We're All Trying

On an operating table, a person is at his most vulnerable. Naked. Exposed. Skin is not a very tough armor. It's soft, easily broken. Surgeons are bred to be invulnerable. It's very hard to lay ourselves bare, because we know exactly how deep some injuries can go. But vulnerability isn't the opposite of strength. It's a necessary part.

We have to force ourselves to open up, to expose ourselves. To offer up everything we have and just pray that it's good enough. Otherwise, we'll never succeed. Meredith Grey; Got To Be Real

Derek and Amelia were in an operating room. Their patient has been transferred to Neuro-ICU and the OR was empty. It was just them, fighting over post-op notes. Derek wanted to take that off her hands but Amelia told him that she doesn't need him to jump in and do all of this. "Look, I get it! You were king of all neurosurgeons, right hand to the president. And now you can't have that, so you need to be king of the hospital and kick around the peons." Amelia exclaimed loudly, angry with Derek and his unbelievably unfair behavior ...

She knew what she'd signed up for, taking Derek's former job and now that he isn't in D.C., everything's just a freaking mess. Derek wanting to take every case that comes in, pisses her off. He can't exactly do that, she's his boss. She's head of neuro, not him even though he seems to think he is.

Derek shook his head, he didn't like this situation at all. This would have been much more easier they they'd just gone to D.C. together. "You of all people should understand that this was the future of neuroscience. I mean, this is what we would've dreamt of in med school if we'd thought it was even possible that it could be done." Derek told her, speaking about the brain mapping project of the National Institutes of Health where he got the job offer from. "Then you shouldn't have given it up. But the least you can do is stop stomping around here punishing people for a choice you made." Amelia told him basically to suck it up, it was him who made the choice to stay in Seattle. Meredith hasn't done it, he could have left for D.C. without her.

Derek tried to defend his actions, blaming Meredith in the process: "I didn't make a choice. Meredith made a choice and backed me into a corner. And because I love my kids and I love my wife and I want to do what's best for her... I do. I want to give her everything. But something like this will not come again. This is it. This is as high as I go. I have never taken a step back in my career ever. I've never felt like this before, and I feel like she forced me." Amelia just looked aside while Derek was saying that.

Amelia laughed coldly when she heard that: "Okay, well, I know the feeling, because it is happening to me right now." Of course her sometimes stupid brother is blaming Meredith for him not being able to take the job offer from the president of the United States.

"I'm not trying to..." Derek started to say but was cut off by his sister.

"No, I know that you're not trying to, but you are, Derek! You are doing it to me and Meredith. You say that you want her to have everything, but not if it interferes with you having your everything. And it is not fair, and I am saying no, too, because you have to live with the choices you make."

Yeah, that he knew. He knew he'd have to live with his choices but Meredith wanting to stay here makes it so damn hard. Meredith could have done her research in Washington D.C. but she doesn't want to move because she has family here. Derek knew he should try and understand what she means, why she doesn't want to move. Maybe he should have asked her what she thinks about moving to Washington D.C., leaving behind the people they love and leaving behind the hospital she worked in for so many years, that has her mother's name, her sister's name and her name on it. Maybe he should try and understand her choices.

"I am trying to. I am trying." He simply said, not knowing what to say besides that. Amelia flashed a short smile at him before answering him: "I know. We're all trying. It's just, no one wants to give up... Or give in. And no one should. Right?" After that, Amelia left the empty operating room, leaving a stunned Derek in her wake. What did he do? Why is this happening, he asked himself. Maybe it was him who does everything wrong. Wants to make the right choices but keeps making the wrong choices. Sighing, he went to find Meredith. After entering their home, he found Meredith in the kitchen. He looked over to her, even if he was mad at her he still did care.

After all, she called in sick.

He had no idea that she wasn't actually sick. She just needed a day off to sort all this mess concerning the new head of cardio and Webber and her mother- but Derek, of course, had no idea.

How could he?

They rarely talk ...

