Hey y'all! Long time, no see! I know it's been forever since I've posted anything. But things with my mom being sick and her passing away was really rough. But, this story is something that I had to write. Kind of in honor of her and the fight with MS and cancer she fought.
This may not be exactly like the stories I've done before, but it's just how it all unfolded in my head. A lot of this story is very personal to me, some of the things in this story did happen with my own mother's fight and passing. This was something I had to get off my chest and do something with it.
I'm posting it all in the same day, because originally, I wanted it to be just a couple of longer chapters, but with the songs I wanted to have with the story, it turned into several shorter chapters.
This story is about love, and loss. So, I'd keep a tissue handy in some parts.
So, here we go again! Same rules apply, I don't own Twilight.
"I Will Always Love You" -Dolly Parton
If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you each step of the way
And I will always love you
I will always love you
Bitter-sweet memories
That's all I am taking with me
Good-bye, please don't cry
We both know that I'm not
What you need
I will always love you
I will always love you
I hope life, treats you kind
And I hope that you have all
That you ever dreamed of
And I wish you joy
And happiness
But above all of this
I wish you love
And I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
EPOV
I sit here in my home office and fist my hair in my hands in sadness. I know it's coming. I know it is, but… we haven't been able to have our dream of a long, happy life together.
Bella's been sick for a while now. She had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis about 10 years ago. It's a disease of the nervous system and the brain and spinal cord essentially get worn away and it's a very aggressive version of MS. It started out with her temporarily losing sight in her left eye, and severe balance problems, they caught on that something was wrong then. She'd had treatments at the time and her vision came back, but it's not quite as sharp as it was. It's been rapidly wearing down her body; she's fatigued all the time, she has trouble with her speech, she's become more shaky with her limbs. She's also become less mobile due to the lack of 'transmitters' getting through to her arms and legs that tell them to move. MS affects the flow of the signals from your brain to other parts of your body. Think of it like when you're in traffic and an accident happens in front of you; you're stuck and have to try to find a way around it.
But it's an ugly disease, and does a toll on the body. Especially this form of MS that she has.
She also found out two years ago that she had pancreatic cancer…stage four. That was one of the worst days of our lives. It's just doubly torn down her body. Everything in her is just slowing down and there's no way to stop it or even slow it down. The doctors told her they could try treating it, but at this stage, it wouldn't be useful.
She tried anyways. She's my tough girl and she wanted to fight.
She has her good days and bad days, but the bad usually outweigh the good. They're becoming more and more frequent and I hate that our 12 year old daughter, Carlie, has to see her like this.
"Edward…" Bella's strained voice reaches me from our bedroom.
I walk in to see her sitting in her favorite chair by the balcony doors, watching Carlie running around outside, and listening to music from her phone. Right now, it seems like she's in a classic country mood today, because Dolly Parton is coming through the speakers.
Her weary eyes meet mine and I see how tired and worn down she is. Not like the vibrant and joyous girl I grew up knowing.
"What is it, baby?" I ask gently as I sit on the edge of our bed beside her chair.
"Edward… I need… to go for… a ride…" she says slowly so that she doesn't get stuck. It's the only way she's been able to talk for the last couple years.
I look at her skeptically, knowing the last time we took our usual Sunday rides she barely made it halfway through and then asked to turn around to go back home. But lately, we haven't been going on our rides since she's been getting worse. Her treatments and medicines cause her some issues when it comes to being in a car for any length of time.
Our Sunday rides are something we've always done. We live in Charleston, SC, and driving down the coastline and watching the waves roll in and the sun glittering off the water has always been a pastime for us. We'd drive and be gone for hours on end just so we could see nature's wonder of the beach.
I can't stand to see the defeat in her. She's 36 years old, for god's sake. She should be traveling the world, making the cakes she's so skilled at doing, having fun with our daughter. Not withering away in this chair.
"Bell, I don't know if that's such a good idea. Baby, remember the last time we tried to go and you couldn't take it anymore? I don't-"I try to tell her but she interrupts me.
"Edward….please… I need to do this… please…" I see something in her eyes that sends a sinking feeling into my stomach.
She knows she doesn't have too much longer. And I know I can't deny her one of the last things she'll ever be able to experience freely. I've never been able to deny her anything.
"…ok baby. Let me get Rose to come watch Carlie and we'll go. You know I'd do anything for you, sweetheart." I tell her as I stand up and kiss the top of her head.
"I love you…" She whispers, but I can still hear it.
"Always." I whisper back, and head out of the room to call Bella's best friend.
"Hello?" Rose answers on the third ring.
"Hey Ro… I've got a favor to ask… Do you think you could watch Carlie for a couple of hours…" I trail off because my throat is starting to constrict.
She doesn't answer right away so I know she's catching on to what's going on.
"Edward… is she…" Her voice is tight and wary.
"I don't know, Rosie. But I think she does. She just had this pleading look on her face and I think she's-" I can't even find it in me to finish the sentence. I don't want to think about it.
She sniffles on the other end of the line. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes." She says then hangs up, and I know it's because she's about to break down crying.
Rosalie Lillian Hale McCarty is tough as nails and a hardass, but when it comes to Bella or Alice, especially with Bella's condition, she is all heart.
Rose, Alice and Bella have been friends since grade school. And it just so happened that Alice and I are twins, and Rose and her brother, Jasper, are twins also. Yeah, our mothers were inseparable once they found out they were both having twins at a doctor's appointment.
Alice and I don't really look alike at all. The only trait we really share with each other is that we've both got green eyes. Nobody would guess we were twins. But Rose and Jasper, they look exactly alike. Blonde hair, deep blue eyes, all the same facial features.
