The halls of Hogwarts were buzzing with anticipation for the Valentine ball
that was to take place the next night. It was rare to find one topic of
conversation that didn't revolve around surprising couples, what everyone
was wearing, or the agony of not having found a partner yet. The only
person that seemed irritated by the whole affair was Hermione.
She let out another aggravated sigh, trying to hint to Lavender and Parvati that she didn't care what color, texture, or length Hannah Abbott's dress was. When they continued on as though nothing had happened, she let out a frustrated sigh, grabbed her books, and left the Great Hall. Honestly I can't take hearing one more person talk about this stupid dance. Just as she thought it, a couple of giggling sixth years waltzed by discussing what they were planning to do to their hair for tomorrow night. Instead of losing her composure, Hermione just shut her eyes and massaged her temples, trying to work out the headache that she was beginning to feel. She didn't see what the big deal was; it was just a dance, no matter what anyone else said. If it was left up to her, she would rather relax with a book in the common room any night. A couple of times she considered just skipping it, but unfortunately it was her duty to attend as Head Girl. Dumbledore would be very disappointed if the girl that the entire school was supposed to look up to didn't even make an appearance. Plus, she agreed to go with Harry when he asked her a couple weeks ago.
It was an understatement to say that it surprised Hermione when he asked her, but it wasn't as though she had another date, so she hesitatingly agreed. It took a couple of days for the regret about her decision to set in. She told herself that he only wanted to go with her as a friend, but the more she thought about it, the more she questioned Harry's feelings towards her. And when Ron admitted to her that Harry had been planning on asking her for awhile, it only cemented Hermione's apprehensions. She sincerely hoped Harry didn't think of her as more than a friend, because she knew that she could not return those feelings, and she didn't want to hurt him.
The truth was, sometimes she wondered if she could return those feelings at all. She'd had a few of boyfriends over the years, and although they'd been fun and exciting, she'd never actually felt anything above friendship for any of them. Well, except for one. But then again, he was never actually her boyfriend, so she told herself that he didn't count. Although she wouldn't admit it to herself, the truth was he counted more than all the others put together. The thought of him stung despite the fact that she had convinced herself that she had gotten over him. Hermione tried to comfort herself with the reminder that even though it had seemed imporant at the time, she she hadn't been in love, had she? This led her to the next troubling thought that kept her up at night: What if she was just incapable of being in love?
The questions about her own shortcomings in romance were probably her true reasons for being irritable in the middle of February, and not the fact that she was going to the dance with Harry. Valentine's was a day to honor passion and everlasting love, two things that Hermione had never had much luck in. She didn't feel like celebrating on a day that seemed to exist solely to depress her.
Valentine's Day dawned bright and beautiful, and as soon as Hermione looked outside she promised herself that she would make a conscience effort to be happy today. Her promise lasted for about ten minutes, because then she went downstairs and Harry gave her roses. It was a gesture that was supposed to flatter and please her, but instead it only made her feel guilty. She didn't want the flowers, at least she didn't want them from Harry. Hermione wished it was someone else giving them to her, someone that she could be madly in love with. With a sigh, she resigned herself to a long, long day.
The day was only half over when Ginny began dragging her up to the girls' dorms to get ready. She had bought a gorgeous dress, at the time thinking that it might come in handy if she had someone to show it off too. Well, she thought that Harry would just have to do. She slipped the gown over her head, the soft material against her skin. The spaghetti straps and the slight beadwork around her chest were onyx black. The rest of the dress had a bright blue under slip and a sheer black cover, creating a deep navy blue. She touched her soft curls that had taken longer than she normally had patience for. Glancing in the mirror, she gave herself a tight lipped smile; she wasn't pretty, but she looked decent enough. Decent would have to do because it was time to go. If Hermione hadn't had such a distorted view if her appearance, maybe she would have realized that she was actually quite pretty. She wasn't perfect, but then again, no one ever is. She headed downstairs, and after she Harry, Ron, and Parvati, Ron's date, had talked for a couple of minutes, they went to the Great Hall. Everything was decorated beautifully, and even cynical Hermione had to admit that the traditional red and pink looked great. It seemed like the entire school was there, even though it was in actuality only fourth years and above. Harry took her hand and led her over to a table to eat.