"Mer." He said, causing her to turn around and look at him. "Hey, Derek." She answered. "How are you feeling?" Meredith just replied with an 'I'm okay' and nothing more. Derek walked over to his wife, noticing there was something going on. But he didn't press for further information.

Derek asked, worrying a bit: "You don't have a fever. You still sick?" Meredith shook her head in reply, now she had to tell him that she hadn't really been sick, just out drinking with Alex: "No, I wasn't sick. I am a little drunk, though." Derek raised his eyebrows as he eyed Meredith: "You're drunk?" Meredith told him where she had been all the time: "Yes. I was at Alex's …" The neurosurgeon was at a loss of words, he figured Meredith was sick, he hadn't imagined her to spend a day drinking and talking about her*crappy* life with Alex: "Okay, Meredith, you got to help me. I'm trying to understand. " Meredith tried to tell him why she had done this, but Derek interrupted her soon after that: "Okay, listen, this crazy thing is happening …" Derek interjected, cutting her off and leaving her with no choice other than to listen to him: "You said you had to stay here to make the most of your career." He accused her. The general surgeon breathed in deeply before begging him to listen to her. "Just listen to me!" But Derek had other plans in mind.

"Wait. So, I gave up the brain mapping initiative so you can play hooky and get drunk with your friends? This is why we're staying in Seattle?" He looked at his wife disapprovingly. Meredith rolled her eyes. Of course he thinks that way. It's all about him, always. And she's sick of it.

Meredith stared at him in shock.

Why can't he think about something other than him and his damn needs? There's more to this than her talking to Alex because she has no freaking idea what to do. 'Cause he is being an ass, a giant ass sometimes.

"Derek. Give me a chance to explain …" Meredith tried to get him to listen but Dr. Derek Shepherd was so damn stubborn at some times. "What's there to explain, Meredith? I mean, drinking isn't the key to solving medical ..."

But lucky for Derek, Meredith cut him off so that he couldn't complete the sentence.

"Oh, don't you dare saying that, Derek. Don't you dare when you don't know the whole story." Meredith snapped at him, her voice angry. Derek inhaled deeply, in this moment he knew he made a mistake.

"I know you think you are the sun, that your career is more important than mine … I believe that that is what this is about. But not everything's about you. You should think about how you're hurting people with it. I hurt you when I did the trial thing. But you also hurt me by not giving me the chance to explain why I acted that way. I don't want to fight anymore, Derek. We've been doing that and it's killing not just me, it's killing us and neither of us are willing to give in 'cause we're both stubborn." Meredith looked at Derek, hoping he wouldn't start yelling again.

She hated that her marriage had become this.

That, apparently, got Derek think over his actions and how they influenced the people he cared the most.

"I … I'm listening." He said and sat down on their bed. Meredith glanced at her husband, looking up to the post-it-wedding-note on the she looked back to Derek who was looking at her, waiting for her to continue. He wasn't making the decision for Meredith. She was making it.

"I … have another sister, Derek. I just found out." She explained softly. Derek looked at his wife, feeling like a complete idiot. He threw all this at her while she had a viable reason for her not coming to work today and all. It was because of that. "You have another sister? I thought there were just Lexie and Molly." He frowned.

"It's my mother's child, Derek. She was pregnant when I was round about five years old …" Meredith told him, glad that her husband finally calmed down and listened to her telling her story. "I don't remember much of that time. Not really, just bits and pieces."

Pause. Nobody of them said anything, never.

"I don't remember, Derek. How could my mother be pregnant without me noticing?" Meredith asked. Derek didn't respond, he had no idea of what to say. "It was all overshadowed by ..." Meredith swallowed, fighting with herself whether she should tell him or not. He's Derek, she could have told him about her mother's attempted suicide long time ago. When she figured it out when doing the therapy with Dr. Wyatt. She could have told him then.

But for some reason, she never mentioned it.

"She tried to kill herself, Derek."

"What?"

Derek jolted up as he heard that. He had never thought Ellis would do such a thing.

"I saw it. I was there. I called 911." Meredith confided in him, she'd never told anyone that besides Cristina.

