Red vs. Blue: Transformers Style Season Two

Rooster Teeth Productions owns Red vs. Blue and Hasbro owns Transformers

Everything Old Is New Again

"Come in Autobot Command, come in. This is Medical Officer Ratchet. I have reached Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, do you read?"

"Yes dude, hello, can you read me, hello, check one, check two?"

"Say again, Autobot Command. I do not read."

"Check two. Is this thing on? Hello, hello."

"Autobot Command. Please boost your transmission to match communication protocol, Echo, Bravo,"

"Yo I hear you, calm down dude, what's going on? Hello, yo, can you hear me, hello."

"Uh, roger that Command."

"Sorry 'bout that, I was in the elevator, this thing doesn't work so well in there. What's going on dude?"

"Roger tha... uh... is this Autobot Command?"

"Oh yeah, man, sure, totally! What's going on?"

"You're sure, the Autobot Command base?"

"Hey dude. Take it easy. You called me, I didn't call you."

"Naw, I know, it's just..."

"It's just what, dude?"

"Never mind. I'm just letting you know that I've reached Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. I'm going to make contact with the Autobot Squad members."

"Blood Gulch, huh? Alright, let me look here, let me see what it says... Blood Gulch, bleu bleaou bee ehl, bluoea here we go, Blood Gulch, okay. Says here, you want to make contact with Private Jazz, ask him about their wounded, dude."

"Roger that, any other orders?"

"Anything else, yeah okay, yeah, it says here whatever you do don't- oh. Okay never mind dude, I'm not supposed to read you that part, okay, just uh... you'll be okay, just uh be very careful. That's all."

"Great."

"Alright then. Well it's out goal here at Blue Base to provide excellent customer service, and I hope that I have done that today. Uh, if you have any further questions about this radio transmission, you can just um, you know call back, say 'Dude, I've got some questions, what's going on.' Over and out."

"Okay…Private Jazz…"

Over at the Autobot base, Jazz tried to explain to his leader, Optimus Prime who was in Shockwave's body, that Bumblebee is dangerous.

"Hey Optimus, we have a problem."

"I am not your mother, so don't come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn't like."

"I'm telling you, he's crazy. He keeps threatening me, and talking in a scary voice."

"No I didn't," denied Bumblebee.

"Oh, so you're saying you didn't threaten to cut off my head and give it to Optimus as a birthday present?"

"You know, I think you're taking my words a little out of context."

"What? What context?"

"Listen guys, this competition thing has got to stop, okay," Optimus said as Ratchet ran up behind him, "I thought we'd established by now…"

"Excuse me," called out Ratchet.

"Hey pal? One second, okay? I'm in the middle of something here. Ah leuh, I thought we'd established by now, I don't like either of you, okay? So competing for my attention. It's not going to do ya any good."

"Excuse me."

"Okay. Yes. Hello. Who're you?"

"Don't ever be alone," Bumblebee warned Jazz in a scary voice.

"He's doing that thing again," said Jazz.

"My name's Ratchet... uh, are you Private Jazz?"

"No, I am not Private Jazz. My name is Optimus. This is Private Jazz."

"Yo!"

"And our friend over there in yellow? That's Bumblebee. Or, Galvatron, or whatever the hell he's calling himself."

"Why did you introduce me second," asked Bumblebee (or Galvatron).

"Because he hates you," answered Jazz.

"I received your call for a medic," announced Ratchet.

"Medic? That was like three months ago," explained Bumblebee.

"Yeah what you do, crawl all the way here," asked Jazz.

"I came as quickly as I could," said Ratchet, "Where's the patient?"

"Well she's about fifty yards behind you and six feet straight down," Optimus said.

Ratchet turned to see two gravestones outside of the Autobot base.

"Oh…Sorry about your lost," he sympathized.

"What? Oh, yeah, yeah thanks man. It was tough but what are you going to do?"

"We did like her very much," Bumblebee stated, "She was mean to other people."

"Who's in the other grave," asked Ratchet.

"That's, uh, that's me. I'm in that grave," said Optimus.

"Uh-huh. Of course."

"See, uh, he got killed by this crazy, runaway tank," explained Bumblebee.

"Or by the idiot driving it," added Jazz.

"Oh, yeah, then he became, uh, this really mean spark and took over a Cybertronian-speaking Decepticon's body. Oh, then we had to, ah, spray-paint him to make him look like his old colors and now he is alive again and he is a Decepticon…who is a Autobot."

"Right it took us six weeks to get his Cybertronian setting turned off," said Jazz.

(Not entirely turned off, moron), Optimus said in Cybertronian.

"I'll go get the Cybertronian dictionary."

"Wait, so no one here is hurt," asked Ratchet.

"No were fine," Optimus said in English, "In fact, I feel better. See now when either of these two idiots really bug me, I could always turn my ears off. I couldn't do that before."

"You said they were shorting out," countered Bumblebee.

"I'm sorry, what was that Bumblebee? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Well let just check you two out and I'll be on my way," Ratchet said as he pulled out a device.

"Whoa…check us out," asked Jazz, "Is this going to be one of those things where you check my dipstick?"

"No. I'm just going to check your CPU."

"I bet I have a better CPU then you," Bumblebee snapped at Jazz, "…What's a CPU?"

"On your way? I don't think so bud," said Optimus, "Aren't you here to join our squad?"

"No, I'm just here to help out with R-C, and then assist in the canyon as needed."

"First of all, great job on the R-C thing. Mission accomplished. Secondly, the way that we need you to assist is to help us kill all the Decepticons."

"Well, even if my orders didn't prohibit me from doing that, I still wouldn't. I joined the army as a conscientious objector."

"A coshe-who," asked Jazz.

"I'm a pacifist."

"You're a thing that human babies suck on," said Bumblebee.

"No dude, that's a pedophile," Jazz corrected him.

"Jazz, I think he means a pacifier," yelled Optimus.

"Oh yeah, right. Man I was totally thinking about something else."

"That's real classy, Jazz."

Ratchet finished scanning both Jazz and Bumblebee.

"Well, everyone here checks out. I'll come back and check on you before I leave the canyon. Can you tell me which way to the Decepticon base?"

"Why? You said you weren't going to fight them," commented Jazz.

"I'm not. Resources are low, so I'm on loan to both armies to help whichever side needs me at the time."

"Man that is so freaking lame," remarked Optimus.

"I'm just going to go to the Decepticon base and see if they need any help."

"Well, if you're going to go up to Decepticon base, I'd recommend putting away that little medical thingy of yours. They see you walking up carrying that thing, they're going to shoot it right out of your hand."

Just then Ratchet's device got shot out of his hand.

"Yeah, just like that."

"Scatter," Jazz yelled as the Autobots continued getting shot at.

Megatron was watching the pink colored Rumble firing a sniper rifle.

"Nice shot, cupcake," he complemented.

"Thanks Megatron!"

Over on the right, Starscream was firing his lasers, "Oh that's right, suck it Autobots!"

Frenzy stood up in front of Starscream, "Yeahah, sneak attack!"

"Sit down, you dumbass, I can't see."

"Lock and load fellas," ordered Megatron, "Let's go get them!"