They finished their meals and Hermione was sitting and talking to Ginny when Harry rudely interrupted them, saying that Hermione was going to dance with him. It wasn't a question if she would dance with him, but rather a statement. Hermione looked taken aback at his near command, but in order to avoid a conflict she decided to oblige him. As soon as they got onto the dance floor, the music changed to a much slower place. It was as though Harry had planned it that way. As they swayed to the music, Hermione became more and more uncomfortable with the situation. Harry leaned in close to Hermione's ear and quietly whispered.
"Hermione, I want you to be my girlfriend." Again, he hadn't asked her, but instead just told her want he wanted. She stilled for a moment, trying to think of a way to let him down easily.
"Harry, it's just that...I don't think of you that way. I love you and Ron, but it's more in a brotherly sort of way." She said it quietly, trying to not make a scene in the middle of all the dancing couples. Hermione could see the rejection sting in his eyes for a split second before he contorted his face into an ugly sneer.
"Fine, it's not like I was serious anyway. I mean, you honestly thought that someone would want you?" He said it hatefully, and it sounded so strange in his voice, his normally sincere and kind voice. She wrenched her arms out of his grasp and stormed over to the table where Ron and Parvati were sitting.
"Hermione what's wrong?" But she didn't have to answer because Harry came up behind her and did it for her.
"She's just being a little bitch tonight, that's all." It was loud enough for the couples around them to stop talking and turn around to watch. Ron and Parvati flinched at hearing Harry say something so blatantly and uncharacteristically rude. Hermione wouldn't let him see her visibly upset from hearing him talk about her that way, so she fled out the nearest door and into a darkened corridor.
She pressed her back against the wall and took deep breaths to keep herself from crying. She would not let him make her cry.
"Problem?" In her haste she hadn't realized that Draco Malfoy had occupied the hallway before she had gotten there.
"No...I mean no, everything's fine. What are you doing out here?" It wasn't asked in the mean tone they traditionally used with one another; she was genuinely curious.
"I hate Valentine's Day, so being at a Valentine's Day dance seems kind of stupid doesn't it? Actually that's not the only reason. I was there before, but there's only so much of my date I can take in one night." He rolled his eyes at his last comment. She almost smiled, but sometimes it was just too difficult to smile around someone as intense as Draco Malfoy. Hermione didn't have to ask who his date was; she had seen Pansy trying unsuccessfully to feed him during dinner. "Why are you out here?" He said it quietly, so she almost missed it.
"I don't really want to talk about it." He let it go, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few moments before he spoke again.
"I've been thinking about you a lot lately, about last year." She looked up sharply at his unexpected comment.
"I don't want to talk about that either." She snapped her response, angered at being reminded of something she had tried hard not to remember, but could never forget.
"I understand why you're angry, but I've had a long time to try and move on and forget that you and I were involved for that month. And I've realized that I can't forget, just the way I know you can't." He had been stepping closer and closer until he was right in front of her and she had to tilt her head up to look him in the eyes.
"It wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't even your girlfriend, remember?" She said the word girlfriend with just a hint of bitterness, but he could detect it.
He paused fora moment, as though he were trying to choose his words carefully."Yeah I know you weren't my girlfriend. You were more than that. Even now, when I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to you in months, to touch you in months, you're still more than that." With no more words, he crushed his mouth to hers, and it only took her a second to fully respond.
She tasted so sweet, even sweeter than the flavor he remembered and obsessed about. He tasted dark, a familiar taste but nonetheless one she hadn't savored in a long time. Her lean arms snaked around him and she let her hands graze his back and neck until they finally came to rest fisted in his hair. She had wanted this ever since last year, no matter how hard she had tried to deny it. He gripped her hard and passionately, pressing their bodies intimately together. Draco slowly drew his mouth away from hers, and instead planted searing kisses on her bare neck and shoulders. Each contact was an individual explosion of molten fire.