The four of us were best friends from birth, and Bella and Emmett grew up next door to each other, so they were pretty much like brother and sister to each other since they were both only children in their families. They joined our group once we started grade school.
Jasper and Alice started dating early in high school, and have stuck together ever since. They got married right after we graduated, even though people told them to wait to make sure it was right. They didn't care; they knew they'd always be together.
Rose and Em… well, let's just say they enjoyed their physical relationship from the time they were sixteen, too much to care about getting married. They did finally tie the knot after ten years. A piece of paper never really made a difference to them.
The doorbell ringing pulls me back to now.
I make my way downstairs to see Rose walking in the front door.
"Hey Ro."
She makes her way over to me and gives me a very un-Rosalie-like hug. I know she's an emotional wreck if she's giving me a hug. It's not that she doesn't like me, but like I said, she's a hardass. She never wears her emotions on her sleeves.
"Where is she?" She whispers as she pulls back from me.
"Same place…" I nod my head towards the stairs and she makes her way up to where Bella is.
I walk over to the back door and yell for Carlie.
"Carlie! Come inside for a minute!"
She comes running up the stairs, her gorgeous brown curls bouncing down her back. She's the spitting image of her mother. Long, dark hair, deep brown eyes, button nose, sweet smile. Everyone says she has my cheekbones, but all I see when I look at her, is pure Bella.
Carlie runs inside and hugs me around the middle.
"Hi dad!" She smiles brightly up at me.
"Hey baby girl. Can we talk for a minute?" I ask her, and at her nod, I bring her to sit at the kitchen table. "Aunt Rosie's gonna stay here with you for a little bit while me and mommy are gone. Can you listen and behave for her?"
She nods but has a worried look on her face.
"Is mama ok? Does she have to go to the doctor again?" She really does notice everything when it comes to her mother and her illness.
"No, sweetie, she's not going to the doctor today. She just… needs to get out of the house for a little bit. So, I'm gonna take her for a little ride. Ok?"
I don't know if she's fully convinced that it's just so her mother can get out of the house, but she seems to accept it.
At least I hope she does, since she doesn't question it further.
I kiss her on the head once more and scoot her back outside so she can continue playing.
As I walk up the stairs to our bedroom, I hear quiet voices and I stop right outside the door and peek around to see Rose and Bella sharing the big, full chair Bella usually sits in.
Rose has her head on Bella's shoulder while Bella runs her hands through Rose's long, blonde hair.
"You've always been… the best sister… to me, Ro. You and Alice, both… I don't know what… I would have done… without you two… all my life. Neither of you ever… pushed me to be something I'm not… or made me feel… less than I am. Especially when… I got sick. I could've never asked… for better friends or sisters…" Bella whispered to Rose as she still looked out the window.
"…Bell, please…" Rose chokes out, and I can sense she's about to cry again. I saw the tears stains on her cheeks when she came in a while ago.
"Shhh…" Bella soothes. "I don't want… you guys to be sad… forever when I'm gone. I know it'll hurt… but I will never… ever leave any of you... I'll always be here... I'll be where… all our favorite… memories are. Running through the creek… from the boys when we were little… playing chicken in the ocean… getting ready for prom…" Bella trails off and I'm transported back to when we were seventeen and I started actually seeing Bella in a new light…
Bella and I were a little skittish around each other at first. We were always kind of reserved, as it was, and even more so when we hit puberty. Yeah, she was awkward for a while, but she just got more and more beautiful as she grew up. I was just blinded by the fact that I never wanted our friendship to be different than it had been. Then seeing her the night we all went to junior prom as a group was a smack in the face that I needed to do something to get her to see me as someone more than a friend.
But by the time we were twenty, you would have never thought we were ever anything but the perfect couple our entire lives.
As I look in our bedroom, seeing her with her best friend… I see strength in her weakness.
She's being the strong, solid rock for her friend while she falls apart in Bella's arms because she's come to accept what's coming.
Bella's always been the nurturer, the mother figure of our group. Which is why no one was surprised when we were the first ones to have a child. And is evident in the way she's soothing Rosalie right now.
"Rosie, I need to ask you a favor…" Rose is already nodding her head before Bella can finish. "Can you and Ali keep an… eye on Edward and Carlie? I don't want them to be… completely alone and… closed off when I'm gone."
Rose looks up at her like she's crazy. "Bella, you don't even have to ask us that. Of course we'll keep an eye on them. We're all a family. We'd never let them feel alone or turn into ghosts. You know we're always each other's support system. Y'all have always been there for us when there was fail after fail of us getting pregnant. Years of fertility specialists, endless doctor visits… And you know we kind of gave up… Until…" Rose looks down with a sheepish smile.
"Oh Rose…. Really?!" Bella asked, her face lighting up.
"Yeah. We found out about a month ago, but we didn't want to tell anyone quite yet, because we were afraid of… But things are looking good so far. And Em and I have been talking about it and, if it's a girl, we wanted to name her after you…" Rose told her, her eyes filled with tears and so much sisterly love for my wife.
The two of them, along with my sister, Alice, have been through so much together. You'd think they were all actually blood related with how close they are with each other, but we've always said, family isn't determined by blood, but love.
"Ro… I'd be completely honored… I can't even begin… to tell you… how excited I am… for you two. Gah! With your looks…and Em's dimples…she'd be the most…beautiful baby…in the world." Bella tells her, tears of joy filling her eyes.
I wait a few more moments before I walk over and knock on the door.
"Bell? You ready, baby?"