Author's note: this is the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written. I want everyone to cuddle a lot. I'm also apparently physically incapable of writing a thing with Renji in it that's not somehow Renshuu. For that I am legitimately sorry.
But I mostly want friends to cuddle a lot.
Cover Me is taking a long time.
"We'd like to thank you once again for joining us on our scenic Huenco Mundo Safari Tour. We know you have a lot of great options out there but we're glad you picked us instead. If you take a look on your right, you'll see one of the most prominent natural resources in this area: sand. On your left- oh, look! There's some sand. What's that up ahead? You're never gonna fucking believe this but it's even more sand!"
"That's lovely, Renji. But what I'd really never believe is if you shut the hell up for, like, four minutes."
"I can't help it. I cope by being loud and obnoxious."
"Your personality is to be loud and obnoxious."
"Children," Ichigo intoned, not pausing from dragging his sand-logged feet through the desert. "I will turn this car around."
Rukia and Renji shot him twin glares through dark-rimmed, sleep-deprived eyes. The waxy light of the moon hanging overhead in a starless sky turned their skin pale and ashen, and Ichigo received the strong sensation that his travel companions had been replaced by sulky, scowling pandas.
Hours passed in Huenco Mundo without the crawling procession of a sun overhead to mark the passage of time. Only Rukia's soul communicator could tell Ichigo it had been little under a month since the beginning of the three's recon mission into the barren desert of a dimension. And while the mission itself was progressing well enough, Ichigo was beginning to wonder if it was possible to get cabin fever sans the cabin.
Naturally, three highly powered soul reapers couldn't be expected to waltz into Huenco Mundo and not look like a walking buffet of spiritual energy to the hollows that resided there. Particularly not Ichigo who, after many, many attempts to restrain his power, still dripped reiatsu from his form like a leaky faucet. The hollow attacks would have been a welcome distraction from the otherwise tedious job of exploring the mostly featureless landscape- if only they didn't come with the nasty bonus of interfering with sleep schedules. The group could hardly lay down their sleeping bags for a few hours before the next ugly hollow popped out of the sand like a weed, practically begging for a sword right through the face. It was an endless cycle that resulted in three very sleepy, very caffeine-deprived, very irritable shinigami.
Not helping matters was the fact that the only people Ichigo had seen for the past some-odd weeks were Rukia and Renji, who seemed to share similar sentiments on the long-term bonding. They were two of his closest friends, really! But there was only so much of them Ichigo could stand to see at a time.
Rukia didn't tolerate long romps through the desert well. Ichigo theorized if this could somehow be attributed to her ice-power zanpakuto, but this was more likely just a facet of her own temperament. Not only that, but spending so long in an environment that was both unfamiliar and was mostly uninteresting was a serious test to her patience and her grace as a Kuchiki noble. There had been the tipping point a few nights ago, when the trio had managed to find solace from the inhabitants of the desert to enjoy their dinner- tasteless pale meats and vegetables out of airtight plastic containers for easy travel- and Ichigo swore he could see the longing for a warm, home-cooked, non-packaged meal made by the Kuchiki estate's servants in her eyes.
She then dragged her gaze away from the sad excuse of nourishment to scan the bone-white dunes surrounding them.
"This place," she said sternly, as if she were admonishing its very existence. "is as boring as balls."
Renji and Ichigo did not have anything to contribute to that sentiment.
On the other hand, Renji, unlike Rukia, was a social creature by nature who preferred the constant company of many friends. "Many" meaning "more than two" in this case. And Renji did not adjust well to sudden significant shrinkage of his social circle, which was something that Ichigo would be sure to advise about in the manual he was going to write, How To Care For Your Pet Shinigami. Tip number one: they like to travel in large packs. Failure to provide well-rounded companionship may result in surly behavior and excessive barking.
There was always something to complain about. Someone Renji missed but didn't want to phrase it in just such a way. Ikkaku would have killed that bunch of hollows faster. Matsumoto would have made the trip fun. Kira would have figure out a way to cover more ground. Bluh blub bluh friend I haven't seen in a while bluh bluh bluh do a thing bluh.