"We can't do this, not again Draco. It's wrong." But even as she said it, a moan escaped her lips.
He stopped his assault of her senses long enough to draw back and look into her eyes. "I don't care if it didn't work last time, Hermione. I was stupid then, but I'm different now. I won't let what happened last time happen again." He stared deeply at her for a few seconds before he was forced to kiss her again. "Dammit, Hermione do you realize how beautiful you are?"
But his statement didn't have the effect he thought it would. Shutters came down in her eyes, closing him out, and she drew back. "So that's what this is all about, is it Draco? You want to be with me suddenly just because I actually look good one night? I should have known that you were shallow enough to only care about appearance. That's why you haven't talked to me all these months, isn't it? I won't be toyed with just because you feel that I am suddenly pretty enough for your time." Draco's mouth dropped open, and he was about to respond when he heard a cough behind him.
Apparently the dance was over, because they were too engrossed in each other to notice that the entire school was in their corridor. They had been there since Draco had called Hermione beautiful and kissed her. ***
It had been a week since the Valentine's Day ball, and Hermione was miserable. Ron and Ginny had been kind to her, but Harry had been absolutely horrible. Every opportunity he had he would call her either a traitor or a slut, and at this point, Hermione didn't know which was worse. Above that, she couldn't stop thinking about Draco.
When they had gotten involved last year it had been fun and exciting, something new and different. For a month they were wrapped up in each other and the challenge of hiding their relationship. Then one day Hermione had asked if she was his girlfriend, and he said it couldn't happen. Then he told her that messing around was fun, but it was over, without really giving her an explanation of why. Hermione was devastated, but she picked up the pieces and moved on, convincing herself that it was just a fling, and that it wasn't love. That was the last time they had spoken, aside from Valentine's of course.
She had caved so easily when he kissed her and apologized, and that crushed her. She didn't even have her pride left anymore. If he hadn't called her beautiful then she wouldn't have known that he was only doing it for superficial reasons. Draco's comment had allowed her to come back to her senses, and to realize that this was not a smart thing for her to be doing. Hermione wanted to be with someone that thought she was beautiful when she looked her worst, because that was the only way she would know that they loved her for something deeper than what was on the surface.
The knock on her door interrupted her from her thoughts, and she got up off the bed and headed towards the door to open it. Just as she was about to turn the knob, she heard, "Hermione, its Draco, please open up." So, instead of opening, she locked the door so he couldn't get in.
"Go away, Draco." He could hear it in her voice that she wasn't going to let him in.
"Fine, I won't come in, but I'm not leaving without explaining. So, you're just gonna have to sit there and listen. I don't really know where to start, I guess telling you what happened last year would make sense." There was a slight pause, and then he continued. "I guess the simplest way to say it is that I got scared. Things were moving so fast, and I felt more for you than I wanted to. Anyway, I thought maybe if I broke things off, I would stop feeling the way that I did. Ending things with you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but i told myself that it was for the best. I thought that over the months I'd forget about you. But if anything, everything I felt only got stronger and more intense. That's why I haven't talked to you all these months, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to talk to you and then not be with you afterwards. And with last week, I'm not really sure what happened or why you got mad about me telling you that you were beautiful. But whatever I did, I'm sorry. Dammit, I don't want to love you Hermione, because sometimes I don't even like you. But I guess we don't have any say when it comes to things like this, because I am so incredibly in love with you."
The door creaked open, revealing a Hermione with tear streaked cheeks, mussed hair, and rumpled sweats. Closing the gap between them in two strides, Draco gently took her into his arms and kissed her with all the love that he had felt for months, but couldn't share. They parted and Draco said seriously, "I really do love you, you know. It wasn't just some trick to get you to open the door." "I know, and I want you to know that I love you too. I guess I've felt that way all along, even though I managed to convince myself that I was incapable of love." Draco stared intensely at her for a moment, and then finally smiled. "God, you're beautiful."
