Laws, Laws, Laws
By: Aubrie1234
Alabama
"Yo, pork chop! LET ME IN!" Alfred sighed, burying his head in his book as the pounding on his front door increased. Oh, how he wished that the 2Ps would just stay in their world. If Allan was here, that meant he had tagged along with another 2P, most likely Matt or Oliver.
"C'mon, Al! Don't you like me?" Alfred ignored him. His door was strong enough to keep Ivan out, so there was no way Allan was getting in. If only there was a way to make Allan hate this place so much he wouldn't come back...
Wait... Alfred began to grin as he thought up an idea. Quickly, he replaced his book with a certain one on the bookshelf in his room before going to the front door.
"Finally! I was beginning to think you weren't here, pork chop!" Allan said when Alfred opened the door. He was leaning on his nail-studded bat, and the other side of the door had tell-tale markings of nails and dents on it. Alfred knew that he would have to fix the door later, but only after he was sure Allan wouldn't be coming back.
"Allan, you used to have States, right? I mean little kids, not the states themselves."
"Yeah, but they were killed a long time ago. Why?" Allan knew that America wasn't always this friendly with him, so he had the right to be suspicious.
"Well, all of my states have their own laws, and I thought you might want to hear some of the more interesting ones."
"What's so special about some f***ing laws?"
"You'd be surprised."
"Alright, show me." Allan walked inside and Alfred closed the door behind him.
"Since I'm reading these to you, let's do it in the living room, okay?"
"Fine." Allan didn't seem to like waiting on something like this, but went straight to the living room anyway. With how many times he managed to get inside, he knew his way around the mansion. Alfred followed, and they sat together on one of the large couches.
"This book has a list of silly laws from the states by alphabetical order. First up is Alabama." Alfred opened the book to the first page, where the laws were listed.
Law 1: Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
"Why the h**l would anyone want to wrestle a bear?!"
"Ala made that law because of people, a long time ago, wrestling bears for entertainment." The house phone suddenly began to ring and Alfred got up to answer it.
"Hello?..Mattie? What the heck are you doing in jail?!..He actually wanted to do that? Did you warn him?..Uh huh...Is it okay if I have Arthur and Oliver pick you up instead? I'm on a bit of a mission here...Thanks, bye!"
"...Do I even need to ask?" Allan said. Alfred shook his head.
"Your brother wanted to go fight a bear and they got arrested after Matt actually managed to wrestle it into submission." Alfred then went to dial Arthur's number as Allan read on.
Law 6: You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Law 7: Masks may not be worn in public.
"Hey, Arthur?..Don't tell me..." Alfred sighed as he listened to the rant, "You guys broke 2 laws in one day?..Yes, you broke two laws. Oliver had an ice cream cone in his back pocket and you were wearing a mask...Yes, I know it's all Oliver's fault, but you were there and participating, too...Yes, we'll pick you up soon, or I could send someone after you...Of course I'm calling Francis!..I don't care, Iggy, it's either Francis and Francois or waiting all day for Allan and I...Good. They should get there soon, and then you guys need to pick up Mattie and Matt. They got sent to jail, too...I'll tell you why later. Bye!"
"...How..?" Alfred shrugged.
"He's your caretaker. Ask him when he gets here." Alfred then went on to dialing Francis, hoping he hadn't broken any laws, either.
Law 8: It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses.
"Hey, Francis?...Oh, good grief!" Alfred facepalmed, "You're in Auburn, and you opened an umbrella in the street?!..Yes, that's bad, even though it did look like it was going to rain. For one thing, you broke the law twice!..You in general, and the umbrella...You deflower virgins, and in Auburn, that's against the law! You could face up to 5 years in jail! Do you realize how many laws you guys are breaking in Alabama today?! It's been 5! FIVE!" Alfred sighed, trying to calm down, "Look, just sit tight. Hopefully, Kiku and Kuro can pick you guys up, and then a few others..." Alfred hung up and brought the phone to the couch, where he plopped down, sighing in exasperation.
"See, this is what happens when you guys come to visit." Alfred growled at Allan, who ignored it.
"What was that about Auburn's law?"
"You'll find it at the end of the Alabama section. It even lists the stupid laws of some cities in the state, and that's one of them." Allan flipped to the desired page and began to read.
Auburn Law 3: Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or martial status, may face up to five years in jail.
"HOW are those even LAWS?!"
"Don't ask me, ask the States." Allan's cell phone then began to ring. He answered it, but had to hold it away from his ear as Kuro began to rant at him.
