"I think I like it better when the old man's hittin me. At least then I know he knows who I am."
The words ran through my mind as I listened to Darry yelling at me again. Really, I do have it pretty lucky. Darry has only HIT me the once. Sure, he was always pretty rough without meaning to be, but Darry didn't really abuse me. Not like Johnny's parents. And it sure would be rough if Darry acted like I didn't even exist. Or if he threw me out, like Steve's dad was always doing.
"Ponyboy, are you even listening to me?" Darry screamed, and I came back to the present.
"Sorry, my mind wandered," I muttered. Darry's volume raised and his arms started wildly swinging around, making me flinch. Lordy, but that makes my stomach tie in knots.
"Your mind's ALWAYS wandering. You never pay attention! It's no wonder your grade on this test is trash! What IS a wonder is that you aren't already flunking!" He paused for a breath, glared at me, and pointed a finger in my face. "You listen to me right now. This grade had better get better, cause you ain't going NOWHERE except school and home until I see improvement!" With that, Darry finally stalked off, leaving me alone. I felt a little guilty at the sense of relief; after all, I have it real lucky, just like everyone says.
"I think I like it better when the old man's hittin me. At least then I know he knows who I am."
The line ran through my head again as Darry shook me. It was giving me a bit of a headache, to be honest. Darry don't mean it, though. He's just worried. But still, this ain't nearly the first time Darry's shaken me after I've been jumped. Glory, it seemed that's Darry's typical reaction. I really wished he would stop, though, those socs punched me in the head pretty hard.
Sodapop finally pulled Darry off, and I fell into a sitting position on the curb. "You ok, pone?" Soda asked in a worried tone. The rest of the gang hung back, giving us some air.
"Yea, I'm ok. Just a bit of a headache," I said. Really, I was slightly dizzy, too.
Sodapop grabbed my chin, looking into my eyes for a long moment. "Ok, just try to take it easy tonight. Tell me if it gets worse," Sodapop says after he's done.
"What the hell were you doing walking by yourself anyway? And why the HELL were you carrying a knife? You know that makes them hit you harder. Glory, why don't you ever think when it counts?" Darry lectured. He wasn't yelling too loud, though. I didn't bother to point out that Darry also complains when I DON'T have a knife.
With that, we all got into Two-Bit's car and headed home. I was glad we didn't have to walk, I wasn't sure I could with how dizzy I was. I wished Darry hadn't shaken me, that sure hadn't helped. But still, shaking someone ain't exactly abuse, is it? I was pretty lucky after all, wasn't I?
"I think I like it better when the old man's hittin me. At least then I know he knows who I am."
The next time that line ran through my head, I was in the hospital. Apparently I'd been in an induced coma for a while; my brain started swelling up and the doctors had to remove part of my skull for a while. They put my head back together, but I was still wearing a helmet and taking a bunch of tests to see if there was any permanent brain damage. I was currently talking to the police.
I recognized the older one, it was the same officer that had escorted me and Dallas to the hospital the night Johnny almost died. The younger one kind of intimidated me, so I directed most of my answers to the older one. "Do you remember anything after the attack?" the younger one, Officer Brady, asked.
"I remember the gang, my friends that is, coming to help me," I muttered, only glancing at Officer Brady. Hadn't Darry shaken me again? He probably had, he usually does after he catches me being jumped. "I kind of remember going home in Two-Bit's car. I remember I had a headache, but I didn't think much of it. It happens sometimes." The older one, Officer Garrett, wrote down everything I said.
"Thank you for your time. We will try and find the boys who attacked you. One more thing, has anyone else hit you that you remember?" Officer Garrett asked. He looked real concerned.
I just shook my head. After all, shaking wasn't the same as hitting, was it? Everyone knew that abuse was getting hit and thrown out and ignored. That ain't at all what Darry is doing. Still, I wasn't feeling too lucky. Would being ignored really be so bad?
"I think I like it better when the old man's hittin me. At least then I know he knows who I am."
The last time that ran through my head, I was back at home. I'd tried going back to school, but it was real hard. I kept getting bad headaches. The doctors said that anything that strains my brain or gives me headaches or makes me dizzy needs to be avoided. That includes things like reading and schoolwork. I tried to tell Darry that I needed to drop out for a while, and he went ballistic.
He started screaming that I'm being an ungrateful brat. I tried pointing out that my grades had gone up, and that the doctors said I might need to, but that just made him madder. He screamed, "You think one good grade will make a damn bit of difference if you fucking drop out? You think being held back a year will look good on a college application? You think they'll give a fucking delinquent any scholarships at all?" At some point, he'd taken hold of me and started shaking me again. Finally he shoved me away. "Go to your room and don't come out till tomorrow. I'm too mad to even look at you."
I did as he said and laid down on me and Soda's bed. By that point, I had a real bad headache. I fell asleep pretty quickly. When I woke up, I felt kinda strange. I looked down at myself, and didn't notice anything too off. I looked around the room, and noticed that someone else was sleeping there, too. Someone with the same hair as me. That had given me a real strange feeling. I tried to move the hair to get a better look at his face, but my hand passed straight through. Sodapop came in and lightly grabbed his arm and brushed his hair back, calling him by MY name. He didn't wake up. That's when I got a better look at his face, MY face. That's when I realized that Johnny is dead wrong. It's a real lot better to be ignored than hit or shaken or yelled at.
A.N.: This was inspired by a post I ran across on Pinterest that was making fun of how "whiny" Ponyboy was being after Darry hit him. The comments all agreed, about how Johnny has it SO MUCH WORSE and how Ponyboy ought to get a taste of REAL abuse, blah blah blah. The thing is, Darry IS mildly abusive. For those who might be wondering, the medical issue I'm portraying here is called Secondary Impact Syndrome (that is, your brain getting a second impact when it's already concussed). It can, in fact, be deadly, and it doesn't take much force to cause it. That's one major reason I say Darry is abusive-he shakes Ponyboy right after Ponyboy got jumped (which could have killed Ponyboy if he'd been hit in the head). That's not even considering the constant emotional abuse, which can be just as damaging as physical abuse.