And, of course, if it was worth complaining about it was worth mentioning how much better it would be if Shuuhei was there. To be honest, Ichigo didn't know much about Shuuhei except he was a vice-captain, had questionable foresight in tattoos, and was somehow romantically compatible with Renji. Soon enough, however, Ichigo was convinced the man was a saint because he A) could, according to a certain thickheaded redhead, do anything from cooking to kido that would improve their situation, and B) somehow managed to subject himself to Renji's prattling without wanting to slit the other lieutenant's throat.
"If you miss your stupid boyfriend so much why don't you go home and marry him?" Ichigo snapped one time, falling flat on his back onto the ground with a little puff of sand.
It was by no stretch his best line, but it succeeded in getting Renji to shut up and sulk in his own corner of the dune for a blissful three hours of silence.
The only other time Ichigo got any peace of mind was when it was his turn to be look-out. Perhaps "peace of mind" was a stretch, since instincts and paranoia kept him constantly on the alert for another hollow to crash their little campsite again, but at least temporarily it was quiet.
Leaning back on his palms, Ichigo resisted the lull of sleep. He would need about five full days of hibernation when he got back to the world of the living. Followed by a shower and about eight cups of coffee. He looked forward to seeing sunshine and grass and people, his dad and his sisters and his friends. He could perfectly understand Rukia missing mental stimulation and creature comforts, and Renji longing for the people he was close to.
At that very moment, something brushed against Ichigo's hand and he had to force himself not to start. He relaxed when he looked down and saw it was only Renji, who had shifted onto his side in his sleep. His fingers unconsciously wrapped around Ichigo's wrist, reaching out for physical contact in the darkness. Renji's face twitched as he slept occasionally, the impression of what Ichigo suspected was Hisagi Shuuhei's name on his lips.
Ichigo briefly considered waking Renji up and giving him hell for it, but he could do that the next morning. Not morning, the next day- the next whatever.
So Ichigo let himself lay back and relax his hand so Renji could hold it, thinking of the way Karin and Yuzu would fall asleep on him during late nights watching tv during the summer and Ichigo couldn't be bothered to move them.
Staring at the black sky, Ichigo heard something unsettling the sand on his other side. He rolled his head over to see two indigo eyes peeking up at him from under a sleeping bag. Rukia hid her mouth behind arms folded beneath her, but her eyes clearly showed she was smiling.
Ichigo gave her a look that he hoped clearly communicated much he would kill her if she so much as ever breathed about this, but the petite lieutenant just shimmied out of her sleeping bag and rolled over on the sand next to him. She slipped her palm into Ichigo's, linking her other hand with Renji's over Ichigo's chest.
Maybe it was just him being sentimental and lonely, but Ichigo found himself not minding being wrapped up into a big lieutenant sandwich- an Ichigo sandwich? The human filling in a shinigami oreo. It made it harder to avoid falling asleep, though. He'd worry about getting killed by hollows later.
"Nnng… the shit?"
"Good morning to you too, sunshine. The world says hello."
Renji scowled and groaned as he slowly gained coherency, though he attempted resistance by pressing his forehead into Ichigo's shoulder. "It's not morning. It's never morning, here. Why is-
He seemed to realize who's shoulder he was pressing his face against, squirming a way a little at the realization but finding his movement impeded by Rukia still holding onto his hand.
"I see Renji has discovered the cuddle puddle." Rukia muttered sleepily, drawing a snort from Ichigo.
Renji tried to pull away, unlinking his hand with Ichigo's to rub his eyes. "Why is this happening?"
"Don't you remember?" Ichigo asked, putting effort into making his voice serious or else risk smiling. "We did this to comfort you. You started crying in the middle of the night."
"It was heart-breaking." Rukia agreed with a grave nod.
Renji paled, sitting up hard enough to break Rukia's hold. "What? No way!"
"Yeah, you were sobbing about how much you missed Hisagi. It was adorable. I can't wait to see his face when we tell everyone."
"You're fucking with me. Shut up!" Renji growled even as he ran his hand over his cheeks, checking for tear tracks.
Rukia picked herself off the ground, brushing sand off her back. "He might need a hug. Look, he's getting upset again."
"I'm not upset. I was never upset. I have the emotional range of a large rock. A rock made of only manly feelings like rage and hunger!"
"Shooooosh. There there. Only cuddle-puddle now. Where are you going?"
There were perhaps a few things that weren't so terrible about wandering around a stupid, big-ass desert.