Hermione glanced in the full length mirror next to her bed and took in the state of her appearance. With a laugh, she knew with her entire heart that he really did love her. And she realized that no matter how she looked, it was the first time she ever truly felt beautiful.
She let out another aggravated sigh, trying to hint to Lavender and Parvati that she didn't care what color, texture, or length Hannah Abbott's dress was. When they continued on as though nothing had happened, she let out a frustrated sigh, grabbed her books, and left the Great Hall. Honestly I can't take hearing one more person talk about this stupid dance. Just as she thought it, a couple of giggling sixth years waltzed by discussing what they were planning to do to their hair for tomorrow night. Instead of losing her composure, Hermione just shut her eyes and massaged her temples, trying to work out the headache that she was beginning to feel. She didn't see what the big deal was; it was just a dance, no matter what anyone else said. If it was left up to her, she would rather relax with a book in the common room any night. A couple of times she considered just skipping it, but unfortunately it was her duty to attend as Head Girl. Dumbledore would be very disappointed if the girl that the entire school was supposed to look up to didn't even make an appearance. Plus, she agreed to go with Harry when he asked her a couple weeks ago.
It was an understatement to say that it surprised Hermione when he asked her, but it wasn't as though she had another date, so she hesitatingly agreed. It took a couple of days for the regret about her decision to set in. She told herself that he only wanted to go with her as a friend, but the more she thought about it, the more she questioned Harry's feelings towards her. And when Ron admitted to her that Harry had been planning on asking her for awhile, it only cemented Hermione's apprehensions. She sincerely hoped Harry didn't think of her as more than a friend, because she knew that she could not return those feelings, and she didn't want to hurt him.
The truth was, sometimes she wondered if she could return those feelings at all. She'd had a few of boyfriends over the years, and although they'd been fun and exciting, she'd never actually felt anything above friendship for any of them. Well, except for one. But then again, he was never actually her boyfriend, so she told herself that he didn't count. Although she wouldn't admit it to herself, the truth was he counted more than all the others put together. The thought of him stung despite the fact that she had convinced herself that she had gotten over him. Hermione tried to comfort herself with the reminder that even though it had seemed imporant at the time, she she hadn't been in love, had she? This led her to the next troubling thought that kept her up at night: What if she was just incapable of being in love?
The questions about her own shortcomings in romance were probably her true reasons for being irritable in the middle of February, and not the fact that she was going to the dance with Harry. Valentine's was a day to honor passion and everlasting love, two things that Hermione had never had much luck in. She didn't feel like celebrating on a day that seemed to exist solely to depress her.
Valentine's Day dawned bright and beautiful, and as soon as Hermione looked outside she promised herself that she would make a conscience effort to be happy today. Her promise lasted for about ten minutes, because then she went downstairs and Harry gave her roses. It was a gesture that was supposed to flatter and please her, but instead it only made her feel guilty. She didn't want the flowers, at least she didn't want them from Harry. Hermione wished it was someone else giving them to her, someone that she could be madly in love with. With a sigh, she resigned herself to a long, long day.
The day was only half over when Ginny began dragging her up to the girls' dorms to get ready. She had bought a gorgeous dress, at the time thinking that it might come in handy if she had someone to show it off too. Well, she thought that Harry would just have to do. She slipped the gown over her head, the soft material against her skin. The spaghetti straps and the slight beadwork around her chest were onyx black. The rest of the dress had a bright blue under slip and a sheer black cover, creating a deep navy blue. She touched her soft curls that had taken longer than she normally had patience for. Glancing in the mirror, she gave herself a tight lipped smile; she wasn't pretty, but she looked decent enough. Decent would have to do because it was time to go. If Hermione hadn't had such a distorted view if her appearance, maybe she would have realized that she was actually quite pretty. She wasn't perfect, but then again, no one ever is. She headed downstairs, and after she Harry, Ron, and Parvati, Ron's date, had talked for a couple of minutes, they went to the Great Hall. Everything was decorated beautifully, and even cynical Hermione had to admit that the traditional red and pink looked great. It seemed like the entire school was there, even though it was in actuality only fourth years and above. Harry took her hand and led her over to a table to eat.