Derek looked at her wide-eyed.

"After that, she must have found out about her pregnancy. We moved to Boston after they discharged her."

"Why did she do it?" Derek asked dejectedly, he had no idea how to react to that. Meredith must have been terrified when she whitnessed the attempted suicide. "She didn't do it because she wanted to end her life, she just wanted Richard to come back to her. But he never knew." Meredith told him.

"I never knew about Maggie. I mean, I've seen her belly grow and then after a few months, she had to go to the hospital and after that everything went back to normal- I mean I was five years old, she was starting residency and I started elementary school."

"Come here." He pointed to the place next to him.

Meredith waited for a second, seeing whether Derek meant it or not. She wasn't sure of anything. Meredith quietly walked over and sat down next to him, Derek was looking at her for a moment. He can't imagine how someone could do this to their child. How could she do this to Meredith?

Because she wanted Richard back.

She was glad that she had Derek back, the Derek she had fallen in love with.

"Thanks for being there." Meredith whispered as she felt Derek's arms embrace her. Holding her, something they needed although they knew something needed to change if they want to survive as a family.

"I ... I think I need to apologize for being such an ass to you."

Derek sighed.

"I've been unfair. I should have asked you what you think about moving to Washington D.C. and I didn't. It was selfish, I know. I should have done a lot of things differently." Derek told her. Meredith nodded. He was right. He should have talked to her about moving.

"It's just that your temper got the better of you." She suddenly smirked.

"Yeah." Derek said.

But suddenly, Meredith sat up. She had a thought. She had been thinking this for a while now. Derek wasn't happy here in Seattle. Although he tried to cover it, Meredith couldn't help but notice. They were both unhappy with their current situation. It could work. Maybe it would work.

It wouldn't be the end of Meredith and Derek. It wouldn't.

True love can conquer all, all obstacles life throws at them. This was one of them.

"Derek, we need to talk about D.C. I thought about it and I mean, it could work. We could make it work. Because, we co-existing in this hospital - you see yourself that that isn't in our best interests. So I thought, what about if you take it? The job offer, I mean. It's a great, life-changing opportunity. You'll change the face of medicine, it's what you always wanted."

"Yeah, it's what I always wanted. Together, living there, with my family. I can't imagine not being with you."

"So you'd rather be an ass at all times when people come to you for a consult? Believe me, Derek, you have a hard time controlling your temper when it comes to these things. We can't keep doing this, Derek. We're both miserable in this situation. Also, that's how we grow, how our family grows."

"You could have done your research there, Meredith." Derek said, digging up old topics.

"You really want to go there now."

I never took a step backward in my career.

"I'm sorry. Yes, you're right. It can't go on like this." Derek agreed, for once in the past few weeks with Meredith.

"I'd ... resent you, Derek, if I came with you. Washington D.C. isn't ... isn't my home nor will it ever be."

"We'd take turns, I'm flying over for a weekend, you do the same. We talk on the phone at least once day - we could make a time for that, a predefined time for us to call each other and talk about anything. We can FaceTime, Derek. It could work. I mean, we can make it work." Meredith already figured out details, suggesting them. She really wanted it to work.

Derek showed her what love is, how important family is ... so they need to figure this out.

"Remember this, Derek. I love you, even if you on the other side of the country, it'll be hard. But in the end, it'll worth it."

Derek laughed.

Meredith joined him, after weeks of co-existing in this house and at work, they enjoyed being together, spending time with each other while being forced to try to figure the BrainMapping problem out, but they were on a good way of doing this.

"I love you too, Mer. More than anything."

Then they just kissed.

Of course, not all problems are solved after that but the first step has been made, making it possible for them to move on.

After they broke the kiss, Derek pressed Meredith hand, she looked at him. "Washington D.C. isn't forever, Meredith. I'll come back."

"I will miss you, Derek. You know that, right?"

He nodded.

"I will too." He responded, and with that he kissed Meredith for another time.

This was going to be a good evening, Meredith knew that already.

...

A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review ...