Title: Be calm, be still for… I can't
Fandom: Wicked
Pairing: Elphaba/G(a)linda Femslash
Rating: M
Summary: The scenes that where never shown, but still mattered
Disclaimer: Not mine. I simply weaved my magic at words.
Author: via_proxy
Be calm, be still for… I can't
14-01-2009
Chapter 1: Good news…
Cold
She felt cold as she stood on the balcony. Holding very tightly on the railing, peering down to the floor of the ground she stood on, she tried to breathe. Minutes, no hours ago she had plotted out of her bubble and literally maneuver around an ever adoring, annoying crowd. She simply wanted to scream at them to get out of her way. She wanted them to shut up, to stop being so happy. She wanted to shout at them to stop asking stupid questions, so that she could leave, be alone, but she could not. No she had to be Glinda the Good, and not a person.
When she entered the emerald doors, she dismissed the servants to go enjoy the party. She didn't even hear the entire "Thank you, thank you… your Goodness! You are so…" for she had already turned and exited deeper into the foyer. She could not hold her emotions in anymore, thus she ran up the stairs of the wizard's, no… her castle, to where she stood now.
Since then she was frozen in this spot.
Closing her eyes she did not have to look at herself to know what she would find. Her dress was immaculate, her hair done very precisely like for a pidgin and her iconic smile was there. But the crease of her lips was forced; created by a habit though the past years. It was to make her seem, no be perfect, for OZ, to look happy to them and… sometimes herself. She even remembered practicing in front of the mirror every time she could, plastering each sickly grin onto the next. They where flawless, even naturally there now and yet her body posture and eyes could not lie. They had a type of haziness about them and her usual upright and yet femininely strong back, was hunched.
She was broken, shattered.
She blinked from the floor and looked up and out as the sun started to bleed into the clouds on the horizon. If she didn't feel like Ozhit, she would have seen it as pretty. In the distance little fires could be seen flickering in celebration. Yes, the whole of Oz was in a drunken stupor, celebrating the…death of…
She closed her eyes and turned her face away from the cold fires, disgusted. She could not bare it, could not think that she was actually…her eyes slowly opened and she suddenly leaned forward ever so slightly to pear down the crumbling pale stones. It was very dark but she could still see the true size of the matter; she was very high up.
She swallowed.
It would be oh so easy to climb onto the smooth surface of the railing, take a step, only one step and all the pain would stop…wouldn't it?
Nausea flooded her.
Even if she had the nerve to do such a vile act, she wouldn't. No, her life was no longer hers. It belonged to Oz, to the safety of the Grimmerie, to Elp---…
"Elphie, oh Elphie…" she found herself whisper as she felt a tear streak down her face. In the iced night air it felt like it ripped through her, but she did not care. She let another one fall and another, all equally searing her skin, for the pain was more enduring than her loss of her love.
It was the first time she spoke her name, since the …
A knock at the door told her they where ready for her to appear once more to Oz.
She wiped her eyes with her dress, breathed and turned with her old smile back on...
In any case, nothing was wrong, right? She said to herself
She was Glinda the Good after all, no sorrow ever plagued her and no pain ever inflicted her.
"I'm coming, fellow Ozians…"she spoke bubbly
She turned her head back once last time and then left the night behind. To anyone she would look her old self, confident and happy but in fact…she was not…
"I'm coming…" she whispered to herself uncaring
…She felt sick.