They finished their meals and Hermione was sitting and talking to Ginny when Harry rudely interrupted them, saying that Hermione was going to dance with him. It wasn't a question if she would dance with him, but rather a statement. Hermione looked taken aback at his near command, but in order to avoid a conflict she decided to oblige him. As soon as they got onto the dance floor, the music changed to a much slower place. It was as though Harry had planned it that way. As they swayed to the music, Hermione became more and more uncomfortable with the situation. Harry leaned in close to Hermione's ear and quietly whispered.
"Hermione, I want you to be my girlfriend." Again, he hadn't asked her, but instead just told her want he wanted. She stilled for a moment, trying to think of a way to let him down easily.
"Harry, it's just that...I don't think of you that way. I love you and Ron, but it's more in a brotherly sort of way." She said it quietly, trying to not make a scene in the middle of all the dancing couples. Hermione could see the rejection sting in his eyes for a split second before he contorted his face into an ugly sneer.
"Fine, it's not like I was serious anyway. I mean, you honestly thought that someone would want you?" He said it hatefully, and it sounded so strange in his voice, his normally sincere and kind voice. She wrenched her arms out of his grasp and stormed over to the table where Ron and Parvati were sitting.
"Hermione what's wrong?" But she didn't have to answer because Harry came up behind her and did it for her.
"She's just being a little bitch tonight, that's all." It was loud enough for the couples around them to stop talking and turn around to watch. Ron and Parvati flinched at hearing Harry say something so blatantly and uncharacteristically rude. Hermione wouldn't let him see her visibly upset from hearing him talk about her that way, so she fled out the nearest door and into a darkened corridor.
She pressed her back against the wall and took deep breaths to keep herself from crying. She would not let him make her cry.
"Problem?" In her haste she hadn't realized that Draco Malfoy had occupied the hallway before she had gotten there.
"No...I mean no, everything's fine. What are you doing out here?" It wasn't asked in the mean tone they traditionally used with one another; she was genuinely curious.
"I hate Valentine's Day, so being at a Valentine's Day dance seems kind of stupid doesn't it? Actually that's not the only reason. I was there before, but there's only so much of my date I can take in one night." He rolled his eyes at his last comment. She almost smiled, but sometimes it was just too difficult to smile around someone as intense as Draco Malfoy. Hermione didn't have to ask who his date was; she had seen Pansy trying unsuccessfully to feed him during dinner. "Why are you out here?" He said it quietly, so she almost missed it.
"I don't really want to talk about it." He let it go, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few moments before he spoke again.
"I've been thinking about you a lot lately, about last year." She looked up sharply at his unexpected comment.
"I don't want to talk about that either." She snapped her response, angered at being reminded of something she had tried hard not to remember, but could never forget.
"I understand why you're angry, but I've had a long time to try and move on and forget that you and I were involved for that month. And I've realized that I can't forget, just the way I know you can't." He had been stepping closer and closer until he was right in front of her and she had to tilt her head up to look him in the eyes.
"It wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't even your girlfriend, remember?" She said the word girlfriend with just a hint of bitterness, but he could detect it.
He paused fora moment, as though he were trying to choose his words carefully."Yeah I know you weren't my girlfriend. You were more than that. Even now, when I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to you in months, to touch you in months, you're still more than that." With no more words, he crushed his mouth to hers, and it only took her a second to fully respond.
She tasted so sweet, even sweeter than the flavor he remembered and obsessed about. He tasted dark, a familiar taste but nonetheless one she hadn't savored in a long time. Her lean arms snaked around him and she let her hands graze his back and neck until they finally came to rest fisted in his hair. She had wanted this ever since last year, no matter how hard she had tried to deny it. He gripped her hard and passionately, pressing their bodies intimately together. Draco slowly drew his mouth away from hers, and instead planted searing kisses on her bare neck and shoulders. Each contact was an individual explosion of molten fire.
"We can't do this, not again Draco. It's wrong." But even as she said it, a moan escaped her lips.
