Another one.. yay!!
Stephenie owns the characters....
This happens somewhere in Eclipse
SELFISH
Selfish, selfish, so selfish.
My only desire is to have her, to consume her completely; I need her to be mine, to have my name, my ring on her finger. But at what cost? Selfish oh so selfish, I need to see her, to smell her delicious scent, to hold her, I need to know where she is, who is she with, what is she doing; consuming, this love, this obsession infinitely consuming.
Sharing her time is unthinkable, my sister, my mother even my brother want to enjoy her company too, but it makes me jealous, her enjoying someone else company, and Jac.., him, that, his name is un pronounceable, it brings a flux of venom to my mouth and a huge deal of murderous thoughts, the dog, that brings a new and overwhelming wave of jealousy, he is not good enough for her, but neither I am, he doesn't love her like I do, his life isn't her, She is not his everything, and he is just a child, he doesn't know the meaning of the world love. He hasn't been waiting decades for her.
-/-
Selfish, so unbearable guiltily selfish, her body, her soul, her blood, her smile, He wanted it all, for ever, for the next year, decade, century, eternity. He wanted her to change, to make her his, he hoped, needed her to be his wife. Because it was his dream, to see her in white, walking to the Wagner march, above this he needed her to belong with him, to him, to stop the rest of people stealing her attention.
Selfish, because he dreamed of kissing un-carefully, freely, to touch, to love her, to be able to do with her all that was in the mutt's brain, in every teenager male's mind. Guilty because he knew it wasn't right, she wasn't an object, something he could posses, and he wasn't supposed to be apart of her life, but he wasn't capable of putting distance between them –not again-.
Selfish because it made him happy that she needed him to breathe, needed him so completely, guilty because it hurt her, she was incapable of working properly without him, no one could take his place, no one, never – and two parts of him were in conflict, hurting vs. her needing him- but at the same time he knew just how unhappy she was when he was away hunting, the separation was painful just like it was for him, at least that was the same for both of them, because nothing was remotely interesting or fun without her.
Her Beauty against his unnatural perfection; the softness and warmth against his cold rock-hard skin, her selfness vs. his selfishness, not meant to be, such an union, but her quick understanding, her sharp observations, her lack of fear, her twisted instincts, her beautiful brain and soul, - her soul, their greatest difference, her sacred and untouchable soul – everything about her lured him near.
And we wanted it all, every ounce of her, her kitten fury, her incapacity of lying, her clumsiness; the whole thing.
He daydreamed of so many things, having her against him without a blanket between them, to push her against a wall and kiss her senseless, to hear his name from her luscious lips, to make her moan, to see her blush covering her, all of her, not just her sweet face; to be reckless, and act as young as she made him feel.
He needed her 24/7 with him.
So sweet.
So beautiful.
So completely consuming, our love.
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