So, I've finished "Flightless Nerd" & still have time to kill. What do I do? A FanFic spoof. I just need everyone to know a couple of things:
1) I'm not taking any plot line from a SPECIFIC FanFic, so please don't send me nasty comments claiming that I'm "stealing" your ideas. I'm not STEALING. I'm MAKING FUN of them. Totally different.
2) If I MAKE FUN (and not STEAL) of the plot line you happen to choose, don't be angry-be honored that I took the time to read & enjoy your story.
3) PoSiTiVe Reviews are greatly appreciated
4) I don't own House. If I did, House & Cuddy would totally be shacking up together as we speak. In TV life, I mean. Yeah.
Scene 1: DDX Room
House, Wilson, Cuddy, Foreman, 13, Taub, Cameron & Chase are in the room. The senior doctors have a proposition for the ducklings
Cuddy: Why did you call this impromptu meeting, House?
House: I know this is going to sound crazy, but I am crazy so it's all good. Wilson & I made a music video to ask you guys a question.
Wilson: Just bear with us.
House: They won't have to bear with anything! They're going to love it!
Cuddy: Boys, just get to it.
Wilson: no problemo, senora BOSS! Hit it, Foreman.
*Foreman turns on the overhead projector, which shows House & Wilson on a boat, wearing pimp costumes and surrounded by women in bikinis. House has exchanged his everyday cane for a pimp cane, while Wilson has a grill and a pimp hat*
The Video
Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes, I gotta have me my boats 'n' hoes
Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes, I gotta have me my boats 'n' hoes
House: the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa maria!
Wilson: I'll cure your cancer while you're drankin' orange Fanta
House: Reubens, Jack Daniels, on my new boat!
Wilson: I gotta cure cancer so that I can gloat
House: We wanna go 'round the world sailing port to port
Wilson: And when patients are cured, House will (eventually) go to court
House: Put on your life vest, let's drop anchor
Wilson: Hey, there's a nice nurse, I'd like to spank her!
House: I'm the deadliest catch, without the crabs, and all I want to do is touch Cuddy's ass!
Wilson: I'm the cancer doctor my name is James Wilson, don't be fooled, I'm prettier than Rachel Bilson
House: Pull up the anchor 'cuz we're leaving dry land
Wilson: and we're not leaving without an Emmy in our hands
*camera points to a woman in a bikini*
Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes, I gotta have me my boats 'n' hoes
Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes, I gotta have me my boats 'n' hoes
Cameron: ZOMGWTFBBQ, THAT'S CUDDY!
Chase: That's hot.
End of the video
*everyone looks confused*
Cuddy: HOUSE, YOU ASSHOLE! You told me this video was for my "Real World" application!
House: Surprise! We're going a week-long medical conference/cruise to Jamaica!
Cuddy: Are you out of your mind, House? I have a hospital to run and a child to raise. I can't just hop on a cruise anytime I want to.
Cameron: I have an ER to run
Chase: I have unnecessary surgeries to do, mate.
Wilson: *sighs* don't you guys ever read fanfiction?
*everyone mumbles 'no'*
Wilson: *epic sigh* okay, lemme give you a rundown. In most fanfics, you guys don't really have jobs that tie you down, and Cuddy, you never have a kid; you just drop and GO wherever the hell you want to.
Cameron: Really?!
Wilson: Mmhmm. You know what else happens in fanfics, right?
House: uh, we all get hammered?
Wilson: Yeah, but everyone eventually gives into their sexual tension when some complication arises.
Thirteen: What kind of complication are you talking about, Wilson? Like, an affair with a hot cruise attendant? *goes off into her own world*
Foreman: Earth to Thirteen….THIRTEEN! *slaps her silly*
Thirteen: Sorry :(
Wilson: Sometimes there's an affair with a hot new person. Sometimes it's an old flame, like STACY…
Cuddy: That bitch!
Cameron: Skank.
Chase: Whore.
House: SLLLLLUT!
13: Who's Stacy & where do I get her number?
Wilson: …and then there are other unforeseen circumstances that arise in these situations. For instance, we could get trapped on a deserted island in which we're all forced to confront our inner demons or desires before we're rescued
Cuddy: Sounds interesting
Wilson: …and then we have to deal with the consequences of our actions from being deserted after we're saved. Or, y'know, we could just get totally hammered on the boat, or on the plane to the boat, and say things that we've buried deep down inside of us which leads to sweet bonding, touchy-feely moments.
House: What kind of touchy-feely moments, exactly?
Taub: Ew, gross.
Wilson: look, all I'm saying is that the opportunities are totally endless. We can change the course of our entire lives by one simple action in the fanfic world.
Chase: Crikey, mate, that was really insightful.
Wilson: Thanks, Chase.
Taub: What about the hospital? Our jobs?
Wilson: Same thing. Everything that is important in the real world, like jobs & bills are completely irrelevant.
13: Sweet!
House: So, are you guys ready to go on that cruise, get hammered, and deal with our inner demons in a humorous fashion?
Cuddy: Hell, yeah. Let's do it!
Chase: I agree, mate.
*everyone mumbles in agreement*
House: Good, because we're leaving first thing in the morning. We'll all meet at the airport that leaves to Houston tomorrow at 8AM. From there, we'll drive to Galveston where our cruise ship will leave. Be there, or be bludgeoned to death with my flame cane, yo.
Chase: Crikey, we're flying to Texas? Yee-haw!
Cuddy: Chase, shut the hell up.
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