He stopped his assault of her senses long enough to draw back and look into her eyes. "I don't care if it didn't work last time, Hermione. I was stupid then, but I'm different now. I won't let what happened last time happen again." He stared deeply at her for a few seconds before he was forced to kiss her again. "Dammit, Hermione do you realize how beautiful you are?"
But his statement didn't have the effect he thought it would. Shutters came down in her eyes, closing him out, and she drew back. "So that's what this is all about, is it Draco? You want to be with me suddenly just because I actually look good one night? I should have known that you were shallow enough to only care about appearance. That's why you haven't talked to me all these months, isn't it? I won't be toyed with just because you feel that I am suddenly pretty enough for your time." Draco's mouth dropped open, and he was about to respond when he heard a cough behind him.
Apparently the dance was over, because they were too engrossed in each other to notice that the entire school was in their corridor. They had been there since Draco had called Hermione beautiful and kissed her. ***
It had been a week since the Valentine's Day ball, and Hermione was miserable. Ron and Ginny had been kind to her, but Harry had been absolutely horrible. Every opportunity he had he would call her either a traitor or a slut, and at this point, Hermione didn't know which was worse. Above that, she couldn't stop thinking about Draco.
When they had gotten involved last year it had been fun and exciting, something new and different. For a month they were wrapped up in each other and the challenge of hiding their relationship. Then one day Hermione had asked if she was his girlfriend, and he said it couldn't happen. Then he told her that messing around was fun, but it was over, without really giving her an explanation of why. Hermione was devastated, but she picked up the pieces and moved on, convincing herself that it was just a fling, and that it wasn't love. That was the last time they had spoken, aside from Valentine's of course.
She had caved so easily when he kissed her and apologized, and that crushed her. She didn't even have her pride left anymore. If he hadn't called her beautiful then she wouldn't have known that he was only doing it for superficial reasons. Draco's comment had allowed her to come back to her senses, and to realize that this was not a smart thing for her to be doing. Hermione wanted to be with someone that thought she was beautiful when she looked her worst, because that was the only way she would know that they loved her for something deeper than what was on the surface.
The knock on her door interrupted her from her thoughts, and she got up off the bed and headed towards the door to open it. Just as she was about to turn the knob, she heard, "Hermione, its Draco, please open up." So, instead of opening, she locked the door so he couldn't get in.
"Go away, Draco." He could hear it in her voice that she wasn't going to let him in.
"Fine, I won't come in, but I'm not leaving without explaining. So, you're just gonna have to sit there and listen. I don't really know where to start, I guess telling you what happened last year would make sense." There was a slight pause, and then he continued. "I guess the simplest way to say it is that I got scared. Things were moving so fast, and I felt more for you than I wanted to. Anyway, I thought maybe if I broke things off, I would stop feeling the way that I did. Ending things with you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but i told myself that it was for the best. I thought that over the months I'd forget about you. But if anything, everything I felt only got stronger and more intense. That's why I haven't talked to you all these months, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to talk to you and then not be with you afterwards. And with last week, I'm not really sure what happened or why you got mad about me telling you that you were beautiful. But whatever I did, I'm sorry. Dammit, I don't want to love you Hermione, because sometimes I don't even like you. But I guess we don't have any say when it comes to things like this, because I am so incredibly in love with you."
The door creaked open, revealing a Hermione with tear streaked cheeks, mussed hair, and rumpled sweats. Closing the gap between them in two strides, Draco gently took her into his arms and kissed her with all the love that he had felt for months, but couldn't share. They parted and Draco said seriously, "I really do love you, you know. It wasn't just some trick to get you to open the door." "I know, and I want you to know that I love you too. I guess I've felt that way all along, even though I managed to convince myself that I was incapable of love." Draco stared intensely at her for a moment, and then finally smiled. "God, you're beautiful."
Hermione glanced in the full length mirror next to her bed and took in the state of her appearance. With a laugh, she knew with her entire heart that he really did love her. And she realized that no matter how she looked, it was the first time she ever truly felt beautiful.