A/N: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.

. : Konoha's Ninja Are Not Promoting a Ninja-like Image : .


Konohagakure, Fire Country -

Chuuko Yatsu remembered the good old days. They were times when he would see intimidating figures shrouded in shadow and leaves, knowing that he was well protected by true shinobi. These days the 52 year old civilian finds pre-pubescent children running amok, wielding weapons as if they were toys and claiming to be those same ninja who protected the village.

"I'm not sure what to make of it," said Yatsu, whose feelings of safety have long since dwindled. "I mean, come on—what happened to the uniforms, age requirements, and codes of conduct? Knowing that the only thing standing between our countless bloodthirsty enemies and our own supple, wealthy village are a bunch of neon-color-wearing kids who turn into naked girls doesn't do much to promote a sense of security."

Yatsu isn't alone. According to a recent poll, nearly 70 percent of all Konoha-nin admitted that, Konoha's current force of shinobi were not living up to the images their predecessors have fostered in the past. In fact, most civilians claim that overall awesome-shadowy-ninjaness is lacking from the recent generations of shinobi.

"I can't even blame these kids," Yatsu said. "It's great that they're learning their art at such an early age. Maybe it's their teachers? I don't even know what to think anymore."

Despite overall civilian concern, many ninja are unaware that there is a problem at all. Naruto Uzumaki, a young fifteen year-old shinobi in training, said yesterday that he has worn orange ever since he could remember and was not planning on abandoning the flamboyant color.

"Kakashi-sensei never really said anything about it," admitted the young Genin. "And neither did Ero-sennin or Tsunade-baasan." Inquiries as to why he would wear orange in the first place were met with proud disregard. "That's because it's my ninja way," said Naruto despite listing off reasons as to why wearing the bright color would be a practical disadvantage in battle.

Many shinobi educators maintain that it is important for young shinobi to express their individuality. However, hundreds of ninja of other countries manage to retain their individuality and exude ninja-ness at the same time. The instructors, however, disregard this fact.

Village scientists say they are aware of the issue and have already conducted preliminary research, developing a brand new state-of-the-art ninja suit that they hope to have mandated in the coming years. In fact, a prototype – dubbed leafskin – is already being tested by an enthusiastic young Genin.

"I love it," said Lee Rock, who was sporting the prototype since its creation. "Practical and stylish. This is what 'the power of youth' should look like."

A report released early last month by Konohagakure's Research Institute also shed light on other pressing image-related issues as well. A recent survey clearly indicated that a shocking 64 percent of ninja perceive Konoha's leaf-symbol as "Not badass enough."

Drunk Hokage, Tsunade, had little to add on the subject, projecting instead indecipherable rants on her fellow Sannin's, Jiraiya, alleged perverted tendencies.

In response to these findings, many Konoha-nin have urged the Hokage and elders to, at the very least, update the out-dated image engraved upon the ninja forehead protectors. The civilians have even sent in their own designs. The current favorite design depicts the famous leaf-symbol underneath a tree and soaking in the rain of blood spurting forth from a burning figure that hung impaled by a branch of that tree.

"I think it's very artfully done," said Sai, ninja and designer of the new headband symbol. "The tree represents the shinobi protecting the village and the leaf represents the people of the village. Enemies will look at our foreheads and feel intimidated instead of wondering why Konoha's symbol is a 'spirally arrow thing'."

Only time will tell if these findings are enough to spur the Hokage into action.

-x-

Poll: What ninja think of Konoha's Leaf Design?

64% - "Not badass enough."

16% - "I like it."

15% - "You mean that spirally arrow thing?"

5% - "I wear the headband of another village when nobody is watching."

-x-

Other Random Headlines

Poll: Rasengan recently overtook Chidori in a heated battle for 'Most Awesome Handheld Jutsu'

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A recent study proves that normal ink, rather than blood, can be used to sign summoning scrolls. In fact, scientists have found out that blood is completely unnecessary for summoning of any kind. Researchers speculate that quote "Whoever first developed summoning jutsu was undoubtedly an 'emo' person who wanted to summon friends to understand him."

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Akatsuki cloaks are becoming a popular fashion trend across all of Konoha. Authorities say that this makes renowned organization of S-class criminals much harder to find and capture but analysts speculate that nobody else cares.

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Hokage Tsunade's breasts confirmed fake by expert and famed novelist Jiraiya in a shocking and indepth report released yesterday. Hokage to release formal apology for deceiving the village next week.

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Complaints are on the rise that ninja Genin are stealing viable jobs from the hard-working 'normal' civilians of the village. In related news, shinobi are having a hard time coping as the civilian-run weapons industry strike enters its second month.

A/N: Good thing nobody is reading this fic. No pressure to update! Yay!

Making up names for random civilians is fun. Chuuko Yatsu means 'old guy' but actually sounds like a legitimate Japanese name to my ears, lol.