Final Fantasy 9 - Engulfed in Stupidity
Chapter 1 - Capture the Princess
Where…am I…?
Darkness…is all I can see…
Can…I move…?
Voice: WAKE UP!
(slapping noises)
Zidane: Huh? What?
Guy: How many times must I tell you, YOU DON'T LIVE HERE! Now get out of my bathtub so I can shower.
Zidane: Geesh, fine.
The thief exited the house, and looked around on the streets of Lindblum.
Zidane: What to do?
A person came by.
Blank: Hey Zidane, sleeping in the wrong house again?
Zidane: Yea, but turns out I slept in the bathtub instead of the bed.
Blank: Come on, we have a job. Let's get to the castle.
At the castle…
Cinna: Hey guys.
Blank: The meeting's in the other room, come on.
The team went into a room.
Baka: Hurry up maggots. Alright, here's the deal. We're heading to Alexandria to perform a play, and guess what? You're not getting paid!
Hurrah!
The team got on the theater ship, and discussed their tactics.
Baka: Alright. Let's review. We're going to play, "I Want to be Your Canary" to distract the city of Alexandria.
Marcus: I thought you were doing this to get filthy rich.
Baka: Yea, now shut up Marcus, you're playing the lead role.
Marcus: Don't worry, I had the lead role to my first grade play, "The Ugly Duckling."
Cinna: That play went horribly wrong. You went berserk and attacked all the other staff members.
Marcus: And that is horrible how?
Blank: As long as he can stall, I'll let out these oglops and cause havoc in the city. That's your cue Zidane.
Zidane: That's when I storm the castle and capture the beautiful princess Garnet.
Baka: (pulls out adorable Garnet doll) Yes, that's when you capture the gorgeous princess of Alexandria.
Zidane: Where did you get that?
Baka: I made it myself. What do you think? Doesn't it look cute?
Cinna: The doll's cute. You aren't.
Baka: Quiet! Now, everyone get ready! This better work or no one's getting paid!
Hurrah!
On the streets of Alexandria…
Vivi: This town looks very big. I should destroy it.
A girl crashes into Vivi who drops a ticket.
Girl: Here's your ticket.
Vivi: (fixes his hat and takes ticket) Thanks.
Girl: Bye.
Vivi: Ticket? Oh yea, don't destroy cities until I enjoyed myself. Now, ticket booth.
At the ticket booth…
Ticket Master: Hello.
Vivi: Yes, may I enter the stage area?
Ticket Master: Ticket?
Vivi: Here you go.
Ticket Master: (…) THIS TICKET IS FAKE! SECURITY!
Vivi: No! No! Not again!
A rat boy comes out and kicks the securities' shins and run off with Vivi.
Vivi: Thank you.
Rat Boy: No problem. Now, you want to go watch the play with me?
Vivi: Ok.
Rat Boy: Than be my servant and bow down to my every whim.
Vivi: Sure.
Rat Boy: Ok, I'm Puck.
Vivi: I'm Vivi. Now how are we suppose to go watch it from out here?
Puck: (pulls out bazooka) Who says we are?
Moogle: Kupo! Don't do that! My brother is in there!
Puck: Kupo? Oh right, family. (puts away bazooka)
Vivi: Who is this?
Puck: This is Kupo.
Kupo: Kupo. Allow me to save for you so that when you die, you can come back to life to die again.
Vivi: Sure.
Kupo: Searching memory card… No memory card found.
Puck: I think that means you have no brain. Oh right. Getting inside the castle. Uh, I'll need this ladder!
Puck takes a ladder, and tosses the carpenter struggling on the ladder.
Carpenter: Hey, I was still using that!
Puck: I'll return it! (leaves with everyone else) Not.
They arrived at a very small cathedral. In the middle was a ladder.
Up the ladder they went, and ran on the rooftops of the houses.
Connecting the houses were very thin branches that allowed them to move atop them.
Vivi: (…) I'm scared of heights.
Puck: Well just look at me, don't look down, and think of clouds.
Vivi: I need to go to the bathroom really bad.
Puck: I didn't mean rain clouds idiot. Now get over here before the branch fall.
Vivi slowly crawls over and makes it safe.
Kupo: Wait for me! Kupo.
The branch breaks while Kupo walks on it and Kupo falls down into the streets.
There is a random assortment of Kupo's and Kweh shortly afterwards.
Puck and Vivi look over from the edge of the house to see what is happening.
Puck: Since when does Alexandria have a Chocobo Marching Parade? Anyways, we should keep going. No point in waiting.
Vivi: Shouldn't we go help him?
Puck: No thanks, too much work. Sigh, and besides, we could always replace, there's like a million moogles out there in the world. Now hurry up, I want to steal people's stuff while they're getting snacks.
To be continued…
Cid: Ugh, time for me to get some sleep. Hey, wait. Where is it? WHERE'S MY GARNET DOLL!?
Copyright to Final Fantasy 9, all its characters, and the Garnet Doll.