Anniston Law: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
"Kuro, calm down! I can't understand you!..Uh huh...That's actually a law?" Allan looked down at the book to check, "Alright, pork chop and I have to go get some of the others, anyways...Like you, they also broke the d**n law." He ended the call just as the house phone began to ring again, where Alfred began to answer it. Feliciano was on the other line, sounding very scared, and there were curses from Luciano and Gilbert in the background. Klaus, like always, was silent.
Law 5: You must always have windshield wipers on your car.
Law 11: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Law 16: It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
"Feli, it's okay. I promise. Now, please tell me why happened." Alfred's face became blank, but his eyes were twitching, "...You mean to tell me you actually followed one law but broke two others at the same time?!" Allan, for once, was becoming scared of his counterpart, as Feli squeaked on the other side of the line from the shout, "You four, along with quite a few others, are going to come over here so I can make sure you don't break any more Alabama laws today!..With the two you've broken, that adds to everything else the others have done, making it, all together, EIGHT LAWS BROKEN TODAY!" Alfred violently cut the call before calling one last number.
"Ala, you've been running around after my friends all day, right?..Well, I need you to pick up the Japans and the Canadas. Allan and I are getting the rest...Oh yes, I will leave you to teach them a few lessons after all the laws they've broken today! I'LL EVEN HELP YOU!" Alfred ended the call as he stood, stomping to the door and giving off a blackish aura similar to Ivan's. Allan, seeing as he had no choice, followed uneasily. He had seen his counterpart get really irritated before, but never this angry. For once, he was feeling sorry for the others.
"I can't believe you four! You broke two laws in one day! At least that's better than your friends. THEY BROKE SIX! TWO FOR EACH GROUP!" A tanned girl with dark brown, almost black hair, ranted as she paced. Her hair was long enough to be put in a ponytail and she had yellow eyes. She wore a light brown tank top, a black belt to hold up her blue jean shorts, and white sneakers. All of her clothes seemed to be made out of cotton, and she looked to be about 18 years old.
"How badly are we going to be chewed out, Ala?" Mattie asked.
"You four, being as it is, not so much." Alabama said, "Now, the others are a different story, especially the North Italies and Prussias." Everyone except Ala jumped when the door banged open. Alfred had an absolutely murderous look on his face as he ordered the others to go inside. Allan was the last to go inside before Alfred left, muttering something along the lines of 'Now where did I leave my musket?'
"Ve, what did we do to get him so angry?" Feli asked.
"Check the book on the table." Allan pointed, "He was showing me some of the laws of Alabama when this f***ing craziness started, and it seems you guys broke a lot of those d**n laws."
"That's right!" Alabama said, "The Canadas broke Law 1, the Japans broke the Anniston Law, the Englands broke Laws 6 & 7, the Frances broke Law 8 and the 3rd Auburn Law, and the North Italies and the Prussias were the worst!"
"How so, poppet?" Oliver asked.
"They actually followed Law 16, but broke Laws 5 & 11 AT THE SAME TIME!" Alabama now looked as red in the face as Alfred had, "And Dad said that I could help him teach you guys a lesson about breaking so many laws in one day! YOU GUYS BROKE EIGHT!" Everyone winced at that.
"Well, while you're busy with them, I'll be leaving..."
"HOLD IT." Allan froze, then slowly turned around. He was surprised to see Alabama smiling, even after how much anger was in her voice from before, "Don't let Dad know, but I think you should take his book with you. See if you can annoy the other States, like Georgia or Texas." She took the book off the table and threw it to him. Allan, confused, slowly nodded before bolting out the door. Even if Oliver and Francois were his caretakers and Matt was his brother, he didn't want to stick behind to see what would happen. Even murderers didn't like some things. He had even seen Alfred pulling up a wagon of stuff behind him, which held a cannon, several cannonballs, two muskets, and various other weapons.
Here is the first in my one-shot series over the strange laws of the States! This will be going in alphabetical order, and I'll be getting these laws from a site called DumbLaws. It covers all the states except the capital, and I will be including D.C. in here, if I can find some. Also, because he's the capital, D.C. will be younger than the others. Because this is going to be my stories of the States, I'll be doing their designs and ages, so I hope you like them! Here are their ages, as I think they would be:
America: 22
Original 13: 20
14-20: 19
21-27: 18
28-34: 17
35-42: 16
43-50: 15
D.C.: 10
Next in the list is Alaska, so I wonder what kind of laws Allan will learn next time? We'll have to see! Also, I've finished the anime, read a few more webcomics, and have read up on the 2P!s, so I hope I'm doing everyone's personalities well. And one more thing: My idea is that, a while back, the Nations learned of the States by accident, and shortly after that, the 2P!s came by. When they did, the also learned of the States, and Allan fainted from the sheer amount of kids his counterpart had. Anyway, Read and Review!