to. I have a talent for spotting fibbers."
"I love you," Namid said to Alan.
"YOU DO?" he said, spinning around and hugging her as the children giggled. "Aw, free bear for you then."
"YAY!" Namid said as Alan paused and stared at her.
"Wait, you're saying you didn't mean that? You lied to me to get the free bear?"
"Yup," Namid said.
She ran around the console away from Alan when his mouth dropped open.
"Disobedient kids in need of spankings, that's what you lot are," he said as he input some coordinates into his computer. "Now…"
He grinned and projected an image of himself into the children's minds. They all watched his mental image push a big red button and gasp as the TARDIS violently exploded around him. Mental Alan quickly checked himself as the children laughed.
"Legs! I still got legs!" he said as he hitched his knee up.
He tried to kiss his left knee and the children laughed when he let out a scream and fell hard on his ass. He blinked and looked at the children.
"Um…I s'pose I lack the talent for kissing my own knee while standing," Mental Alan said as he got back up. "Anyway, what else do we got here, arms, fingers, ooo lots of fingers, lips, chin, nose…"
The children laughed when his head morphed into the ninth Doctor with a Jimmy Durante nose and Dumbo sized ears.
"I've had worse," he said, pointing to his nose and ears before his head went back to normal. "Let's see, what else is there?"
The children laughed harder when Mental Alan's breasts grew until they were Dolly Parton sized.
"I'm a girl!" Alan said, horrified as the children laughed hysterically.
Mental Alan watched as the breasts shrunk back into his chest.
"I'm not a girl," he said, relieved.
A mirror appeared beside him and he glanced into it and looked at the children.
"I'm still not ginger," he said, pointing to his hair.
Mental Alan stood there, tapping his foot while the children giggled.
"I'm forgetting something, aren't I?" he said to them.
Mental Alan's eyes bulged when there was a huge KA-BOOM and a fireball whizzed past his back.
"Oh yeah, I'm crashing," he said, shrugging, while the children laughed harder. "Okay then, GERONIMOOOOOO..."
The children laughed when Mental Alan ran while he kept on saying the O in Geronimo. They bent over laughing when the mental image panned back and Alan was suddenly outside and running over a cliff, all the while holding the O as he fell off. Then the image panned back to about four miles and they saw Alan in the distance, still holding the O, as he fell down, down, down and landed hard on his ass on a rock.
"Ow," they heard him say in the distance. "I think I broke every bone in me body. Bye!"
The children giggled when they saw a faint golden light erupting from his body in the distance. Then suddenly the image zoomed in and they bent over laughing when they saw Kermit the Frog sitting there in his clothes.
"Hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog here and…oh my God, what's happened to me?" Kermit Alan said. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed as he waved his puppet arms about.
Real Life Alan grinned when he finished projecting the mental image and the children cheered and applauded.
"Thank you. Don't know why you're applauding my becoming a muppet, but thanks all the same."
He glanced at the screen and grinned at the children.
"Aha! The planet Amour!" he said as the TARDIS landed. "Now, everyone fall in and we'll go out and find some nice Valenbirthday prezzies!"