When Jack and Ianto walked into the Hub late that afternoon, they were both dirty, covered in blood (red and a sticky, sickly green) and obviously pissed off at one another. It was so bad that neither man bothered to hide it from the rest of the team, which was far more unusual for Torchwood than the green blood.
Jack threw a piece of alien tech—an odd looking metal contraption twisted into knots—onto Tosh's desk. Tosh was fairly certain she saw a hole in the captain's shirt, and a rather large, bloody one at that. Ianto ignored them both, storming off in the other direction, a deep cut on the side of his head trailing blood down his face, bruises darkening around his neck.
"Check it out, Tosh, but be careful," Jack said, his voice curt. "If it's what I think it is, it could be dangerous, but I'm pretty sure it's broken." With that he literally stomped into his office and slammed the door. Ianto turned and glared at the closed door, his face red and his eyes narrowed before he whirled around and stalked away.
"I'll be in the showers," he snapped, leaving Tosh slightly speechless as Ianto muttered darkly under his breath.
Tosh just watched him leave before Gwen and Owen appeared behind her, both talking at once.
"What was that about?"
"They're having a bloody domestic, that's what it is."
"Must have been a difficult retrieval," said Tosh to stop them gossiping too much. "They were gone all afternoon, and they're both bloodied up." She glanced back at them. "Maybe Jack died."
"They'll shag it off later," said Owen knowingly. "Although, I should probably take a look at Teaboy's head first."
"Should I talk to Jack?" asked Gwen, glancing skeptically at the office.
"Does he usually talk to you about his rows with Ianto?" asked Tosh. Owen raised an eyebrow in curious anticipation.
"No," said Gwen. "I didn't think they rowed that much. Or if they do, they're usually much better at hiding it."
"Then I wouldn't go near either one of them for several hours," said Owen, and Gwen nodded in agreement.
"So what have we got?" asked Owen, obviously trying to direct their attention away from the tension between Jack and Ianto and back toward the strange device on Tosh's workstation. "Looks like it could be interesting."
Tosh picked up a scanner and began going over it. "Maybe. I'm not picking up any energy readings at all, so whatever it does, Jack's probably right and it's—"
Before she could finish her sentence the device popped open, the knots untangling; it lit up, spun around, and promptly closed again. As they all stepped back, wondering what had just happened, there were almost simultaneous shouts from the direction of both Jack's office and the showers. Tosh, Gwen, and Owen exchanged wide-eyed glances before Jack came running out of his office, shirtless, and Ianto came bounding upstairs without any trousers.
"What the hell was that?" shouted Ianto. He sounded different, somehow.
"What did you do?" growled Jack, his voice lower and more…well, Welsh sounding.
The three of them stared at the two men, who were glaring at one another with almost as much confusion and surprise as anger.
"I didn't do anything," Ianto protested. Yes, he was definitely starting to sound more American. "I told you, I thought it was broken."
"Well, obviously you were wrong," said Jack, hands splayed on his hips and Welsh vowels flaring.
"Jack?" asked Tosh…but Ianto turned toward her instead. "Er, what's going on?"
"I guess it's not broken after all," said Ianto, grinning wider than any of them had ever seen him grin. Jack stormed over and stood before him with stormy eyes narrowed.
"You think?" he asked, then suddenly seemed to notice the others were all watching. He crossed his arms over his bare chest before running his eyes down Ianto's bare legs. "Jesus, Jack, have some modesty."
Ianto looked down and winked. "Nothing I haven't seen before."
"They haven't," Jack hissed, at which point Owen stepped forward, shaking his head vigorously.
"Please, please tell me this is not what I think it is," he said. Tosh was starting to figure it out, but Gwen was still staring at them in confusion.
"Depends on what you're thinking," said Ianto with a wag of his eyebrows.
"Stop that," said Jack.
"I'm thinking Teaboy doesn't mug like that," replied Owen. He walked slowly, almost hesitantly up to Ianto. "Jack?" he asked, drawing it out.
Ianto sketched a perfect salute, at which Jack rolled his eyes.
"Ianto?" asked Tosh, turning toward Jack.
"It would appear unfortunately so," replied Jack in that dry way that only Ianto could pull off, Welsh accent growing clearer now that it had apparently found its way around Jack's mouth.
"Oh my god," said Gwen. "You've—"
"Gone and done a body swap," finished Owen. "Bloody hell, I hate body swaps."
"Try it from my perspective," said Ianto with a withering sigh.
"Been there, done that. At least you're both still men." Owen pointed at them both almost accusingly. "I changed with Suzie a few years back, and that was a nightmare."
"You're not serious?" asked Gwen. "They've actually switched bodies?"
"Have you ever seen me come up to the Hub in my pants with an American accent?" asked Ianto from Jack's body.
"Well, no, but maybe it's some sort of alien drug, extraterrestrial influence…" She trailed off when Jack-as-Ianto shook his head vigorously.
"Nope," said Jack, grinning too widely for Ianto's face once more. "Told you I'd seen it before. It's actually called a Soul Swap. Mixolydian, probably 34th century. They'll use it for all sorts of things—psychiatry, punishment, sex—"
"Sex?" asked Ianto, a skeptical look on Jack's face.
"Sure—swapping back and forth while pleasantly engaged? It's brilliant, although you do have to concentrate on what you're putting where—"
Ianto held up a hand. "Enough. Fix it. I want my body back. Now."
"Why? Don't you like mine?"
"From the outside, yes," replied Ianto. "From the inside, I don't know." A funny look passed over his (Jack's) face and he shifted uncomfortably. "Do you always feel like this?"
"Like what?" asked Jack.
Ianto blushed, proof enough of the swap as Jack never blushed. "Never mind. Tosh, what happened?"
"I don't know," said Tosh, finally finding her voice. "I was scanning it when it suddenly opened, flared, and went back out."
"Well, let's figure it out how to do it again. I want my body back." Ianto said.
"Live a little, Ianto," replied Jack with another cheeky look. "Walk a mile and all that."
Ianto rolled his (Jack's) eyes. "I like my own shoes just fine, thank you."
"I'll get right on it, see if I can figure out what triggered it and if I can recreate it," said Tosh, and Ianto smiled gratefully at her.
"Thank you. Now, I need to finish cleaning up, especially if this is going to take a while." He turned back toward the office, then threw a raised eyebrow over his shoulder, the smallest hint of a smirk hiding at the tips of his mouth. "Coming?"
"Hell yes," said Jack, dashing after him with a wink at Tosh. Owen groaned and Gwen shook her head.
"I don't know who I feel more sorry for," said Owen. "Teaboy gets Jack's libido, and Jack finally gets to experience what it's like for the poor guy to keep up with it."
"I don't think Ianto has a problem keeping it up," murmured Tosh, and they all looked at one another before laughing uproariously.
When they could finally catch their breath, they started to work on the alien device once more so they could try and reverse whatever had happened to Jack and Ianto.
Author's Note
I'm sure it's been done loads before—it is a sci-fi staple, after all, the body swap—but hopefully this one will be both fun and insightful. And who am I to argue with my muse. I just needed a break from my other stories. More to come shortly…