Best Friends for Now

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Lily and Severus...sort of sad.

-l-Severus-l-

" We are best friends Sev...for now."

" Best friends, for now?" I asked.

Best Friends, for now.

Do you realize how much that hurts? We used to be best friends forever. You promised me forever.

Now the most you can promise me is now? A day from now, will you still love me like you said you did? A week from now, will I still know who you are? A month from now, will I still be here? A year from now, will I still cross your mind?

Will you still remember me?
When will now end, and end begin? When does it stop being now, and start being forever, alone?

And you don't even realize how much this hurts. To know that it might stop tomorrow, or next week. You just smile when you tell me that we'll be friends for now. Does that mean someday you'll say that we aren't friends anymore?

We were once best friends forever. What happened to that guy I knew? What happened to us?

I promised you I'd be there forever. I said I would be your best friend to eternity. What happened to that? When you looked at me and just said, "We're best friends...for now." I always thought I could read you, but in that moment...in that pure moment I couldn't read the emotions in your eyes. Was that fear? Pain? The same aching sadness that I was feeling? Was that what I could see, reflected in your eyes back at me?

I want it to end, right here and right now, but I know in my heart that I'll die when you leave for real. You'll pack your bags and walk right out of my life. Who am I to stop you? Your best friend for now, who am I to take your freedom away from you?

I'm just that girl who used to be your friend. That girl who once knew everything about you. I could tell your mood before you even opened your mouth. Now I can't read a piece of the person you are. You're a shadow of who you used to be.

So what do I call you now? My best friend? Friend? Do I even count as a friend? Because the person you are, I don't know that person. I miss who you used to be.

I loved the person you were, so where is that guy?

Where did you go? The person with the beautiful smile, shining eyes, and sparkling laugh? Where did he go?

So why do I still love you?

Is it because I'm the only one who can see the person beneath all of your cover? I think it's because I'm the only one who knew who you really were. I'm the only one who can see past all of that, the stuff you hide behind now.

I can see past all that, and every time I try to leave, I see a glimmer of hope. My greatest hope is that you're really still there under your mask. I can see you sometimes, in those times when we're all alone and no one else is around. But then you put that mask back on, and I feel that hope go out.

Are you just leading me on? Because you should know by now, I can't leave you now. I can't leave you and watch you become someone else, a fake. A false angel of who you once were. And I'm still here, hoping that you'll realize that you aren't fooling anyone with that fake smile of yours.

I want you to just let go. Stop coming to me with your problems. Stop pushing me away, and then wanting me back. Don't want something that will never be yours, and I just want you to remember that I wanted out.

I wanted you to let go, and just be you. I'll never be yours, and your reasons are your own. But don't wish for something you'll never have when it's already gone.

I won't be the one calling you in the middle of the night. I'll be the one hanging up so I don't have to feel your pain all over again. I'm going to be the stronger one, and I'm going to say goodbye before I can't.

As for you, just be you. Let down your guard, and just let it be. Be who you want to be. I didn't tell you who to be in life. That's your choice. And when I leave, don't say I never gave you a hint.

I'm pushing you away, and someday, I'll be gone. Say goodbye before I won't be there to hear you.

I love you, but I can't have you. You don't love me, and you'll never have me. I'm going to find someone new, someone who will treat me like a friend. I'm moving on, and over you.

I'm not always going to be right there. I won't always pick you back up and make you feel better. Sometimes I need someone, and you're never there for me. Why is that? Are you too busy to make your Best Friend for Now feel better?

Is that too much to ask for?

I remember when life wasn't in the way. When you were the one who said Best Friends Forever. What happened to those days?

I'm gone.

And there you are, standing, still saying, Best Friends for Now. How are you still breathing?

That 'Now' is ending, and forever is beginning. I'll forget you, and your love. I'll move on, and find someone who doesn't question friendship.