What the Winchesters Know

Things John knew:

John knew that Mary believed angels were watching over them.

John knew Mary was wrong.

John knew that he hadn't saved Mary.

John knew nothing could ever make up for that.

John knew he put too much on his boys' shoulders- especially Dean's.

John knew that he needed to ask his wife's forgiveness for what he did to them.

John knew that he couldn't.

John knew he loved his boys so, so much.

John knew he'd taught them how to be hunters and brothers and nothing else.

John knew he would die for them in a heartbeat.

Things Dean knows:

Dean knows he would do absolutely anything for Sammy.

Dean knows that Sammy wouldn't do absolutely anything for him.

Dean knows there is no light at the end of the tunnel for him- not unless you count hellfire anyway.

Dean knows he can never make make up for what he did in Hell- no matter how many people he saves.

Dean knows that his dad never loved him quite like he loved Sam.

Dean knows he'll never be any good for anything except fighting.

Dean knows that Sammy gave him a necklace once and he threw it away.

Dean knows that so many lives wasted- Jo, Ellen, Bobby, his dad- were his fault.

Dean knows that his family never needed him, not like he needed them.

Dean knows that he never was, never will be, good enough.

Things Sam knows:

Sam knows that Jessica's death was completely his fault.

Sam knows he should've been there to save her.

Sam knows he wasn't.

Sam knows that he could've been happy with her, or with Amelia, or with Sarah or Madison or Cara or even Amy.

Sam knows that all he's ever wanted is to be normal.

Sam knows that he is a freak.

Sam knows there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if Dean can't see it.

Sam knows that his big brother will always be there to save him.

Sam knows he loves Dean more than just about anything.

Sam knows that his greatest sin is how many times he's let Dean down.

What the Winchesters don't know

Things Sam doesn't know:

Sam doesn't know just how much Dean sacrificed for him.

Sam doesn't know how many times Dean misses the comforting weight of the necklace Sam gave him.

Sam doesn't know that it was his crying that brought his mom into his nursery and to her death.

Sam doesn't know that her last thought was of him.

Sam doesn't know that Dean needs him as much, if not more, than he needs Dean.

Sam doesn't know how much his dad loved him.

Sam doesn't know that he wasn't a disappointment to his dad.

Sam doesn't know how jealous Dean was of that.

Sam doesn't know how much Dean, after everything, would still sacrifice for him.

Sam doesn't know he's a hero.

Things Dean doesn't know:

Dean doesn't know how much his dad loved him.

Dean doesn't know how much Bobby loved him.

Dean doesn't know how much Sam loves and relies on him.

Dean doesn't know that Sammy is not- never should've been, his responsibility.

Dean doesn't knows that it's okay to cry sometimes.

Dean doesn't know how intelligent he is.

Dean doesn't what he could've done if he'd had a different start in life.

Dean doesn't know how many people believe he's a hero.

Dean doesn't know what his life is worth.

Dean doesn't know that he deserved to be saved.

Things John didn't know:

John didn't know how worthless he made Dean feel.

John didn't know how much Dean loved him.

John didn't know how much Sam loved him.

John didn't know that he made Mary's worst nightmare come true by raising her sons as hunters.

John didn't know how much his boys missed him.

John didn't know how much Sam took after him.

John didn't know how much Dean didn't.

John didn't know that Mary had died so he could live.

John didn't know revenge wasn't the only way.

John didn't know that angels were, in fact, watching over them.